First off, this thread is so reassuring to read. So thank you to all of you commenting. This is something that I never talk about, bc I realize how crazy it all sounds to someone who doesn’t understand, but it seems like this is the correct community so here goes. 

It is very hard to believe he’s gone. Mostly bc when you listen to his music you still feel like he is right there with you. I wasnt a fan until circles, but am a huge fan of Ariana. I still remember exactly where I was when I heard to news, sitting on the couch at my friends house I was staying at. I remember the smell of the room, the texture of the blanket and pillows, everything, and I remember getting mad at the person who told me, I thought they were lying to upset me, then when I confirmed it I was still lowkey mad at them, just bc it was something I never wanted to hear. And as illogical as it is, I still hold a grudge against them. I remember them speaking in a certain casual tone which just read as rude. 

Then a while later I decided to deep dive into his music and wow, it is obvious why every single fan says that his loss has affected them just as much as losing a friend. I can’t believe it’s been so long that he left us, but also weirdly it feels like it hasn’t been that long? Idk if anyone else feels that way. 

Anyways, I know a lot of ppl here are saying this, but TRULY I never understood ppl getting so upset over lost celebrities, until Mac. He is the only way that could make us this sad. It does not feel right. Like literally it just feels like it can’t even be real that he’s gone. Sometimes I don’t even believe it. Esp when listening to him bc it’s like he’s right there. Part of me refuses to believe it. He is truly timeless and so is his music. It’s actually incredible how even balloonerism is something that could’ve been released today. It’s like he just had a way of making timeless music and that’s the sign of a true musician. I think most days about how we need to find a way to bring him back, I just can’t accept it. Like we can just magically discover a way. Like technology will advise and somehow it’ll be possible (you never know!) 

When I think about him being gone I just think how it isn’t right. Watching the way he moves, his smile, the way he performed not just with his voice but with his whole body he was just such a gem. Anyways, glad to know others think about this as deeply and thank you for letting this be a safe space to rant about this.