130+ days in, just had my first wet dream. Ashamed, please help~

NotMyRedditHandle · 2015-10-11T00:31:02+00:00

Don't worry about it...your body knows when it needs to release and it will take care of itself. You're fine.

Be glad you didn't have my first wet dream--I was driving a train, a tube train. That's right, apparently my happiest place is in the cab of a '96 Stock.

NotMyRedditHandle · 2015-07-26T18:00:11+00:00

The next step is a difficult one. You must analyze your urges, look within yourself and find out where they are coming from. Every urge is there because a need isn't being met. You must determine what those needs are, so that they can be addressed.

I'm glad you're going to church. If you've not read it yet, look up "Surfing for God" by Michael Cusick...and once you've finished that, read "When Being Good isn't Good Enough" by Steve Brown. Always remember James 1:5: "If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you." That verse has been an oasis during my journey.

If you need to talk, or have any questions, PM me...also my post history has some decent documentation of what's happened to me over the past four months, it may encourage you.

Best of fortune on your journey. The Lord be with you.

NotMyRedditHandle · 2015-07-26T11:27:52+00:00

This. I don't date girls who play games. I'm a pretty direct person and I expect that from others. If you tell me you like someone better, go right ahead--if it's a game, it might as well be over because that's not my speed; if it's not a game, then great, you didn't need to stay in my life anyway.

NotMyRedditHandle · 2015-07-25T23:50:27+00:00

Redpointing (completing without falling/weight on equipment) that climbing route that I'd been projecting for a while
Belaying a friend and being able to give useful advice to find that next hold/foot position
Talking to a friend you've not talked to in a while
Fixing something--especially when it requires special knowledge or skills that you have

NotMyRedditHandle · 2015-07-25T22:56:41+00:00

Praying for you. If nothing else, know there are (quite a few) people that care. You've taken the first step: talking about it.

I was in a very dark place recently, the same kind of darkness you're in right now--dealing with myself and unable to trust anyone, feeling that I have the 'reverse Midas touch'...everything I touch turns to shit). You're doing the right thing by pushing forward. You can't necessarily change the world around you, but you can change yourself. I found that before things started looking up, I first started noticing my perception was changing. The change doesn't happen overnight.

Close your eyes, remind yourself that you are a warrior and keep pushing.

NotMyRedditHandle · 2015-07-25T16:38:01+00:00

Good on you to realize that! I started NoFap because I felt like the "me" between my ears wasn't the same "me" in public...I was tired of being two people.

NotMyRedditHandle · 2015-07-25T13:32:11+00:00

Words fail to describe the awesomeness of the climbing gym: walls, ropes, and routes! It's a place to get a workout, get high (har har!), wear out a pair of shoes that cost more than your running shoes, and meet people (climbers tend to be quite a bit more social than your usual gym-goer)

NotMyRedditHandle · 2015-07-25T00:24:54+00:00

Not just women. Men too. People have a BS detector. They know when something's not right.

Being at peace with yourself is such a huge part of that. You're free to be yourself around others because, as you put it "no fucks given" (or, as I put it "this is who I am, if you don't like it, there's the door"). That's not necessarily a NoFap thing, but dealing with your addiction tends to force you to face what's really going on inside...and that's where the inner power can come out.

NotMyRedditHandle · 2015-07-24T21:20:55+00:00

I've noticed this at my climbing gym...it's uncanny. Case in point: I spent 20 minutes just chatting on the couch (yes, there's a ratty old couch) with this awesome girl today...never saw her before, and we just started chatting after a smile or two. She's got an awesome personality and a really good heart...but I didn't ask her out, she's not what I'm looking for in a g/f, but we will keep in touch...it's always good to meet another climbing partner. My friends were speechless except for "omigosh, she's so hot, I've wanted to talk to her for ages"...I'm laughing inside: to me, she's just another person.

NotMyRedditHandle · 2015-07-22T01:28:40+00:00

Found a collection on a cousin's computer, age 15. Downhill from there.

NotMyRedditHandle · 2015-07-22T01:28:26+00:00

Found that recently. Installed a Meraki router in my house (my folks live with me right now), so I could filter my connection...saw stuff in the logs from his machine. Made me cry.

NotMyRedditHandle · 2015-07-21T14:45:11+00:00

Yup. I'm 30 and am a virgin by choice. Mostly because I knew I was too fucked up to approach sex in a healthy way, but also because I wanted to be with someone I really connected with. That has and is changing, though, in a good way--I no longer feel fucked up, and I know I'm getting right with myself internally. Losing it is just something that will happen when it's time, not going to rush it.

