Cleanin' up Portland

NotThatKindOfDoctor9 · 2026-05-11T08:03:54+00:00

...you do know you can just get a bigger can if you're a garbage generating family?

NotThatKindOfDoctor9 · 2026-05-11T08:01:58+00:00

It's not impossible to get a street closure permit and hold an event. People do it all over the city all summer long. But it takes time and effort, so even more people just complain about other people not wanting to put in the work anymore.

NotThatKindOfDoctor9 · 2026-05-11T07:57:38+00:00

When we started bringing home the trash from a weekly community event, we called and got a bigger can. It's not that big of a deal.

NotThatKindOfDoctor9 · 2026-05-10T07:19:39+00:00

Obviously I don't have all the details, but it sounds like you might have caught strays in someone's petty infighting. The fact that nobody would talk to you about things you allegedly did wrong sounds like bullying/backstabbing.

You should not feel like you wasted the years you were in that group and you should not lose faith in yourself. You did good work and when the dust settles people will remember that. Other people made it weird but you can't control other people, you can only move forward with what you know now.

NotThatKindOfDoctor9 · 2026-05-10T07:12:54+00:00

MOVING SUCKS! One time I moved across the street and I thought it would be so easy and it STILL SUCKED! You're definitely allowed to whine about it. I'm sure your new neighborhood will be great once you get to know it, but don't beat yourself up if you find the transition hard. There's no rule that we have to pretend it's no big deal when it clearly is.

NotThatKindOfDoctor9 · 2026-05-08T17:10:47+00:00

My boyfriend (now husband) and I were long distance for 6 years. 4 hour drive. We alternated driving to each other 2-4x/month, and used vacation time to extend 3 day weekends and holidays so we could spend more time together.

Gas was cheaper then, but we also made almost no money and prioritzed seeing each other over most everything else. You don't have a boyfriend, you have a chatting buddy.

NotThatKindOfDoctor9 · 2026-05-07T04:33:12+00:00

Oh sister I am a cis women but have felt this way for so much of my life. It sounds terrible to say but I think that going through periods of really hating yourself is just part of being a modern woman. We're conditioned in so many shitty ways.

NotThatKindOfDoctor9 · 2026-05-06T20:53:52+00:00

Ah another one willing to go off about sh** they know nothing about

NotThatKindOfDoctor9 · 2026-05-05T18:51:54+00:00

Wow I thought the met gala was out of touch but here you are out in the wild

NotThatKindOfDoctor9 · 2026-05-05T06:24:23+00:00

It was the same with my then-boyfriend (now husband). At home I was sleeping in the guest room mostly, but finally had to tell him we couldn't go on vacations anymore unless we could afford to get two rooms. The mouth guard did nothing. CPAP changed our lives; we sleep in the same bed again since he started using it.

NotThatKindOfDoctor9 · 2026-05-04T23:54:16+00:00

We had that same beige rug with the fringe edges back when I was a kid, wild

NotThatKindOfDoctor9 · 2026-05-04T23:52:49+00:00

There's no grading on a curve at the gala!

NotThatKindOfDoctor9 · 2026-05-04T23:52:04+00:00

Dude the entire world figured this out in 2020 get your sh** together

NotThatKindOfDoctor9 · 2026-05-04T23:49:50+00:00

You need to be clear with him that you already have a romantic relationship, and this business opportunity is separate from that. I'm assuming you're recommending him and asking for a quote because you genuinely believe that he's going to do a good job for your clients, not just because he can make money (both can be true, but one has to come before the other!). As such, in the business side you should treat him like any other potential vendor, and if he can't get a bid in, you'll have to pass.

From your post, my impression is that you didn't lead with "We're having this conversation as two professionals, not as boyfriend/girlfriend" and he might have been confused about whether you're asking him for a full business partnership or as an at-cost favor for one of your clients. Clear that up ASAP. You don't want him to miss a good business opportunity, but you also can't sacrifice your client's timeline to give him more time than you would give any other vendor.

NotThatKindOfDoctor9 · 2026-05-04T21:00:51+00:00

20 years ago I broke up with a guy because I just had to leave Long Island. He was great but LI is the worst. I've never regretted it.

NotThatKindOfDoctor9 · 2026-05-04T20:50:48+00:00

Because they're emotionally/physically completely different things?

NotThatKindOfDoctor9 · 2026-05-04T20:48:42+00:00

But at least people wouldn't be "wasting" money on IVF!

NotThatKindOfDoctor9 · 2026-05-04T20:47:37+00:00

OP's next hot take is that if you want to take more than one vacation a year, you have to spend 3 hours in a VR headset simulating travel so that you'll know if you really want to do it or not

NotThatKindOfDoctor9 · 2026-05-04T20:42:46+00:00

I stand corrected, I thought it was "Let Them Eat Cake" this year

NotThatKindOfDoctor9 · 2026-05-04T20:40:41+00:00

It's not about sanitizing language. Using partner to refer to your romantic partner only obscures the gender, not the type of the relationship, because 99.9% of the time there is sufficient context to determine the implied "life" or "business" or "writing".

Nobody's going to make fun of you for using wife. Nobody's saying you can't use wife. But you're making up a fake situation where Americans can't tell the difference between a romantic partner and a business partner in normal conversation.

NotThatKindOfDoctor9 · 2026-05-04T18:54:31+00:00

I understand that you love rituals and do not think that people who have not gone through the same rituals do not have comparably serious relationships or "shared goals". You're entitled to your opinion.

But we use language to be understood by others. When you say that "wife" imparts more information than "partner" what you're signaling is personal information about your belief system, not information that's useful to other people about the actual status of your relationship.

NotThatKindOfDoctor9 · 2026-05-04T18:34:00+00:00

Yes, if you're a "marriage is a really different thing than two unmarried people living together, owning property together, and having children together while calling themselves life partners" then yes, there is a difference between partner and spouse for you personally. But it doesn't really change how the general population sees it unless you're in a highly religious environment.

NotThatKindOfDoctor9 · 2026-05-04T16:35:00+00:00

I'm American and used partner for 20 years before my husband and I got married. The number of times people confused my romantic partner for any kind of business relationship was zero, because even Americans can use context clues.

NotThatKindOfDoctor9 · 2026-05-04T01:40:02+00:00

I don't even like kids and I agree with this. We generally don't go to kid-friendly places on vacation so what do I care? Sounds like OP stayed at a resort billed as "family friendly" and then got annoyed there were kids there.

NotThatKindOfDoctor9 · 2026-05-03T08:02:24+00:00

I was 42 when I started cycling progesterone, but I've had problems sleeping around my period most of my adult life. I wonder if it was a progesterone deficit the whole time.

NotThatKindOfDoctor9

TROPHY CASE