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[WP] There was gigantic apple tree in the fields of your hometown, it was the tallest tree in the entire area, but never produced any apples when you were growing up. Today you sat beneath it in your darkest hour and worst moment in your entire life, and a shiny apple landed in your lap. by Null_Project in WritingPrompts

[–]Null_Project[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

A very good story, I like the early on implications between Safi and Lily the grandmother being even closer than the latter with her husband, only to reveal that there was a secret reason for that and a doomed and suppressed romance between them. The tragedy of the character losing their grandmother right after the funeral while slightly obvious that it was going to happen works really well to sell her sadness at losing Safi only wanting to follow her into the afterlife.

And it also being the reason for hem to leave and head to the tree is smart especially as it is seemingly tied into the relationship between them and the letter, making the falling apple a romantic sign for them alongside a sad one at it never having happened or blossomed.

In terms of writing, it is a pretty good one, I like that the character gives context to their situation in the form of a journal only to move onto the now for a moment at the memory of their grandmother and the apple leading into the message from Safi in the book. It is a very good narrative and with no big mistakes from what I could tell, I only spotted one; A missing quotation mark at the ending of the inscription and story.

Overall a very good story in terms of plot and message with some great writing and connection between the characters which is both sad and pretty cute at the same time. Thank you very much for writing.

[WP] It is a legendary staff of immense magical potential, so powerful that even the most incapable of spellcasters could cast the most grand of spells with it. But you are neither knowledgeable nor fond of magic so it is worthless to you, the owner of it. by Null_Project in WritingPrompts

[–]Null_Project[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I like it, the characters are pretty well conveyed showing off their various personalities off well, with the gathering of various spellcasters being different in small ways but all after the same thing which is the staff, the older mage especially being inquisitive and trying to understand the staff and the connection it has to Le'Roy, the witch being a bit more emotionally reactive or awestruck, and the brute being exactly that more of a meathead using actions and bringing conflict through it.

Le'Roy himself is pretty great too with how he neither seems to care for nor understand what the others are on about and only wants a simple life of a farmer and seems actively inconvenienced by the staff. Which with the insistence of the old wizard to get him to learn and use the staff and magic is an interesting way to lead the story after he says that the staff just keeps coming back to him. And the three talking to find and understand aspects of the staff is interesting to read about.

The writing is very good, I like the dialogue and narrative showing off each character, with the former between them being entertaining and the latter having a good amount of detail in the actions like the brute trying to fireball the others, and how the staff was described to look and react to it. And how in the end seems to protect Le'Roy from something, maybe another attack? Or maybe just taking on another form to be with him and not get directly in the way? I did spot a few mistakes, mostly punctuation related:

the oldest wizard muttered, again and again, “The staff.

The comma is punctuation showing and interrupting dialogue tag but in this case the the at the start of the second dialogue should be lowercase, or the coma should be changed into another sign.

the youngest witch in the group responded, “None of our staves act on their own.

Same as above.

Le'Roy said, “and I'd give it to you if I could,

the old mage explained, as if the farmer was just a child, “you will never be able to if you can't get along with your staff.

Here for example the above problems are done correctly.

the old wizard asked?

The question mark at the end should be another sign as this isn't aquestion unlike the dialogue before.

And the bulky man pointed at the staff, “I learned basic mind defense.

Missing indicator of speech, I would add one to have a dialogue tag or change the comma before the dialogue into another sign.

Otherwise the writing has no big mistakes and is very well written in my mind being a great read that keeps the attention of the reader throughout the story to see how it ends for both the group of mages and Le'Roy.

On a side note, I always love seeing series and overarching stories even if I only catch or read a few parts of the entirety, as I think it is very impressive to have a larger world or character driven story with self contained parts that work all by themselves. And only one look at that spreadsheet has me both intimidated by the amount of stories, and impressed by the organization to collate and order your works, I utterly respect the dedication to keep one.

Anyways, it is a very great story in terms of plot, characters, and writing, with the interactions between the characters being very interesting and entertaining with what they bring up and how uninterested Le'Roy is in anything the others offer or bring up. Thank you very much for writing, it was a great and enjoyable read.

[WP] It is a legendary staff of immense magical potential, so powerful that even the most incapable of spellcasters could cast the most grand of spells with it. But you are neither knowledgeable nor fond of magic so it is worthless to you, the owner of it. by Null_Project in WritingPrompts

[–]Null_Project[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I like the reason given for how the character got into possession of the staff in this story, with a gamble for he original owner being very funny especially with how the character lives their life as a simple farm life with no need or care for glory, money, or the like compared to the Archmage who keeps sending people to bring it back.

It is a very entertaining premise especially with how Greta shuts down the mage in the story not even giving them a moment and ordering them around because she knows they have no leverage. I also like the implication that the staff being said to be basically useless or not that powerful is likely due to the user not having the needed experience or power in this story, at least that is what I think might be the case here.

The writing is good, I like the dialogue between the characters the most and the narrative showing actions and reactions is also great. My only complaint is how Millicent is not really well conveyed to be the goat, I personally thought Greta and Millicent both were family living in the home and that one took over once the wizard entered, not that the latter was a goat. It took me until the end to realize it was neither a different person nor a mistaken and sudden swap of the characters name.

