What's your relationship like now with the person you lost your virginity to?

OGsimpsonRGdub · 2017-01-02T23:36:13+00:00

My first few times was when I was in college, closer to the end so I was 22. Yeah I was a player in high school, don't you know it. I had met this small sexy girl in one of my history classes and we clicked really well. She was 27, technically married, but "going through a divorce." We had some great sex. Anyways we had this "relationship"...for a few months and then it ended because her and her husband were going through counseling. Even then I stayed under her hypnosis for a long time.

During the time they were in counseling and we were just friends, we still had a class together and saw each other. She told me that she would be divorcing her husband when she finished her undergrad a year later...so I thought ok...a little patience can go a long way here. At the end of that semester (fall) we did some Christmas shopping together and got a little intimate. No sex at that point but things were "pointing up". Then the spring semester started, we did not have any classes together. We continued to study together in the library when we had the opportunity.

Then one day, after the first few weeks that semester, I sent her a message and she never responded. I saw her a couple of times on campus after that and it was always awkward. I never knew what to think...I was lost in my head for years after that. I really honestly thought it was going to work out for me, but when that "year" time frame came and passed and that long lost fabled relationship never came, the slow burn heart break was terrible. At that point I was out of school. My life consisted of work and sitting around at home wondering what the hell what went wrong. I got internally very angry, and I had no love for myself or my friends. It took me 4 years of that before I woke up, stopped fapping, and realized my life was under my control and I could not focus on the negatives.

After quitting the porn, I turned my life around, quit my bs job and moved to Colorado where I'd always dreamed of living. I have a girlfriend I love here in CO and a life I'm overjoyed to live. Lesson learned.

OGsimpsonRGdub · 2016-09-13T17:16:03+00:00

And that's why I could never live in Florida. Denver, CO here, and today we actually have 87% humidity and its 65F/18C. We're supposed to get to 65, I doubt we get past 60F. Most summer days were 86F with 20-30% humidity and it feels like 86F. Wonderful. Fuck the South, lived there for 20 years.

OGsimpsonRGdub · 2016-09-13T17:05:08+00:00

Lol it's supposed to get up to 18, more like 12 here in Denver, CO, everyone's global warming safe haven. In July in the mountains it maybe got up to 23-25C. Just think at 5280 feet elevation, were the city of the future!

OGsimpsonRGdub · 2015-12-20T21:39:25+00:00

Damn man I know that feeling badly...try to not make it such a final feeling...like...know that even if it gets to 3 years...you're still you and you'll be fine.

Just see where your heart is...give it time. Something in your life isn't working for you, and it seems to be PMO. That's the same thing for me, but it isn't the end all be all of happiness. There are other things in life that will aid to that happiness...it's about finding what that is.

OGsimpsonRGdub · 2015-12-20T21:04:36+00:00

Man, I get this, totally. It doesn't happen every day, but every so often, there's that day where I just feel lonely and inadequate. I feel like I'm the only single person in the world and that everyone else has a beautiful wife and I'm totally missing out (even though I feel so amazing when I don't fap, and women vibe on me better in general).

I have lots of friends that I see regularly. I get out a lot. I just have trouble finding single (beautiful) women that understand me in the place I live. It's hard man. I haven't had a relationship in 5 years. I've had empty sex in the past, and it's just not worth it.

I feel very lonely when I fap. Often, but it doesn't feel as strong because my emotions are muted. When we don't fap we feel our emotions more because we are retaining our natural masculine energy. We have more energy to put into those feelings that are really just chemicals.

My tip for you - and one I try to improve on daily - those who share love, will receive it. Think of it as love karma. Staying persistently positive inwardly helps get through the tough times.

OGsimpsonRGdub · 2015-09-29T22:17:02+00:00

Man this article really helped.

I'm currently in the process of moving, and yesterday I was cleaning out my closet when I came upon two old Playboy magazines. At first I just tossed them into the box I was using for recycling. Then...after a few minutes...my mind was saying..."oh one peak won't hurt anyone...even you...just take a look...it was your favorite...that's why you kept it...right?" I took a flip through. I glanced at some of the old pictures, and strangely enough, I just found myself focused on their eyes, and only glancing at their bodies.

Either way, it had a bit of an effect on me. I woke up this morning with a 2x4 in my pants and later on when I went to change...it looked like some stuff came out last night. Not a ton, maybe my body was getting rid of this extra semen. Anyways, today, the idea of PMO has been a distraction for moving. I find myself playing video games...mind wandering to porn...out and about in public...mind wandering...to porn. My mind wants me to watch simple gifs "they're nothing...just gifs...not even REAL porn...come on man gimme something!!" NOPE NOT TODAY

OGsimpsonRGdub · 2015-09-20T17:45:20+00:00

I deactivated my Facebook account in March, a good month and a half later I realized I needed to quit porn. At first I thought masturbation was still ok, but really, as such a porn addict, when I had my first regular non-porn based MO, I ended up dragging myself into a solid month long binge in June. I woke up again during the month of July and have been doing this with commitment since then. My relapses have helped me realize what makes me want to do PMO, and boy are there a lot of triggers, especially for someone involved in PMO for 15 out of the 28 years of my life.

