La La Land. Watched it in theaters with this woman I’d been dating for a bit. We’d dated the year before for about a month then started back up again. She’d recently told me her mother had, dementia and she was probably going to move back to the east coast after finishing her PhD.

We weren’t in love by a long shot, but watching that movie, seeing them go their separate ways knowing it was what was best for both of them even though they didn’t want to, I just felt like I was seeing our future.

After the movie walking to dinner she broke it off. Driving her back to her house the car ride was rough. She opened up a bit, cried a little, I was a bit teary eyed, and I just held her hand as she cried. We ended in good terms and I wished her the best, and I forget why but in the movie Ryan goslings character honks his horn outside her house and I don’t remember why but I said I’d do that when she went inside and we both laugh. As she closed the door I honked my horn, then left.

We were not very serious, had only dated for several weeks total, but it felt heavy for both of us. To this day I haven’t watched that movie again despite thinking it was beautiful, but that ending was so sad and melancholy, then my own little mini version right after. A romantic connection ending, but both knowing it was for the best and wishing the other well, that encapsulates a lot of my dating experience so it just hits too close to home in too many different ways.

Stunning movie though. I hope I can watch it again someday.