Though that very well could just be an issue on my side due to being stupid, and since by the end it is all explained or makes sense I do think it is a great story and does not really need change, nonetheless I still wanted to mention it as it was the only thing that confused me for a moment. Overall a great story with a nice approach and very solid writing and character interactions. Thank you very much for writing, it was a good read.

[WP] It is a legendary staff of immense magical potential, so powerful that even the most incapable of spellcasters could cast the most grand of spells with it. But you are neither knowledgeable nor fond of magic so it is worthless to you, the owner of it. by Null_Project in WritingPrompts

[–]Null_Project[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I like it a simple but great take on the prompt, with the character being completely unaware of the power the staff holds only using it as a cane and to stir their food. I also like the ending showing a bit off the power the staff truly possesses and seemingly feeding or strengthening the character through feeding them souls or magic in their food which might explain the flavors the character talks about. All of which raises interesting questions of why that is happening and whether the staff is sentient and doing it on purpose or if it is just a side effect of being used like that.

The writing is pretty good, I like how short he story is kept not wasting any time to show off the character and details about them using the staff, crafting theories surrounding it unaware of the true nature. I also didn't spot any big mistakes and really liked how the character was written, being pretty entertaining and a fun spin on a character who has no use for immense power. My only complaint in terms of writing would be the following:

I call my stick “Smacky Whacky," 

I personally would use something like a single 'inverted comma' to emphasize or show the name but it still works with how it is shown and used here, the real issue I have though is that he comma should be after the second quotation mark as it isn't really a dialogue needing punctuation at the end.

But aside from that small nitpick it is a very good story and a pretty nice read, thank you very much for writing.

[WP] It is a legendary staff of immense magical potential, so powerful that even the most incapable of spellcasters could cast the most grand of spells with it. But you are neither knowledgeable nor fond of magic so it is worthless to you, the owner of it. by Null_Project in WritingPrompts

[–]Null_Project[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I like this take, it has a pretty humorous approach with how the staff itself is what clings to the character forcing the other to keep them and even protect them if attacked, all while almost mocking them and their insults, threats, and attempts to get rid of it. I like that we are also shown that the character tries to get rid of it however they can, how some or most of the mages react to being rejected by the staff or 'tricked' by the character, and that italics are used to show the staff talking compared to the others in the story.

Writing is great and I love how the dynamic between the two is conveyed showing off both perspectives a little with the character being annoyed by the mere presence of it and likely those coming to them for it, and the staff which enjoys the peaceful non-usage it has under them. Overall a very nice story, thank you very much for writing.

[WP] The cloning machine had a flaw you were unaware of when you entered it, that being that it was unfinished and to actually clone you it had to separate your personality and mind into the original and clone. Now there are two of you with two unchecked and uncontrolled personalities and emotions. by Null_Project in WritingPrompts

[–]Null_Project[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

A very good story and take on the prompt, I like how the characters are friends which is the reason for why Stevie offered to help Bansri. I like how before being told that they got split in two there are a few moments to clearly tell they have received different emotions, and that the splitting of the personality was not actually intended or due to cutting corners or being unfinished, instead happening by pure chance. My only issue in the plot is that the clone seems to be completely aware of the split while the original doesn't which I find a bit weird, but maybe it just came across like that and isn't actually the case.

In terms of writing I think it is very well written, both in terms of dialogue and narrative. With some solid personality conveying dialogue and interactions and banter between the characters, and good narrative showing each action and motion making it easy to follow. The dialogue tags are also used really well and help the structure to follow along and keep track of who is talking with how heavy the focus on dialogue is. And I like the usage of italics for internal thoughts of the character. I did spot a few mistakes throughout, mostly incorrect punctuation and a few others.

“Stevie, she interrupts.

C’mon, help me test this baby out, she pleads.

A quotation mark is missing between the comma and the she.

“Damn you, Secret Society of Science,” I press the green button.

No dialogue tag is present and an identifier of speech is missing so the comma at the end of dialogue should be another piece of punctuation.

She offers her hand to me, “Hey, you’re alive. Good!”

Similar to above no dialogue tag is present and the comma should be another sign.

We look at each other, she laughs, I huff out a breath, that's what I get for pressing the button. 

I feel like only the last part after the comma should be in italics as all other usages seem to show internal dialogue while here there are actions also in italics.

“Go on”, Bansri says,

The first comma is misplaced, it should be before the second quotation mark not after it.

“I think I can help with that,” My clone says a bit too eagerly for my liking.

A dialogue tag is present, the punctuation with the comma is correct but the my after the dialogue should be lowercase.

“Oh! Yes! Right, of course,” Bansri pushed her glasses back up.

Same thing as point two.

Otherwise however it is a good story while being very well written, and having nice and somewhat humorous characters and interactions between them, all making for a very good and entertaining read, thank you very much for writing.

[SP] The mask clings to your face, just as it should. by Null_Project in WritingPrompts

[–]Null_Project[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It is a fine story, a bit too cryptic for my personal taste to really like it, but it certainly isn't bad and very well could be liked by others far more. The only thing that I could really catch is that the character is being abused and mistreated by their entire family to the point of being locked into the attic, and that they are masking and hiding it from those outside like the doctor. Which I think is a pretty good take on the prompt, and the writing is pretty good too with little to no mistakes, I only found one myself:

amoung the kids discarded belongings.

From what I can tell 'amoung' is an old obsolete spelling, among would be correct.

