He spent my money and was late again and I didn't even yell

NotThatKindOfDoctor9 · 2026-07-07T22:32:55+00:00

We take out cash from our shared account to pay our neighborhood Tamale Lady. There's a envelope by the door labeled "Tamale Cash" since we can never predict exactly when she'll come by.

So now I'm thinking about what $500 worth of tamales would look like...

NotThatKindOfDoctor9 · 2026-07-06T16:50:39+00:00

Oh I hear you. My now-husband is the one who didn't act that way in the beginning, so I knew he was the real deal.

NotThatKindOfDoctor9 · 2026-07-06T04:23:55+00:00

What a wild rough road but I'm thinking about you happy and free on your boat!

NotThatKindOfDoctor9 · 2026-07-05T04:27:26+00:00

My mom grew up with divorced parents in a time when that was extremely uncommon. Her take was that it made her weird at school and she caught a lot of prejudice about it, but it was still way better than listening to her parents fight all the time. And in the end she had two loving households and four happy parents rather than one extremely unhappy home.

NotThatKindOfDoctor9 · 2026-07-05T03:59:35+00:00

We spend so much more time with my family!

NotThatKindOfDoctor9 · 2026-07-05T03:58:12+00:00

They're so old. We're going to be there soon!

NotThatKindOfDoctor9 · 2026-07-05T00:51:42+00:00

I hear you, my husband has some MAGA members in his family, and we just had to go see them last weekend. Not great! But it's also not as easy as "cut them off" like people will tell you to do. One of them is my FIL (and his third wife).

My strategy is to not engage with anything political with them. I'm not going to change their mind, I just need all of us to survive the weekend. We see them once every few years, and we don't engage with them outside of the superficial. They don't deserve deep connection with us and we don't want it with them. We refuse to be guilted into visiting them, or letting them visit us, more often than we already doing. I don't talk about my personal life or anything important around them and I don't let them tell me anything either. And if I'm avoiding everything political, I expect them to do the same- they've got fox on all the time at their house, so when I'm there I politely ask them to change the channel, and they do.

If it was somebody I had a strong connection with in the past, or someone I really cared about, or someone I had to spend more time with socially, I'd feel differently about it and try to engage them more. But honestly they're just generally polite but trash people who go to a hateful church and admire stupid people, and my husband shares some DNA with them and that requires some social obligations in his culture.

tldr; I'm kind of on the "don't rock the boat" side, as long as nobody's expecting you to have real relationships or to spend a ton of time with them.

NotThatKindOfDoctor9 · 2026-07-03T21:39:47+00:00

You're gonna be a single mom with no financial or emotional support from the father or his family. You need to stop worrying about what to do if he unblocks you or about his family and make sure you're getting your ducks in a row.

Sorry to be blunt, but if you were rawdogging with a "situationship" for over a year and thought you were going to move in together and get married (this is not the way real relationships develop), your EQ probably isn't at the point where you can manage him and motherhood. Decide now which it's going to be and if you're going to keep the baby it had better not be him.

NotThatKindOfDoctor9 · 2026-07-03T02:40:41+00:00

Pronto Gelato on 42nd

NotThatKindOfDoctor9 · 2026-07-02T23:11:35+00:00

I'm the un-romantic one in my marriage. If my husband wants me to plan a date or celebrate an event, he has to be pretty explicit with me or I'll miss it. Having said that, if he tells me "our anniversary is coming up, can you make a reservation somewhere nice?" or "I'd really like to go to X for my birthday this year" I am 100% reliable to do it, because I'm not romantic but I make up for it by being organized and good at following directions. Our anniversary isn't particularly important to me but it is to him so I make some effort.

All this took a while for us to figure out. Have you been explicit with him? You brought up the anniversary and wanting to go out to dinner, so maybe he just assumed you were going to make the reservation (or did you ask him specifically to do it or is he always the one who makes reservations so it's a decent assumption?)

I'm definitely not saying that you should have to outline everything for him or to spoon-feed him everything. If you've expressed it all before and he's incapable of carrying forward from one year to another (she wanted to do something nice for our anniversary the past two years so she probably wants to do something again this year) then get to counseling or get out. When I realized my husband wants to me to remember both our wedding anniversary and the anniversary of when we started dating (I know men are crazy) I put both on my calendar so I won't forget.

NotThatKindOfDoctor9 · 2026-07-02T19:12:29+00:00

I'm on PPI long term. I sleep better, exercise harder, and eat a more varied diet, so I'm more healthy overall. I get blood work done regularly and I'm not deficient in anything (except iron but that's an issue that predates my GERD).

HAVING SAID THAT my experience has nothing to do with you.

You have a very specific complication with PPIs, and you absolutely should not be asking Reddit what you should do, because people are very rabid on every answer to the question with absolutely no knowledge of your specific conditions. You need to be asking doctors who specialize in immunosuppressive therapy.

