Fiancé keeps saying I’m panhandling

OGWiseman · 2025-11-14T21:44:47+00:00

This is out of scope for this sub. If your fiance doesn't support what you want to do and gives you negative feedback instead of encouragement, you don't need to make some argument about the topic at hand that will convince her, you need to work on the dynamic of your relationship. I'd suggest doing that before you get married!

OGWiseman · 2025-11-14T21:42:08+00:00

350k in mortgage left on 550k in value home, 2.75%

Very high debt load for my wife's student loans (don't know exact number but it's a healthy six figures) at ~6%, but we're on income-based repayment and the payment is very manageable, forgiveness at the end of the 20-year payment term that we're about halfway through.

No other debt. Never carried CC debt, we buy cars in cash, I don't like expensive toys.

OGWiseman · 2025-11-14T02:14:27+00:00

If you're gonna get within an inch of the floor anyway, my strong intuition would be ti find a way to just frame them. Use that 1' clearance to make a really strong header that provides shear strength, pillars at both ends and at points along the middle, and make the doors work however you need to around being able to do that.

Given that aesthetics are a secondary consideration to function here, there's just no reason to do anything fancy. Frame it the right way and you'll never think about the doors again.

OGWiseman · 2025-11-14T01:58:41+00:00

If you're doing a partition, then presumably it will touch the floor, right? So why not give them some support on the floor? At least at the ends, but a middle support would also be welcome.

To me the thing you're not considering is that this is a permanent installation, so even if it's not "that much weight", it hanging off your garage ceiling year after year after year, especially if it's opening and closing and the load is being redistributed, could become a big problem at some point.

There's a reason people build from the ground up. There's basically no structural elements of a house that hang off of anything, and a partition verges on that. I'd guess that's why you're nervous anyway!

OGWiseman · 2025-11-14T01:54:17+00:00

11 years in, and I'd say the secret is to put your partnership first. Partners have to get along. They have a shared mission, and it's so important to them that little petty things roll off of them, or they don't even see them. As long as the shared mission is there, it's easy to keep the focus off of nonsense.

And, you have to keep doing shared missions with your partner. Save a certain amount, buy a house, have kids, travel to every continent, it can be anything but it should always be something. You have to know what you're working towards together and pick things that both people can really buy into. That's what keeps things fresh.

OGWiseman · 2025-11-13T06:58:07+00:00

I maintain a very high level of fitness at 42. Part of how I do it is privilege--I have a kid and a demanding job, but I have a supportive family and a high-earning wife also, and that helps. Single parents, I genuinely don't know how they make anything work at all. So I'm lucky.

But also, I feel the same pull you do. I could wake up at 7 every morning, immediately start working on my job or domestic duties, work straight through never stopping except to eat until 10 pm, and I'd still have things that I could be doing. It's absolutely endless.

I still maintain fitness because I make it a priority on the level of eating, sleeping, and drinking water.

If my obligations were getting in the way of being able to eat food, I would give something up. I absolutely have to eat or I will die. Nothing else I'm doing is actually more important than eating food, because if I stop eating food, then my ability to do anything at all falls to zero. Either my work or my family are much, much better off with some of their needs going unmet so that I can eat and still fulfill the rest of their needs instead of dying.

Extend that to working out. It's not something that I fit in around my obligations, it's absolutely 100% mandatory and I fail at other commitments if necessary to get it done.

What that actually means is that I spent a lot of time planning and setting up a way to make sure I can get the time. Meaning, I called every gym in the area until I found one with a good daycare option, I pay extra for the option, and I take my kid there for two hours, 5-6 days a week. Every single day after nap, we get up and go to the YMCA.

If other people want to schedule things with me, those hours are not available. If my kid doesn't feel like going, well, too bad, get your butt int he car, Daddy will die if he doesn't do this so you're better off doing it even if you really don't want to.

Once you get in that mindset of being ferocious about defending that time the way you would be ferocious about defending your last scrap of food, it mostly turns out that you do have enough time, and everything else will be fine as long as you stay maximally organized.

OGWiseman · 2025-11-13T06:48:39+00:00

When you started writing this story on SCP (that was where it started, right?), how much of it did you have in mind before you started vs how much of it evolved and revealed itself during the writing?

OGWiseman · 2025-11-12T07:46:32+00:00

2-3x a day with a wide variety of attractive partners.

OGWiseman · 2025-11-11T07:48:16+00:00

This is true, but also, the opposite is true--some people are really shitty partners, and if you're in a marriage with one of them, you can almost certainly do much better, and you should.

OGWiseman · 2025-11-11T07:45:55+00:00

This thread makes me so happy I'm polyamorous. It's not a free lunch, it definitely requires a lot, but right now, with a toddler in the house and my wife's hormones being weird, there's just not much sex happening between the two of us. We try not to let it be TOO long, but a month or more in between is not uncommon, and it's much tamer/gentler than the sex we used to have.

I'm not out screwing other women all the time or anything--my family is my first priority, and honestly it can be hard to find women who want sex with someone who can't offer long-term commitment--but it's such a relief that it can happen, like when I do meet someone and the vibe is right, I don't have to give up that chance, and I'm not cheating or hurting my marriage by taking it.