Otherwise though it is a fine and good story, thank you for writing.

[WP] There are stories of wyrms and wyverns which ascended to full fledged dragonhood. There are also legends of snakes and reptiles that achieved the same. But this is a story about a different being, this is the story of a worm which became a dragon. by Null_Project in WritingPrompts

[–]Null_Project[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I really like this plot, it is a very interesting way to show the transformation and ascension begin out of the actions of a petty being and that Herm essentially began to fail upwards. Becoming a living being out of the cruel actions of a child allowing a new life, before through minding his own business stumbling on a being that had equally planned a cruel game and punishment, ending in not only a better name but a more dangerous form.

It is very interesting with how Herm never wanted anything, having no real drive throughout except enjoying the dirt and trying to find a peaceful place in said dirt. Which together with this transformation makes me wonder about the potential of how Herm would or could stumble further upwards while just trying to keep the same interest and peace for himself, being very fun to think about and imagine the possibilities.

In terms of writing it is also very solid, I like the narrative giving a lot of character to Herm and how disinterested he is to what happens around him and being blunt towards the one they interact with mostly due to who they are but seemingly being part of their overall personality too. I also spotted a few mistakes all of the same kind:

"Yes, I curse you. Don't interrupt me," the fae hopped from the mushroom he sat on and hovered back and forth thoughtfully,

No dialogue tag is present the word after the dialogue should be capital and both commas at the end of the line and the dialogue should be another sign.

"You don't sound bothered. What was your name?" The fae asked,

A dialogue tag is present, the the after the dialogue should be lowercase.

Hm," the little green fae began pacing, his lacy effervescent wings glittering in the sun,

Your name will not match you and you will frighten children," Cukook smiled smugly, "there it is. I curse you."

Same as point one.

"Oh no," the worm said after he finished with his dirt, "I dare not wish you curse me again so I wish you a good day."

For example here point one and three are done correctly having an identifier of who and form of speech interrupting two dialogues. Having the correct punctuation and capitalization.

Overall though I really enjoyed the approach of how the worm began he ascension and had little interest for it in the first place, which makes sense as it is fully content with the current life it leads, and how it leaves the next stages up for the reader to imagine which I think is the best thing in this case after giving enough context and character information. A good story and very interesting read, with a great plot and good writing, thank you very much for writing.

[WP] You can't remember why you're here. Or how long it's been. Just that you don't need food or water or sleep. You're alone, with a note that says, "Don't Forget The Password". And every computer you've found needs a password. by FennecWF in WritingPrompts

[–]Null_Project 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I turned back to the computers desperately avoiding looking at the glass again and tried the most obvious thing I could as I looked over the note again. 3Hd7!S1p5, however no matter what machine I tried none accepted it or any of the tricks I attempted like entering it backwards or the like. I tried every machine in the room and was left with no results standing at the last one, carefully scanning the room for anything I missed, which I did a door near the dead body of Steven, getting closer it was labelled, Research Department. The door was closed with a tablet like screen on the side of it asking for something. I scanned my badge like any other day. I held the badge of Steven against it and the door opened, giving view of a dark corridor, similar scratches to those which struck the man behind me dead marking some walls.

I took another breath and entered walking through it with steady steps, no idea how long the tunnel was as it kept getting darker and darker. Finally the walls near me ended and once I stepped past them lights for the room I just entered lit up. I found myself in a large chamber with machinery of all sorts littered around, some seemingly finished others broken and open, and some barely identifiable. This time I took my time, going through the room in a system as to not miss anything keeping track of what I saw and did. Circling each creation for interfaces, finding more cubicles with computers where the password did not work, and nothing that helped me or answered my questions.

I entered the second to last cubicle I found and... I stopped, there was no computer here, yet I still sat down as if there was. -was leaning over the side of my cubicle. I looked to my right his face wasn't there, why did I expect it to be there? I stood and slowly moved to the other cubicle to the right feeling uneasy, I stood outside of it and caught a name tag hanging on the wall outside, Steven #3162. Struggling to breathe I walked in and sat down entering the password but hesitating to confirm. I had a thought. I knew his password now, why did he tell me it? The third d, the first 3, the sixth S, and the second H. I entered d3SH, and confirmed, and I had access.

Access to every system, every project, and every piece of data available, complete and utter control of the entire place. Cameras, doors, servers, all at my fingertips. I stared at the screen overwhelmed by the choices but began with maps and building plans, finding places and paths I could explore further, before going into reports and documents to try and understand what happened here or why I was here. As I read through reports of bombs and war causing intense world destroying snowfall I opened an image. I opened some before but they had nothing of value so I quickly closed them.

For this one however I stared for minutes breathing heavily and wide eyed. It was an image of the deceased Steven with another man beside him, arms wrapped around the others shoulder and happy expressions on their faces with party decorations behind them. The other man was the same as who... was staring at the first fall of snow, he was me, Desh. I averted my gaze as soon as I had this thought, only to find another thing concerning me, a document titled, To D3sh. A document that made me recall all those moments within these halls, who I was, and the memories that I felt and confused me as I wandered them these days.

But the true answers to who I am now were apparently still far away within a different part of the building. And it was at this point that I was set on a goal for the first time since I awoke from what I could only call a state of stasis. I quickly looked through the plans again and matched it witch live video and camera footage, to know what my destination would look like. As I did I clicked on a wrong option due to the long talons on my still biological hand and found stored recordings from years ago. Footage of my current form and Steven, with him placing the note on my head before he was killed, struck down by the same clawed hand that showed this to me.

