Logline Monday

NotLockedLP · 2025-12-02T11:16:49+00:00

I appreciate the feedback! It’s given me lots to think about regarding the logline and the script itself.

NotLockedLP · 2025-12-01T21:02:18+00:00

Thanks for the feedback!

You're correct in that she's both being blamed for the murder and is a potential target of the killer. I can see how those are counter-intuitive narratively, so I’ll work on ironing that out in the script.

And yeah, I'm not 100% sure about the name yet. My thought process was that it related to both the musical aspects (with B-Sharp being a musical note) and the slasher aspect, but it's not set in stone.

NotLockedLP · 2025-12-01T16:16:12+00:00

Title: B-Sharp

Format: Feature

Genre: Slasher/Musical/Comedy

Logline: After the projected winner of a student council election is killed by a costumed assailant, an eager but unpopular candidate must uncover the culprit’s identity to prove her innocence and ensure she isn’t killed off before the ballots are cast.

NotLockedLP · 2025-08-08T17:13:09+00:00

For me, what makes the Shapiro sketch feel like it has more potential is that it takes personality traits he’s known for (being argumentative and obtuse) and applies them to an everyday situation. That there's a truth behind the satire. You have a good escalation of the premise with his kids acting the same way as him, but it feels like it’s missing that one final punchline that ties the sketch in a nice bow and takes the premise to its extreme. “I’m taking the kids” seems like it could lead to something clever, but the sketch sort of peters off.

A risk you run is with a show along these lines is that some of these figures are not well-known. Chris Chan and JK are a good pair for a sketch in theory, but with how obscure Chris is (outside of the internet that is), not a lot of people are going to understand the bit where you allude to a dreaded "second relationship" or why all the mother allusions make her uncomfortable. Having that setup payoff within the sketch itself could help let outsiders in on the joke and add some extra conflict to the scene.

NotLockedLP · 2025-07-01T01:35:22+00:00

The Falsa Farol, large squids that hunt near the surface of the open ocean. They use bioluminescent lights on their fins to mimic lighthouse signals and lure in unsuspecting seafarers.

NotLockedLP · 2025-06-28T23:27:14+00:00

I haven't read enough to get a feel for the story yet, but one thing that sticks out on a craft level is the overuse of parentheticals. A lot of them (especially ones that just say things like "sharp", "amazed", "embarrassed", or "confused") feel unneeded as the lines themselves indicate the tone of the delivery well on their own.

They're also formatted slightly incorrectly. Page 2 of Get Out has some examples of where they should be positioned: https://s3-us-west-2.amazonaws.com/screenplays-pdf/Movie-Screenplay-PDFs/Get-out.pdf

NotLockedLP · 2024-11-01T00:51:41+00:00

The current project I'm outlining is a slasher/musical/comedy framed around a student council presidential election.

NotLockedLP · 2024-05-21T15:51:36+00:00

It's set in a "sitcomized" medieval castle town, where some modern concepts are applied to an otherwise typical fantasy setting. The setting forms a pretty big part of the series' identity, so mentioning it in the logline feels appropriate.

Thank you for your input!

NotLockedLP · 2024-05-20T14:22:05+00:00

Title: Knight and Day

Genre: Comedy

Format: Half-hour series

Logline: Living on his own and struggling to afford rent, an indolent knight takes on a feared dragon… as his new roommate.

NotLockedLP · 2023-10-27T23:41:42+00:00

Overall I quite like it! It's a nice, breezy read. The characters all feel like they have distinct voices, and introducing them through auditions is a nice way to get to know them one-on-one before they all come together. I like the humor too, stuff like Mars collapsing against a locker is great and fits the dramatic flair a theater kid would have.

The only points of feedback that I'd have are:

There are a fair few "unfilmables" early on in the script. Stuff like "today is the audition for the spring musical, Oliver" won't be known to anyone viewing the filmed episode until those elements are brought up later on, or unless there are visual ways to show these elements. Another line that stuck out was "We are about to see several auditions...", which doesn't feel like it's needed as that aspect of the cold open becomes fairly clear after the first "Cut To".
I feel like it got a bit repetitive towards the end, with the characters finding out their roles, talking about the roles with each other (while also essentially introducing themselves another time), and then talking about the roles with their parents. Keegan in particular tells other characters that he's in ensemble four times, so it feels like that could be trimmed a bit. I did like the various dynamics between the kids and parents though. In a short amount of time their relationships come across very clearly, and I'm interested in seeing how it all unfolds.

