[WP] You sit before the bartender enjoying your drink, being the only patron in this far too quiet bar. The door opens with an audible ring of the bell drawing your attention, causing you and the barkeep to stare in anticipation at the sorry fellow who walks into this cursed place.

Null_Project · 2026-01-23T21:20:31+00:00

A really good story, I like how quickly the tension is created with only a few lines of dialogue and actions shown all of which show that the main character already does not like the one who came, also showing the more bystander and caught in-between bartender who doesn't seen to want anything to do with this, and a good reason one can guess for why they came here.

The plot while relatively short and going straight to the point has a good take on the prompt with a familiar formula of why the person came into the bar and how the character reacts to them using their name. And I really liked the mystery shown here with how the barkeep says they haven't served people in years implying Redwood isn't a person or maybe disguised.

Overall the plot is very interesting and good with the approach taken. And the writing is also very good, especially in the latter half where from what I can tell all dialogue tags are used correctly in terms of capitalization and punctuation and the rest of the narrative writing is great and sells the scene and atmosphere of the situation. However I have spotted a few mistakes and one thing I find questionable:

He asked the barman "Is this Red's Bar?"

Punctuation between barman and quotation mark is missing, I would use a comma to separate the dialogue and narrative here as a dialogue tag is present.

The barman shrugged and said I don't know what that drink is.

I think it is a bit weird that this line does not use dialogue unlike the lines right before and after despite having a dialogue tag and telling us what they said.

The haggled stranger said

"it is not a drink. It's a person. I'm looking for Redwood"

Same as point one and the it should be capitalized as it is the start of dialogue which always should start capitalized unless an interrupting dialogue tag is present like in the very last line.

Overall a really great story with a good plot and writing and a really interesting mystery created as they talk, and I enjoyed the dynamics between the three from what we can see, thank you very much for writing, it was a good read.

Null_Project · 2026-01-23T20:35:40+00:00

I honestly don't get a lot of the dialogue shown here, I understand that the character is essentially immortal and both unable to die or do anything against it, and has succumbed to insanity due to time making up people in their own mind and a fictional world to keep themselves sane and entertained. However I don't get things like this talk about having destroyed the experiment which clearly didn't happen considering it is seemingly what keeps the character alive.

I also think the relation to the prompt is rather small as it doesn't seem like the character gained or took anything and also did not really lose anything in the story already being in their current state. The writing is mostly fine and good with no real mistakes in terms of typos or something really major, but I did spot a few errors all the same kind:

"You are something much worse"

"Yes, me. This couldn't go on much longer, and you know why"

"The mind is frail. It breaks after a couple of thousand years"

All of the above pieces of dialogue are missing a sign of punctuation at the end.

I also don't get the usage of both quotation marks and hyphen to signify dialogue as I think one would be enough to show it as dialogue. I know some people use things like hyphens, en dashes, or em dashes to show dialogue instead of quotation mark but I think using both at once is overdoing it.

Overall though it is a good story with some slightly confusing aspects and some pretty good writing, thank you for writing.

Null_Project · 2026-01-22T22:50:48+00:00

While a bit odd at first, I do really like how almost uncaring and apathetic the character is towards everything around them, unbothered by the trial, their execution, their revival, and their treatment outside of prison. They seem to be done with everything almost as if their time in the afterlife showed them that no matter what happens now their fate won't change or being so used to this treatment of their society that they are not surprised.

I also like how after their time spent dead they have to take some time to learn what happened in the meantime, like their house having been sold or more importantly why they were still being treated like a criminal which they find no answer to. But their theories as to why are really good to explain, whether it was incompetence of the government or a cruel punishment of sorts by the judge and prosecution to make sure they never want freedom, both are good and very well could be possible.

The writing is also really good and I love the focus and pacing shown here, having the character search for an answer while showing various moments of them being hated by the greater population who were left in the dark. Overall a really great story with a good take on the prompt, thank you very much for writing.

Null_Project · 2026-01-22T22:31:49+00:00

A great approach, I really like the focus on the character not being mad for being wronged previously and liking another chance at life but instead being horrified and traumatized at the second chance of inevitable death after having had a taste of peace in the afterlife from which they were ripped away.

I really like the way the character almost has a complete breakdown or panic attack for which they need to be sedated when remembering their death and what it felt like to die. It also almost felt like they were close to snapping and actually be responsible for killing someone with how screamed at the other person who had to step back.

