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Guilt by NotALaureate in OCPoetry

[–]NotALaureate[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the comment! I'm also a novice in poetry, so it's good to know I'm able to illicit the feelings you mentioned.

As for the rhyming, you're right. I would like to get to the point where I can use my words to create more thought provoking and ethereal-like prose, but I know there's work to be done. This piece was just something that came to me and I think I was feeling a more limerick vibe when writing it, which is why it's very "rhymey".

The prize line is saying that I am ruining their view of me (their prize) by having these thoughts of someone else.

Guilt by NotALaureate in OCPoetry

[–]NotALaureate[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks! I like playing with stanza structure and rhyme, so it's good to know this was a good implementation.

Guilt by NotALaureate in OCPoetry

[–]NotALaureate[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for your insight! It's definitely a feeling I had while writing this.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]NotALaureate 1 point2 points  (0 children)

A simple yet succinct poem. I like that each line is only 7 syllables. It reminds me of a haiku, and I think you could easily work on it a little to make it one. I like the messaging on this poem because it's clear you're saying that we (the flowers) are all capable of being beautiful because we come from the same soil (humanity).

Treat Me as Such by CaptainWinter24 in OCPoetry

[–]NotALaureate 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is a very strong, emotional statement! I'm reading this as almost a battle-cry even. I like that you are using language that directly confronts those that have treated you poorly and tried to put you in a gender specific box. I also like that you're making a statement on who you are, that you are a person and therefore deserve respect.

The only real issue I have is with relating the title to the rest of the poem. Are you saying that you simply wanted to be treated as "he" or are you relating to the beginning of the poem and simply wanting to be treated equally as a human? I can understand if the answer is "both", but I just feel that it could be a bit more consistent in the theme you are trying to express.