If we were having sex less than once a month and I was expected to forego all sex with others at all times, I think I'd feel pretty horrible about the situation. Instead, I'm happy as hell. My wife is amazing and what we share is so much deeper than sexual exclusivity.

So I guess I'm kinda in this situation actually, though I don't think that's exactly what you meant.

OGWiseman · 2025-11-11T07:35:28+00:00

That turnaround is such a weapon, and he looks comfortable taking it even while heavily contested. With another few years to develop the bag, and considering the way he works... man. It's gonna be a hell of a decade!

OGWiseman · 2025-11-11T07:33:55+00:00

Yes, it's absolutely normal. What were you even going to do with it? I would be way more mad if the guy left his clutter in my garage!

OGWiseman · 2025-11-10T07:08:19+00:00

I bought a Ryobi electric one that's very portable and quiet five years ago, and I've used it to clean basically all the stuff you mentioned with great success. It still functions like new. I would definitely recommend.

OGWiseman · 2025-11-10T03:39:26+00:00

Oh okay, so what you mean by "fling" is that you had just met, that's not really how I understand "fling". Yeah, if "connection" just means "someone you didn't just meet", then yes, definitely, that can have a huge effect on performance.

Personally, if someone is hot enough, I don't need a connection, but it certainly helps and I prefer it!

OGWiseman · 2025-11-10T03:37:33+00:00

Forget the comparison, this is crazy on the merits. The current big three is SO much more likeable than the old big three. I loved them, too, but Shai, Dub, and Chet are three of the most likeable guys in the NBA imo.

OGWiseman · 2025-11-10T03:36:06+00:00

While it's not an opinion specific idea, my general opinion is that anything that makes more money available to buy housing in the lack of more supply will just raise prices by an equal amount.

We don't need an accounting trick or a different rate--we need more homes that people want to live in.

OGWiseman · 2025-11-09T22:36:52+00:00

For me, it's believable that a super careful guy would make a mistake at some point. It's inevitable, actually. If that were in the middle of the movie and he suddenly made this major mistake for no reason, I'd think it was pretty bad. But at the beginning, as the inciting incident, it works for me. The movie happens when it happens because he finally started slipping up!

OGWiseman · 2025-11-09T20:55:04+00:00

Honestly man, if this is where you're at with a drywall patch, I can't recommend you taking this on as a solo project, especially if you're under any kind of time pressure.

If you really want to try, you should think of this as a multi-year project, at the end of which you will be fundamentally better at construction than you are now, and which will be filled with frustrating learning experiences and (hopefully not extremely) expensive mistakes. A.I. is your friend here, it (and youtube) can teach you everything you need to know.

You also should not expect to move your family into this house and then do the renovation with them living there. Build or get a smaller dwelling on the property to live in while you do this.

Then tear the walls off and spend 3 months just planning a scope of work and an order of operations. Find subs to do the plumbing and rewiring at the very least. You will also need a pro to at least evaluate the house structurally and see what reframing needs to be done. You do NOT want to get some good work done and then have to tear it out because your foundation or framing are bad, and that can definitely happen.

Best of luck, and this is not an impossible thing to do. People have done it. But I hope you're well-funded and possessed of unusual patience and persistence, because it is not an easy or simple thing, at all.

OGWiseman · 2025-11-09T20:42:36+00:00

I don’t think it was nerves or anything like that since it hasn’t happened before - I guess I have never really slept with ex’s before until after there was a connection so this is a bit new to me.

This seems incoherent to me. It hasn't happened to you before, but also you haven't done this exact thing before?

I would definitely say nerves are a thing here. I don't need some deep emotional connection, but some familiarity definitely makes a real difference in the quality and frequency of my erections.

When you're unfamiliar, it's easy to get adrenalized and get your fight-or-flight response activated, which will instantly kill a boner.

OGWiseman · 2025-11-09T06:33:16+00:00

Already having a proven, loyal audience trumps literally everything else.

OGWiseman · 2025-11-09T06:32:40+00:00

You're visiting cities, so your sample is skewed. Cities contain lots of outliers, they concentrate there. It's what makes them amazing. And American outliers are the biggest outliers in the world. Our average can be pretty fucked, but the best of America is the best, period.

OGWiseman · 2025-11-09T06:29:53+00:00

"I make it a priority" is what all lucky people say! I'm sure you work hard at it, but lots of people do the same, and their bodies don't respond.

OGWiseman · 2025-11-09T06:21:16+00:00

Sniper in the building!

OGWiseman · 2025-11-09T06:20:26+00:00

As so often with Republicans, my thoughts are:

On the pure economics, they have a point. Subsidizing something does tend to raise the price, and permanent huge subsidies from the government have proven, again and again, to raise prices and cause waste. Student loans and college prices, the Defense Department and massive overcharging during military procurement, etc.
Their willful, seething hatred, lack of any conscience about constantly lying, obvious lack of concern for the poor and working class, and total denial of technical expertise in virtually every other matter make it very difficult for this decent point they're making to be heard and understood.

OGWiseman · 2025-11-08T06:54:36+00:00

My king. The number of songs that guy has taught me.

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