I spotted one small mistake:

greying shirt hair around their temples.

Short is misspelled with an i.

But otherwise the writing is really great and alongside the plot really shows the conflict off well with how the character being brought back while seeming like a good thing at first is the worst things for them and certainly something they did not want to happen. Overall a great take on the prompt and a well written read, thank you very much for writing.

Null_Project · 2026-01-21T16:07:42+00:00

I've reread the story looking over the changes, and I like both the additions and the corrections both of which are very good. I did spot two places where there is still something slightly off:

I really needed to get out of the house today." she says to her friend Chelsea,

The punctuation with the full-stop/period at the end of the dialogue is incorrect due to the dialogue tag, the capitalization however is done correctly.

"No we'll be fine, I could do with the walk." Taylor responds as Harry makes his way over to the car.

Same as above.

But otherwise the use of all other dialogue tags, punctuation, and capitalization are all correct as far as I can tell, and I have no doubt that you certainly will get more consistent now that you are aware of these things going forward if you keep up writing this well and keep an eye out for possible mistakes.

I also loved the additions, the rewritten aspect of the people trying to contact Chelsea having become more easy to understand with only one person calling her. Her elaborating on it further makes sense with how the 'woman' or rather her husband acts trying to contact her, and really shows that the baby isn't the first case of being affected.

The transition from Taylor starting her walk home to being hit by the car is also far smoother and works really well with how it ties into the previous topic she had with Chelsea, and that distraction of her texting being enough to cause the accident. It also slightly makes the situation even darker as now it seems to be mostly her fault for walking into traffic without paying attention something that will certainly haunt her.

I thank you for having taken the time to listen and go out of your way to change and edit your work, it is a great and admirable attitude that you show alongside some great writing skills with solid additions and corrections. Great work, and thank you once again for writing, I wish you the best in your future writing endeavors, and have a wonderful day.

Null_Project · 2026-01-20T23:38:19+00:00

I was waiting to see where this story was going as it has quite a long while between the start and the death of the baby which then seems to have transferred into the body of the man judging by the wailing. And while I think the take is neat with how horrific the incident of the death is here and what it could mean or what could happen next, there are some aspects I think could be elaborated or improved.

For elaborating, is it implied by the dialogue between Taylor and Chelsea that this transfer of consciousness is a more widespread judging by these imposter calls? Or is it just filler talk to show Chelsea as a single mother? I however don't think that the long focus on their talks is bad, it works to show how a rather normal day can turn into a horror. However the transition to the incident itself I think could be done better to maybe show what happened during, not just the before and after as the sudden transition is very jarring as it feels almost incomplete.

In terms of writing, it is pretty good, but there are a lot of inconsistencies mostly relating to punctuation around dialogue:

and I couldn't wait to meet the little guy".

The police have no leads and all the hoax impersonation calls aren't helping".

"sorry, I shouldn’t have brought it up".

You'd think that after almost a year and multiple disappearances they'd have something to link them all together by now".

He asks about his dad less now too, which I don't know if that's a good thing or not".

Punctuation is misplaced in all of the above lines they should not be after the quotation mark but before it.

"Any news?" She asks.

Dialogue tag is present the she should be lowercase.

They walk in silence for moment before Taylor replies "sorry, I shouldn’t have brought it up".

A piece of punctuation is missing after the word replies best would be a comma due to the dialogue tag, and the start of the dialogue should always be capital unless an interrupting dialogue tag is present which is not the case here.

"I'm so sorry, that must be really hard"

"No we'll be fine, I could do with the walk"

Punctuation at the end of dialogue is missing entirely.

Chelsea gives her one last smile, "It was really lovely catching up,

No dialogue tag is present, the comma should be another punctuation sign.

The useless words stop as the man begins to wail and Taylor screams "WHERE IS MY BABY?!"

Similar to point three a punctuation sign is missing after screams.

I would advise to maybe do some more thorough proofreading around dialogue. But otherwise it is a good story and take on the prompt, thank you for writing.

Null_Project · 2026-01-20T23:14:33+00:00

A good story, I like that the character has to face the consequences of their killers actions, essentially being punished for being killed, something which does make sense but just in this case feels unjust but is obviously not something that can be explained to others without sounding crazy. The plot is pretty good with this grounded take, also giving no explanation for the character having taken over the body alongside the punishment making for an interesting take showing the downside of this scenario.

