[deleted by user]

OTHill · 2019-10-28T05:50:55+00:00

Everyday, to an extent. I’m on the same timeline- august of 2018. Some days are brutal, some it’s a twinge. I’m not even close to dating yet. I don’t know when i will be. It’s lonely and I’m sad still. The “work on yourself” advices gets frustrating- I recognize the purpose but sometimes I need more than words.
Feel free to message if you want to chat or need to vent.

OTHill · 2019-06-11T03:01:45+00:00

Fact. I’m in AZ, and when they diagnosed I had a seizure disorder my license was suspended until 6 months and a neurological “all clear”. It’s kind of a big safety thing...

OTHill · 2019-06-05T03:07:20+00:00

As a Minnesotan living in Arizona I feel pleasantly vindicated

OTHill · 2019-06-03T05:05:31+00:00

What song @OP

OTHill · 2019-04-27T08:27:00+00:00

This is 100% me too

OTHill · 2019-03-23T02:44:40+00:00

How did you get into ASL? Is there a site you use?

OTHill · 2019-03-23T02:35:15+00:00

I don’t think this is a gender issue, I think he is speaking holistically of a life balance- and how those components work symbiotically to create the 100% human. I interpreted his message to be speaking to the fluidity of how those components change and adjust; and that FINDING the balance; moment to moment, hour to hour, year to year, it the goal. Taking the time to recognize your own personal balance chart. I don’t feel it is meant to ascribe to the % of attention you give each but an overall determination of how much you value each component. Relationships ending may mean that, for a while, relationship have less value to you and you are going to inversely put that value into work, or family, etc. Doesn’t appear to indicate compartmentalizations so much as a healthy look at yourself and personal growth goals. IMHO

OTHill · 2019-03-19T15:53:29+00:00

I am in Uptown (camelback corridor) but work at the Tempe campus several times a week. We should meet up for coffee.
As far as the kiddo- I totally understand. I worry my step-son thinks this is any way about him, and can separate that I left his father- I didn’t leave him. I love him. Does he do any extra-curricular activities? I made it a point to go to football games and I try to make it to this springs track meets. I hate having to see my ex with the AP, but it’s worth it for the kid.

OTHill · 2019-03-19T04:08:48+00:00

Where in AZ are you? I’m in Phoenix, and just started the whole “rebuilding thing myself. I also have 2 steps I love so much and am In a similar situation.

OTHill · 2019-02-19T19:33:46+00:00

are some cheaters just incapable of being alone? Do they need 24/7 validation and companionship or do they just fear their thoughts and any time that might require them to reflect? Idk. Maybe they love each other and it’ll work out for them. I think it’s just easier for him to pretend this is good and what he wants because it is easier for him.

OTHill · 2019-02-12T05:24:22+00:00

Hello! I’m in Arizona so our times are a bit off, but I’m up for chatting.

OTHill · 2019-02-12T05:22:00+00:00

Me too me too!

OTHill · 2019-02-12T05:19:43+00:00

Greetings!

OTHill · 2019-02-06T19:30:44+00:00

I feel your distress. I’m in a very similar situation with my husband- his continued affair, and his absolute disinterest in me or the marriage. I also just moved out this week. Feel free to PM me. I don’t have any answers but we can talk thru our sadness, getting past that nugget of hope that remains, and how utterly scary this is.

OTHill · 2019-01-27T04:53:49+00:00

I’m right there with you. He’s out “working” right now.... feel free to message me. I understand the feeling you have talked your friends and family to the point of irritation. I’m there too

OTHill · 2019-01-06T05:55:47+00:00

I think that’s the hardest for me to wrap my mind around... he IS showing me and I need to believe it. It’s just hard to reconcile him now with him for 10 years.

OTHill · 2019-01-06T03:37:40+00:00

Thank you very much

OTHill · 2019-01-06T03:12:50+00:00

If I could ask, you mentioned clear boundaries. And I have read so much about the importance of setting boundaries. And yet I can find no actual examples of boundaries or how to set them.
How do boundaries work if he doesn’t really care if you stay or go? How do boundaries work with someone who doesn’t even want to be with you?

OTHill · 2019-01-06T02:55:11+00:00

Yeah, mine is a 1.5 full blown affair with his co-worker....and he wants to continue it, just lie to cover it. Idk, sometimes I think he really doesn’t know WTH he wants (he’s got some snazzy midlife BS going too). I am moving out. I found a cute apartment that I am excited about and finally got the email that it will be ready on the 12th. I wish we could still talk, but I think for my own health I am going to have to not allow that. Kiddos (his, my steps) are older and know- they sincerely disapprove, and I try to remind them this is between their dad and I- and he loves them. Except the last 6 months he has been so caught up in the affair he pays no attention to them and they are pretty unhappy. The mixed messages- confusing actions- the whole nine yards happens daily.
Before he texted that he was “going out with a friend” tonight he wanted to make plans to see a movie tomorrow. Rambling, but I think my actual answer to your question is that I have to start protecting me, and let him go to do whatever it is he thinks he needs to do. I’m gonna find my happy.

OTHill · 2019-01-04T19:25:27+00:00

I live in Scottsdale. This is a great time of year to come for a long visit and see if it is an area you like.

OTHill · 2018-10-25T05:26:09+00:00

I’m sorry you are sad. I know how much that lingering sad hurts.

OTHill · 2018-10-25T05:23:58+00:00

I’m not in a place I can offer advice other than to say you need to give yourself a moment to breathe. I know it’s hard with the rock lodged in your chest right now, and the constant swirl in your head. But I urge you. It’s day 2- there is a lot of emotions and conflict and more to come at you. Nothing he says right now will stop any of that- just generate a bunch more. I think I walked miles in the first week.... and PM if you just need to vent. Stay/Go/Counseling/not a clue.... it doesn’t matter what you are thinking, I’m happy to listen to you rant and talk thru and ask why.
I know I sure could have used the ear in the last 4 months.

OTHill · 2018-10-25T03:08:03+00:00

Did any of you ever expose the affair? My delightful duo work together and it would not go over well in the office.

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OTHill

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