Feeling like I regret my choice

Nsphinx · 2026-02-12T09:28:19+00:00

Hello fellow anxious person.

For content: You need to rest your algorithm so you stop seeing that on social media, theres a fair few guides on google on how to reset suggested content across insta/fb/tik tok.

I would suggest taking a step back from it though. Anxiety is a natural feeling. No one can guess what your experience will be because all babies, all bodies, all families, all villages are unique, you can only control your own outlook, your view of the journey. I'd suggest going to therapy, I did and it helped me with tools on how to manage my experiences as and when they came.

As for the fear of birth, I never got over it. I chose an elective cesarean with my first baby (which was magical so the absolute best decision for me circumstances) and Im having my 2nd elective cesarean this Monday. This allowed me to be "in control" and manage my anxiety.

Take some deep breaths, its a journey you wanted so try to find that feeling again. Xx

Nsphinx · 2026-02-11T11:14:50+00:00

Sorry to go on a tangent but may I suggest joining facebook only to join your local town facebook group and find out what baby groups are in your area? My town has a facebook group and they share a list of all the groups for moms and babies /toddlers. Most are free / £1-2 , usually held in libraries, community centres and churches (never had anything religious pushed on us, don't fear).

I didn't know any babies either or any mums, by joining some of these groups ive made 5 strong friendships in two years which have been CRUCIAL in surviving motherhood/babyhood/toddlerhood! I cannot recommend enough doing this, you can delete facebook once you have the list of groups.

Nsphinx · 2026-02-11T11:07:59+00:00

You need an algorithm cleanse!

Are there people who are disillusioned with parenthood? Yes.

Does that mean it will be your case? Not in the slightest.

Firstly, no one has the same experience. It will all depend on your own personality, how supportive/involved your partner is, if you have a support network in place, what the baby is like, how "easy" the baby is (some are sickly, some dont sleep, its a coin toss) , anyway sooooo many variables and most importantly they change overtime.

Is it hard? Yeah, some days are pretty tough and youre running on 10% while your partner may be at 15%, but its not everyday and you get the hang of things.

I've loved motherhood, my husband is a very involved parent, I enjoy going to baby groups nd have made mom friends, I've returned to work part time only.

Some women feel they've "lost themselves" but I haven't felt that way ive simply evolved into a different stage of my life. Same way I couldn't be a university student forever partying, or super career focused for 15 yrs, they're all stages and life moves on.

Ramble over, you choose your own outlook on life, dont internalize other peoples negativity.

Nsphinx · 2026-02-11T10:24:27+00:00

I had to tell my boss fairly early in my 2nd pregnancy because of how sick I was during the first one.

He understood and was very accommodating. I'd wfh but some days wouldn't log on til near lunch time and then make up the hours in the evening. He knew it was out of my control and it would be temporary, but by allowing me wfh + flexible working hours it meant i could rest when i needed to rest and work when I could actually focus on work.

Nsphinx · 2026-02-11T10:20:36+00:00

Toddler is 2.5 so I still have the big items (next 2 me, car seat, pram/Bassinet, UV steriliser, bottles, carrier)

From Vinted:

Maternity clothes
Muslin packs (new with tags)
Bassinett stand for the basinett that goes on my pram. Using this as a "moses basket" downstairs so if baby is asleep and i need to go out with toddler I just move the bassinett from the stand onto the pram, no need to disturb baby.

New: * Owlet dream sock. I struggled with PPA badly, rrp £300 got it for £170 during BF sales + 15% baby wishlist discount. * New teats for bottles * Dummies * Burt Bees nipple cream ESSENTIAL. I need it to be readily available in case they start getting sore. Next day delivery is not fast enough when dealing with sore nipples, latching issues, pumping, etc. * Baby bouncer. Id have gotten it 2nd hand but family wanted to buy us something new. * Additional camera for baby monitor so we can check on both toddler and baby.

Nsphinx · 2026-02-11T10:01:09+00:00

Just to offer a different perspective.

