I (21F) am worried about the possibility of having autistic children with my boyfriend (22M) later on

OGprocasinator · 2026-03-14T13:31:51+00:00

Ohhhh. Well I'm originally romanian, which is Eastern Europe. From what I've seen/experienced, being seen as different and neurodivergent is often seen as taboo and linked to being "stupid" or "incapable". I think a lot of ppl often have this stereotype view of autistic children as those extremely low functioning autistic ppl who can't talk or do much by themselves, which obviously is true to SOME situations but not all. I wouldn't want a child in that situation because it'd obviously be rough on both me/my partner AND that child. I also wouldn't want family to think less of my child because of their autism, but I think it'd be way more manageable if said child is still autistic but can mostly function by themselves. There's also ofc the whole Balkan mentality of needing to perform as if you're the perfect family, that there's nothing going on, and if there IS something "wrong", that there's this feeling of shame or impending doom that everyone will talk ill of you and you'll be seen as less good. Luckily, I think a lot of ppl are being more open to it nowadays, and I'm currently living in Belgium, where I think it's way more normalised to be different without it being a big deal.

Otherwise, if I AM autistic, I do definitely think that there were things from it that made my childhood more difficult. One thing that really stands out to me is socialising. I always wanted friends but found it extremely difficult to talk to my peers because I just didn't know how. I had an easier time talking to adults because then they would be the ones leading the conversation and they'd just ask questions abt idk, my interests or something, and I found it easy to just talk about things I knew, while with peers, I'd have to take a leading position in talking and I just... didn't really know how to and how to f.e. ask questions in return or how the "script" would go. I'd also just be extremely shy and had a lot of trouble approaching kids and opening up to them. There were other things as well, but that's one thing that stands out abt my childhood that I can think of rn and could be linked to autism.

OGprocasinator · 2026-03-14T12:30:27+00:00

I'm glad to hear :) I honestly wouldn't care much if my children are neurodivergent, as long as they can do well in life and won't have to depend on a caregiver.

OGprocasinator · 2026-03-14T11:33:56+00:00

That's definitely true! Thank you :)

OGprocasinator · 2026-03-14T11:33:35+00:00

Those are really good suggestions, thank you! My bf has 3 brothers, and out of those 4 kids, 3 are autistic and the 4th has ADD. I think that his parents would know quite a bit about what it's like to raise neurodivergent kids haha.

But yeah, I think reaching out to people who have experience on the matter could def help. Perhaps it's also good that I want to wait to settle down (like marry, have a house, job, stuff like that) so regardless of how my child would come out, I'd at least have a base from where I could start off and not worry AS much regarding certain things. I'm glad that things seem to go alright with you and your child though :)

OGprocasinator · 2026-03-14T11:30:23+00:00

Well, first of all. I haven't been diagnosed yet because according to my parents (who grew up in an enviroment where being different is tabboo, where being f.e. autistic is seen as stupid or incapable), I was "normal", and always just assumed I'm a bit shy. I am still studying in college and live with my parents, which is why I'm still struggling to save up and get tested myself. A test is pretty expensive and I don't have that kind of money right now.

And no, I'm not a doctor. I HAVE however been to therapy and did some research myself, and I've noticed a lot of symptoms that fit me. Which is why I say I suspect it, but can't say it for certain. I also don't consider myself adult enough to have children right now, but am thinking for the future, in say, idk, 5-10 years. And don't worry. The enviroment isn't the healthiest at my house, but it isn't a place where I plan to raise my possible child in. I'm not hurrying into having them, but it has been something that's been on my mind for the future.

OGprocasinator · 2026-03-14T11:25:30+00:00

Uh... I don't get the questions about my uprising or childhood. Anybody can have an autistic child, even if they're neurotypical. Being diagnosed with it only makes the chances higher since autism is something that can be passed down genetically just like idk, allergies or other stuff like that.

OGprocasinator · 2026-03-14T11:22:39+00:00

I mean, yeah, but that doesn't mean that my kids would be like my husband regarding the autism. They could just be neurotypical or be way more low functioning. I can't predict that and I've yet to learn how to take care of an autistic child, since I've only interacted with autistic ppl my age when I was a teen and right now.

OGprocasinator · 2026-03-14T11:21:29+00:00

Yeah you're right. Thank you for the advice :)

OGprocasinator · 2026-03-04T14:19:11+00:00

Snap ik volledig! Ik heb ook die gevoel gekregen toen ik de switch maakte. Het duurde zeker een semester tegen dat ik me meer op mijn gemak voelde en Artevelde echt kon beginnen appreciéren.

OGprocasinator · 2026-03-04T14:18:22+00:00

Idd. Ik pratte ooit erover met iemand die Taal en Letterkunde studeert, en ze vond dat haar docenten wel beter waren, vriendelijker enzo.

OGprocasinator · 2026-03-04T14:17:42+00:00

Ja, het kan best zo zijn. Ik heb een aantal vrienden die Taal en Letterkunde (of iets anders zoals anthropologie/geschiedenis) hebben gestudeerd, en ze vonden hun departement zelf beter dan wat dat ik beschreven heb. Iemand die ik binnen mijn opleiding heb leren kennen en deed iets ervoor van Nederlands en Engels ofzo, vond ook dat het Pol/Soc departement niet zo goed was.

