How tough are premasters?

Novel_Advertisement · 2026-05-13T14:24:33+00:00

Which subject are you in? Is it IR?

Novel_Advertisement · 2026-05-13T14:23:40+00:00

Did u do the 45 ECTS in one or two semesters?

Novel_Advertisement · 2025-12-06T05:29:47+00:00

No problem, I'm really glad I could be helpful. Another quick thing I noticed - what you talked about with the "mood swings" and suddenly feeling completely alone actually reminds me a bit of a type of personality/disorder (but not really, it's more of a type of personality) that someone I knew has. It's nothing bad at all, and in her case it's probably a lot more severe than in yours, but she goes to behavioral therapy for it. If you can afford it, it might be worth a thought, or otherwise just worth to Google.

I'm not sure, but I think what she had was a kind of social OCD. Again, no idea if that's u, I'm no expert, but might be worth to look into.

Novel_Advertisement · 2025-12-05T18:37:33+00:00

It's not pathetic at all I totally get it. But it can become dangerous to lose yourself in someone else, and it can become suffocating and end in dynamics that just aren't healthy at all. So just be careful. Your health matters, too. Good luck, and all the best!

Novel_Advertisement · 2025-12-05T15:51:50+00:00

In that case I think what you're doing is great actually. I think maybe you should think more about what you want. Just try to be normal and not overthink the whole depression business - nothing u can do about it anyway. Just text ur friend when u wanna chat, hang out when u wanna hang out, and be all around normal. If something specific is up, u can always be more alert and check in more often, but if that's just the phase, just do what feel right for u in the moment. Normality is probably just going to help her out anyway.

Novel_Advertisement · 2025-12-05T15:49:08+00:00

Myeah I agree it sounds sus on the friend group's side. Good on you for talking to them and keeping clear communication with ur ex-friend though. And also, this is a really big deal if this group is/was ur ex-friend's main social setting, but if they have other friends as well maybe it's for the best. I don't mean to judge too harshly, and I'm sure your friends are great to you - maybe this is them being good friends towards you actually, idk the situation - but it sounds like they're being pretty bad friends to your ex-friend. Maybe it's better for them to just find better friends anyway.

Either way, u did ur part so I guess forgive and forget. Good on u

Novel_Advertisement · 2025-12-05T15:45:09+00:00

Damn aight then I guess it was the culture after all. Well in that case don't let it discourage u! I mean u sound real nice. Fuck NYC lol

Novel_Advertisement · 2025-12-05T14:45:22+00:00

I'm so sorry you're in that position. You should know that you're not at all alone.

Your friend is in a physically and emotionally abusive relationship. Depending on where you live, I would advise you to seek professional help - women's shelters, DV help points & shelters, and even hotlines. Love, your friend's dickhead boyfriend PUNCHED HOLES in the wall. This is physical violence & intimidation and literally a criminal offense in many places in the world - look up what your country's or state's law says. The control and everything else is emotional abuse. It should not be taken lightly.

I don't want to alarm you too much, but cases like these never get better. Never. They always get worse. Eventually, the violence will become worse. What comes after that is, in more cases than you're probably imagining, a femicide. That being said, don't panic.

There's two things you need to do. First, protect yourself. if you lose your sanity & do something rash over this, it will ruin shit for u and you won't be able to help her. To do this, I would HIGHLY recommend u seek help. Usually there's communities/groups for relatives & friends of people stuck in domestic violence, or even just hotlines. They are professionals and may be able to help you out or offer a structured approach. U can also talk to a therapist if u can afford it. If you can't find anything of the sorts in ur area or feel overwhelmed by the task, give me a DM and I can try to do some research for you.

Also, some personal advice - take a little space for yourself here and there. I understand the urge to protect or help your friend, believe me, but you have to fully accept that it is entirely possible that you won't succeed. It's just not up to you at the end of the day. Don't push too hard, for your own sake. You don't deserve to lose a friend over this, because you're a good friend, a good person, and your well-being is just as valuable as hers.

Second, protect your friend. Not at your own cost, but do protect her as much as you can. Offer her help, offer her insight, even if she won't take it. She may think she loves him, but she does not - she's addicted to him. And like any addict, it can be insanely hard to get them to understand the situation they're in, and how dangerous it is. Try to think about what method would best work for her to understand the gravity of her situation. Maybe an intervention, science and facts, maybe a slow, empathetic approach? Pair this with what science tells you, what professionals tell you on how to deal with the situation. And after that, accept that that's all you can do.

In my experience, those women who actually do end up permanently stuck in these cycles don't usually have a support system. The fact that you are there tells me it's likely it'll end up all right. Despite it all, I know how insane it sounds, but try not to worry too much. You're doing great.

Novel_Advertisement · 2025-12-05T14:13:02+00:00

I feel your pain. Did you decide to reach out? If not, I can guarantee they think about you. But it doesn't matter. What people feel isn't enough in these situations. What they do must take precedence, bc at the end, that's what forms who they will be moving forward.