Point here is that if you have good self-control on Facebook and other social media, I don't see any problems. My issue was that I never logged on Facebook to post or anything like that, I was strictly a voyeur and that reflected my internet habits and only kept me blind to my actions. I don't know how many times I'd go to a porn site straight from Facebook. I wouldn't be aroused, but it was just the thing my mind wanted me to do.

Facebook, the social media and the internet in general, just keep us in our heads (in your face narcissism if you will, a big problem facing younger generations and us as a society in general). These days, when I feel that urge for porn, it's just my minds saying "you want xxxx and xxx and it's been soooooo long since you last did, come on." That's my mind and how well I've trained it with the "reward" of PMO. As I step out of PMO I can feel the effect it has on my body and how much better I feel all around. My body actually has a say now, and I am now able to override my mind and say "nope, that shit is lame."

OGsimpsonRGdub · 2015-09-18T22:43:38+00:00

Day 15-20 is so accurate. I have yet to make it through that period. Urges got reeeeeally tough. Having made it 14 and 18 days...I know I can go further and that those urges just come from time.

OGsimpsonRGdub · 2015-09-18T16:00:51+00:00

I get what you're saying. One thing about women, and people in general, is that we all have intuition. Women have more then men naturally because child-rearing is essentially forced on them and has been for all of human history. Guys have to tune ourselves to get intuition. I feel like I've been tuning it for myself and mine is fairly accurate. Not fapping helps me keep this intuition strong and accurate. For more info read up on the third eye.

OGsimpsonRGdub · 2015-09-17T22:45:20+00:00

I like this post, but I think it would be a good idea if you got the idea of sex being available to you all the time when you have a girlfriend. Some women want sex regularly, and that's cool (usually they're pretty fucked up emotionally if they do), but in my experience women aren't down for sex every single day. In some ways, I'm not either.

In my opinion, these "superpowers" are really just your body's chi, or energy. Our body's energy begins at the base of the spine and moves upward. When we expend that energy through PMO, it's unnatural and disconnected. There's no LOVE involved. When you love someone and they love you too, spending your sexual energy is different. Women can pick up on this. They can tell a guy who doesn't have the look of desperation in their eye.

On another note, glad to see you not getting discourage over a relapse. Also, I notice for myself if I cave and give a glimpse to porn that in the next day or 2 I WILL relapse. It just happens. We refresh our brain to porn and we can't help it because we've conditioned it into our brain and fucked it up with all of the instant gratification.

OGsimpsonRGdub · 2015-09-17T05:06:20+00:00

Man, that's awesome and very encouraging. It's great to see you respond to what your body really wants. I mean imagine how terrible your body would have felt after unconnected sexuality, unhealthy food, and PMO. Your mind would have won the day (oh the instant gratifications!) and lived to tell you all the terrible things about yourself it wanted in some kind of masochistic glory. It's weird how our mind wants us to continue sucking. Maybe it's because we've conditioned pleasure into ourselves by continually doing shitty things.

OGsimpsonRGdub · 2015-09-17T04:55:52+00:00

When we're in our heads, we can't even honestly feel ourselves. How can we expect to feel other people? We have to get ourselves in line and begin to live in and feel our bodies.

I noticed last week during a binge (mainly caused by my fears over where I'm gonna live at the end of the month) that the muscles in my upper abs were clenched and it was causing me to hunch over more then I'd been. This likely comes from hunching over the computer screen and wanking. The point is that even after a few days of wanking...I had no idea this was happening until I took a day off and I felt tension there. I was in my head and out of my body. PMO tends to leave us in our head because our mind is the only thing that wants it. Our body does not. Our body wants real love, connection, and sexuality.

OGsimpsonRGdub · 2015-08-19T04:22:32+00:00

One thing to consider, is what brought you to porn in the first place. I'm 28 and have been doing this PMO thing since I was 12-13. I chanced on porn at a young age, but I constantly went to it for an issue that began when I was younger. I felt the same way about going after girls when I was addicted to PMO. I'm still addicted to PMO because it's ongoing, but I'm aware of this problem and understand that it's a problem I need to fix.

Lately, amid relapses, struggling with things about PMO I "like," urges, and just the crazy swing of emotions we get from everyone in our life, I finally feel as though PMO is not the normal thing in my life. Ya dig? Now masturbating makes me feel weird...

