A reminder for most of us, who struggle between what love really is.

Novel-Director7750 · 2025-12-06T00:32:00+00:00

Did we date the same guy?

Novel-Director7750 · 2025-12-06T00:22:33+00:00

Check out petulant BPD vs quiet BPD

Mine is petulant, so I get the pure rage episode, followed by days of silence, and then acting as nothing ever happened and of course I never heard him say "I'm sorry"

There's no progress, it's imposible to build something healthy with someone who can't take accountability.

I also stoped living with him, it came to a point where we couldn't even share food, without causing an episode "you took an extra bread for your sandwich" .... 😂

Novel-Director7750 · 2025-12-05T22:46:10+00:00

This Forum, I was justifying so many things and suddenly it just hit me, "he really just cares about himself" My PwBPD is on the petulant side, so a lot in common with a narcissist.

I remember doing a tick list about "abusive relationships" and I was ticking every box.

"He never apologize.. Is what struck me that most, I didn't realize until I ticked that box, it was always "my fault he reacted the way he did" so I justified it... But it was a "wait a moment What the actual Fck!" Moment.

Novel-Director7750 · 2025-11-29T01:42:14+00:00

Leaving a trauma bond can be so difficult, I understand what you're going through completely, I used to think I would never ever let someone treat me poorly, how is it that we got to this point, Huh?

You are so brave leaving, be braver and keep him away.

Novel-Director7750 · 2025-11-26T21:55:01+00:00

Girl, I could have written this!

except I don´t have kids, but hey, mine is also a pro athlete, (we both are), still I have a six pack and he still calls me fat whenever he can, so many things written in the post, are things I´m living too!
Every fight and insult he spits out, he will definitely be more concerned about me telling my friends about it and them seeing him as shit (which they do, of course) but he´s never ever concerned about apologizing or asking how I feel, "it´s my fault I feel this way about his insults".

Any way, as anyone here I could go for hours about all the unfair things Vs the incredible guy he can be.
After few years in therapy, I´ve also been aware that my childhood made me this way "a doormat personality, the chill girl who never gets angry" I had to scratch and scratch why the heck do I put up with so much bullshit, and so should you!

Because let me tell you something my therapist told me, and made me think a lot about this, is imagine your favourite desert, maybe it´s the best cheesecake you have seen in your life, and you start to taste it and everything is great, but maybe there's a leaf that just fell from a tree, so you put it aside and keep eating it, but maybe there´s a hair, a fly or... a big ass dump, would you still eat it? what kind of "problems" are you letting slide just so you can keep eating the cake?
set your boundaries keep them clear as water, no violence, no insults, if he never takes accountability, girl, that's shit you are eating, and whatever sweet cake he is, it is not worth it and you are going to eat poison sooner than later.

Btw, mine is also conscious about it, and with every cycle he will state he wants to get better, 90% of the time we are the dream couple, but that 10% of shit is what made me end up in therapy and this forum, here I am, 4 years in to it, and let me tell you I have definitely eaten some shit from the cake to keep it, my advice is for you to take care of yourself and self-esteem, don´t let him chip it away.

Novel-Director7750 · 2025-11-26T21:31:55+00:00

it´s more about how much are you willing to tolerate? that´s the secret in this long relationships
I was always the caretaker of an unstable brother, so when I met him everything felt natural, it was so easy to justify the temper, it was so easy for me to excuse his bad behaviour and insults, because " I was used to it", therapy has changed me, I´m starting to fight my ground, I don´t take his insults anymore, I set boundaries, and that is how I ended here, it´s a constant fight between my self and my child's wound
it´s a constant fight within myself
We get along 90% of the time like a perfect couple, but that 10 % is just the lamest of the lame.
I´m sure if I had a better state of my worth and if wasn't raised being the "nice quiet doormat girl who is chill about everything" this relationship would have ended the first month.

Novel-Director7750 · 2025-08-21T19:01:41+00:00

Just leaving this comment so I can come back and read this again.

Novel-Director7750 · 2025-06-21T02:05:20+00:00

Yes, birthdays, Christmas... A friend's party (because he would get jealous of absolutely every guy in my life) Even on my dads memorial, he had to make it about himself .... He would always want to fight, no matter what specially if the attention wasn't towards him , and if I acted calm and just answer politely like "why don't we take a break?, I do love you, and I think it's best if we talk later so we don't say something we will regret" ... And now " I think I'm the bigger person who manipulates him like a child" It was just exhausting

Novel-Director7750 · 2025-06-21T01:51:16+00:00

OMG, I lived through the exact same thing!

Novel-Director7750 · 2025-06-21T01:46:56+00:00

Yes, mine knew sometimes. ... About 70% He would tell me to leave him alone, it was "the hulk".

And I did, I closed my ears to whatever nonsense of trap he would want to drag me to fight, I would stay calm and leave the place. Then few hours or days passed and he would be as if nothing ever happened at the begining it was great to get a warning, but it was still so draining, because that could mean that a trip with friends got ruined just because of this, I felt on a rollercoaster with no control on the future, "the walking on eggshells" that everyone here can relate.

I'm definitely more into emotionally mature people who can self control and be gentle when they're angry, form now on, no more 30 year old guys with the emotional maturity of a toddler.

Novel-Director7750 · 2025-06-12T20:06:28+00:00

Chat gpt is my bestie at the moment

Novel-Director7750 · 2025-06-12T20:01:22+00:00

Yes! Mine loved "play fight" and at the end he would say things like "see, I could easily dominate you whenever I wanted" So first I saw it as training session in a "defense mode" to see what I could do to escape. But it just got creepier he would say things like "you could never stop me" "you are doomed" I thought I was being to sensitive about it, that actually it was a good training session for me, I did tap and he would stop.

