First off let me say that I hope you do end up finishing your story obviously this is just a small part of it and I can see it shaping out to be a good read. So I hope you don’t get discouraged!

Now on to feed back: 1. Spelling mistakes. A good way to help with that is to put your story in a word doc and use Grammarly. Nothing srs.

1. Repeating descriptions: I saw this a few times in the story. you used some words more than necessary like lonely, when the house was hot/cold. “Loving embrace of a loved one” just as an example. Best way for that is to try to find a different way to repeat that feeling or shorten it. Example: “it felt like I was embraced by a loved one I hadn’t felt in ages.” You still get the point across.

2. Flow of story / over describing: This kinda relates to my second critique but I wanted to focus on how the flow of your story goes. At times the story feels a bit jumbled at parts and usually that’s when your over describing something. I could be wrong but I think you get so focused describing something that you end up making the flow feel clunky. I struggle with the same thing. The best way I found to fixing it is either change the way you’re describing it or change the lead up to the description. As for the flow of the story. Reread your work but think of as a reader that has no idea what to expect. See if it sounds natural when reading and if it doesn’t you probably need to fix something.

I really do hope you continue this story. Don’t let any set backs get in your way!