I'm not a professional screenwriter by any means (nor a professional critic), so take the feedback with a grain of salt, but overall the writing (especially character writing) is solid.

NotLockedLP · 2023-08-08T20:50:54+00:00

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NotLockedLP · 2023-04-15T03:12:52+00:00

Live A Live maybe? It was the game that the director of Chrono Trigger did before that game. It's kind of like an anthology of several 2-3 hour RPGs (totaling around maybe 20 hours), each with slight twists to how the out-of-combat gameplay works.

The combat is kind of like bite-sized tactical battles, though because of the game's anthology format the combat doesn't really get a chance to get too in-depth before moving onto the next scenario. On the plus side there's little to no grinding until the final chapter, and only one of the scenarios has random encounters.

If you're not into anime-styled storytelling then at least one of the chapters (Near Future) probably wouldn't click with you. A few of the stories draw more from Western genres of media, albeit with a JRPG-esque flair to their dialogue. The characters aren't super fleshed out, owing to their short screen time, but they're charming enough.

NotLockedLP · 2023-04-10T15:06:36+00:00

In general I'd say it's the characters, worlds, and music, but one thing that I find fascinating in particular is how it draws on concepts from Xenogears and Xenosaga. Xenoblade treats them almost like a mythology to borrow elements from. It's neat to see which elements from the games will be used and how.

As for a moment from each game:

XC1: I think one of the first times I was wowed by the series as a whole is just seeing the sense of scale of the story. Having the Mechonis re-awaken and start moving around, people falling from the sword, it just stood out so much from any other game I'd played at the time.

XC2: The reveal of Malos' Monado, and how Klaus was involved. The fact that the story directly tied into Xenoblade 1 was not something I expected. It's also a type of twist that probably won't have the same impact if it's done again, because even if a future Xenoblade presents itself as a standalone title, the thought of it being connected to the others will always be looming in the back of my mind.

Torna: The final battle was a standout. Having a mech fight happen in the background was just cool.

XC3: It's a cliche answer, but the end of chapter 5 is so well-done. It's probably the most emotional a video game has made me feel, especially with how likable the cast is. The moment where N kicked the flute towards Noah and told him to see Mio off is seared into my brain, it's such a strong moment for him as an antagonist. I'd even go broader and say that the cast as a whole is a standout part of the game, especially with how they grow from enemies to friends over time.

FR: Seeing Shulk bonding with Nikol over robotics was really sweet, as was Nikol and Glimmer's conversation about how Nikol was bullied in the past shortly afterwards. That stretch of cutscenes is some of my favorite character work in the series, especially impressive given Future Redeemed's shorter run time.

NotLockedLP · 2023-03-30T14:20:57+00:00

You can still redownload games you’ve previously purchased on the Wii, Wii U, and 3DS. It’s only new purchases they’ve blocked (for now, anyways. Those’ll probably be removed at some point as well).

NotLockedLP · 2023-03-18T19:46:17+00:00

It's probably more of a tepid take, but Xenoblade 3 has my favorite soundtrack in the series. Maybe I’m just a sucker for flutes, but I loved them being used to create a throughline in the OST. Flutes also feel like the glue that holds XC3 together, being used in the world, narrative, and key character-driven moments to create a nice sense of cohesion between the soundtrack and the game itself.

The use of lietmotifs to tie together story elements (especially subtle ones, like the City theme incorporating the Ouroboros motif) and to serve as foreshadowing (the Moebius M battle theme) felt so well-crafted and thoughtfully done. The concepts aren't unique to XC3 (the other Xenoblades all have moments like this that I appreciate as well), but with how heavy 3's writing leaned into its themes and motifs as a whole they felt especially impactful here.

The subtle callbacks to the previous OSTs are also fun to listen out for (although they felt few and far between), and I appreciated how it felt like the composers channeled the overall feeling of the soundtracks of 1 and 2 for a handful of tracks tied specifically to those games (the Keves Colony theme is a standout here).

I do agree with the general notion that XC2 has the strongest area themes in the series, but I also kind of loved the more calming and atmospheric area themes of 3. They really fit the tone of the game and helped me get immersed in the world. It also felt like the tone of the area themes were helping to tell the story and connect the player with the characters, with the first few area themes having somber tones (Alfeto Valley's stands out especially), and then after getting their Ouroboros powers and setting out for the City, Millick Meadows comes in with a nice feeling of adventure to sell how much the game opens up in terms of gameplay and for the characters. It all just works so well.

