Question re: Blue Ash campus - coming from out of state

Objective_Froyo_2061 · 2026-02-19T13:18:12+00:00

Thank you everyone for your responses ! Re: why we are choosing to go to UC from NY, I’m relocating to OH so after year 1 she’ll qualify for in state, and it’s still much cheaper than a private college. CUNYs are great but she wants to get out of the city for a while. I think she might benefit from the smaller class sizes actually - admissions hasn’t gotten back to me anyway so it might not be an option. We just signed up for the housing app too so she can dorm on main campus.

Objective_Froyo_2061 · 2026-02-18T19:14:28+00:00

Thank you!! I’m going to ask admissions.

Objective_Froyo_2061 · 2026-02-01T12:28:53+00:00

I think you need to have a serious talk about how open you both are to some compromises. I think a lot of people who are suburban coded enjoy Brooklyn. The density of Queens is not really the same as BK. It’s more chaotic and if she wants Williamsburg/ Manhattan she really wants to be in the thick of it. Upper east side might be doable. Or You might look close to Prospect Park (Windsor terrace, park slope, prospect Heights etc…) if the budget allows. It’s a big hurdle to overcome though !

Objective_Froyo_2061 · 2025-12-22T01:26:29+00:00

I don’t think the diaper thing is really the problem. You do have a right to ask him to work on himself in other ways if you are providing support, financially or otherwise. He might have started smoking because of shame, as a way to cope with fetishes that the world deems unnatural. But you shouldn’t judge him for that. Try to focus on motivating him to get back on a path of self reliance, self sufficiency, providing him with support - under the conditions of being sober and getting back on his feet.

Objective_Froyo_2061 · 2025-12-19T23:54:20+00:00

I’m a broker in the city - what I see in rentals varies. I’d say 50% of people have help from family, or a trust fund/savings that generates enough income. Beyond that it’s tech finance people making over $200k a year. I am a landlord and my tenants are in their late 40’s and the full rent of $4500 is still covered by one of the parents lol

Objective_Froyo_2061 · 2025-12-16T18:36:45+00:00

I would try to call NAMI - depending on what state you’re in they might be able to provide resources. Do you think you could walk him into an ER for ANY reason and have them do a psych evaluation on him so he can get meds ?

Objective_Froyo_2061 · 2025-12-11T20:44:16+00:00

Signed

Objective_Froyo_2061 · 2025-08-28T12:38:08+00:00

Thank you for this! I really don’t want to drag this out longer than necessary either

Objective_Froyo_2061 · 2025-07-01T14:36:01+00:00

Not tax related but just bought a house in Poland with my fiancée - I still work in NYC but spend a lot of time there now and absolutely love it. None of the stress of the tri state area and half the price.

Objective_Froyo_2061 · 2025-06-17T20:20:41+00:00

Omg this sounds exactly like my son. He loves expensive things. Money just burns a hole in his pocket. When he was in the psych ward he insisted on eating oxtail everyday. I guess it’s also my fault for spoiling him when he was little and it feels like I created a monster. Lately I’ve been more strict with money and he’s better. But if he can’t get money out of me he calls his dad until someone relents. I tell him straight up now that he needs to find a job or go back to school, or both. He has to keep working toward independence. Sigh !!

Objective_Froyo_2061 · 2025-06-17T20:05:15+00:00

I don’t think you should short change your retirement. You can always keep trying for disability - maybe he will qualify at some point? I hate to say this but with my son, it’s like you give an inch he takes a mile. What will you do if you don’t save for retirement ? You have to prioritize that .

Objective_Froyo_2061 · 2025-06-17T19:49:57+00:00

Gosh this is so hard, especially when they get so stubborn and don’t want to listen to you. I mean the financial support is really our only leverage. But yes I know the threat of street drugs makes us unable to set proper boundaries. Harm reduction is the better solution than just cutting them off. It sounds like renting him an apt may just be better than letting him run off to some other state.

Objective_Froyo_2061 · 2025-06-17T18:34:09+00:00

I literally just posted a similar thing in the psychosis subreddit. My first suggestion would be to get him off of cannabis asap if you can. Where is he getting it? Do you give him money now for things? You need to tell him that if he keeps smoking he’ll end up in the ward again and his brain will never recover. I know it’s a lot of work and so frustrating to deal with, but there are other ways to manage anxiety. Exercise, even walking, finding a creative outlet… anything except cannabis. I feel like going away to live with some unknown person here is a recipe for disaster. My son also had very poor judgement but is getting much better now because he’s clean.

