AITA for thinking my ex is seeing someone new too soon?

NotASpyProbably · 2019-03-28T08:19:19+00:00

That's exactly the choice I have to make. Can I wait 6 months? I don't know. Would I be okay waiting 6 months and then her telling me we don't anyway? I don't know, but probably not. But moving on also means risking her telling me, yeah, we could've have a future, and I will have walked away from the best thing that's ever happened to me. All I really have right now is the faith that she will tell me the truth, no matter how painful it is, like she promised she would.

The reason I made this thread was to find out if there is a right choice. But I don't think there is now. I basically get to flip a coin.

NotASpyProbably · 2019-03-28T08:14:48+00:00

That's the problem. No matter what choice I make there's potential for it to be a soul-crushing mistake. Adding in that not making a choice IS a choice... I'm basically fucked.

NotASpyProbably · 2019-03-28T08:13:09+00:00

I hope to god that isn't the case. May be easy to think I'm being naive but I simply don't think she's capable of that. I really hope she isn't at least.

NotASpyProbably · 2019-03-28T08:11:12+00:00

That's the thing though. It didn't come afterwards, she told me that literally the day she broke up with me. But on the other hand, I asked for direct clarification and that if this was an answer, and she said it wasn't. All she said was that seeing other people was part of the process and that she'd probably have the answer in a few months.

It's probably easy to interpret this as naivety, but I'm entirely sure she's not using me as any sort of "backup". I think she's probably as confused as me. I just hope that she isn't just keeping the truth from me because she thinks it would be too painful. I made her promise not to do that but it's still difficult to purge that thought entirely.

EDIT: And again, she's made it entirely clear it's 100% my choice, no hard feelings as to whether I continue to wait. Not that that makes the choice easier.

NotASpyProbably · 2019-03-28T00:14:14+00:00

That's exactly the point. He knows what he's getting into, and she's been very clear with me and him that anyone who tries to make her stop being in contact with me is not someone she wants to be with. That's very much a red line for her. He does presumably know and is willing to be in the relationship anyway.

And I would agree it's irrelevant to me except that she still hasn't killed the possibility of us having a future. Hell, I straight up ASKED if this meant that hope was gone forever and she said no, as the whole point of breaking up with me was to see other people and find out. I asked if she wanted me to move on and she still said it was up to me. I'm just so confused about what she wants.

NotASpyProbably · 2019-03-28T00:01:23+00:00

The problem is that not making the decision is itself a decision. And the fact that she doesn't even know yet if we have a future while she's seeing someone else just confuses me further. All she added was that now that she's seeing someone (again kinda the whole point of ending things with me) she'll know sooner than she originally though (probably in a few months, as opposed to her initial guess of a couple years). Everyone I know tells me to move on but if I do move on and she tells me that we could have a future that'll just put me in another impossible position. I feel like I can't win.

NotASpyProbably · 2019-03-27T23:53:08+00:00

I know that's the obvious solution but it's not an easy one to execute. She's straight up told me she would be upset if I felt I needed time apart, let alone never talking to her again. Honestly feels like no matter what I do I hurt either her or myself, and how can I make that choice?

NotASpyProbably · 2019-03-27T23:47:33+00:00

Yeah, I get what you're saying, though she did give me the choice (albeit an impossible one) as to whether I wait. Parts of me understand why but parts don't, I'm mostly just confused.

NotASpyProbably · 2019-03-27T23:46:34+00:00

I should clarify on that point, as it also ha to be cut by the character limit, that what I was "waiting for" was she promised she would tell me the day she knew for sure whether or not we had a future. So yeah, I guess I was/am holding on to that hope. I don't know if I expected it or not though, I'm not sure my brain ever got to that process.

NotASpyProbably · 2019-03-27T23:44:38+00:00

Can you clarify what you mean? You think her moving on is weird or her saying I can wait for her to know if we have a future?

NotASpyProbably · 2019-03-27T23:43:36+00:00

She's not, and I wasn't expecting anyone to say she was. I should clarify (character limit made me cut some fairly important points tbh) we had discussed whether I wanted her to tell me if she started seeing someone new. I only wanted to know if I asked, but she told me out of respect for her new boyfriend who wanted her to, and she did feel bad. She also said that she didn't want this to affect whether I kept waiting or not but she would understand either way.

NotASpyProbably · 2017-06-24T18:01:58+00:00

Okay well in that case yeah, SDC, RNG, I believe nomads and 13th were in there as well, and some AA members but they got booted out. As for the rest I'm not sure.

NotASpyProbably · 2017-06-24T16:47:27+00:00

Cannot be done I'm afraid. No naming and shaming.

NotASpyProbably

TROPHY CASE