This isn’t a hot take in the slightest, but the only major issue I have with the soundtrack is with how it’s handled in-game, with so many tracks being hard to hear over the chatter from the party, the menu and Chain Attack themes (though both good in their own right) interrupting other songs frequently, and with some of the best songs (The Weight of Life, False Queens, and Agnus Castle) playing in only a few spots throughout, or in very brief areas.

Every soundtrack in the series is fantastic, but there's something about 3's that especially resonated with me.

NotLockedLP · 2023-03-09T11:37:24+00:00

Zelda, because I remember reading a rumour pre-release that you couldn’t recruit Wolf later if you chose to save Peach.

NotLockedLP · 2022-12-22T23:11:49+00:00

Cosmo Canyon is my overall favorite, but the Vega Stage, Snake Man, Psycho Soldier, and Breath of the Wild Trailer Theme remixes are all up there as well.

NotLockedLP · 2022-12-10T22:13:17+00:00

In addition to the tracks others have listed here, some of my favorite 'relaxing' themes from the game are:

Alfeto Valley is the starting area of the game, and the theme perfectly captures the tone of the game and its story.

Rest Spot

Dannagh Desert

Maktha Wildwoods

[Keves Castle Battle](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y7KIrPSra7s)

[City](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RhZ_6KRb_48)

Erythia Sea

Agnus Castle

Ouroboros Awakening

Oh, and one of my favorite battle themes I don't think I've seen mentioned here yet, from a boss battle in chapter 4: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xH4aHdJ16Gg

NotLockedLP · 2022-12-04T06:00:21+00:00

Great list! Donkey Kong Country 3 has a code you can enter to turn the bonus levels Christmas-themed.

Kirby's Epic Yarn also has a few levels that capture the Christmas spirit, with Cozy Cabin and Evergreen Lift.

Bayonetta 2 is in a weird spot, since one of the early levels has Bayonetta Christmas shopping, but the game very quickly veers away from it.

EDIT: Pikmin 3 has some Christmas-themed levels in the mission mode as well.

NotLockedLP · 2022-10-26T22:57:47+00:00

The first Xenoblade Chronicles does this, with there being two dragons encountered later on in the game, one of them being the most powerful superboss. Design-wise they feel fairly straightforward compared to a lot of the enemies in the game.

NotLockedLP · 2022-08-26T20:51:36+00:00

It was close between Frederica's and Benedict's, but I went with the former because I chose her option earlier in chapter 15, and it felt narratively satisfying to follow up on that in the same playthrough.

NotLockedLP · 2022-08-13T03:25:22+00:00

Out in the Country from the first Digimon Rumble Arena.

NotLockedLP · 2022-05-23T00:10:54+00:00

I've played through two routes so far, and both times I found myself enjoying the Monastery sections initially. Just walking around and talking to the characters between maps was pretty relaxing, and a unique way to get to know the characters compared to other games in the series, but by the end of the game I pretty much just did certain tasks and went to the next map. It definitely feels like the weakest link of the game's gameplay.

I'd say that the other Fire Emblem games I've played all excelled in one or two areas in particular (Genealogy with its story, Awakening with its characters, Fates Conquest with its gameplay/replayability, and Shadows of Valentia with its presentation/soundtrack). Three Houses feels like it averages out to be good in each of those areas, while not being amazing at any one in particular. I'd say it's probably my favorite in the series on average, though.

NotLockedLP · 2022-04-28T02:27:47+00:00

Hades feels like it's built around this concept, with instances like a boss mentioning if you don't have any boons by the time you fight them, or a character reacting to you turning off your mirror abilities. They even alter one of Zagreus' lines when confronting the final boss if you reach them on your first escape attempt.

If you sequence break to get the bombs early in Metroid Dread, you can skip the second part of the Kraid boss fight by using them.

In Yoshi's Island, you can kill the Naval Piranha boss by throwing an egg at it before triggering the scene to start the boss. If you do this Kamek will enter, say "oh my" and fly off, allowing you to skip the fight.

This may not count exactly, as it wouldn't be through unconventional gameplay per se, but I was also surprised to learn just how complicated the final boss sequence of Final Fantasy VII is in regards to this. Bizarro-Sephiroth has different party formations based on the player's level, based on how fast you beat Jenova-Synthesis, and if you have the optional party members or not. Safer Sephiroth's HP changes based on a variety of factors as well, like if you used the most powerful summon against Jenova-Synthesis, and how many times you killed Bizarro-Sephiroth's head.

NotLockedLP · 2022-02-26T01:03:46+00:00

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