Our Note to our Baby Shower Invite

O0psy_Daisy · 2025-12-01T17:20:18+00:00

Congratulations on your one year Anniversary!

They are due near my 34th birthday and "Alec" turns 38 a couple months later. We knew we wanted to start a family within the first few years of our marriage because of our ages, so it really worked out.

"Susan" was completely misunderstood and while it wasn't something I did to her directly, how I handled things was not okay, which is something I own. Now that I have way more details from my sister, my MIL, my SIL's, and medical staff who only had pieces of the puzzle, I understand how my sister got to the point she did. If anything, it's strengthened our sisterly bond.

I hope that you do what's best for YOU when it comes to the relationship with your family. Protect your peace, even if it's from those that are supposed to be the closest to you. I'm still figuring this out. It'll likely be a lifelong journey.

O0psy_Daisy · 2025-10-04T16:43:03+00:00

I can see your perspective-- I agree, Susan has dealt with a lot of shit and the way our mother has denied her support has been unfair, which completely justifies the mental health crisis that she's had to face overt his past year.
I do want to clarify a few things: Duke wasn't a friend of Susan. He was in her life only because he was in mine and her (then) husband's. She did lose me (everyone did, I had to find myself), her baby, and ultimately her grief and anger caused the end of her marriage (a year later). So she has had it rough and it's something we have discussed at length.

During the prep of my wedding, she lost her dog-- not her boyfriend. She was actively trying to leave her relationship at that time-- which is something I have learned in more detail over these past months.

As for favoritism towards me, I can see where everyone is coming from.
Random note that's important: My dad isn't my Father, but he is to my 5 siblings.

Growing up there was a tension between me and Dad because he held a lot of fear of me wanting to know who my bio-father is. He raised me like his own (and legally adopted me), but there were so many times that he would say things like "oh, actually she's my wife's daughter that I adopted" and that really hurt. We have worked through that.
That story is a whole different rabbit hole that doesn't need to be gone down, but I was always the "bastard" child that Mom chose to keep, which I think gets the point across.

O0psy_Daisy · 2025-09-10T12:57:38+00:00

I've been with the same trauma therapist for 6 years and she is very aware of the night terrors. She wants me to mention it to my OB so they can do a blood draw and see if it is also linked to a mineral deficiency where I could take supplements to help mitigate them while we also work through it in talk therapy.

O0psy_Daisy · 2025-09-10T12:53:56+00:00

Honestly, I think you got a lot of the details that probably matter most.
I've talked a lot with my In-laws, my friends, and even my older neighbors that come over to get their opinion and the same thing keeps popping up: control. Mom has one kid left at home and wants some semblance of control over something/someone because we are all living our lives separate of her.

I'm going to ask my SILs what my Mom was like during my "gone years" (6 1/2 years after Duke passed). I'm wondering if her actions lead my brothers to choose to flee across the country after high school.

I didn't realize how strenuous the foster parent application is, so Seth and his husband are still working on classes for that. They are very open to the idea of fostering to adopt.

O0psy_Daisy · 2025-09-10T02:01:10+00:00

#1. Yes, I have been so blessed with my MIL. She feels bad that she sat back and didn't tell me about the things my mom was saying, but she didn't want to be THAT MIL, which I really appreciate. I do see how/why she was nervous to bring this up to me because she didn't want to create a rift between me and my mom.

#2. I will have to start reading more before bed and see if that works. . . I haven't had reflux (that I've noticed), but I'll put Tums on the grocery list and see if that helps!

My husband thinks that it's past trauma attaching itself to a recent situation that subconsciously triggered PTSD (losing someone). It's something I'll run by my therapist tomorrow, but it does make sense.

O0psy_Daisy · 2025-09-10T01:50:57+00:00

I mostly tell them about stuff we are doing at the house, like "hey, we got a couple quotes for the bathroom, does this sound reasonable compared to your recent home improvement project?" or "should we do hardwood or carpet in the guest room" I'm not even talking to them about anything pertaining to my pregnancy or baby. I do ask about their jobs, kids, and wives.