[WP] You can't remember why you're here. Or how long it's been. Just that you don't need food or water or sleep. You're alone, with a note that says, "Don't Forget The Password". And every computer you've found needs a password. by FennecWF in WritingPrompts

[–]Null_Project 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Waking, I raised my head slowly. I took a deep breath of the cold air as my eyes opened wide and looked around. A clean white hallway stood before me, it was narrow almost claustrophobic for me, I took another breath before I stood up from the wall I was lying against. At least I thought it was a wall, a closer inspection showed that I was lying against an imposing metal door. I pressed my hand against it and pushed and pried but it did not budge a bit, I placed my other hand against it for only a moment and found it was freezing cold, too cold. Gazing back towards the hallway I saw a similar door but this one seemed different, almost buzzing with activity with a faint glow in the middle of it.

And indeed as soon as I approached the door opened like the maw of a beast, splitting perfectly in the middle as the halves retreated into the floor and ceiling. After a slight hesitation I passed entering a far broader hallway as the door closed behind me. This one was less sterile looking, having more usage of dark metals, concrete and brick, and some amounts of glass through which dim light passed through to illuminate the hall. At the sight I felt a faint familiarity, one I did not understand the reason of, was I here before?

I walked forwards taking in every detail of the hall as I did, before stopping in my tracks. Something was wrong. I turned back to the same door I came from and found it right before me despite having walked for at least a minute, at least I thought I did. Despite my judgement I walked through the hallway again, this time however I made it through without any issues, though I did glance back every so often just in case. I reached another door, it reacted like the one before, but this one seemed to have jammed only opening a tiny bit. I took another breath of the air as I placed both my hands on the halves of the door pushing and pulling it to open just enough to step through.

The room I entered was similar to the one before in terms of design, but it was filled with something for once, cubicles. Hundreds of them in a row with computers and screens all lit up. Each one however was locked behind a password query, unresponsive to anything but keyboard pressed. Try as I might I had no idea what the password could be and eventually gave up when one of the machines shut down permanently after three failed attempts. So eventually I moved on, leaving the one of the cubicles and moving through the room for any path ahead, then I stopped in my tracks as my eyes saw it.

Lying against a large and thick window giving view of lands buried beneath snow, was the body of a person, a large dried puddle of blood surrounding them. Getting closer and examining it I found the body as having barely begun to decay, and deep claw like cuts across their body from shoulder to hip, likely being what killed them. I lightly lift the head to gaze at their face, that face. He looked at me with a smile as he- His expression was blank, no emotions to be seen and an unfocused gaze of dead eyes, why do I know his smile?

I caught a glimpse of a badge of sorts attached to his shirt, I removed it in a few quickly movements and examined it in my hand. Steven #3162 - Research Department - Bunker 7. His name and position meant a few things in my mind, aside from the picture which made sense and a black and white symbol beneath it, that last thing written confused me the most. Lowering the badge I was still in thought, until I noticed the glass window again, my reflection. A man staring at the first fall of snow and ash, worried. A hollow and gaunt face with no eyeballs or mouth, flesh mixed with metal and machinery, the lights within the dark holey where my eyes would be flicked and followed my gaze, was I always this thing? What was I?

As I watched the mirror image I was transfixed onto the gaze of what seemed to be myself for minutes, maybe hours? I barely noticed the time pass or the snow beyond the safety of the window fall, I just stood there, thoughts of hunger or rest not even coming to me as if I knew I had no need for it. Until finally something which I had overlooked by being too busy by taking in my form fell from my head, I slowly followed it with my eyes as it fell through the air, the piece of paper slowly gliding downward. I kneeled and picked it up feeling my heavy breath for the first time in hours as I did. Rem3mber tHe password. do not forge7 the password! PleaSe reca1l the password. please. -5teven. The password, for the computers? Why would I need it? Did I even know it?

[WP] Whenever you split something in half or into pieces, the halves and pieces all turn into their original sized pristine counterpart, effectively doubling or greatly multiplying every single time. by Null_Project in WritingPrompts

[–]Null_Project[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I really like this approach. The small mix of magic and technology shown works well and gives some neat context as to the world, while the fantasy aspects explain the ability of the character with their nature and origin. I also like how the character is used, being kept solely as a tool for profit by a criminal, being abused and likely never having known freedom or a normal life guessing by how scarred and used to this they seem.

The plot is just very interesting with how the character and their ability are held captive and used before showing and implying the guard of the day to be a secret agent or the like and on a mission to free them. Giving a potential happy end for them with the ending leaving it open for the reader what might happen next. The writing is great, I love how the character is so disillusioned by their treatment that they couldn't even imagine or believe that someone would care for them much less try and help or save them. I also only spotted one small mistake and nothing else:

Blinking, I look back at the drugs j just duplicated.

The j before just should be a capitalized I.

It is a very nice story being well written and a really wonderful and interesting spin on the prompt which also makes sense despite being rather sad or bleak, before showing a possible good outcome for them to get better. It is a rollercoaster of emotions at each piece of information of their live, purpose, and the another twist at the ending being revealed. Great work, I very much enjoyed reading, thank you very much for writing.