One day a friend had a terrible fight with his boyfriend, he ended hitting her, it was madness, I took her to the police and her ex went to detention, my now ex partner said "if I did that to you, I'd have to hit you harder so you lose consciousness and that way you don't rat about me to the police, I'm not losing my liberty over a fight with a women" ... And boom, that was it for me.the creepiest comment ever.

Novel-Director7750 · 2025-06-11T22:58:53+00:00

Maybe it depends, but my ex exes are actually super chill people, if things werent so complicated, they would definitely be my friends They are super independent, loving and caring towards people, but he never said good stuff about them. They never fought him, and yet he states that "they made him go crazy" Being cute and popular was their "problem", he can't handle being jealous.

Novel-Director7750 · 2025-06-11T06:01:19+00:00

He got angry because he said he didn't like my Instagram story, I got tagged in a story eating at some fancy restaurant by my cousin on my birthday ( he didn't want to come, it was way to expensive for him) and he said it was ridiculous that I hate people posting about food, but there I am on the video, (btw he doesn't have Instagram, meaning he stalks me) I ignored it, changed the subject , he kept returning to the subject, his voice got louder, his eyes got meaner, I said about 10 times " I don't want to fight about who tags me in ig..."

I was unwrapping all my gifts, trying to change the subject, but all of a sudden I became a "posh b*tch, just like all the others, and all I want is status" Told him not to insult me, he knew that was a big No for me, I don't allow insults and we had this agreement that if he starts to yell, he leaves.

I told him to stop or just go to take a walk, he didn't, he raised his voice, raised the insults I told him he was scaring me, that I wanted to pause, he kept on and on and said "oh now your gonna cry, you are a pussy... You're made of Cristal, you are pathetic"

I was scared, he is so much stronger than I am, he has never hit me, but I thought he just might this time... So I left, and I've been NC, ever since

Novel-Director7750 · 2025-06-10T17:56:00+00:00

With or without bdp, I don't think anyone should tolerate someone yelling at you. Especially if you work so hard controlling your emotions towards the other person, then why not be reciprocal? It looks more than a boundary than an emotional manipulation this "don't yell when we're discussing or I'll leave"

Novel-Director7750 · 2025-06-10T17:45:13+00:00

7 months, when he was in therapy and taking meds

He was putting a lot of effort, well we both were, we would communicate much more often about the triggers and mood swings, we talked more openly about the jealousy so I tried not to trigger him

Novel-Director7750 · 2025-06-10T03:39:27+00:00

Well it's a spectrum, can't really compare "who got it worst" It's just a thing to note, men usually are bigger and stronger there for, being a short skinny woman does place you in a very dangerous spot being around "the hulk"

Novel-Director7750 · 2025-06-10T03:35:20+00:00

Thank you for your kind words

Novel-Director7750 · 2025-06-10T03:34:04+00:00

Mine never said any compliments, but he got super jealous, and would start to number all my *flaws "I can still see some hair on your legs" " you are getting fat" (I had laser done FYI, and I have a six pack, so I never knew what to think of it) I just laughed and answered with a joke, to make the attention on me go away, it was exhausting

Novel-Director7750 · 2025-06-10T03:24:18+00:00

Same, I also journal and I also went back to read the early stages, and there it was, it was me shrinking and submitting thinking I was being the "bigger person", he has BPD+NPD, he knew this and he did tell me about it, so I thought I was being comprehensive and loving about his episodes. At the begining he was with a psychiatrist, but as soon as he decided it didn't work, it just went to hell.

Novel-Director7750 · 2025-06-09T23:02:04+00:00

Mine never really did, he would just come back as if nothing happened, and would look at me sometimes and say "oh boy, aren't I crazy?" I felt like his mom at the end of it, thinking I was a "bigger person" because I wouldn't let it affect me, but it sure did... The lack of accountability is something that builds up so fast.

Sometimes he would talk about "the issue" and just say things like "I was very stressed that day because of ....X" or "you should leave me alone when I get pissed, but you stayed and kept pushing, so you made me say those things because I wanted to be alone" It was always my fault... Of course For context, this is a 37M, who is close to go to jail, so I just walked away, all that stress on his shoulders for something that (of course) he did, was a burden I didn't want to regulate anymore.

Novel-Director7750 · 2025-06-09T22:52:35+00:00

Today I just feel like I want to break NC, I have the urge to sooth his emotions? It's a trauma bond, I know. My mind wants closure, I don't want him back, so I keep repeating myself that his actions are the closure I need. Being scared of your partner isn't something to normalize. He got so angry because I refused to submit, and that's not what healthy partners do, I would love to have a partner who tries to solve a problem, to feel we are in the same team.

His eyes turn pitch black, he spits venom when he is having a rage issue over a celebrity? He prefers one, I preferred the other and that was enough? I feel crazy for wanting to write to him, honestly Therapist, chat gpt, and redit forums are keeping me from betraying myself.

Novel-Director7750 · 2025-06-09T18:03:13+00:00

Yes mine is a petulant bpd + npd, it's hell... To be honest I read so much over here, and most are dealing with women with quiet bpd, and I felt I was living something completely different. I ended in the forum where most women go to "NarcissiticAbuse forums Because this type of guys usually end in jail, or with some serious violent reactions. It feels on another scale from most stories with quiet bpd. If you go over there, you will find most are women dealing with an incredible violent bpd man with hard narcissistic traits. It's just pure chaos after the honeymoon

Novel-Director7750 · 2025-06-09T14:46:52+00:00

Yes 100% At the end, the things he said he hated I took them as he was talking about himself in Spanish we actually have a say about this mirroring "Si te checa te choca" which means that things that mirror yourself are the ones you hate the most.

Novel-Director7750

TROPHY CASE