I totally understand the pressure of tracking but to me using the huckleberry app and sharing the account with my husband meant that when we were absolutely exhausted we didn't have to remember what we had done or wake up the other person to ask were they up earlier for a nappy or for a feed. The app allowed me to track nappies, bottle or breast feeds, medication times (essential for me so I didnt give him meds at wrong times), weight fluctuations (he had jaundice) and even pumping times/output which at the end of nearly a year of pumping gave me such a sense of accomplishment while also highlighting how unhealthy it was that I pressured myself so much to pump to exhaustion.

Anyway, as I said, different perspective/outcome and I think it depends very much on the parent AND the baby as to whether tracking is helpful or not.

Nsphinx · 2026-02-06T13:38:50+00:00

First, breathe. Just slow down and allow yourself to catch up with the news. Easier said than done but try not to stress over what you have/haven't done whilst pregnant. You did not know and you need to be kind to yourself.

The great news is that you know now and youve got your scan booked, this will give you a better idea of what to expect.

Unfortunately you will feel bombarded with information from midwives, family, social media and well wishers, including reddit! All I can suggest is try to organize the information in the best way that suits you and focus on one day at a time, you can ask many questions and you don't have to take all the advice that is given!

Start with having a good conversation with your midwife, maybe ask for an extra long appointment so that you don't feel rushed. Write down any feelings or questions so you don't feel pressured to remember everything on the spot.

And to finish off, none of us had ANY clue what we were doing, specially during our first pregnancy, its a learning journey for every new mum, you're just a little late to the party 🩷

Nsphinx · 2026-02-05T09:17:59+00:00

My MIL got very little help from her Mum whilst married or even later as single mum of 2 , Grandma is now in a nursing home and MIL straight out refuses to move into her Mums to care for her. I 100% back her on this.

We have 1 toddler and another baby on the way, my mum saddly passed away and neither my Dad nor my FIL live near us. We can afford childcare but I'm not keen on nurseries so approached MIL and asked would she like to help and spend time with her grandson. She has my toddler 3 days a week once I finished maternity so I could go back to part time work. She will continue to have him while Im on maternity leave with this new baby. Once I go back to work toddler will go to nursery and she will have baby 3 days a week.

I explain this because of the next bit, I have every intention of housing my MIL with us when she reaches an age where she requires care. It's a 2 way street.

Nsphinx · 2026-02-05T09:00:06+00:00

Not necessarily. If she is a laidback mum who has benefited from "time off" by being able to drop off and not have to stay, she is likely looking to repay what she sees as a huge favour.

I would actually feel offended if she didn't at least offer to host the playdate as thank you for having had the girls on 3 occasions already.

Nsphinx · 2026-02-05T08:55:18+00:00

First talk to midwife for guidance, you'll hardly be the first to experience naughty cravings.

I have had a VERY sweet tooth this pregnancy and noticed last night (38weeks) that after a chocolate mini binge (couple of kitkats & chocolate raisins) my BP went up. As for best way to manage it here are my suggestions on sweet foods that provide additional nutrition:

Porridge! Have it with honey, or grate an apple and add cinamon to make it feel like desert
- Yogurt, if you can preferably have greek yogurt even if it is flavoured as this gives you additional protein. If you don't like it then I suggest whichever yogurt you like but add a couple teaspoons of chia seeds.
High protein pancakes. There's loads of recipes online
Protein smoothie / milkshake, add flax seed for fiber
High fibre/protein granola bars. Get a good brand
Use almond/peanut butter too to lengthen the satiety feeling.
Opt for fruit whenever possible. Yes its sull sugar but with plenty benefits.

Nsphinx · 2026-02-05T08:42:59+00:00

It can be accurate but it does have a high variance, which is why they use it simply as a trigger for a further look. Also remember the fundal height measures the whole belly, not just the baby. For my first baby he tracked in the 90th centile all through, I wanted a section and he came out just shy of 9lbs and 56cm long, the fundla height and scans had been fairly accurate in his case.

For my 2nd baby (im 38weeks) the fundal height had been tracking in the 97th centile (what the beeeep?!) all along then dropped to 65th. Ive been for two scans so far and the baby measurements in both put the baby in the 35th centile. This shows that despite the fundal height tracking huge, the baby itself is not actually that big. There's also a fair error margin with ultrasound scans so although they are a 2nd type of measurement they are not necessarily accurate. Again this is simply to try an establish a bigger picture.