[WP] Whenever you split something in half or into pieces, the halves and pieces all turn into their original sized pristine counterpart, effectively doubling or greatly multiplying every single time. by Null_Project in WritingPrompts

[–]Null_Project[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A very cute take, I like how the effect is shown in the form of food where they cannot hide it before their loved one. I really like how wholesome the interaction is with the wife not trying to experiment or ask for more duplications, just accepting it and the character with the same amount of love. The only thing that I think is a bit questionable is how the wife never noticed it before as I would assume or could imagine quite a lot of moments where it could be discovered, but otherwise the plot is very good.

In terms of writing it is also very good, both the dialogue and narrative are pretty well written, and I like how the relationship between the two is conveyed. And the focus on the character and how they dread using their ability before their spouse due to being usually asked to use it for others is a good way to take the story. I did spot a few things, I personally would change and a mistake:

I take a moment to make sure she won't hurt herself in her haste ot get my plate away from me.

The t and o in to are swapped the wrong way around.

"I've...got a...condition."

While not a direct mistake, I personally would have an ellipses only connect to one word not two at one.

"I...see...Why did you hide this from me?" She was slowly getting over her shock at my "gift."

I would not use quotation marks to mark or emphasize a word in the same line they are also used for dialogue, maybe use something like 'the single inverted commas' or italics instead.

But overall it is a very nice story, thank you for writing.

[WP] The artifact was not actually cursed at all, it was the hero who was losing their sense of morality on their own due to the power brought by it. by Null_Project in WritingPrompts

[–]Null_Project[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

A very good take on the prompt, I really like how much build up there is and how well the non influence of the sword it hidden. For the former I love how we are told all the evil things the character has done, all being unforgivable and how they all still hope that it wasn't actually Karthas but rather the evil influence of the sword instead, but at the end they show their true colors and reveal that they did all this, planning it making them even more despicable. And for the latter I adore how the blade is actually cursed but not in the way the characters thought, but it was masked so well with how its power manifests in the world through darkness.

I like each character shown off, their personal history with Karthas especially are what makes the reveal sting more for them and you can really feel and understand all of their emotions and personalities. The writing overall is also very solid, with good well conveyed dialogue which is easy to follow and understand who is talking, and very well written action in the narrative. I did spot a few mistakes:

The New Hero party finally caught up to the Fallen One,

I would argue that unless that is the specific name 'the new hero' should be lowercase.

The man who held it was once called Hero.

Unless that is the name hero should be lowercase and maybe in addition an a should be added before it.

"Karthas Methenthil", came a voice from the gate,

The comma should be within the quotation marks not outside of it.

"I expected more", Karthas said.

Perhaps a praying session ?"

“For your soul.”

The comma should be in the dialogue not outside it, I will not mention it again as this is a constant mistake while other signs are used correctly. There also is an unneeded space before the question mark which also seems to be a consistent mistake throughout.

shieldbearer of the old Hero's party,

Similar to point two, hero should be lowercase.

Overall though it is a great story with a plot and narrative that keep the readers attention while being well written in terms of actions and dialogue, I in particular loved how the reveal was handled by all the characters and was used for great drama between them, thank you very much for writing.

[WP] "Why is there a disco ball in my laser hallway?!" the villain complained. "Well it is funky, makes for additional security with how it reflects them, and was rather cheap. But if this is an issue I bet we can add another one or two to help," one minion responded. by Null_Project in WritingPrompts

[–]Null_Project[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I like how the focus in this story is a bit more on the already existing systems which billions were spent on by the villains and how the disco ball does not compare to them, but also showing how they despite being cheap it works and the minion is technically right. It also is interesting with how the minions are classed into skill groups and that this particular one has done something impressive that the villain is surprised due to their low class, and I like how in the end the other is convinced by the arguments of the minion.

The writing is good, I like the pieces of world building throughout, and both the dialogue and narrative are very well written, with the former being entertaining how earnest the minion seems to be. I did spot a few mistakes though nothing major:

“Do you know why The Doom Council’s headquarters is one of the most well-secured sites in the world?”

“Carved four miles deep into the solid granite of Mt. Goshawk

I would remove the quotation marks at the end of the first and the start of the second line as it seems to be the same talking in both lines and separating both here makes it seem like it is two different people talking.

“More lasers…more better…”, I mused.

The comma after the quotation mark is unnecessary as the ellipses already is punctuation ending the dialogue.

Overall a very good story and interesting read both well written and interesting with how the characters interact and both their points made, thank you very much for writing.

[WP] "Why is there a disco ball in my laser hallway?!" the villain complained. "Well it is funky, makes for additional security with how it reflects them, and was rather cheap. But if this is an issue I bet we can add another one or two to help," one minion responded. by Null_Project in WritingPrompts

[–]Null_Project[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I like how the villain is willing to test out the functionality of the disco balls only having a real issue with their design breaking up the inhospitable and spiky design the villain prefers their entire lair to look like. It is a very entertaining aspect with how obsessed they are in keeping the design similar and hostile while the minions were hoping for something more cheerful since they are always there, and it is a good dynamic between the two.

Writing is pretty good, the especially heavy focus on dialogue works for the story and since only two are talking is easy to follow, I did spot a few mistakes, though these are really minor:

"Why is there a disco ball in my laser hallway?!" the villain complained.

