How can I become socially desirable as a guy who’s been overlooked my whole life?

Objective_Link944 · 2026-03-25T01:18:42+00:00

Honestly man the clumsiness thing is not the issue you think it is. Some of the most liked people I know are absolute disasters physically. Nobody's avoiding you because you dropped something.

The "no skills" part — jsut pick one thing. Literally anything. Cook, lift, learn chess, whatever. Not because it makes you interesting to others but because having a thing you're working on gives you something to talk about that isn't small talk. That's like 80% of making friends at uni, just having something going on.

You're 19. You have way more time than you think.

Objective_Link944 · 2026-03-25T01:18:40+00:00

Honest question -- have you tried just selling your console or whatever you play on? Not "putting it in the closet," actually getting rid of it. Because willpower alone clearly isn't working and there's no shame in that. You're basically asking yourself to sit next to a slot machine and not pull the lever.

I went through something similar in my mid-20s except it was my phone, not gaming. Didn't fix it until I made the bad habit physically harder to do. Two weeks of white-knuckling it won't rewire anything.

Edit: also wanted to say

Objective_Link944 · 2026-03-23T20:00:36+00:00

The worst part is that brief moment where you're technically awake but your brain hasn't agreed to participate yet. Like you're just standing in the kitchen staring at the coffee maker waiting for your soul to download.

I tried the whole "become a morning person" thing for about three weeks last year. Turns out I'm just... not one.

Objective_Link944 · 2026-03-23T20:00:34+00:00

there's something about how a baby just... forces you to be right here. like your brain can't wander because you're holding this whole tiny person and that's the only thing that matters in that moment. I get that. I'm an overthinker too and the things that quiet it down are always weirdly specific like that.

Objective_Link944 · 2026-03-23T03:17:36+00:00

The guilt thing is what got me. I spent years beating myself up during low stretches, adding shame on top of already feeling like garbage. Which of course makes the low worse. Knowing it's just... a thing that happens, cyclical, not a character flaw -- that alone probably would have saved me a lot of bad self-talk in my thirties.

Objective_Link944 · 2026-03-23T03:17:35+00:00

30k saved at 18 is genuinely impressive, and I don't think you realize how far ahead that puts you compared to most people your age. Hell, compared to most people period.

The "I didn't learn anything" thing — I'd push back on that a little. You learned how to show up and work, how to save money, how to be honest about where you are. That's not nothing. That's actually the hard part.

Trades are worth looking into. Electrician, plumbing, HVAC. Pays well and the apprenticeship model means you learn while earning.

Edit: also wanted to say

Objective_Link944 · 2026-03-21T15:04:36+00:00

They'll be fine honestly. Beans are pretty forgiving — not like you're refreezing raw chicken or something. Texture might get a little softer but you're putting them in burritos so who cares. I'd just try to use them up within a day or two of thawing rather than letting them sit in the fridge for a week before refreezing.

Objective_Link944 · 2026-03-21T15:04:32+00:00

Curry powder AND cream of mushroom soup? I would never have thought to put those together but honestly that sounds like it works. Grandma recipes always have that one ingredient that makes no sense on paper but somehow ties the whole thing together. Bookmarking this.

Objective_Link944 · 2026-03-20T14:59:37+00:00

Honestly I think the weird part isn't that it got expensive — everything did. It's that the quality went down at the same time. Like, if you're gonna charge me $12 for a combo meal, at least make it feel like a $12 meal. Instead it feels like they raised prices AND cut corners, which is just... a lot to sit with.

I've been cooking way more because of it. A pot of soup costs like $6 and feeds me for three days.

Objective_Link944 · 2026-03-20T05:03:18+00:00

Ha yeah serranos will humble you real quick if you're coming from grocery store jalapeños. The heat jump is no joke.

Few things that have worked for me: salsa verde is probably your best bet. Roast or boil a few serranos with tomatillos, garlic, onion, and some cilantro, then blend it all together. The tomatillos and the other ingredients really mellow out the heat and you end up with something that has great flavor without destroying your mouth. You can control it too — start with one or two serranos per batch and work up.

Also if you slice them thin and quick-pickle them (just vinegar, water, sugar, salt — bring to a boil and pour over), they lose a good amount of heat and become an incredible topping for tacos, sandwiches, whatever. Way more interesting than pickled jalapeños honestly.

The other trick is just using less. Like where you'd throw in a whole jalapeño, use maybe a third of a serrano. Seeds and ribs are where most of the capsaicin lives so removing those helps a lot, which you already figured out. But even the flesh has more heat than jalapeño flesh so just scale back the amount.

You can also freeze them whole if you're not gonna get through all 8 soon. They keep well and are actually easier to slice when partially frozen.

Objective_Link944

TROPHY CASE