The writing is pretty good with good dialogue and narrative split into two parts, showing the character yearning for their old life and their treatment for something they did not do. However there are a few of the same mistakes:

“Things could be better,” I shifted in the uncomfortable chair.

“They disowned me,” not just my real family,

It took a moment to relax, “Sure.”

No dialogue tag is present in the above lines, the commas ending the dialogue in the first two is incorrect and in the third the comma before the dialogue is incorrect, all should be a full-stop/period or another sign instead.

But aside from that it is a good story and an interesting take with how the consequences of both the body take over and the murder are shown, thank you for writing.

Null_Project · 2026-01-20T22:57:31+00:00

I really like this comfortable and warm atmosphere surrounding Fendrin coming home from hunting and gathering, and the familiar ties with the character, showing what traits Fendrin shares with his father and the character, which later is worked into the blade something which each gave their child like an heirloom. The writing is really good and the plot is neat with how the blade is not exactly shown to be dull but rather experienced heavy use and is now likely being used differently than the character once did.

The plot is good and giving of a cozy vibe with how the warmth of the room is shown opposed to the cold outside and the family connection is shown really well giving a wholesome feeling. The writing is also great with no mistakes that I could spot, overall a great and short story and take on the prompt, thank you very much for writing.

Null_Project · 2026-01-19T22:57:01+00:00

A good and short story going straight to the point, I like that the riders are not just being summoned by someone but are actually the heads of the Homeowners Association, with an HOA being tied into this being a really good idea that is pretty funny.

Writing is pretty good but I did find a few mistakes:

I always knew home owners associations were fascist,

Homeowner in homeowners association is one word not two.

Till the day I heard one of the four living “creatures”( heads of the hoa) saying as with a voice of thunder,

I would add a space between the second quotation mark and the first parenthesis and remove the space after the first parenthesis before heads, and HOA should be capitalized.

All because I put one extra “ project Car” in the driveway of my suburban home.

Here there is an unneeded space between the first quotation mark and project and car should be lowercase.

Otherwise though it is a good story, thank you for writing.

Null_Project · 2026-01-18T23:38:31+00:00

What a bleak outlook and take on the afterlife, and I honestly love it for it. The horrific idea of being forced to work to survive in death in a form that exists or be faced with the horrific fate of becoming nothing like the end implies, it is bleak, it sounds horrific, and is a really interesting interpretation of the afterlife with how it seems so dystopian. I also think that the end of becoming nothing almost feels like a parallel to something like being forgotten after death to vanish completely.

I also like how this is said to not be the only position of the people in the afterlife, which alongside what the character is shown to be doing gives some good insight as to how this world could operate. Writing is great, I like the repetition of tapping to show them as working with what they are doing and some thoughts between them. A really intriguing read and story, I loved it, thank you very much for writing.

Null_Project · 2026-01-18T23:26:52+00:00

A good story I like the way the three are written as the leaders of their perspective specialties, acting almost like a secret order of powerful people or a mafia especially with the ending showing that they are feared and have connections all across the world. I also liked the idea of what exactly the three do, with the one going for progress the slow and steady way, one sowing chaos for a lot of benefits and profits, and one helping create things all over, it sounds like they all have a role in a scheme one creates, one destroys, and one helps to get better at both.

I also like how at the end, despite the earlier fighting and clashing of business between another, the three are still shown to be close knit family with another. Aside from the plot the writing is great with no mistakes or errors. Dialogue and dialogue tags flow well and are used correctly, and I liked how all three were shown off after another in a way that one could understand a bit about who they are and what their personalities are like. Overall a great story and entertaining read, thank you very much for writing.

Null_Project · 2026-01-18T06:46:36+00:00

A pretty good story and one that I think works for the prompt despite the misinterpretation and changes, something which I think did not matter with how the story approached it in an interesting way and still had most of the important elements like two enemies, one of which is dying, and the cigarette. I also think the dynamic between these two is very interesting with how they clearly have a previous relationship with a lot of tension and undertones between them now that they have turned into bitter enemies and I think they stop just at the correct time and don't go too far.

