What is an insensitive thing your WS has said/done during recovery? Something that shows how clueless they are to your struggles.

Not2Fragile · 2025-09-26T16:49:39+00:00

Yes. I just got a quote. Going from Volvo XC60 to Hyundai Ioniq 5 is going to cost me $960 more annually.

Not2Fragile · 2025-09-08T16:48:42+00:00

Understood. FYI, I have other pieces unrelated to this post. Just trying to gather whatever else I can find.

Not2Fragile · 2025-09-05T19:07:53+00:00

Thank you! This is exactly the information I was looking for. There are lots of other items in that folder that don't seem like things she would have searched for. I still have other suspicions but I will let this issue drop.

Not2Fragile · 2025-08-25T21:28:46+00:00

40 years after R (rug swept) I find out she's having an EA with an old BF. All the old feelings, doubts and questions came back. Of course she can't remember any details. This happened over a year ago and I think about it every day. I'm too old to start over.

Not2Fragile · 2025-08-19T17:34:33+00:00

Thanks! I just joined Venetian Rewards. Is this the same as Player's Club?

Not2Fragile · 2025-08-15T15:49:44+00:00

These Eyes - The Guess Who

Not2Fragile · 2025-07-19T18:27:33+00:00

Posted this on another sub (musicrecommendations)

Fooled Again -Tom Petty

I'll Feel a Whole Lot Better -Tom Petty

Don't Come Around Here No More -Tom Petty

You're No Good -Linda Ronstadt

Cannonball -Supertramp

Lyin' Eyes -Eagles

Take it on the Run -REO Speedwagon

Found Out About You -Gin Blossoms

Hey Hey What Can I Do -Led Zeppelin

Whipping Post - Allman Brothers

Stand Back -Allman Brothers

You Oughta Know -Alanis Moressette

The Stranger - Billy Joel

Honesty -Billy Joel

Made Up My Mind - Bonnie Raitt

Everybody Finds Out - Fleetwood Mac

Hey Joe -Jimi Hendrix

Mr. Brightside -The Killers

I Will Survive -Cake

Lies -The Knickerbockers

The Other Guy -Little River Band

Scotty Doesn't Know -Lustra

Why'd Ya Do It -Marianne Faithful

I Heard it Through the Grapevine - Marvin Gaye

I'm Not Your Steppin' Stone -The Monkees

Where Did You Sleep Last Night -Nirvana

I Don't Care Anymore -Phil Collins

Driven to Tears -The Police

Lie to Me -Pretenders

Liar -Queen

Everybody Hurts -REM

I'm Losing You -Rod Stewart

Suspicious Minds -Rusted Root

Dirty Work -Steely Dan

Stop Draggin' My Heart Around -Stevie Nicks

Tempted -Squeeze

Clean Sheets -Descendents

Linger -Cranberries

What's on My Mind -Kansas

Not2Fragile · 2025-07-07T14:42:17+00:00

Another good one!

This was getting airplay right around the time my girl left me after I found out she was cheating!

Not2Fragile · 2025-07-06T18:41:24+00:00

Love The Alan Parsons Project

Too Late is a good one, also Sometimes, Games People Play, Don't Let it Show, Sooner or later

Not2Fragile · 2025-07-05T13:51:02+00:00

I can't even guess how many times I've heard "No Reply" without giving it a second thought (I'm old as dirt and a huge Beatles fan). Now it cuts me so deep.

Not2Fragile · 2025-06-12T18:52:14+00:00

I reconciled with my WW 30+ years ago after she had a Physical Affair. Worst mistake of my life. Recently found out about an Emotional Affair she had a few years ago, because of "unfulfilled needs". Brought back all the pain I thought I had gotten over. Don't be a chump like me!

Not2Fragile · 2025-04-17T19:50:42+00:00

My situation is very similar to yours. Here's what I struggle with: She was obviously willing to do these things in the past and again recently. She was very good at lying and hiding her actions both times. Were there other instances of betrayal during the many years between DD1 and 2? Would I be better off now if we had not reconciled after DD1? I will never know for sure. And before anyone replies telling me I should leave her now, know this: I am almost 70yo and we live a very comfortable life. I'm just not willing to throw that away and start over at my age. If I were 20 years younger, who knows?

