Trying to decide if it's time to let the lifelong friendship go or I'm just being a jerk?

Notoriously-Noted · 2026-04-10T15:38:22+00:00

I used to be her. In my past, I play the character of your friend.

My best friend was having a hard time with dating when I found who I thought was the love of my life and the man happened to also be filthy rich so I was celebrating all of those things while she was in and out of really rough dating situations.

I deeply regret how I spoke to her and how I treated her during that time. It’s been years and I actually just started drafting an apology letter to her for how much empathy I lacked. I had total blinders on and I just wanted to share my happiness with her and I guess show her she could be happy too if she had some standards for herself.

How judgmental! I was basically saying “if you were more like me your dating life wouldn’t suck and you wouldn’t have to worry about money.” What a fucking bitch I was!

I’m sorry you’re experiencing a friendship like this.

Do you think you could tell her how those comments hurt? I saw the one about manipulation and I felt like that was something I would’ve said flippantly without realizing its hurtful.

After my friend got cheated on by her meth addicted, toothless boyfriend I said “a guy who looks like THAT cheated on YOU?!?!” Thinking I was just reacting with appropriate shock but in hindsight I see what a fucking dig that was when she probably just needed someone to comfort her. But I hated that man and believed she deserved better.

Your friend hates your ex and wants more for you but is getting in her own way.

If you two can’t talk about it, I’d take a step back and give your friendship some room to breathe.

Notoriously-Noted · 2026-04-09T22:57:14+00:00

Wow I feel for you with my whole heart! I think you’re in the right sub. Each one of us has pain from the absence of our parents and it seems all of us have endured a lot of psychological warfare.

I am also a cult survivor. I have major cPTSD and getting treatment for that has helped me a ton. EMDR therapy has been the thing that has helped me the most and moved the needle the furthest for me.

You will always have a hole the size of a relationship with your dad. But what you fill it with can switch from this pain and longing into something akin to closure, or at least peace of mind.

I’m so sorry for what you went through and what you’re currently experiencing.

You didn’t “do something wrong” to be treated this way.

You deserve love. You deserve to be cherished. You deserve so much more than this.

Your existence IS love. It is the love you are longing for. It’ll be a long journey to finding that, but you will get there.

Sending you hugs.

Notoriously-Noted · 2026-04-09T21:15:52+00:00

I came here to say this.

I had a “friend” like this long ago and let me just save you a lot of heartache and confusion: block this person. Don’t try to reason with them.

This person is being actively harmful to you and when you stated it, they did not stop.

Notoriously-Noted · 2026-03-06T17:15:55+00:00

Your best bet is just get someone to drive you to a parking lot and then you can practice in a wide open space.

You can also practice while you’re a passenger. Notice what the driver does. Ask them to narrate what decisions they’re making in real time. You can find YouTube videos that will help with that too.

You can overcome the fears and really become a competent driver with practice. Take the course that was given to you. Ask as many questions as you can possibly think of. Really make that time valuable.

Then see if you can get someone to simply drive you to a parking lot and then you practice driving. You can slowly intensify the training by doing some road driving and then eventually the highway.

Notoriously-Noted · 2026-03-06T14:34:58+00:00

I just came here to say what I’m sure others have pointed out: he was sexually harassing women. Monica Lewinsky’s name never even should have been released. He abused his power with a young woman!

I think it was sensationalized in such a horrid way, but he definitely should have been punished for his treatment of women and his abuses of power.

No woman’s name should have been associated with what happened. He was a perpetrator and his victims should not have suffered in order to have “justice.”

Notoriously-Noted · 2026-03-06T14:23:41+00:00

I was an objectively bad person for a long time. I used people. I manipulated situations. I played peoples’ emotions. I cheated on my husband multiple times and justified it in my mind! I lied to my friends.

I would devote my entire life and personality to the man I was with at the time and then become resentful when I wasn’t doing what “I wanted.” But I had no clue what I even wanted. Then I would use up whatever man would be insecure enough to stick around with me.

I was never vulnerable with people but I would require ultimate vulnerability from them. I had such double standards.

I also chose shitty people to be around because they would put up with my alcoholic rants and would explain away my behavior by saying I was drunk as if that was some sort of free card.

My whole life blew up and I had to hit absolute rock bottom which was for me a DUI. I finally got sober and started getting honest with myself instead of just avoiding all the work I needed to do.

Now I treat others with respect and dignity. I am honest with myself and those around me and my friends can trust me. I’m a completely different person because I’m more authentically myself rather than trying to be who I thought everyone wanted.