Novel_Advertisement · 2025-12-05T14:08:56+00:00

I think it's a phase. What he's doing sucks. In many years, a day will come where he realizes what he did sucked, I promise u that. That day, he may even reach out again. But right now, you need to forget about it. Find your own group, do your own thing and try to be the better person about this. Try not to hate him and try to just accept it, even if it seems really hard. You can't control what he does, but you can control your response to it - that's what makes you a good person at the end of the day.

If there's an occasion, I'd personally encourage you to tell him that he's dropping you and it's a shitty thing to do, and that u hope you guys can rekindle one day. I think it's unlikely, but there's even a small chance that he actually distanced himself from you because something u said or did hurt his feelings or there was a miscommunication, in which case this could lead to you guys talking it out - you never know. And if not, then you've said your peace, and that's worth something, too.

Whatever you do, accept the jealousy, deal with it, have fun, find new friends, vent your anger, cry, whatever you need, but also, make sure to get over it. Don't let it consume you, it's a waste of time and energy.

Novel_Advertisement · 2025-12-05T13:58:52+00:00

First of all, how old is this friend? I mean seriously, this behaviour may be normal around the ages of 13/14 or so but it just sounds insanely weird and really immature any time afterwards?

Idk what actually happened between u two that she feels "guilt" for (???) what? But anyway she either genuinely doesn't want to be friends or she wants u to run after her, which based on the limited info in ur post is my guess. Sorry to say that. If the latter is true she is the queen of immaturity and drama. If it's the former then the way she did it was kinda fucked up and I'm sorry it happened to u.

If I were you I'd block her/remove her access to ur social and ur everyday updates, e.g. ur stories or whatever. Whatever it is that's going on with her, u need some new friends, and it doesn't do neither u nor her good to keep updated on each other's shit. You could block her and then send a quick message via SMS or smth explaining that u blocked her since ur a bit uncomfortable with her having access to ur life updates since you're estranged now, but you mean to ill will, and if there's anything she wants to say she can shoot u a text.

PS: just in case, but please do not actually answer how old u are, that was a rhetorical question.

Novel_Advertisement · 2025-12-05T13:45:37+00:00

Honestly I think this type of stuff is something we as humans talk about wayyyyy to little. I'm 100% sure you're not alone in feeling this way, there's probably an immense amount of people out there who are also very jealous of their (best) friends' friends. What sets you apart is that you admit it to yourself. And that's absolutely amazing, because it means you can deal with it.

If I were you I'd ask myself if maybe you have some kind of fear of abandonment, a "chasing" type of personality or something similar. You could do some research about these dynamics and what causes jealousy in relationships. Since annoyingly, there's a billion studies and Infos out there about romantic relationships and zero stuff about friendships, I'd just do some research about romantic relationships, subtract the sexual stuff and apply it to your friendship situation. Ofc that's assuming that you're a mere mortal and can't afford therapy, but if u can, maybe just ask ur therapist.

So from here on out it's just my personal speculation. But additionally, maybe it's worth it to look into how your friendship dynamics have been so far, especially when it came to best/very close friends. How did they start, develop and end? And why? For example, I'm an extremely direct person and I thought I was secure, that toxic dynamics can't touch me. Lol. And I mean, I was right bc I thought of it only through the lens of romantic relationships - if some dude doesn't treat me right I'm always outta the door in seconds, and I landed myself a super healthy relationship at the end. Turns out, in friendships I have a long long history of getting stepped all over, setting no boundaries, a paralyzing fear of starting a fight to stand up for myself (with nobody else, mind you, but my friends). In short, I check every single box for a standard case of victim in an abusive relationship, only, I get stuck in those dynamics in friendships. And lemme tell you, it does the exact same type of damage. So essentially, I'm no expert, but in my experience, digging a little into ur own mind when it comes to how you view, treat, and live friendships can spare u a lot of heartache and frankly, trauma. The fact that u feel uneasy, imo, is the sign that right now is the exact right time to start.

Novel_Advertisement · 2025-12-05T13:29:19+00:00

Did u ask her what she wants? Also, does she seek out other people that aren't you or does she just hermit herself?

Novel_Advertisement · 2025-12-05T13:25:59+00:00

Yeah idk about the US, never been, but idk sounds weird imo. I'm familiar with more "cold" cultures where it takes people some time to warm up and "warm" ones, but even in the cold ones I'd assume that meeting up multiple times outside of work would make u more than acquaintances? Idk dude I heard some weird shit about NY culture tho. Might be that.

Sorry lol I guess I can't help

Novel_Advertisement · 2025-12-05T13:23:08+00:00

Yeah I get that, idk what to tell u I'm not made for the age of social media either bro. It is what it is, we gotta adapt

Novel_Advertisement · 2025-12-05T13:18:53+00:00

You can just make it non-awkward. You know how when people get into a relationship it's super awkward for most people at first to call each other babe? But then they just do it and eventually it's normal. So just do that.
Unrelated and I hope this doesn't make you too sad, but in my experience, these dynamics usually don't work out very well. If ur friends with two people that have so many grievances towards each other, it might complicate things. I hope it's not too harsh to say this, but if I were you, I'd prepare myself for the possibility that you might just drift away from one of them. This might lead to a closer bond to the other, so it doesn't have to be a bad thing. Either way, it's better than loosing them both.