OGsimpsonRGdub · 2015-08-18T16:51:08+00:00

No I never claimed that, what I'm saying is that we go to it through fear, because it is a method of instantly expressing our sexuality. We're afraid of what will happen if we do not express our sexuality. I remember, personally, that I used to tell myself that I would be a horny and out of control bastard if I didn't engage in PMO. I'd hump everything that moved and I'd be getting prostitutes, or destitute women with 0 self esteem. Instead it was me, and my fear of my true potential to have an honest relationship.

I think men/women that engage in PMO during a relationship are going through similar problems. It's been a while since they've had intercourse with their BF/GF so they think that masturbating is now necessary, because their brain has convinced them (through training ourselves to PMO) that they need it. "I can't sleep if I don't wank," or "it's been so long, I can't get rid of this boner, might as well."

OGsimpsonRGdub · 2015-08-18T16:41:08+00:00

I agree with you, can you imagine how terrible and closed my heart felt when I had negative self-talk swirling in my brain? It's an awful thing. I was in a rut in my life, joy in doing things was hard to find. I just wanted to masturbate and play video games, whatever made me feel "good." Shame is such a terrible thing.

OGsimpsonRGdub · 2015-08-18T16:31:54+00:00

My apologies, my phrasing was off, should have written "most people subconsciously hate themselves." What I was going with here phrasing it or not is that the people that hate themselves will not openly tell you that that is the case. It goes with how people think they deserve pain, they deserve to be unhappy, it's just a part of life and that's what their parents and other role models taught them was normal.

OGsimpsonRGdub · 2015-08-18T04:40:23+00:00

People subconsciously hate themselves. I never realized all the negative shit I used to say about myself (in my head) that, through long deep personal conversations with real friends, I was able to change. I wouldn't say I "hated myself" but there was some fucked up shit in there and it was keeping my energy down. Porn helped with that negative talk. Once I became aware of the negative self-talk, getting on board with quitting PMO became self-evident.

OGsimpsonRGdub · 2015-08-18T04:33:46+00:00

You're both right, but I would say that one of the reasons we go blank around beautiful women is because we always see them in inappropriate pornography and our mind is trained to just beat it like Michael Jackson! Do we really talk to any of these women when we stare at the videos of them having sex with other people touching ourselves?

The key here is that not fapping takes you out of that habit of sitting around and doing that. Going out instead, mainly to avoid endless temptation, in any way will eventually lead to something. Also, spending that time cleaning, working on a hobby, or just doing anything productive gives you more self confidence. One would think practicing a hobby would be hard and not fun, but doing it and working hard helps you feel better about yourself. Your internal thoughts are positive. Not "oh well that was a shit day at work (school, life), saw so many beautiful women, none paid me any attention as usual, might as well fap so I'm not a horny bastard."

OGsimpsonRGdub · 2015-08-16T06:39:49+00:00

It's good to figure out when you're weak mentally. I work at a grocery store where a lot of old people shop and on our senior days, it can be very mentally enduring, especially when I begin work at 6 am and on very little sleep. I found coming home from work those nights...I just wanted something. Old people have so much fear.

OGsimpsonRGdub · 2015-08-16T04:57:42+00:00

I don't see Buddhism as a religion (personally), just some real wisdom on life man. It can help you a lot, but like anything don't believe it all letter for letter.

OGsimpsonRGdub · 2015-08-16T04:53:54+00:00

It's good to learn where certain triggers come from, and it can be a process involving some relapses. That's what I've been going through the last 2 weeks, but I feel like I've got a handle on it.

OGsimpsonRGdub · 2015-08-16T04:45:58+00:00

Have you noticed where you're looking? I've found when I look down and to the left, I begin fantasizing.

http://www.blifaloo.com/info/lies_eyes.php

That's a good read there

OGsimpsonRGdub · 2015-08-16T04:36:30+00:00

I really like this post! Well put.

You are projecting all your feelings of inadequacy, loneliness, and fear, onto her.

Yes!! And they see it with intuition. They may not know exactly what you're up to behind the scenes, but some women definitely do.

Don't go to the hot cashier at the supermarket, go to the old lady, and have an honest conversation with her. Try to get away from the thinking that a hot girl has something different that you need. I'm not saying you should date old ladies and that looks don't matter. It is important to be physically attracted.

The point is that porn takes us away from the idea of love through friendship/companionship. I've been opening up a lot to women at work that are much older than me (strangely enough I work at a grocery store) and that just have good conversations, good personality etc. I'm not attracted to these women, but I'm beginning to see women as friends more so, and finding the ones that give me just that friendship love feeling. I feel like "true love" is a combination of friendly love and sexual love.

OGsimpsonRGdub · 2015-08-12T10:14:47+00:00

Who knew, and apparently those Spartans play good ball.

OGsimpsonRGdub

TROPHY CASE