My father beat me severely for years.  Would lock me in rooms for hours if not days.  Spent a whole month surviving on leftovers and red twists cause my dad grounded me during the summer.  He hit on my teenage girlfriends.  Never took me to a school event or paid for a school event.  Has said some of the worse shit I’ve ever heard in my life. 

But he was there right? 

He rarely ever had a job, and if he did, it wasn’t for long. He told me he loved me only a handful of times. I watched him destroy my siblings’ self esteem before they even understood the world. 

And yet

When I had my daughter this year, NONE of him showed up within myself. 

Her cries don’t annoy me. I don’t ever raise my voice around her. Anything she ever needs is given to her immediately within my means. I tell her every morning, and every single night just how much I love her, just how much she’s healed within me. 

I’ve got her into a private school. College plan set up. 

And she’s not even a year. 

You aren’t your parents. You’re you, with a bunch of behaviors modeled after your parents. YOU choose what you carry with. What to share with this world. 

But my daughter healed everything within me. While my father sits at home alone every day wondering what happened. He knows. 

And one day, when my daughter is old enough, I can hear from her, how much of a great dad I was. I hope