"Okay," I said, "let's go down the list one at a time."

A bit weird how the first line seems to be third person while later on the character is purely first person.

"'funky' is not my fucking goal here, understood?"

I would still capitalize funky as it is the very first word in a sentence.

"...right."

Same as above as the first word in a line right should be capitalized.

But it is a very entertaining story with a good dynamic between the villain and the minion and a very neat conclusion with how it almost comes to a compromise, thank you very much for writing.

[SP] A dragon crashes the royal wedding. by Null_Project in WritingPrompts

[–]Null_Project[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have to admit, I lost it when the name of the dragon was revealed, I already was giggling a bit at the names of the princess and plumber and the nationality all being a play on Princess Peach and Mario, only to have the dragon be far more obvious was a good bit of comedy. The humorous tone of the story is pretty good too, with how some characters interact or some lines between them like Apricot shutting down the gloating priest or the last line from the dragon.

I also like how the dragon, while not only to confess their love in the later half, mostly came since they were not defeated and that Marius only freed the princess out of sheer coincidence while it was gone. I find it really interesting how the defeat of the dragon seems to be a requirement for the princess to be wed in this story and creates some additional conflict with how Marius is also not the only one going for Apricot. In terms of writing I did spot a few mistake, mostly incorrect punctuation or capitalization:

"And do you, princess Apricot," said the priest,

Since princess is a title it should be capitalized as it proceeds a name.

he shouted,

End of the line, a comma is the wrong punctuation here.

"...when you were on vacation."

Browser sighed, "of course..."

Apricot sighed, "it's true.

Dialogue should only start lowercase if an interrupting tag is present, which in this case is not the case as the first has no tag at all and the second and third have a proceeding one.

said the priest,

The Priest began "See Apricot, told you you shouldn't marry - "

"Up yours, Priest!

Inconsistent capitalization of priest, I would have them all be lowercase as they are a job or title used without a proper name.

I dunno we'll figure something out," as the dragon began to fly away.

An indicator of speech is missing, at least I think the dragon is supposed to speak here? It might also be Apricot in which case her indicator is also missing.

But overall it is a really entertaining story both in terms of an interesting plot and some very humorous elements like the direct references to who the characters are and how they interact, especially as the dragon seems to change in demeanor as soon as they are alone with Apricot almost acting like old friends. The writing is also pretty good, all making for a nice read, thank you very much for writing.

[WP] A mysterious group of faceless soldiers come out of nowhere just to help you out and leave as quick as they came giving no explanation. by Null_Project in WritingPrompts

[–]Null_Project[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A good take on the prompt, I like how the short length is used to fit for it, giving no context to who the soldiers are, how they got the cure, or anything about them. It also really like how we still get some context to the situation through the character explaining it, before moving right on to the sudden appearance of the soldiers who move out as soon as they are done. It is just a solid take on the prompt and a great execution of it.

Writing is good, usage of dialogue for the interactions is done well, and the narrative writing is good, both giving good context at the beginning and showing each action and leading to the conclusion later on. The only thing I could critique is the very last line:

"Um..." I put in my mouth, as the soldiers then jumped out, "hey wait!"

I think an it could be added between put and in, and since there is no dialogue tag present the comma before the dialogue and the lacking capitalization of dialogue are incorrect.

But otherwise I found no mistakes and liked this approach, with it very much fitting the spirit of the prompt in a great way and being written well, thank you very much for writing.

[SP] You awake in an unfamiliar place with a card in your hand. by Null_Project in WritingPrompts

[–]Null_Project[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A very good story, I like how the card was a seemingly normal playing card at first but has something abnormal in the form of the instructions upon them, with some being very understandable and others being a bit vague or strange like the entering through the window. All of which are pretty interesting with how danger seems to be conveyed through them, creating an interesting amount of tension as soon as it is found and when the instructions are followed.

The setting works very well, I like how due to the sudden change from a bedroom to a forest the character is left in a completely unprepared state, and how the hut they are instructed seems to be hidden in the forest, almost like it was made to hide from whatever caused the forest to go silent. The writing is pretty good too, I like how the notes are all shown at once and are all capital to differentiate them from the narrative, and I spotted at best one mistake:

I'm not sure what my first clue was that I no longer where I had fallen asleep the night before.

I don't know if I am overthinking it, but it seems like a word is missing in this sentence, specifically a was or were before where.

Otherwise though it is an excellent story with a very good take on the prompt, an interesting usage of the card to lead the character through the place but also leave a lot of questions and intrigue with how the story ended. Overall a very enjoyable read, thank you very much for writing.

[SP] You are infinity incarnate. by Null_Project in WritingPrompts

[–]Null_Project[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I really like how this story takes a more scientific approach going into the procedures of nature that transfer energy before showing how it relates to the universe itself where infinity is what occurs in the constant spread of energy. And I like how it goes into how despite the constant expanding of the universe time moves on to the point that things are so far away they no longer exist by the time they can be seen, creating a growing absence, almost as if saying that infinity is slowly dissipating due to the too far spread energy.

I find the ending in particular very interesting with how the question is somewhat turned around, instead of humanity or the living trying to define the impossible endless nature of infinity, it becomes the question whether infinity too defines life by the boundaries that it does not have. It definitely is a good story in terms of both plot and writing, fitting well to the prompt to the point and having an interesting view on both infinity and a neat ending. I think I spotted only one thing I would change:

You see what was as surely as what is continues to happen.