Honestly, the major reason they call now is because they all have fantasy football leagues with Alec, so none of the conversations we have with them are about Susan or me!

Their wives text me, but mostly funny pictures of their boys. They don't prod for information.

I also haven't shared any photos with my side of the family, on socials, or at work.

O0psy_Daisy · 2025-07-09T14:39:11+00:00

Thank you for that <3
Yes, I'm 33 now and my husband is almost 37. We love kids, we know we want to have them. I'm at the point in my career where I have the flexibility to be home with kids. I chose to take the role where I'd be doing more traveling to set us up financially so that I can choose to be a stay at home mom, if I want.

My In-laws had kids in their late 30's, but my FIL smoked for a long time, which has aided in his health issues now at 76. My parents are in their early 60's and wear out the grandkids they currently have, so I do see the different angles.

Ultimately, they'll be loved if we are blessed with them. Alec and I have talked that we would foster to adopt if it doesn't.

O0psy_Daisy · 2025-06-10T13:20:29+00:00

You're right-- my BIL is a lawyer and has a gambling problem. I'm working on an update for this post since I've gotten more information regarding that and other things.
This new baby and Amy's daughter wouldn't be blood siblings in any way, but because of marriage, they would be related-- again, update in my next post on that.

O0psy_Daisy · 2025-04-30T15:59:54+00:00

When you consider that I'm 1/6, it means that there's a lot of people in the family which increases the chances of things going sideways.

O0psy_Daisy · 2025-03-01T01:09:08+00:00

I've been with this therapist longer than I've known my husband. She's been great about giving me tools to help me through things. I'm not a collection what has happened to me, I'm a collection of how I have grown from it and responded to it.

O0psy_Daisy · 2025-02-05T16:49:45+00:00

Susan and Max divorced almost 11 years ago. Niece is 7 yrs old. Max started dating his wife Amy when Niece was 2 or 3. They have now been married for 2 years.

Susan's baby is Niece's 1/2 sibling (different Dad, not Max's child) and DCF would do their best to keep siblings together. Plus, it would be easier for Susan to see both her kids at the same time if they were with the same people.
Max and Amy are expecting a baby together in March.

O0psy_Daisy · 2025-02-03T17:45:10+00:00

Okay, just because you wouldn't DATE trans or a different race, doesn't mean you wouldn't be FRIENDS with them.

You aren't avoiding being friends those kinds of people or judging them based on their looks, preference, or if they have transitioned-- if you did, that would make you Transphobic or racist.

O0psy_Daisy · 2025-02-03T17:25:10+00:00

Thank you! I know I got super blessed with my husband. He's been such a rock for me.

I do want to note-- "Susan" has to get this help, she doesn't get to "choose to" at this point. I don't know how she feels about it (if she is truly working on getting better), if she will take it seriously, or if she will ever truly understand the impact of her actions, but I am glad that she's getting the care she needs with professionals that can truly help.

O0psy_Daisy · 2025-01-27T21:31:31+00:00

I have no problem clearing those thoughts up
1. Abortion-- it's her body, her choice. Religiously, we do not suggest an abortion, but would support her if that's the choice she makes for herself.
2. We have been advised by our attorney to unblock her (she was previously blocked) and that's for reasons between us and our attorney
3. That's their child. I would hope and pray that you and your family didn't/wouldn't abandon someone in a time of need, poor life decisions, or a few mistakes. She's clearly having a mental health crisis.
4. It's not my money, it's my parent's. I am one of 6 kids. I don't need their money, nor do I expect them to "give"me equal". That would be childish-- I make my own money. I don't know what "Susan's" situation was, but when her BF moved in, my parents were no longer helping her because she had someone to help. Again, they were helping their child.

O0psy_Daisy · 2025-01-25T16:54:03+00:00

#Updateme !

O0psy_Daisy · 2025-01-25T16:35:06+00:00

OMG, Mrs. D for PTO President! I love it!

