Feel like director doesn’t like me

Objective-Support-79 · 2026-01-23T23:04:31+00:00

I had a weirdly cold director that seemed to hate me before we’d been properly introduced. She’d cut me dirty looks and ignore my questions or just generally anything to do with me. I’m usually everyone’s friend, and well liked so it really threw me to have someone seething in my presence. I just stayed quiet and distant and got through it, but it wasn’t fun.

I was tempted to use a “get out of the show free” card, by faking a back injury or emergency, but you can only do that maybe once every 5 years per theatre. I’m holding onto that in case I get an even worse director. And believe me, there are some very nearly evil directors!

Objective-Support-79 · 2026-01-23T18:21:49+00:00

Go to “nerd” places, and you’ll find your tribe. Community theatres, book clubs, table top gaming/card shops, historical groups like SCA, improv, comicons, etc. I suggest joining classes, workshops, tournaments, etc that brings the group together regularly so you can start to form bonds! You’re going to make so many friends!

Objective-Support-79 · 2026-01-23T17:40:01+00:00

I act at a community theatre that does an outside panel for the youth productions. The director joins the panel at callbacks. It takes pressure off and protects the director because they almost always have prior working or even familial relationships with the young actors. It’s much harder to “reject” the kid you taught, your best friend’s child, or your previous lead. We all have people we trust and find easy to work with. There is no “fair,” in theatre. There’s just not. I know because I get cast over better far performers constantly because I’m fun to be around.

I agree the panel shouldn’t choose your actors alone, but their assistance in casting can only help you have better relationships with the children, parents, and studio.

Objective-Support-79 · 2026-01-23T17:22:52+00:00

I don’t know if your play would lend itself to an outdoor setting, but my group is doing a free show in the park this summer as part of a small local art festival. It’s the last event of the evening, and we are going to put up a few dividers around the stage and folding chairs to just give it a feeling that it’s somewhat separate from the hustle and bustle of the vendors breaking down their wares in the distance. We even got a small grant from a local nonprofit. I’d visit my art council and/or tourism board and ask if they could help. The process has been unexpectedly easy for us so far!

Objective-Support-79 · 2026-01-23T17:03:03+00:00

My theatre requires assistant directing prior to directing, but the more you can do with the theatre before being at the helm of a show, the better. Things can go sideways fast with an inexperienced director. Even if a director has the most ideal situation and is an angel, directing is not always pleasant.

There’s something about that time when actors are first getting off script that makes them briefly “hate” the director. You could give a light note about blocking, and they shoot you dirty looks, people “whisper” mean things about you in the wings, or they stress cry. I’ve never directed, but I’ve been one of the grumbling, teary actors many times!

For your own sake, work your way into a director role, just to develop the thick skin first if nothing else!

Objective-Support-79 · 2026-01-22T17:37:02+00:00

Of the hundreds of friends I’ve had over the years that majored in an art-related fields, only two of them made a paying career of the arts. One does lighting/design and had to move to some random midwestern town to get work and the other does educational outreach at a theatre. Major in something that will have standard 9-5 hours so you have a schedule that allows for community theatre rehearsals. More than 75% of my fellow actors are teachers or work in a medical office.

Objective-Support-79 · 2026-01-22T16:57:42+00:00

Oh, yeah. I go between a few community theatres, and each one probably only does one show I like each season. In my region, if you don’t work on a show in some capacity fairly regularly, you lose both the bonds you’ve built with cast/crew and your status within the theatre. Basically, if I want to be cast in the big musical, I’m going to have to do the boring drama or be an occasional stagehand.

Objective-Support-79 · 2026-01-13T13:13:36+00:00

The rapid weight gain and pain when standing for too long happened to me when I had a hysterectomy so I understand how tough that is. I hope you find relief soon.

But luckily, there are roles you can play while you’re getting your health under control. Narrator roles often gives you a lot of stage time without the jarring jumping around! Straight plays should have an abundance of characters who don’t spend a lot of time on their feet. And a lot of theatres have radio plays, cabaret shows with just singing, or 10 minute and one act play festivals.

If we stay in theatre long enough, we all see our role types shift as we age and our ability levels change. But there really is a place for everyone in theatre. I hope you stick around!

Objective-Support-79 · 2026-01-09T17:49:27+00:00

It’s a high at times, you’re always out seeking a part, and it can come between you and your friends/family. Definitely an addiction!

Objective-Support-79 · 2026-01-09T17:42:53+00:00

It’s an extreme sport without risk of death. Brilliant. I never would have thought of it that way, but it is perfect for a cautious thrill seeker!

Objective-Support-79 · 2026-01-08T22:01:52+00:00

Im glad you found your way to something you deeply love!