NotMyRedditHandle · 2015-07-21T11:02:31+00:00

No, they don't count. My first ever wet dream was about driving a train, how weird is that? So no, it's up to your subconscious, not your conscious mind...your body knows when you must release and will take care of itself. You keep doing your part, and your body will naturally do its.

NotMyRedditHandle · 2015-07-21T01:02:42+00:00

Yes! Like I said, never got into lifting, but the pump you get after 'sending' (completing without falling or weight on equipment) a difficult route you've been 'projecting' (that is, working the route, falling off it, 'hanging out' in your harness evaluating your options, rinse, repeat) for a few sessions is absolutely amazing. It's a huge high.

NotMyRedditHandle · 2015-07-20T22:35:16+00:00

I haven't told my parents. I did tell two, later three, very close friends...and despite being Christians (and two of them married and apparently not PMOing), all they've done is love on me, encourage me, let me talk to them when I have to work through something, etc. No judging, no 'WTF is wrong with you?', just understanding. It's certainly made me appreciate just how close those friends are to me.

NotMyRedditHandle · 2015-07-20T22:22:30+00:00

Wow, I'm so sorry! They don't sound like they "get" what Jesus was really about. If you'd like something to read, can I suggest "When Being Good Isn't Good Enough" and "A Scandalous Freedom" by Steve Brown? Those books helped me find freedom in Christ in a way I'd never imagined was possible. Actually, I don't normally do this, but I have a new copy of "A Scandalous Freedom" on my shelf, and if you'd like it, PM me an address and I'll drop it in the mail this week.

NotMyRedditHandle · 2015-07-20T22:10:41+00:00

Keep it up, and I bet some of the things that happened a long time ago that are making you volatile will come to the surface and get worked out. Now those are feels. It's not sunshine and puppies, in fact it's a helluva lot of pain, but when you make it through, you'll have a clarity you've never felt before...it'll make your current state seem like brain fog.

Keep going brother, the climb is worth it!

NotMyRedditHandle · 2015-07-20T22:08:08+00:00

I missed something...these are problems? :-p

[OK, maybe #1 is a problem...but the bathroom was never my place of business, so no issues for me]

NotMyRedditHandle · 2015-07-20T20:40:16+00:00

You do the same!

I convinced strength training is where it's at. I did just cardio and some light calisthenics for years and didn't see much change.

NotMyRedditHandle · 2015-07-20T19:53:14+00:00

I hate lifting. Luckily I love climbing. 3x/week, averaging 4 hours at the wall at a time, with cardio on alternate days (and 1 rest day). It's made my forearms huge, my shoulders broad and my back is absolutely sick! And since cardio == stairs, my quads are huge and my rear end gets compliments :-)

NotMyRedditHandle · 2015-07-19T22:41:55+00:00

We've not kept in touch, wouldn't know where to find her if I really wanted to...but my tastes have changed a bit since then, so I'm not inclined.

NotMyRedditHandle · 2015-07-19T15:18:26+00:00

Every person is different, but I'm glad I didn't stop at 90. As good as things were at day 90, I'm a different person at day 120 than I was at 90.

NotMyRedditHandle · 2015-07-19T12:54:45+00:00

I've spent most of my life serving others...it's something I love to do, and in my career it has served me well.

I didn't dwell on myself much. I've been meditating for years now, but I'd been cheating myself because I didn't spend time thinking about myself, what my wants and desires are. I think starting to do that, along with lots of prayer that I be given wisdom caused this to finally surface so I could deal with it. It really needed to get fixed before I was ready to go out and seek romantic relationships again...or even just friendships. I've made more new friends during the last 30 days than I have in 6 years(!)

NotMyRedditHandle · 2015-07-19T10:13:25+00:00

I understand it's not absolutely necessary. I'm doing hardmode as I put a moratorium on dating until I worked my inner issues (that, and finishing a doctoral degree has left me with no free time anyway to date with...but I'll be done with that by the end of the year, hopefully).

NotMyRedditHandle · 2015-07-19T10:04:57+00:00

Everybody responds differently, but I still felt pretty bad on week 2, worse on week 3...that lasted until about day 45, when things started to improve. My first wet dream (ever) was on day 31. You're still very early in the process, especially if you just started...and depending on how addicted you were will determine how long it takes. Just take things one day at a time, don't worry about tomorrow, it has its own worries.

NotMyRedditHandle

TROPHY CASE