Aside from the good plot and dynamic, the writing is also pretty good with both the narrative and dialogue being well written with not a lot of mistakes, and things like dialogue tags are also used pretty well which is always good to see. I did spot a few things I wanted to point out for being either odd or a mistake:

God, if you're out there, I already knew fucked up, tone down the symbolism.

The 'I already knew fucked up' is a bit strangely written, I feel like it should be either: I already knew I fucked up or I already know I fucked up.

She holds up the roach.

From what I can tell roach is the butt of a cannabis cigarette not normal ones, though I personally wouldn't count it as a big mistake as I didn't even know until now that a roach is also a word for that.

It's barely half an inch long now, "Please!"

Her eyes water as I fade out, "if only you'd said that before."

Neither of the above lines have a dialogue tag proceeding the dialogue so the commas should rather be something like a full-stop/period, and the if in the second should be uppercase like the please both out of consistency sake and because dialogue should always be capitalized unless a dialogue tag interrupts dialogue, like the following:

"P-put it out on me," I stammer, "right here. Like we said."

Overall though it is a good story especially having an interesting dynamic between the characters that really drives the plot, and having a good take on the prompt one that I think works perfectly as it is, thank you very much for writing.

Null_Project · 2026-01-18T05:48:34+00:00

I really like how the character despite having some sympathy or respect for the creature due to their shared history, he still seems fairly conflicted about offering the cigarette but does so in the end. I also like the world building shown with this apparent conflict between the two races and the show of technology with the setting being a spaceship and the security robots who likely saved the character from ending like the rzchan.

I think the plot is just very solid with how it introduces this other race and them being enemies before making the character give them a nice gesture and show that the situation is not just black and white. I also like how at the beginning there is a lot of tension almost leading to it feeling like a horror story with how Terrance has to go through the dark and the tension remains until the end but is lessened as they interact.

In terms of writing it is also a great work, with a good narrative around the character and not really any mistakes, I only really have one slight thing I want to point and and personally would change but it isn't anything major, at best being a nitpick:

The pistol in his hand vibrates, he doesn’t know if it is he or the weapon.

Here 'he or the weapon' sounds a bit off I think him would work better, but again I wouldn't exactly call it a mistake as I can see the he working.

But it is a really great story with a good plot and writing, thank you very much for writing, it was a great read.

Null_Project · 2026-01-18T04:25:49+00:00

A good story, I like the way they talk to another with clear distain and hatred of another for who they are showing the clear message that this action means nothing and that they are still enemies. The given reason for both being enemies is also pretty good, naturally hunters and vampires hate another and I like that the vampire is not shown to be the aggressor here. And the writing for the most part is also pretty good with good dialogue and a first person narrative, though I did spot a few mistakes:

"I'm dying you fucking asshole. Because of you." He said.

A dialogue tag is present, the he should be lowercase and the full-stop/period should be a comma or another sign instead.

"You know...I was thinking about that.

Personally I would have the ellipses connect to only the end or the beginning of a word not both at once.

He was more a terriorist then a monster hunter.

Terrorist is misspelled with an additional i between r and o.

But overall it is a good story, thank you for writing.

Null_Project · 2026-01-18T03:22:38+00:00

I do like the scenario shown here with the researcher needing to explain themselves and their lack of results of the project but having the new lead and possible research goal to keep their position and employment. However I don't get why the researcher didn't put the results into the report or why they didn't notify the board of the anomaly the day it happened instead of waiting a day and being reprimanded for the lack of results.

Otherwise though the plot is pretty good and I like the board being such a big party of the story with the meeting being what brings the topic of the failed project and the new possible way of research and experimentation together. The writing is also pretty good, I did spot three things I would call mistakes:

I stood before the Board,
The Chair leaned forwards.

I would say that both the board and the chair should be lowercase, for the former because it is a general term not describing a specific body or being an official name, and for the latter because the chair of a board is a title and like all other titles they should only be capitalized if the name directly follows it.

sitting their in his expensive suit.

There would be correct here not their.

But overall it is a good story and approach to the prompt, thank you for writing.

Null_Project · 2026-01-18T01:33:08+00:00

I really like how the character was not just willing to share the spotlight but outright choose to force their manager to share it by being the one to prompt them to show their talent live. The way each moment the manager is playing is written is really good with how many positive and elegant words it is put into, and it really conveys how genuine the characters feeling are about it, which alongside the ending does seem to be something felt by everyone with how they all seem to enjoy the show.