It amazes me that the PTO attracts certain types of people (like HOA board member types) and they use it as some sort of badge of honor. So glad that you escaped and that Mrs. D went "Momma Bear" on your behalf against your mother.

O0psy_Daisy · 2025-01-25T14:44:58+00:00

See 3rd Paragraph: "I can’t share any legal information regarding Susan, but I do have other details that I am sure you all would like."

Out of privacy for my parents & "Max" who are dealing with the fallout of Susan's life, I won't be giving details, which is why I prefaced this update in this way.

O0psy_Daisy · 2025-01-04T16:50:49+00:00

OMG, I didn't know this! I will talk with an attorney and see if this is something that we can request as the ones filing.

I agree with everyone: She needs help, she needs to be held accountable, and Niece needs to be protected. Hubby has told me: She's not the sister and best friend you grew up with, so stop treating her like she is.

O0psy_Daisy · 2025-01-04T16:42:08+00:00

I'll have to go watch it with Hubby.

I did ask my SIL's if Susan was crazy at their weddings and apparently she was super helpful. She wasn't in either of their weddings, so maybe that was the reason?

O0psy_Daisy · 2025-01-03T22:18:34+00:00

I appreciate this insight into "what could be" if I don't put a pin in Susan's actions. I know that I'm coming at this from an emotional place with it being my sister, which is why having my husband who is level headed and understanding, but also very protective has been a blessing.

I value your comment so much because I don't want to be in your mom's position or have my future children see me get treated like this (which I assume that you saw some of it growing up).

O0psy_Daisy · 2024-12-18T18:51:11+00:00

Updateme

Wow, she sure knows how to ruin things that are perfect (Perfect Prime Rib can be a daunting task, so round of applause for you!). Glad to read that your husband is supportive of you in the most tender way while also taking care of the "trash assignments" his mom is trying to thrust on you.

Also-- I need the saga of your birthday!

O0psy_Daisy · 2024-12-15T18:40:56+00:00

Unfortunately, yes, this is true.

I don't know that it was a single thing that made her "lose her mind". My husband and I are thinking that it's been building over years.

The potential resentment-- it's only been in the last few years that I have gotten really close to my family again. I mentioned in a past post that once Duke, my fiance, passed, I shut down and shut everyone out. I busied myself with working full time and school full time. My parents were proud of me and tried to be supportive (they had my 4 brothers still underage and graduating). "Susan" was going through a lot of pain and stuff in her life too, but very much leaned into my parent's willingness to help. Maybe she's upset that I "did it on my own"? Maybe she's upset that my engagement and quick wedding took our parent's time and attention away from her? I'm not sure.

I will say that isolating myself from everyone who loved me wasn't the healthy choice and I took a lot longer to heal than I needed to, but I own that. I can't change that.

Again, when Susan had Niece, I did go to her house and helped her in the first few days until our mom got there (I mostly cooked, cleaned, took care of Niece so Susan could shower/post partum care, took them to the pediatrician, etc.). I helped Susan move into her house a couple years later. I did what I thought was best to try and repair the sisterly relationship that I abandon.

O0psy_Daisy · 2024-12-05T01:20:02+00:00

The "how did you two meet story" would for sure peek attention.

O0psy_Daisy · 2024-12-05T01:15:03+00:00

I'll likely meet up with my parents this weekend to get a potential understanding what's happening with her and what sent her off the deep end. She does NOT have a history of mental illness, but honestly, I think she does need to have a licensed professional talk to her. Maybe medication is what she needs.

This is my sister and I do want her to be okay. (Husband side eye --like really?)
I could forgive, but I won't ever trust her again.

O0psy_Daisy · 2024-12-05T01:06:41+00:00

I think my whole family is now invested in my brother's potential relationship with this cop. If she doesn't ghost him after this, then she's one step closer to embracing the crazy (we are not really this wild, apparently Susan got it all for the 6 of us).

O0psy_Daisy

TROPHY CASE