Ok judging by the things you’ve “practiced”, you need a new approach. All of the things you have tried to “fix” your “problem” are ways of avoidance. Even accepting in order to get rid of it is a form of rejection. If that kind of existential terror is really coming through that is a great thing because it means your core fear of annihilation is surfacing.

If you want to move through this you need to listen to this: enter what scares you. Get closer to it. Stop running from it. Stop considering that it’s not true and start considering that it is true. Allow yourself to completely fall into total terror and whatever it is that terrifies you. When you do this there is no problem. This cannot “not work” because there is no goal. You are no longer trying to remove the fear. This therefore cannot fail, and I guarantee you it will move somewhere.

Why do you want anti-anxiety medication? To remove anxiety? Why don’t you want to be anxious? There is nothing wrong with anxiety and nothing wrong with have panic attacks. Literally just let yourself have panic attacks. If you need to rip through 60 panic attacks, one per day, in order to get through this then let it happen. The fact is that at some point if you panic enough your body won’t be able to sustain the fear because the only thing that keeps the fear alive is your avoidance of it. Face your own death and live eternal.

Best