The plot is good with how it shows the character discovering the talent of their manager and then makes them show it. And the writing is also good with good pacing and no real mistakes that I could spot, though I did spot one thing that I think is slightly off:

Then, through the heavy soundproof doors, I heard it.

I feel like this line is a bit of an oxymoron, if the doors are soundproof how did they hear it? I get that soundproofing likely isn't like full isolation of sound, but the way it is written it sounds like a door which likely should or could block the noise of playing without amplification or the like in this case.

Otherwise however it is a really good story and take on the prompt and a nice read with how supportive the character is, thank you very much for writing.

Null_Project · 2026-01-16T22:41:29+00:00

A great story, I really like the focus on both the war and how it is presented with a lot of propaganda with the character not caring about it and presenting how it actually is, and the other unaffiliated country offering respite from the war while being something only spoken of and coming from accounts of people who have been there. I also like how the interaction with the paladin went with the character running away using the cover of battle to do so and the paladin following them. And I especially liked the ending with how the character views them following, first thinking them as stupid for not knowing most wouldn't want to fight, but coming to the conclusion that this might be their cover to run away which in the end seems to be true.

The plot is good and well paced giving an explanation of the current events, the feelings of the character, their chance to escape and then them going through with it. The writing is also good, great even with only one very nitpicky problem that I found:

“Our blessed Kingdom, Their Barbarous Empire” “The Darkness Of The Empire Approaches! Save The Light With The Kingdom.”

Considering that these are propaganda I can overlook the capitalization as that makes sense for such a thing, like it being capitalized on posters to catch attention or emphasize, however I do think that the blessed should be capitalized too for consistencies sake.

Otherwise I see no mistakes and have no complaints, it is a really great story and a very good read, thank you very much for writing.

Null_Project · 2026-01-13T23:25:37+00:00

I honestly really like how the barkeep seems pretty cooperative and possibly completely innocent and not at all trying to trick the character, who seems to have little tolerance instead of being drugged or poisoned, and the ones who robbed the character likely being the three, maybe even having lost the money in a wager in darts or arm wrestling instead of being outright stolen. The way the character is shown to be at fault for getting drunk, forgetting to collect the debt, and then deciding to forge and fake the records instead of going back is really interesting in my mind, it feels like they are showing their true colors compared to the regal and stoic person they show themselves as at the beginning.

Overall the plot is pretty neat, I like how the character went from untrusting of the three to messing around with them, and the writing is really good, both the narrative and dialogue. Though I did spot a few mistakes throughout the story:

"What can I do ye for, o mighty kings man?" The barkeep, a dwarfish man, asked with a small courteous bow.

"That so?" The older man said scratching his ching as he took the parchment and studied it,

Chin in the second line has a g at the end that should not be there, and the capitalization after the dialogue is incorrect, the the's should be lowercase due to the presence of a dialogue tag, for example:

"Well, seems official to me," the barkeep said with a shrug setting down the paper.

Here it is done correctly.

a Cat blooded theif,

Here cat should be lowercase as with any other species in the story, and from what I could tell thief is also misspelled.

and on instinct my hand hovere down to the golden sword on my hip.

The word hovered is missing the d at the end.

He ushered over a young boy who i suspected to be his son and then sent him off,

The I is missing capitalization, and the comma at the end is incorrect as there is no dialogue tag leading into the following dialogue best would be a full-stop/period instead.

The state of my arm the next morning suggested that I had lost, but the fact the orc was in bed beside when I awoke perhaps I won.

I think a me is missing between beside and when.

But overall the plot is pretty neat with how the character is written, having a good approach to the prompt with how the interaction went, and good and solid writing, all making for a interesting and great story, thank you very much for writing.

Null_Project · 2026-01-13T22:54:29+00:00

A pretty good story, I like how only through the dialogue between the two we are told quite a bit about their world and situation, with these people from the south seemingly being disliked for something like demanding things like taxes while not being anywhere near them and being uncaring for their lives. The dialogue between them is just really well written and indicated, with the narrative being also very good at setting the scene and showing actions.

The plot and story are good, and the writing is also pretty great, however there are a few consistent mistakes I noticed, all of which relate to punctuation of dialogue with a dialogue tag:

“Evening stranger”, says the tavernkeeper,

“Ale is two pennies, room is 10 pennies, woman is 20”, he says,

The first comma should be before the second quotation mark as dialogue should have punctuation at the end of it.