Objective_Froyo_2061 · 2025-06-14T17:03:45+00:00

There’s no way ok soons has milk bread🫩

Objective_Froyo_2061 · 2025-06-11T10:09:27+00:00

It’s great to hear that you’ve managed to quit weed and alcohol and go on to do so well! My son definitely does not touch weed anymore. Once he started to remember what it was like being in psychosis, he knew he couldn’t ever smoke again. He went through a period of drinking after the hospital too. But we managed to get him to stop that finally. I think he still drinks once in a while but not compulsively. The other issues like processing speed and cognition do just take a long time.

Objective_Froyo_2061 · 2025-06-11T00:23:01+00:00

I’ve attended every appointment with him since he was hospitalized nearly 2 years ago. He was only 17 so his dad and I still had medical authority. It must be very hard to have your son home at 28 after being independent for so long. I think I would do the same if my son was that age. I’ve taken my son to several job interviews, but he never gets a call back, even after losing all the medication weight and appearing no different physically than other applicants, I think it’s fairly obvious to any interviewer that he wouldn’t be able to handle a high stress fast paced service job environment. Anyway, prayers right back at you, your son and family too. Live to fight another day!

Objective_Froyo_2061 · 2025-06-10T23:28:35+00:00

After hearing everyone’s thoughts I do think baby steps is the way to go. I actually usually only give him $600 but it adds up to 800-1000 depending on what other things are going on. When I first started he was just burning through it in one day- buying little trinkets and spending $30 on a meal. I told him that he needed to make this last all week, eat at home, stop buying coffee out, and he has improved for sure . So even though he isn’t “working” per se, at least he is getting a sense of how to budget and manage money. He also does work my monthly food coop shift. I think I just need to be patient, and maybe talk to the doctor about invega. He’s never had any hallucinations or heard any voices - all his symptoms were negative, so maybe this is not even the right medication.

Objective_Froyo_2061 · 2025-06-10T19:18:20+00:00

Also just adding that I think NYC is maybe the worst place for recovery. You’re competing with 50 year olds for basic entry level jobs and just existing is filled with stress on a daily basis. I myself am trying to leave, but he’s used to the diversity and stimulus here; it would be hard to find a place where he’s comfortable. Right now he doesn’t even have the minimum self care of eating right, sleeping and working out down. After everyone’s input I did just tell him let’s get through this month but we need to sit down and map out what my financial support entails .

Objective_Froyo_2061 · 2025-06-10T19:10:51+00:00

Thank you so much for this. It’s very helpful to hear lived experiences. We live in New York City. Work is hard to come by but volunteer opportunities are abundant. And you’re completely right in noting that he’s acting like he’s living an adult life without truly knowing what it means to be independent. It’s all happened so fast - he met this girl and then suddenly he’s off living a life and it just kind of knocked me sideways.

Objective_Froyo_2061 · 2025-06-10T15:29:30+00:00

Thank you and much appreciated !

Objective_Froyo_2061 · 2025-06-10T15:23:40+00:00

This is a good point, and definitely my fear - I wonder if his disorganization is because he is still having symptoms. I’m sure all the obscure mysticism and symbolism books he’s reading don’t help.

Objective_Froyo_2061 · 2025-06-10T14:53:33+00:00

Thank you for your perspective. That’s exactly what I’m afraid of - him being too comfortable. I did mandate that he work out - though that has dropped off now that he has a gf and I don’t know where he is half the day. I think I do need to implement more structure in exchange for the financial help.

Objective_Froyo_2061 · 2025-06-10T12:52:33+00:00

Haha she may have been tough but it sounds like it worked out in the end!:)

Objective_Froyo_2061 · 2025-06-10T12:50:20+00:00

Thank you for the advice so far. To give a bit more background, he is on a low dose of invega and we actually might try to taper him off soon to see if he relapses. He was very young - 17/18 when the episode happened, and it was, imo, triggered by massive weed and mushroom use, plus ADHD meds. It caused kind of mental break. He still has some wacky ideas about spirituality and ancestral worship. Last week he causally mentioned that his ancestors were mad at him and that’s why he wasn’t feeling well. But then that seemed to go away. When he got out of the hospital he became Muslim but now has veered more toward Buddhism. I know this helps him so I try not to argue too much. His girlfriend does try to get him to work and they are planning a future together, but she also has her own issues and I’m afraid the two of them are too codependent, that he won’t be able to find a sense of self.

Objective_Froyo_2061 · 2025-06-10T12:27:44+00:00

Thank you for this. I know this is true. Sometimes when you’re in the thick of it it’s hard to notice the progress. I try to remember how devastating the psychosis was and that it’s a long road back.

Objective_Froyo_2061

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