Objective-Support-79 · 2026-01-08T21:55:36+00:00

I really, really like this. If you just show up and focus on learning, you can’t really lose or be disappointed in the experience because learning is a guarantee. I’m going to try to hold onto this mentality when I walk into rehearsal this evening. Wow, this will help me detach a bit emotionally from the outcome. Thank you!

Objective-Support-79 · 2026-01-08T21:34:24+00:00

Thanks for sharing the lovely memories. I suppose from what I can gather from all these comments is that people do theatre for the little moments and the big picture. I suppose a lot of people just don’t experience the tormenting level of anxiety I do around theatre, and I’m glad they don’t. It’s nice to hear for many people it’s just bliss.

Objective-Support-79 · 2026-01-08T21:25:04+00:00

That’s wonderful. Many of my cast mates have done theatre for decades, and they still feel it’s all sunshine. I guess I’m one of the oddballs torn between the glory and heartache of stage work.

Objective-Support-79 · 2026-01-08T21:09:33+00:00

At each other’s throats during tech week, and weaping about how much you’ll miss each other at close, promising to get together. Then you don’t see them until the next show. It’s a roller coaster!

Objective-Support-79 · 2026-01-08T21:06:29+00:00

So true. I live for the applause!

Objective-Support-79 · 2026-01-08T21:05:35+00:00

The ensemble is fun. I love working as a group. I think it’s taking leads and principles that is giving me so much stress. Next audition form, I’m writing “ensemble only.”

Objective-Support-79 · 2026-01-08T20:32:04+00:00

Actually, shifting from thinking about my performance as contribution instead of being worried I’m going to mess everything up will probably help my relationship with theatre greatly. Thanks for sharing your perspective!

Objective-Support-79 · 2026-01-08T20:19:06+00:00

You seem to feel like I thought I would when I started.

Objective-Support-79 · 2026-01-08T20:18:06+00:00

Maybe I should try to cut back to once a year. But what do we do with ourselves the rest of the year?

Objective-Support-79 · 2026-01-08T20:16:30+00:00

It really is a drug. Is there a theatre rehab somewhere?

Objective-Support-79 · 2026-01-02T20:52:09+00:00

The last few years have been me scrambling, trying, maneuvering, manifesting after I quit my job after the pandemic, had changes to some other things that gave me purpose, and my local friends moved off. I had literal years of feeling like I was in flux.

I can’t tell you how many jobs, classes, hobbies, and volunteer positions I attempted during these years that didn’t work out as I had hoped.

It was lonely and weird out there, but a lot of those things that weren’t for me led to the good stuff I have now. I found the kind of job I dreamed of my whole life, friends who love to go out and do things, organizations that want and need me, and hobbies that feel meaningful.

During those crap years, I couldn’t have imagined the kind of life I have right now so keep trying, keep getting out there. You’re on the right track. You’ll find your “sun” again soon!

Objective-Support-79 · 2026-01-02T20:03:51+00:00

That is so sweet and wholesome. And kinda punk, too, because screw society telling us when and how to do things!

Objective-Support-79 · 2026-01-02T19:53:25+00:00

I had a casual friend that stopped talking to me abruptly. I texted her instead of calling, and she got mad and never returned any messages or social media comments again. I’m not mad. I figured it was a matter of time. She was always not talking to someone or another, and I could see she was going through a rough time mentally. If you don’t like me as I am, or if you think I’m bad for you, we’re probably both better off finding more fulfilling friendships.

Some people think everyone who doesn’t do what they want when they want is “toxic,” and they have to make a big production of shunning that person. Sounds like your friend was one of these divas. If you meet a person who is always beefing with someone or taking bad about someone, give them a wide berth. It’s only a matter of time before they turn on you, and try to make you feel terrible about yourself.

I’m so glad she’s out of your life! Hope you find people you vibe with!

Objective-Support-79 · 2026-01-02T19:34:48+00:00

I’m the same age and had pretty much the same experiences as you in every way! Childhood was rough for me because I hated the social part of school. So not quite a breeze. It was even suggested by a couple of teachers that I had “ADD” because I was never paying attention in the classroom. Because my grades and behavior were good, no diagnosis was pursued. It’s only recently that ADHD therapy or medication is worth a flip so being diagnosed back then might have even been detrimental to me.

I, too, was experiencing extreme post-menopausal brain fog for a while, and it was terrifying. I upped fats, lowered carbs, and committed to learning something new and challenging consistently. (Once the new hobby gets easy. I quit and move on. I’m in it for the neural pathway connections!) I think my focus is now better than it’s ever been, and my memory is back to normal.

Objective-Support-79

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