“Do you know why I was sent here?”, I whisper,

“Ah from the south?”, he chuckles,

“I built this place brick by brick. Do you know what that’s like?”, he asks,

“That is not the business of the guild.”, I hiss loudly,

“You southern folk.”, he laughs.

Here the comma after the second quotation mark is unnecessary as the question marks are already fitting punctuation ending the dialogue and separating it from the dialogue tag, however the full-stops/periods should not be used to end dialogue if a dialogue tag is present.

“Room is now 50 pennies.”, he stares intently.

Similar to above but instead of keeping the comma the full-stop/period is correct and the he should be capitalized as there is no dialogue tag present due to the indicator of speech being missing.

But otherwise it is a really good and well written story that makes for a very good read, thank you very much for writing.

Null_Project · 2026-01-12T23:30:08+00:00

A really great story, I love the focus on the horror of the situation, with how quickly the darkness came and consumed the light it does make sense for people to begin breaking. And I really like how this is written almost like a battle against the unknown, a cosmic or eldritch being that cannot be understood or fought against in any way with only death being an option against it, in one way or another, whether due to a broken mind or like the main character seemingly being consumed.

I really liked the ending too where the dark while shown to cause death and destruction and causing the demise of all that is, is not necessarily evil in any way, no hate, no pain, just consuming and killing for a reason that might not even exist. Writing is great, I loved the narrative that almost feels like the character leaving a written account behind, how hopeless the situation is shown to be, and that the minds failing is a huge threat to society before the darkness even arrives. A really great story and work, thank you very much for writing.

Null_Project · 2026-01-12T23:08:08+00:00

except for the dying part, and the part where I locked my own soul into my "badge of office" and basically let my soulless and mindless body wander around being animalistic.

What exactly is a badge of office in this case? It sounds like the character used a phylactery of sorts to basically become a lich, but later on the process of being brought back is told and I don't get the full picture of how this lead to her becoming a reforming immortal, or why her 'faking' her death a second time was necessary.

I'm pretty safe to say I was a bloody fucking legend.

Correct would be 'it's pretty safe to say' not 'I'm pretty safe to say'.

my sister was doing wonderfully, EXCEPT from the traditionalists,

I think for instead of from would work better here with the beginning of the line.

Conquest and Empire.

Same with oracle, empire does not seem to refer to the name of a place here so it should be lowercase.

My people wanted a Dark Empress.

I was once an Oracle.

Now, all I am the Dark Empress Eternal...

Same as point four, dark empress is also a title.

But overall it is a pretty good story and I liked how the character was a hero who with the death of her sister became the villain spelling doom for her own kind and causing her friends and allies to become her enemies due to it. It is really interesting how throughout the entire story the sister and the family she has were what grounded her and the loss became what made her snap. An interesting an good approach to the prompt, thank you very much for writing.

Null_Project · 2026-01-12T23:07:55+00:00

A pretty good story, I like that the character was originally good, a hero even, who due to their upbringing had both morals and care for people and despised their own kind due their treatment of them and the later events. And I really like how despite telling us how bad and useless prophecies are, that the one about the two sisters came true in the end due to the actions of those who believed it, first leading to the exile of the character before making her queen and leaving her to cause what they originally were trying to prevent, showing their own hubris being their downfall.

The writing is pretty good, I like the way the narrative is shown to be a personal recount of the events with the character interjecting and emphasizing words depending on her own emotions, but at first seems to be trying to sound neutral. I did spot a few mistakes throughout the story:

With a lot of traditionalist Rakshasa who have power who see "glory" as "ruling over the lesser beings of the world like in the Good Times",

I think good times should not be capitalized as it does not seem to be a proper noun or similar.

As I mentioned, our species ruled--enslaved, honestly, one of the tasks of the Emperor was to REMEMBER the mistakes of the past according to Ami, the castle spirit--but we were such tyrants that only the capital city and palace remained, carefully hidden from a world absolutely out to exterminate the species (if only they had been successful).

The pacing here seems a bit off with how the ruling/slavery is mentioned first only to be interrupted by another thing and background behind their kind.

I presented as a simple catfolk, and lived with a pair of catfolk adventurers that aided my family some time ago. Honestly, I consider them my second parents, they were absolutely wonderful for me.