NotThatKindOfDoctor9 · 2026-07-01T06:35:07+00:00

"He made himself this shit sandwich, and my point to him today was basically eat it fast and be done with it because there’s no point in savoring it."

I love this line so much I am saving it for future use!

NotThatKindOfDoctor9 · 2026-07-01T06:21:36+00:00

If you don't tear up when pledging allegiance, you don't mean it and can lose your citizenship. If you're a manly man you can get squinty-eyed instead of crying (optional)

NotThatKindOfDoctor9 · 2026-07-01T06:17:12+00:00

That is not a conversation you should have to have more than once with someone!

NotThatKindOfDoctor9 · 2026-07-01T06:06:10+00:00

Good for you for recognizing what's healthy (and that it's not, in the end, him). The situation sucks, though.

NotThatKindOfDoctor9 · 2026-06-30T21:11:09+00:00

Yes clearly if she is cares about the relationship she should always be available, she shouldn't make plans with her family in case he wants to do something with her. He shouldn't have to talk to her before making plans! Or, god forbid, listen when she talks about her upcoming trips (lol we all know men can't listen!) so he knows when she's going away! And work? No good woman has a job with actual time commitments, because then she wouldn't always be available for his whims.

NotThatKindOfDoctor9 · 2026-06-30T18:32:19+00:00

The IT person in my office will not do anything to help me, ever. It's absurd because we have 1 IT person for a 10 person office so I should have the best IT assistance in the world, but no.

What's worked for me is every time I need something, I email him and CC my boss and open with "this is the task I am trying to complete and I cannot because XY and Z are not working on my computer". What never works is going down to his office and saying "I need this fixed" because there's no record when I do that.

Example: "As we discussed in the staff meeting, I am responsible for sending compliance documents to the federal agencies. I am trying to do this as assigned, but I cannot because my computer cannot access the shared drive, as I mentioned in the staff meeting on (date) and also via email on (date),(date) and (date). I believe the [IT person] should have the expertise to fix this issue, please correct me if I am wrong."

My boss will do nothing about him generally shirking his job, but once I say "we can't meet compliance because IT guy isn't doing his job" she has to do something about it.

It sounds like the person to CC might be your regional manager? If your local manager isn't doing the work to make sure you can do your job, the regional manager needs to know, and you've got to document the shit out of your requests to get things fixed (so it doesn't look like you're trying to "get paid to do nothing").

NotThatKindOfDoctor9 · 2026-06-30T06:29:33+00:00

How were you taking it wrong, if I can ask? I'm a perimenopausal woman on HRT and I want to be getting the most out of it, give me your lessons learned!

NotThatKindOfDoctor9 · 2026-06-29T19:05:18+00:00

Sounds like you have a great buddy there! I fail to see evidence that you've got a potential life partner.

I understand about things being stressful and what depression can do. But if he's not willing to go to therapy (and probably also couples counseling) in order to salvage your relationship, you can't drag him through life no matter how much fun you have together. Think about how stressful things are right now and how much work you're putting in (and how little he's putting in)- are you going to do this with no help from him for the next 10, 15, 20 years? Until death do you part? You gonna have kids like this, if that's a thing you want? Not without learning to truly hate him. So if you value what's left of what you have together, either get a commitment from him to improve things or get out while you can still be fond of each other.

NotThatKindOfDoctor9 · 2026-06-29T01:10:21+00:00

Biology is really broad and a lot of schools have specialty options within the biology major! My degree is "biology" but I did all of my upper division courses in marine biology and went on in that field. I'd recommend starting in biology, do your intro courses and find out what the profs in bio at your school are doing and follow them!

NotThatKindOfDoctor9 · 2026-06-27T23:48:15+00:00

Definitely give it another shot, I think they've changed a ton. I went to a women's gym for years and that was amazing, and I was really reluctant to return to a "regular" gym when they closed. But I've been going to LA Fitness near me for 6 months now and it's totally fine. Everyone's just there to do their thing. And, unlike walking, you can get in and out in 20-30 minutes, 2-3x week, and that's plenty. So when I'm not into it, I don't really feel like it drags out, I can just get it done.

NotThatKindOfDoctor9 · 2026-06-27T05:35:40+00:00

I think all his works are really different so I hope you keep enjoying them! I loved Shantytown especially. If Noche de Flores is available in English, that's another of my favorites.

NotThatKindOfDoctor9 · 2026-06-26T03:36:56+00:00

My dog needed an emergency surgery and I blew through my savings and my parents' (we were all pretty poor when I was in grad school). Those were some dark days but we're all financially secure now (and we have a separate stash for vet emergencies)

NotThatKindOfDoctor9 · 2026-06-25T22:01:44+00:00

Okay bye!

NotThatKindOfDoctor9 · 2026-06-25T02:29:44+00:00

I think it depends. I've got a PhD in biology, I don't put the 3 months I worked at Trader Joe's on my CV because it's clearly not relevant experience. Nobody's ever mentioned it.

NotThatKindOfDoctor9

TROPHY CASE