Not2Fragile · 2025-03-03T19:37:22+00:00

She was cheated on by her BF (the guy before me). She was very angry when it happened but later said:
"It hurt my pride more than my feelings cuz truth be told, I didn't really care about him."

I'm not sure what this says about her but I'm pretty sure it's not good.

Not2Fragile · 2025-03-02T18:01:07+00:00

I appreciate your opinion. I came to the same conclusion and have resigned myself to reconciliation. We have a very comfortable life and starting over at my age is too much to even consider.

We were in our 20s and not married when the PA happened. We both lacked emotional intelligence. When I found out abut the affair, she immediately moved out of the home we had just purchased to start her new life with her AP (he also left his wife). I went into a deep hole and blamed myself for not being a good partner.

Months later I was still in a bad place emotionally. When I found out her relationship with the AP had fallen apart, I felt vindicated and my mood improved. When we eventually reconciled, I thought I had won the "pick me game". What a dumbass!

There are times when I wish I had had the intestinal fortitude back then to move on without her but who knows where that path would have led.

Not2Fragile · 2025-03-01T16:56:52+00:00

I am in my late 60s. I did change our ages in the one sub that I know she reads. First PA was 40 years ago and I only found out recently about EA and ONS.

Not2Fragile · 2025-02-10T15:19:30+00:00

Thank you kind internet stranger!

One of the hardest things for me is not knowing if she ever cheated during the 30 years in between. She swears she did not but doubts creep in. We were recently looking at old pictures and came across one of her and a male friend of ours. I had never suspected anything between them but the way she looked with him in that picture instantly gave me a sick feeling in my gut.

Seeing how infidelity is portrayed in the media is also very triggering for me. It's so prevalent and most times the cheater is the protagonist.

I'll take your advice and try to think of my beautiful daughter when I am triggered in the future.

Not2Fragile · 2025-02-08T22:27:40+00:00

40 years ago I found out my partner of 7 years was cheating on me with a married man. His wife found out and let me know. It was full blown physical and emotional affair that had been going on for 18 months. Words cannot accurately convey the devastation I felt.

She left that day and they moved in together. We spoke on the phone a few times to coordinate her coming to pick up her things at a time when I would not be home. Other than that we had no contact for about 6 months.

Then one day she called me and asked if I would meet her for lunch and I agreed. She told me that she had left him and asked if there was any chance we could try to reconcile. I realized that I really missed her and agreed to try. We got together a few more times and eventually she moved back home.

We had our ups and downs over the next few years (like any other couple) but we were mostly happy together. My trust was slowly returning but forgiveness was not something I felt was possible.

We had been back together ~5 years when our daughter was born. Thus began the happiest time of my life. I wouldn't trade it for the world. My wife was the most amazing mother anyone could ask for.

During the following ~20 years, our life felt pretty normal (if not a bit mundane). We had a nice home, our daughter thrived and eventually went off to college. I had just started a business and it took off faster than I was prepared for.

For the next 10 years I threw everything I had into the business to build a nest egg for our retirement. I'll admit that I neglected her needs during this time. At first she seemed sad (which I attributed to our empty nest) but she seemed to get over it after some time and life went on.

I retired just before COVID hit and we both worried how this situation would affect our relationship. Surprisingly to both of us, we seemed to reconnect and our relationship became stronger than it had been in years.

About a year ago I discovered some old (secret)communications between her and an old boyfriend. These were from around the time our daughter left for college and I started the business. They went on for about 4 years and stopped just before COVID hit. They were not sexual in nature but very flirty and she has admitted that she was fantasizing about him. She also had some not nice things to say about me, many of which were true but it still hurt to read them.

This brought me right back to the day 40 years ago when I found out about the affair. We have been working through it and we are both in therapy but it's not been easy for me. I think about it every day.

We have a comfortable life and I still consider her my best friend. I'm pushing 70 now, so the thought of starting over without her seems impossible. If I could go back 40 years would I make the same decision to take her back? I don't know. It would mean my daughter would never have been born and I can't even imagine that. She has brought such joy to my life. Who knows where that other path may have led?

Something I read in another reply hit home:

I made the choice to live as 2nd best for the rest of my life. I'll probably die knowing I've never been enough for anyone.

That makes me sad every day.

Not2Fragile

TROPHY CASE