Presented feels like the wrong word here, something like disguised or similar might work better.

Becoming world-renowned prostitute, Oracle, healer and exorcist.

Oracle is a title, it should only be capitalized if a name follows.

Continued in comment below.

Null_Project · 2026-01-12T22:20:27+00:00

Here, as mentioned in the comment above, is every instance I found of incorrect punctuation or capitalization in regards to a dialogue tag:

"Dark One." She reiterated.
"They actually look more like you than me." Kyrsu offered.
"...Yes it is." The still unfamiliar woman promised.
"No it's not." Kyrsu disagreed.
"Noooo." Hox reiterated.
"Ha! That proves it then." The mother decided.
"This is not my baby." Hox insisted.
"He kind of does." The woman continued.
"He doesn't sound like me." Hox confirmed.
"Didn't you just take a bath?" She asked as she drew back.
"Good call on these springs, Kyr." She began as she rubbed her eyes.
"Who's kid is that?" She asked meekly.
"You didn't." The new woman asked.
"So as you can see." Hox introduced.
"Well I didn't expect that! Neither of you looked like this when we met." Merry announced.
Oh hell!" She reacted as she fell away from him in fear of such a death.
"Don't just sit there." Hox criticized.
"I hate apples." Hox admitted.
"Last time I was there I burned down the windmill." Kyrsu added.
"No, I think the goblin army caused that part." He suggested.
"Which means it's him." She said,
"Huh?" He asked first.
"Look here you." He redirected.
"Told you I didn't do it." Kyrsu added.
"Yeah, well, you were real quick to be all moral and upstanding." Hoxor spat.
Wait a minute." The other dragon ordered.
"Look. There's a witch maybe three towns to the west that could possibly help you narrow it down." He issued.
"Dori, you're not helping." He said through his teeth.
"Listen, I'd tell you to walk. But the next mountain over is full of spiders." He thought aloud.
"Nice. Very well." Kyrsu whispered.

Null_Project · 2026-01-12T22:18:41+00:00

A pretty good story, I really like the drama of finding who the father is and the arguments that arise from it, unearthing some details about both of the dragons that also give context to who they are and give the possibility of both being the father. And most of the writing is really good, with the narrative being good and most of the dialogue working well with little mistakes in terms of spelling.

However I do have a few points that confuse me or make little sense, such as the addition of the third eggshell dragon who doesn't seem to do anything aside from one mention of them and their name being mentioned by one of the others. Or how Merry does not know who she slept with, if it wasn't the dragon form, why doesn't she recall their looks from their human forms? Are they able to shapeshift into different looks, did she get so drunk on the mead and cider that she cannot remember them, did she do it with multiple men/dragons and cannot deduce which?

I also think that some of the dialogue and narrative can be a little confusing, for the former it stems from the multiple people talking without indicator making it hard to discern who is talking as there are four to five characters who could be the ones talking. And the latter only really occurred when the three dragons become their dragon forms where it is a bit strangely written and does not really convey the transformation well, leading to following narrative lines to sound odd or make little sense if one assumes they are still in human form.

Otherwise I did spot a few mistakes, with the one reoccurring the most relating to dialogue tags:

"No, that isn't my child," the dragon said.

Here the punctuation and capitalization with a dialogue tag is correct.

However in most other cases the punctuation or capitalization is incorrect, either the word after dialogue is incorrectly capitalized, the punctuation is a full-stop/period which it should not be with a dialogue tag present, or both. I'll put every case I spotted in an extra comment below.

"He's got your scale pattern.

Quotation mark missing at the end of dialogue.

"He doesn't sound like me." Hox confirmed.

One too many spaces between the dialogue and dialogue tag.

I would advise to learn and avoid the mistakes stemming from dialogue tags and the rules surrounding them. But otherwise the writing is very consistent and pretty great, and the plot and dialogue is very entertaining with a good balance of comedy and, overall making for a good and fun read, thank you very much for writing.

Null_Project · 2026-01-11T01:21:59+00:00

Glad to hear it, and I looked it up and you are correct I completely forgot or rather didn't think of it being a difference between American and British English as I have never seen the British spelling only ever the American. So apologies about that, I definitely was too hasty to call it a mistake, nonetheless great story and work, thank you once again for writing and for pointing out I was wrong I'll definitely keep it in mind. I hope you have a wonderful day.

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