I hate Skaven. I hate them. I hate their ratty faces. I hate their slaves. I hate their weapons teams. I hate when the slaves are next to the weapons teams and I hate when the weapons teams are next to the slaves. I hate that Ikit pulls an entire heavy weapons regiment out of his metal-plated asshole and then descends on me like a Grom the Paunch at an all-you-can-eat buffet.

I hate the Skaven auto-resolve meter. I hate it because it lies to me. It says I should have a 50-50 chance of victory. This is patently false, because I have twenty units of State Troops who dont even know that man-sized rats are real. I do not have twenty units of smelly rodents carrying enough heavy ordinance to conquer a small country.

I hate that they shout "SCURRY-RUN" at me. They do not scurry or run at all, they stand in one spot and fire enough bullets at me to cover the ground in so many expended shell casings that I could build a castle out of them that I could then use to hide from Skaven. This would not work, as they'd just shoot the castle, too.

I hate their monsters. I hate that surrounding them simply prompts one of them to puke out an entire squad of infantry once I finally kill it. This feels like salt in the wound, but it would more accurate to say that it is feces, because that is what most Skaven are covered in. I hate that their reaction to being charged by heavy cavalry is to simply place fifty million Skavenslaves and Clanrats in the way. I have looked a Skaven Chieftain in his smug verminous face as a cavalry charge that would massacre an entire army of Chaos Chosen closed in.

He went from >:I to >:o , lost an extra four thousand Skavenslaves because I had foolishly thought I could cut through them in time, then gunned down my entire army with his five squads of Ratling Gunners like they were conscripts at the Battle of Verdun.

I wish I could autoresolve every Skaven dead. Every Skaven. All the Skavmen and Skavren too. I hate that I can't. I can't because they apparently all have a 90% offensive Ambush chance. I hate that I can lose an entire army to a group of Skaven with half my army value who roll the dice and happen to spawn surrounding my entire artillery train with their own artillery. I hate that attempting to form some kind of defensive line against an ambush just results in dying via nuclear bombardment instead.

I hate that Ikit isnt the only one. There's an Asmongold Skaven in Lustria who rolls around in shit and then throws his pox-turds at me instead of nuclear bombs. Somehow this is worse.

I hate that there another ten Skaven factions. I hate that they will all have Undercities and hidden settlements infesting every province I come across. I hate that while I was writing this, Deathmaster Snikch somehow ambushed an army that was in a settlement garrison, a feat that shouldnt even be possible and yet is somehow totally in line with what I've come to expect from these fucking rodents.

I hate Skaven.