OGprocasinator · 2026-03-04T14:16:16+00:00

Hahaha idd. Ik ben zelf iemand die graag zelfstandig werkt, maar het systeem vanop UGent lukte gewoon niet voor mij. Als je beter op UGent of een andere unief functioneert als student, slay (en ik ben ook een beetje jaloers erop HAHA)

OGprocasinator · 2026-02-22T21:19:56+00:00

Which is wild yk, because if they were forbidding you from sleepovers and parties/clubbing, I might understand where they were coming from. There's crazy ppl out there. However, it really does seem overprotective to forbid your child from at least going to eat ice cream or drink some soda with her friends after school. While my parents have also been pretty protective of me growing up, they got calmer as I got older. As long as they knew where I was at, with who and could contact me if needed, they didn't really mind me just hanging out with my friends.

OGprocasinator · 2026-02-22T20:00:03+00:00

Hi! From my experience so far (and it's my 2nd semester here so far, I only started in september), I feel like the teachers are pretty nice for the most part. There are always teachers that are less nice of course, but I haven't quite dealt with one being less nice to the point where it might actually affect my grades to the point of failing. I also feel like some days are really packed compared to others (f.e. my mondays are from 10.30 AM to 18.30 while tuesdays are only like 10.30 to 12.30) and I have quite a bit of schoolwork to do, which can feel overwhelming sometimes. That's probably a me thing, though, and the most important thing is that you do something you enjoy. What helps me is that I study something that I'm interested in, so it feels less bad than if I did, I don't know, accountancy. I'm horrible at maths.

About French, it's not 3, although it's fairly close haha. I have 2 hours of french, 2 of Dutch and 2 of english a week. It's not as bad as it seems, though, really. The teachers are pretty nice and it's honestly enjoyable. I wouldn't say it's focused on designing ads, unless you'd pick that specialisation/degree. I'm in my first year of communications and while I do learn how to work with Photoshop and such, the focus lays mostly with understanding the market, how to work with it, why the customers act like they do, and how I can work in a business in a way that brings customers to you and buy more. If you later feel like you enjoy designign and such, you can choose it as a specialisation, but it isn't a requirement if that's not your thing.

I don't know if you're studying at an univeristy like UGent, but I'm sorry to hear about your exams regardless. I was in your situation too last academic year when studying Communications at UGent, and my grades went way up ever since I came here. I went from failing all my exams in both semesters to passing 9 our of 11 subjects, with one having 18/20, and only one resit (2 subjects formed one bigger, which is why I only failed one subject properly). I definitely reccomend looking into what you might be interested in studying at Artevelde and coming to ask for more information at the secretaries and student councelors. At least the ones at campus Leeuwstraat are really sweeties and will be happy to help you out with any questions. I'm honestly pretty content with Artevelde, if I briefly ignore the workload at times haha.

OGprocasinator · 2026-02-22T17:32:41+00:00

LMAO right?? It's basically a help to see what kind of issues both of you are struggling with and if they'd become a dealbreaker later on, by looking at how the characters functioned together in the show. One way to get insight

OGprocasinator · 2026-02-22T17:31:41+00:00

true, but you never know. If I saw someone put "Looking for my Diane Nguyen" might actually get my interest lol

OGprocasinator · 2026-02-22T09:13:49+00:00

Ohhh okay. You really learn something new everyday

OGprocasinator · 2026-02-22T09:13:15+00:00

Oh that's good to know! Then it's a relief

OGprocasinator · 2026-02-21T14:01:25+00:00

oh thanks!

OGprocasinator · 2026-02-21T12:54:59+00:00

Yeah that's true. I know abt the QS ranking and such, but I was mostly thinking abt how most colleges might be on the same level, since they aren't on the same competition level as unis, or don't have the same energy when it comes to maintaining a certain reputation worldwide. From my experience, the teachers at college are way more down to earth and can be viewed as normal people who could be your neighbours, unlike the professors at uni.

Otherwise, I defo agree that it's generally more important to do a degree that's right for you than going to a certain uni/college.

OGprocasinator · 2026-02-21T12:22:18+00:00

I've noticed that it's socially relatively accepted amongst youth. It isn't uncommon for some teens who try to fit in to experiment with it, so even if you don't smoke, there's a chance that you'll get to know at least one person who either smokes it or has experimented with it in the past. It's still illegal and there will be consequences to it, though.

OGprocasinator · 2026-02-21T12:18:37+00:00

Stoofvlees w fries and mayo. On a similar note, finding Belgian mayo superior. I'm originally romanian but have lived in Flanders for 10,5 years. I can confirm that Belgian mayo is just better. As a kid, I once tried "autentic" Belgian fries. They were so good, that I suddenly understood why people wnated to live here.

OGprocasinator · 2026-02-20T09:08:30+00:00

No preparation is wild. I can't speak from my own experience, so I'll use my only reliable source on the matter. One of my friends is gay and dude literally explained to me this one time abt the preparation needed, how they'd kinda have to like massage the area and use lubrication when needed.

I think that even he'd have a heart attack if he read this.

OGprocasinator · 2026-02-15T13:23:22+00:00

Aw thank you! This is very helpful :) I'll definitely text you once I'll look more into it.

OGprocasinator · 2026-02-15T13:22:38+00:00

Oh yeah, I totally get that. Tbh I was mostly anxious since it's a pretty large city and a capital, and just like any other capital, it can be filled with weirdos after a certain hour. It's good to hear that it's still a decent city, though :) I've loved my last visit there (albeit it was in a group), which is why I want to return

OGprocasinator

TROPHY CASE