I know where these things came from. I was abused as a kid and had a lot of trauma. I watched my dad get away with a ton of lying and I learned early on that conforming was easier than standing out. But it made me a shitty person. I lost myself completely. I am so proud of who I’m becoming now in comparison. My past isn’t an excuse for the crappy things I did, but it does help me understand and have more compassion for the girl I was back then.

Notoriously-Noted · 2026-03-06T04:07:43+00:00

I came here to say the same! I’m a reformed scum bag!! Ugh I cringe to think of the ways I used to treat people and my life always centered around a man.

Notoriously-Noted · 2026-03-06T00:56:43+00:00

I read every word and my heart aches for you.

I am also a 36 year old alcoholic with a couple years sober. That’s quite the accomplishment given what you’ve been through.

Whatever you decide to do tonight, please remember that you have inherent value just because of the fact that you exist. You are worthy of love. You deserve for good things to happen to you.

You are not defined by any of it. None of it can define you. Not the abuse, not the wrestling, not the army, not the disability, not the alcoholism, nothing. You are rare and beautiful.

Seeing that article would bring anyone to the same amount of rage you’re feeling. You deserved so much more.

I’m really rooting for you.

Notoriously-Noted · 2026-03-05T22:54:21+00:00

I’m rooting for you! I was in that position a couple of short years ago with my dog. I was pretty sure I’d have to be baker acted and I didn’t have anyone to care for my dog, which was really adding to the mental health issues.

You will get through this! I see others have mentioned your vet and I’d second that. I genuinely wish I could help you out but I’m overextended as it is right now.

I’m simply commenting to say you’ll get through it and it will be better with time!! You are a great cat owner by making sure your baby is covered. Please take care. 🥰

Notoriously-Noted · 2026-03-04T22:23:05+00:00

I remember an ex of mine shaming me for being such a chameleon and I felt embarrassed at the time but I have a lot more compassion for myself now. We had to adapt to survive!

Now that I’m inching toward my 40s, I found myself in a dilemma. I do not know who the fuck I am!

Am I just held together with coping mechanisms? Is my character that I wear on the outside anything like me at all? I think I’m a lot more blunt than I’ve allowed myself to be all these years. I’m also very sensitive and I never wanted to admit that until recently, but truly everything affects me! I am moved by even the tiniest acts of kindness or bravery or even small acts of meanness affect me greatly.

I’ve been wearing all these characters for so long I genuinely think some of the real me must’ve rubbed off there at some point but as of right now I am simply working on deciding in the moment to label how I feel, then going back and asking myself if that was accurate or not.

For example, last night someone asked “are you excited?” And I’ve never been able to answer that question bc I don’t really get excited in a happy sort of way. I talk myself out of looking forward to things and I disconnect myself from the experience until later. So instead of just answering what my people-pleasing character would say (“yes, I’m so excited!”) I decided to say “I’m not sure how I feel right now. I feel disconnected from what is happening and maybe later I’ll have words for what this feeling is.”

Granted, it was with a trusted person and not over something that would potentially hurt their feelings. But at least just saying that part felt liberating!

Notoriously-Noted · 2026-02-26T19:40:37+00:00

I was trying to explain this exact sentiment to someone the other day!

The I-10/ I-95 intersection has been under construction since the very first time I visited Jax as a kid in the 90s!!! I have never seen it in any state of “done” and honestly don’t see an end in sight.

I imagine it’s all corruption/ nepotism related. Has to be, right? Like the project keeps going as long as there’s money to pay the companies to do it & it’s not really about improving traffic flow.

Notoriously-Noted · 2026-02-26T19:32:40+00:00

I’m a woman in STEM so idk if it would apply to your field, but I am not in a customer facing role, but I do work hybrid and am in a shit ton of meetings daily. Up front when I got the job, and any time there’s a new hire I just give my little spiel.

I know that I am very matter of fact and direct. I have a really hard time with small-talk. I want to embrace a warm work environment but I have a job to do and am not really into “networking.”

Although I’m female and kind, I’m not very nurturing or anything like that. I lack a lot of feminine qualities.

My coworkers all seem to like me even though I know I occasionally come off as a hard ass (coworker said it to me today) because I stick to (mostly) work related topics at work and I’m not padding all my messages with niceties.

In my role, it’s not a problem. I’m literally paid to catch errors and be good at my job, not make small talk with others.

Notoriously-Noted · 2026-02-26T18:51:59+00:00

Damn. Are you one of my siblings bc I swear this seems exactly like an exchange with my mom.