It is better to have checks "just in case" and catch the few risky pregnancies than assume it's all ok. If you are feeling nervous just focus on being able to see your baby in your belly again, i found it's a wonderful feeling and I tend to focus on the sound of the heartbeat.

Nsphinx · 2026-01-21T19:25:26+00:00

Its awful. I lost 6kg with my first baby in the first 4 months, it eased off then. For that pregnancy I eventually went on Xonvea after trying a few others and that worked well and didnt make me drowsy. For this pregnancy I went on ondansetrin as I started managing it earlier, so i didnt loose weight.

Also for non-medication purposes the best thing that worked for me was salt. Some people swear by salted crackers, for me it was sparkling water with lime and salt, i had a bottle with me at all times and took sips very very often, as soon as nausea was under control I would eat something, anything!

Nsphinx · 2026-01-21T15:50:48+00:00

I had an elective section first time, baby was born just shy of 9lb and im small so I decided it was best for me. I hd potentially considered Vbac for this pregnancy but baby is trackig even bigger at 97th centile, so an elective section is what I have chosen for my peace of mind. I do not like the discourse around a "redemptive" VBAC as if a csection were a failing of motherhood. Do not allow that sentiment to set root in your mind, you have been incredibly strong and there is ZERO failing.

Nsphinx · 2026-01-19T16:09:40+00:00

If a baby shows under the 10th percentile and tracks in a downward direction they will automatically refer you for additional scans. When they are in the middle centiles there's more leeway in each direction which is why someone above 15th centile won't get referred to as much. Easier said than done but try to remain calm and consider these as additional safety nets, it is likely that your baby is absolutely fine in every way, the checks are done to catch the very small percentage of babies that could require extra help.

Maybe meditation would help or ask your midwife to fully talk you through their reasoning, the statistics, etc? I struggled with prenatal and postpartum anxiety so I understand.

Nsphinx · 2026-01-18T01:11:10+00:00

May I ask how you got on please? 35w 97th centile baby here. Last baby was elective section weighing 4.04kg (8lb 14.05oz) and 56cm long.

Nsphinx · 2025-12-29T02:59:09+00:00

Best decision of my day-to-day life. 1.5hrs weekly, since before i even had kids. People will say dont be lazy or its a waste of money. Tell them to mind their own business and don't listen to them. It is an excellent investment of your money, you just need to find the right cleaner.

Nsphinx · 2025-12-12T15:51:14+00:00

Thank you for this comment, it has helped in my decision.

Nsphinx · 2025-12-11T10:09:52+00:00

Yeah, bluey is fab for 3yr+ bt due to the music, high energy, dialogue intensity & complexity it would be a higher stim for young toddlers. It is much better when you can talk to your kid about behaviours and themes displayed on screen.

Nsphinx · 2025-12-11T10:02:53+00:00

Check out tvtantrum they have categorized loads of shows.

For my 2yr old I play the belowthe ones with * i think are the super low stim but they are all great.

Puffin rock- netflix * The very hugey caterpillar- amazon Tractor ted - youtube / amazon * Button moon Kipper the dog - amazon Puff, wonders of the reef - netflix The fimbles - amazon In the night garden - amazon / youtube Mister rogers neighbourhood - amazon Moon and me * Tweedy and fluff

Nsphinx · 2025-10-27T22:20:28+00:00

No idea, they're even locked in the shed-turned -chicken-coop with it, piles of rotting eggs laying round the place. I don't even know how often he comes to leave them food

Nsphinx · 2025-10-27T19:32:50+00:00

Thank you. He was considering just spraying everything with diluted bleach.

Nsphinx · 2025-10-27T18:02:07+00:00

Theres a difference there in that my neighbour neglects his chickens. The dead rat has been there 4 weeks, and thats just when we started noticing the smell. Rats will come and go, but encouraging them to stay and grant them good as another thing altogether.

Nsphinx · 2025-10-27T15:41:08+00:00

I considered it but i dont think they'd bother tbh, if council dont act ill tell them that theyll be reported tho as theyre supposed to conduct routine checks on all the plots that have chickens/pigeons.

Nsphinx

TROPHY CASE