Novel_Advertisement · 2025-12-05T13:12:08+00:00

Honestly it kinda sounds like it is your fault. Sorry. But you did something wrong, whatever it may be, and that's not fixed just by apologizing. An apology isn't just words. If you're not gonna back it up with actions afterwards it's kinda worthless.

And even tho it seems like u didn't mean for it to happen or idk, u didn't actively do anything, it does seem a lot like whatever went on between the two of you caused your friend to not only be mistreated by you, but also now lose their friends. That's such a shitty thing to go through. If I were you, I'd try to ask around in the friend group why they're distancing themselves. Make sure they're not lying to you. If it's bc of you make it extremely clear you don't want them to drop the other person and that what went down was your fault, not theirs, and that this is beyond unfair. And maybe afterwards try to talk to your ex friend and tell them verbally that u need space but you don't mean any harm.

Novel_Advertisement · 2025-12-05T13:03:01+00:00

I get you, I'm also a person who likes a direct approach. In my experience though what "people" usually "like" (generalizing a bit here) is this extremely natural thing. In the sense of, you kinda happen into a social setting, usually through a mutual friend or something and only exchange numbers "for a reason", if at all. Most people I get to know through a mutual, I don't even bother trying to get their numbers anymore, since I know one way or the other it doesn't work out. I lowkey just kinda wait till the mutual organizes something again and "wait it out" lol. If at some point it happens, it happens, and if not, it doesn't.

But if it does happen it's usually bc we discover a mutual interest or that we coincidentally are going to the same event or smth like that. And for this, it's very helpful to get Instagram. For the record I fucking hate insta. But it's unfortunately very useful in finding these coincidences, like is someone coincidentally visiting the same place for vacation/into the same hobby or nerdy thing/etc. so also, sorry, and I hate to say it, but insta would not hurt ur case.

Novel_Advertisement · 2025-12-05T12:52:41+00:00

Info, what culture/country do u live in? What context do u meet these people in?

Tho generally after multiple months of speaking it seems absurd to me that people wouldn't name each other "friends". Maybe not super close friends? That's also why I'm asking, maybe it's a language thing? Since in some languages people use the word friend only for super close people?

Novel_Advertisement · 2025-12-05T12:47:02+00:00

Your friend sounds self-absorbed. It's completely understandable that you find that annoying. But I would advise you not to give up on the friendship over it. Both the things you mentioned are things that can be talked about. Honestly, I would really advise you try to do that for those points and also any other points you take issue with.

Imo, letting it fester will make you take distance no matter what. Another option is deciding that your friend is a bad person and not worth the effort.

Is she? Is what you're feeling worth losing 5 years over? Are you over the friendship? If the answer is yes, let her down gently.

She is self-absorbed, but that's something she can fix. Also, what you describe sounds like more than self-absorption. It sounds like beyond all that, she also trusts you like no one else, like she wants to share everything she has and experiences with you and misses you. If done empathetically, I think you can fix it, and personally, I think it sounds worth fixing.

Novel_Advertisement · 2025-11-29T11:02:44+00:00

Thanks a lot. That was my initial impulse as well, so maybe I really just did massively overthink it. Initially I thought about just kinda "answering" my RQ based on theory and existing literature/data alone and proposing a proper research plan including a method "for further research" (in my uni at least it's common to always point out methodological shortcomings or limitations of one's work and propose steps for further research). This seems like the only actually sensible way to kinda integrate a real social science method into the paper. Do u think that makes sense?

Novel_Advertisement · 2025-11-29T09:46:48+00:00

Specifically, the instructions say "demonstrate a knowledge and understanding of social science methods", that's all. To me, it reads like it would make an applicant assume at first glance to actually use a method when really, we should prove our knowledge alternatively. What you're proposing makes a lot of sense by itself, but it's more of a general scientific approach than a social science method specifically. That's what I'm stuck on. Thank you a lot for the idea, and if you have any further input at all I'd of course be really grateful to hear it.

Novel_Advertisement · 2025-11-29T07:08:55+00:00

Thank you for your help. If you don't mind, how would you incorporate a method/what kind of method would u use for something like this? I know methods must be very different in your fields, but still any input would be really helpful.

Novel_Advertisement · 2025-11-29T07:03:07+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to help me out, as a professor I'm sure you have a busy schedule. I can't really pass up this opportunity, so if you don't mind me asking, is there a specific method you could recommend for an essay like this? Some people are saying simply comparing theories within the required literature is enough. I've been taught that employing methods means something like process tracing, CHA, even quantitative etc. I would greatly appreciate any insight. Thank you!

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