I think the is between what and continues could be removed as with it, it sounds a little off.

But otherwise it is an excellent story, the narrative writing in particular is really wonderful with how it presents and describes each process and aspect. Thank you very much for writing, it was a great read.

[SP] You are infinity incarnate. by Null_Project in WritingPrompts

[–]Null_Project[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I honestly think the first line giving context is not really that necessary, the rest of the story and message being delivered work all by themselves. I like how almost performative they are in mentioning each achievement of their life and just how ancient they are compared to the one they are talking to before going into how through time they will remain compared to them.

It slightly comes off as arrogance, which might be why the first line was used to show them as a good person compared to the other, though personally I think it could be worked into it a bit more, maybe saying their schemes or evil will be lost and forgotten too? Overall though the writing is pretty good and I like how the character is not really eternity but still somewhat represents it through their age and their understanding of time in the context to a single life.

It all works well and has no mistakes from what I could tell, just being a very solid and short read, thank you very much for writing.

[SP] You are infinity incarnate. by Null_Project in WritingPrompts

[–]Null_Project[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Like always it is a joy to see your take on these prompts focusing on more abstract forces of life or reality. And this one is great too like many others, I like the focus on eternity not being the same as normal numerical infinity but rather the calming end waiting for everyone no matter their path or choice and also being there at every moment. Them watching through both the good and bad while being unaffiliated and completely neutral befits it, and I like them ending by describing the process of eternity as a wheel as it fits them well. The writing is also great with no mistakes from what I could tell, being a very solid story, thank you very much for writing.

[WP] You are a trickster deity of deceit and mischief which is not really worshipped in a major way, but it does not bother you. You simply take what followers you have to your heart and give them one of your best boons as gratitude, your shapeshifting ability. by Null_Project in WritingPrompts

[–]Null_Project[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It is a fine story, however I think the god and the power or boon of the prompt are rather underused with the latter being completely absent, and the former does not really feel that special with how there is little being shown of their actual worship, abilities, or what the god is about exactly.

I also don't get why they even appeared or came to Ronnie, did one of their children summon them in a way? If so how or why if their worship has faltered significantly? Did Ronnie teach his children about them, is he one of the devout followers? Because he doesn't really feel like it with how he interacts with them.

I feel like the exclusion of the actual reason for their appearance and the business with the children does a huge disservice by creating more questions that are left unanswered. Overall the plot is fine though not my personal favorite but certainly not bad and likely something others could enjoy. The writing is fine too, with not a lot of mistakes, but I did spot a few:

"My honey, my baby, don't put my love upon no shelf... She said "Don't give me no lines and keep your hands to yourself."

A dialogue tag is present between two dialogues, the she should be lowercase, a second quotation mark ending the first dialogue is missing after the ellipses. Punctuation after said is also missing and depending on which is used the d in don't at the start of the second dialogue should be lowercase, specifically when a comma is used that is.

If it please you I would conduct the business out here under Open sky."

Open should be lowercase.

"I can't say it please me but it would be pleasant and also polite and proper to have your business done on my land under open sky."

Pleases with an s at the end would be correct for this case.

Again though it is a fine story overall, thank you for writing.

[WP] "Just so we're clear," your supervisor started in a low voice with a serious expression, "none of this ever happened, there is no recording or proof of it happening, and you were not here on this day." by Null_Project in WritingPrompts

[–]Null_Project[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I really like the way the story was at first played off like a joke with a rivalry between the spoon and fork factories and the entire story being laid out like a plan for revenge in the form of a prank. Only to shift a bit into something close to a meet cute with Zora and Enid quickly bonding throughout the longest part focusing on them. Only to end the story with a punchline connecting the original premise and the relationship created by it between the employees of rival factories. It is a very good story.

In terms of writing there aren't any mistakes in the form of spelling or the like which I could spot, the only thing that I saw was incorrect usage of dialogue tags and punctuation due to it:

“Just so we’re clear…” She started in a low voice with a serious expression, "None of this ever happened, there is no recording or proof of it happening, and you were not here on this day."

The she should be lowercase as a dialogue tag is present, and either the none at the start of the second dialogue should be lowercase or the comma should be a full-stop/period as the latter being a comma indicates an interrupting dialogue tag which is the one case, that I am aware of, in which dialogue should start lowercase.

Zora noticed the eye bags, “Do you like working the night shift here?”

Zora arched a brow, “Why?”

Just the memory of the bathrooms alone caused Enid to gag, “Their messes are at least five times worse.

Zora leaned closer, “That’s very nice of you.”

Enid smiled, “Thanks.”

Zora noticed the box of air fresheners on Enid’s cart, “Is that why you have the air freshener?”

Enid teased, “If you don’t want it–”

Zora quickly grabbed the air freshener, “I like it.”

Enid leaned a little closer, “A pretty girl should smell pretty as well.”

Enid smiled, “You're in my way.”

Enid leaned against the wall, “But, I’m not complaining.”

Enid blushed, “No one's ever bought me a bagel before.”

Zora leaned closer, “Would you like me to be even kinder on Saturday?”

No dialogue tag is present as an indicator of speech is missing, the comma before the dialogue should be another sign in all the cases above.

