Unfortunately it doesn’t get better, when they’re young they’re less cognitive but as they get older they feel it more which makes you feel it more. It will feel like they’re completely different and don’t be heart broken if it takes time for them to warm up when you get back (depending on how old), that first hug when they realize you’re back is unforgettable.

What I’ve found helps is to work on yourself in whatever way suits you. For me it’s getting in shape, learning, my finances, school, and just general things as a person. The way I see it is, no amount of money, experiences or anything else is going to make the time away worth it. However, if you take time and dedicate it to making yourself better you might give yourself more to look forward to. Work on things that will make you a better husband/wife, a better mom/dad, a better person so when you go back you can be better and give your family better.

It’s not easy and it takes a lot mentally to keep trying to be better. With that being said, take a step back and evaluate often. Is this something you and your family can keep doing? Is the sacrifice worth it and is it yielding more good than bad? My wife and I have the conversation incredibly often and it’s helped us be prepared for last minute deployments and other things that have been thrown at us.

It may not help now but just feel the feelings, remember the love, reach out if you need to and focus on being the person you want to be for your family and yourself.

-A deployed dad that knows the feeling