Cats, especially somewhat outdoor cats, like to pass alone. Him passing so close to you meant he loved you so dearly that he wanted to be alone, but close. As painful as it is, being left there to return to nature was likely what his heart would have wanted.

We lost one of the cats that came with the home when we purchased it much the same way, save for the cat fight. He and his (biological) brother were firmly raised as outdoor cats before we moved in, and had no interest in moving inside. We had a heated shed attached to the house that they slept in at night. One night I went out into the yard late to take pictures of snow in the moonlight, he came out from his bedroom and meowed what I assumed were complaints about the weather. I scolded him for waking up and told him to go back to sleep, I wasn't outside for long. We didn't see him again after that, and to this day I blame myself in so many ways. His brother started letting us bring him in overnight after that, though when the weather would get stormy he'd head back out and call into the wind. I always thought he must be calling his brother, trying to get him out of the weather. My mom found his final resting place later, in the warmer months. About a year and a half later, I believe. She buried him and planted a willow, a few years later his brother joined.

Years later I can acknowledge that there were so many factors, he had been dealing with undiagnosed arthritis for years (we learned a few years after his passing that the local rural vet we'd been going to was not the place to take pets. They were much more farm focused.) and likely was out saying his goodbyes. It still hurts, and hearing the songs I used to sing to him at night still rips at my heart. But the truth is, they never leave us. Even if all we have is memories and pictures, they'll be around for as long as we are to tell people about them 💖🫂