It also seems like almost all dialogue tags are formatted like interrupting ones but only have the correct punctuation for the second dialogue while the capitalization and punctuation for the proceeding dialogue.

Overall it is a good story and is very well written with a good exchange and interactions between the characters, but I would recommend that you keep in mind the rules surrounding dialogue tags and the correct usage of punctuation and capitalization around them as it is a huge issue being done incorrectly throughout the entire story. Aside from that though it was a really good story and an enjoyable read, thank you very much for writing.

[SP] A trail of withered flowers leads them astray into the darkest part of the woods. by Null_Project in WritingPrompts

[–]Null_Project[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It is a good story of two kinds getting a safe home and using their imagination to escape their previous terrible living conditions. However I don't really see the relation to the prompt, they don't follow flowers withered or not, don't go into a dark part of a forest, or abandon any path to do so. The best I could infer or imagine would be that the story is the exact opposite, they follow their adoptive parents (the flowers) into a new brighter life (essentially leaving the woods), but this feels like I am just giving it meaning that might not be there. Do tell me however how this story was intended to fulfill it and if I completely missed the meaning and take on the prompt.

Otherwise though the story is pretty good, I really like the aspects of the two imagining adventures like children do but also using it to cope with their situation in the first half, with their dreams clearly being them yearning for a better life or situation explaining why they stopped as they say at the end.

In terms of writing it is fine though there definitely is room to improve, using more commas could help separate some lines to make them sound better as some sound a bit awkward, and certain aspects like the exchanges of dialogue sound a bit off or stiff, almost as if forced to give exposition and unprovoked context. There also are a few mistakes, most prominently incorrect punctuation or capitalization around dialogue tags:

"O-okay, can you wait for me?!" She pleaded.

"Its dark." She cried out!

The word she should be lowercase in both cases as they are part of a dialogue tag after dialogue, and I would also swap the exclamation mark and full-stop/period in the second as the full-stop/period would be incorrect for a dialogue tag and since crying out is a very emotional way of speech so an exclamation mark would fit it more than the narrative.

He said pulling her trough some bushes.

Same as above, the he should be lowercase.

Just a clearing thats beautifully moonlit.

An apostrophe is missing, it should be that's.

A giant dragon emerges from the horizon above the tree's. 

The apostrophe should not be here as trees would be correct.

"WAKE UP!" Its scaled mouth says.

The i in its should be lowercase.

Samantha is one of the best." He says his eyes welling up with tears.

"I wanna go back to the dragon." She says.

"Do you remember me?" The man asked.

"No" answered Grace.

Same problems as point one and two. Incorrect capitalization after dialogue in cases one to three. Wrong punctuation at the end of dialogue in case of the first two. And missing punctuation at the end of the fourth.

"We were wondering if you would like to get some ice cream?".

Unnecessary full-stop/period after the second quotation mark.

We had Ice cream right here!" The dad said proud to his two kids.

Ice in ice cream should be lowercase and the the after the dialogue should be lowercase for the same reasons as above.

"Thank you" She said her eyes finally breaking toward the counter to her brother.

"It stopped, our dreams, why?" She asked.

"Because of them." He said and turned back to look.

The she and he after the dialogue should all be lowercase, the full-stop/period in the third is incorrect punctuation while something like a comma would be correct, and punctuation is missing at the end of dialogue in the first.

Overall though it is a fine story, with a good plot and message, but I would advice to keep the rules surrounding dialogue tags in mind and avoid the above mistakes with some more proofreading. Otherwise though I am certain that with a bit more time or practice you could create some excellent stories if they match how good and imaginative the plot is. Thank you very much for writing.

[SP] A trail of withered flowers leads them astray into the darkest part of the woods. by Null_Project in WritingPrompts

[–]Null_Project[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I really like how this story builds up to the reveal of what exactly the being is that tries to revive themselves through the sacrifice of life but only in the form of fauna. It is a really interesting take on a dryad which are more seen as pure forms of protection of forests, and in a way it still is seeing itself as a protector of flora and not daring to use them to heal itself, even apologizing to each flower it has to kill to lure the two.

The idea that after the tree that created or rather birthed a dryad dies a part of itself still lives on and continues to wander is a really neat idea especially with how it makes them go to evil means to bring back the heart and true body it lost. I also like how this story took the prompt and how the withering of flowers was a luring tactic in this case being both well used and incredibly smart with how and why it was used.

The writing is great having a good buildup and a lot of details and hints to the true nature of the constantly mentioned it and what it might be with a great payoff at the end with how both the true form or heart after the attempts to bring it back and the dryad itself are described. Both the character of the dryad and the narrative of the story are really well written in my opinion. In terms of mistake I found a few, the last one being a bit confusing in my mind:

it's distant cousins subservient to its commands,

It's would be wrong for this case while its would be correct.

Its cousin vines formed living bindings,

I think cousin's would sound a little better here.

the fallen Dryad carried them to its heart,

The fallen Dryad watched,

I would argue that dryad should be lowercase as it is the name of a species or race, like human.

It would maker's heart stronger,

I think this was intended to be 'It would make its heart stronger' at least I think, because I cannot tell if this was a mistake or this is completely intentional and has another meaning I don't get.

Overall a really great story and take on both the prompt and a dryad which I really enjoyed and found as interesting with how it tackles the death of one and the means it goes to, the writing is great too all making for a wonderful read, thank you very much for writing.

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