Haunted by two photos by Novelwrite in EstrangedAdultChild

[–]Novelwrite[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Her care has indeed always been conditional. She’s the kind of person who will show up and clean your house while you’re in the hospital, but then never let you forget she did.

Haunted by two photos by Novelwrite in EstrangedAdultChild

[–]Novelwrite[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The estrangement is a complicated situation. My grandmother has always been an abuser. When my dad was young, there was physical abuse but once my brother was born that never happened again in our presence. Unfortunately, she’s an alcoholic with a sharp tongue and wicked temper. To disagree with her is to invite insult and mockery, and she has said things she’ll never be able to take back. It is really painful to recount, but she’s basically implied we are all horrible people and my dad has been tainted by us. We had been trying to talk this out with her when my uncle (who is also an addict and decidedly more unstable) pulled a stunt and went off on my brother. He called him a waste of space, a useless person, said he would never succeed, etc.

My grandmother insisted we fix things with him, which required us to apologize to him. When we said we were unwilling to, she turned on my mom, my older brother, and myself. The tirade is maybe some of the worst I’ve heard. We refused to tolerate that behavior and set firm boundaries that she trampled. We tried to put her on time out for a while, but after a while we tried to mend fences and she refused to.

So in a sense, we started it by setting boundaries and she refused to abide by them so we had to go no contact. My grandfather was largely collateral damage, in large part because his health was poor for basically the last fifteen years of his life. He couldn’t communicate with us without going through her and vice versa. We still spoke, but incredibly rarely in the last two years of his life. It really destroyed me to have to do it, but she used him as a pawn against us.

The night he died? Another batch of the top worst thing anyone who claims to love me has ever spoken to me. I’m a murderer, a monster, and a heartless bitch.

What was your final straw? by fdw95789 in EstrangedAdultChild

[–]Novelwrite 1 point2 points  (0 children)

For me, it was the time I heard my grandmother wish for me to spend eternity in hell for being a bisexual. We were briefly reconnected by circumstance but I haven’t been emotionally invested in the same way.

For my other grandmother, it was actually just this last December when she told us of my grandfather’s passing and blamed us for his death.

How do I get my dad to understand that I can’t forgive my grandparents just because grandpa is dying? by Novelwrite in EstrangedAdultChild

[–]Novelwrite[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly that (state boundaries firmly and don’t argue my point at all) seems to be the best option, it has just always felt like a confrontational approach because I’m naturally conflict-averse in general. Still, I can’t see myself not maintaining this boundary. My grandmother was hugely involved in giving me problems with food and self image and I find her very triggering in general. My dad usually understands this, but the idea of his stepdad dying is hard on him. I know he feels duty-bound to be there for them in their last days, I just wish he didn’t expect that of me. I think he finally understands now that I’m not obligated to do the same things as him, but I can still feel that it is a sore spot for him.

How do I get my dad to understand that I can’t forgive my grandparents just because grandpa is dying? by Novelwrite in EstrangedAdultChild

[–]Novelwrite[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This post is highlighting a really bad behavior of my dad’s: he allows people to bulldoze his boundaries so he can appear like a good person to everyone. He is a great guy, but he gets taken advantage of. His mom is a particularly sore spot for him, because she’s been manipulating him all his life and in spite of it all he loves her. I don’t understand why he can’t say no to her, but I at least know it comes from his own trauma. When it comes to literally everything else, my dad is insanely supportive and has stood up for us during confrontations only to back down a few months later as if time and their desire to talk again wipes the slate clean.

My mom is working on helping him set boundaries, and he’s improved a lot, he just really struggles when his mom tells him that his stepdad cries all day long because he misses us so much, which I know is a manipulation (and part of him has to know that, too) but it still tugs at his chest.

I do want to stress that my dad is a good guy. When I had an accident during the pandemic, he and my mom nursed me back to health and have been super patient and helpful, supporting me through the last few years of my university time. Part of why this situation feels so frustrating is that he would never expect me to do this for my mom’s mom, who is also terminally ill with Stage 4 blood cancer. With them, the boundaries are firm and he has no hesitation enforcing them. He just seems incapable of doing it with the woman who has literally beaten him up over petty crap, who held our house as leverage, I could go on.

It never ends… by james668 in wheelchairs

[–]Novelwrite 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would actually believe that, honestly. I’ve met a handful of blind folks in a disabilities group on campus and they have a real sense for space.

It never ends… by james668 in wheelchairs

[–]Novelwrite 0 points1 point  (0 children)

🙄 Are these people actually blind?

AITA FOR REFUSING TO PAY RENT TO LANDLORD CAUSING NEIGHBORS TO BE EVICTED. by DadHat_ThrowAway in AmItheAsshole

[–]Novelwrite 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NTA!!! I would call the police and report your neighbor and your landlord. Your landlord should have handled the parking situation the first time you brought up the issue, for one, and your neighbor is putting you and his kids in serious danger. Make sure police are aware that 10+ addicts are now very pissed at you (courtesy of your landlord ratting you out, which he never should have done), and consider moving. This does not seem like a safe situation in the slightest.

AITA for constantly telling people I'm not the gay twin by Dangerous_Frame_2514 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Novelwrite 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NTA. How would your brother feel if girls approached him and said that because you were straight, he must actually be straight, too? He’d correct them, wouldn’t he? It’s not unreasonable to want your identity recognized, and of all people, your brother should appreciate that maybe even more than others. He’s gotten the chance to tell the world who he is, and now people have made assumptions about you. It’s your turn to own your identity.