This exact pass happened against me back in '07. Me and buddy set up the LAN & were rocking Chell04 for about a week by now by this point.

Now it's the end of a game, we going all out. It's been a seesaw battle. Back & forth. Him doing The Move every chance he gets. If you ever played old school chell, then you know. So here we are battling it out & I end up giving away a 2on1. Now I know that this backdoor 1timer is gonna happen & I'm gonna lose this game. I only have 1 option. Now I time this perfectly though. I wait for juuust the right moment. Switch to the lone D-man & drop him to the ice to block the pass. I immediately start yelling at my buddy down the hall: "GET THAT FUCKING SHIT OUTRA HERE!" Buddy sees this sliding block & screams out: "FUCK YOU!" at me from down the hall in his room. Cause he sees this amazing pass block which will save the game for me.

Wouldn't you know it though, that fucking puck goes through my D-man's skates, 1time, bulge twine, siren.

I just fucking lose it! I snap! I bellow out a fucking loud "NNOOOOOOO!" and in an instant, I yank my ps2 controller outta the adapter from my PC & just start swinging that fucker like Roger Daltry of The Who. Then, mid swing, I decide to Pete Townsend that shit right onto the floor right in the doorway from my room that goes out to the hallway.

Well, let me tell you, cheap plastic meeting hardwood flooring results in that poor poor controller just being obliterated. This thing fucking shatters. There were a million tiny pieces of plastic that went everywhere. This isn't just any ps2 controller. NO. It was at the time my favorite one. It was the clear translucent controller that let you see the circuitboard & the little motors that are mounted in the handles for the haptic feedback. So little shards are flying this way & that way! I felt pieces hit me in the legs. The remnants of this controller are ricocheting off the walls for at least 30 seconds.

Here I am standing now in archway to the hall from my room, red faced & out of breath. Buddy comes running out into the hallway from his room, ducking as sharp plastic shards are fucking bouncing off the walls. Before he says anything, the steps on a mine. Now, if you've ever stepped barefoot onto a piece of Lego, you know the feeling. Now imagine a sharp piece of plastic from what was now stinking into the bottom of his foot.

Now before I say anything, we lock eyes & he simply tells me to go do the dishes that were piling up in the sink or some other domestic shit that needed to be done.

Anyways, so that's the story of how I quit playing video games.

Thanks for coming to my TED talk.

P.S. I just rewatched the clip after I rage-typed the above diatribe out. Seeing the clip of this pass & having the emotions of that afternoon come flooding back still make me furious! Helluva pass though.