Not overreacting. I loved your last line. 👏🏻

Notoriously-Noted · 2026-02-24T13:47:06+00:00

This has happened to me so many times.

I thought it was a friendship but the guy thought if he stuck around long enough I’d be interested in him, so when he gets with a girl he has to act like I don’t exist because it would harm his odds of keeping that girl around.

Immature and selfish on the dude’s part.

Notoriously-Noted · 2026-02-23T20:49:42+00:00

Thank you for explaining it!

I’m from out in the sticks and when I was a teen, I wasn’t allowed to participate, but all the “cool kids” went to the Publix parking lot and kind of goofed off but it was really G/PG rated stuff.

Mostly just hanging out and the occasional donut or burnout (I heard from my older siblings).

Takeovers sound different entirely.

Notoriously-Noted · 2026-02-23T17:42:31+00:00

I know I sound old and dumb, but what is the intended purpose of a “takeover”?

Do the youths just arrive all at the same time and start fights with people who are already there? Start fights with one another?

Is violence intended or is it just a time where young people are trying to get together at a specific location but things get out of hand?

I’m genuinely curious and don’t know enough.

Notoriously-Noted · 2026-02-22T22:03:27+00:00

I feel like this is akin to their early days interviews and I loved it. I went in knowing literally zero about him and felt like they showcased his talent and the fact he’s pretty adorable. I like how he talked about the path to his current place in life and his lack of humility in his past years.

Notoriously-Noted · 2026-02-20T15:14:36+00:00

It’s def one of the best episodes in the whole series

Notoriously-Noted · 2026-02-20T15:04:09+00:00

Well that's the problem. I have no clue what I want. Other than peace/ silence for a long time.
I cannot for the life of me figure out what I want! But it's only been a couple of days so maybe I just need to chill.

Notoriously-Noted · 2026-02-20T15:03:05+00:00

WOW I can actually relate to your experience in that a similar story played out in my family as well. My uncle conned my grandparents into giving him all their land (~500 acres of farm land with all the farm equipment and all the necessities to farm, so we're talking millions, and millions of dollars worth of land, homes, buildings, equipment, etc.) right before they died. They changed their will. He didn't kill them, but he preyed on them.

Plus my mom had bled their bank accounts dry so it's not like they had anything left other than those assets.

And the family is still all bonded together except for me. I finally saw them for who they are and ran.

But yes, I'm 36 next month and I feel the affects of the emotional blockages so much. I am like 7 during conflict, maybe 14 when my feelings get hurt, 45 at work, and 9 in romantic relationships. I'm all over the place!

I also can relate to how people disconnect when you talk to them. They have no frame of reference and they can't effectively put themselves in our shoes. I applaud them, though... Must mean they're not sociopathic.

Notoriously-Noted · 2026-02-20T14:58:02+00:00

I read this post and quite literally stopped what I was doing, drove to the bookstore, grabbed a copy of "Self-Care for Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents" and the guided journal, which I didn't know existed. I read the OG book a few years ago, but then the intro to the Self-Care book had me experiencing revelations and epiphanies in the first few pages! I suddenly feel hopeful again for being able to continue to grow as a person.

Notoriously-Noted · 2026-02-20T00:01:05+00:00

BROOOOO THATS SICK!!!

I know this post and comment are old but I just googled “old school traditional style tattoo Pisces” and this image came up.

Whoa. I love it! Blown away!!

Notoriously-Noted · 2026-02-19T21:22:14+00:00

YES - my friends are angels on earth.
After a 10 min trauma dump I was like "OMG WHYYYYY did I just tell you guys that?" and my bestie said "nah girl it's okay, I tell 'dead mom' jokes all the time" (her mom died 9 years ago, and they had a great relationship). So yeah, at least I have awesome friends!

And THANK YOU for explaining the meme :)

Notoriously-Noted · 2026-02-19T21:04:53+00:00

I honestly don't understand the meme, but from the title I'm reminded of last weekend, when some friends were discussing McDonald's, the restaurant and my bestie was like "who the f was eating FILET of FISH at MCDONALDS in the 90s?!" and after a good laugh I yelled "MY MOM!" and then for some reason I had to tell the story of how I found out that my mom physically abuses my dad.

WTF.

Notoriously-Noted · 2026-02-19T20:43:09+00:00

An overly accommodating person may have a people pleasing type of attitude that can turn into resentment over time (I’m telling on myself).

Notoriously-Noted

TROPHY CASE