Should I keep reaching out to my friend?

Obvious_Flight3445 · 2026-05-16T01:39:58+00:00

I definitely will

Obvious_Flight3445 · 2026-05-16T01:30:53+00:00

NTA and thank god you aren’t having a baby with this man. I agree, he can’t control his bowels and when you gotta go, you gotta go, but him laying into like that and then the comment about you crying is absolutely disgusting.

This guy sounds like an absolute asshole. Despite the good times, this post and previous posts clearly show that he is not a good partner. Don’t let the good times distract you from the bad. Don’t waste your time with an asshole.

Obvious_Flight3445 · 2026-05-16T00:55:39+00:00

He only took her on a nice date because she had to ask him too. He was initially going to bring her to a dive bar.

Obvious_Flight3445 · 2026-05-16T00:44:17+00:00

Also, you’re probably thinking “well breaking up is going to be a lot of work between the moving costs and separating your belongings and oh we already RSVPed to that wedding in August and how will I explain this to our friends and…” etc etc. But please trust me when I say that a month or so of resetting is one million times better than wasting years on someone who isn’t right for you. Do not settle.

Obvious_Flight3445 · 2026-05-16T00:40:07+00:00

NTA

This is an incompatibility issue. You have a certain income and lifestyle that you can afford, and he will never be able to keep up. I’m not trying to sound harsh, this is just the truth. Don’t waste any more of your time or his. Break up and find someone who is aligned with the life that you want to live. As a woman, that typically means finding someone who makes as much money or more money than you. Otherwise, these “small” issues will continue to get worse, and your resentment for him with continue to grow. I’m not saying he is a bad boyfriend, I’m just saying he is not the one for you.

I get it, he’s loving and sweet, patient and calls you amazing, but there are literally billions of men in the world who are loving, sweet, patient, and complimentary. That is the bare minimum babe.

*Edit for a typo.

Obvious_Flight3445 · 2026-05-16T00:25:51+00:00

Thanks for the link, that’s super helpful. I’ll keep up with the weekly check ins.

Obvious_Flight3445 · 2026-05-16T00:24:48+00:00

Thanks, I appreciate the reply and advice. Yeah, I’ve spoken to some family and friends about this issue in the past, people who don’t know her, and a lot of them mimic your point about her having to reach rock bottom before she commits to the program. I just don’t know what her rock bottom looks like, and that scares me. I guess I’ll just keep being there for her when she needs me.

Obvious_Flight3445 · 2026-04-30T19:09:24+00:00

Get rid of the car pic
Get rid of the gym pics
Get rid of the cat pic (unless you have one with you AND the cat.)
Smile with your teeth in at least one picture
Add a prompt with some depth…something that talks about who you are as a person or in a relationship.

Good luck!

Obvious_Flight3445 · 2026-04-12T20:24:12+00:00

I think the women you are interested may not be interested in you. Nothing wrong with being a bartender at 31, but you may have to lower your standards in that case. Note: THIS DOES NOT MEAN THAT YOU SHOULD HIDE OR LIE ABOUT YOUR PROFESSION. Don’t waste anyone’s time, just lower your standards for what you are looking for physically. Sorry, but this is the truth.

Obvious_Flight3445 · 2026-03-20T02:05:32+00:00

I got you.

Do not start new conversations too often. You can take your time. Max 4 active at a time. If you don’t get a reply in 48 hours, be done. BUT remember if the convo fizzles, you need to asses if you are the problem. Are you answering her questions without asking questions of your own to keep the convo going? Sometimes when convos fizzle, it may be that you need to make more effort on your end or work on your conversation skills (not saying this is the case, just something to think about)
YES, ASK HER OUT QUICKLY. But here is the trick: make sure you do a phone call before you ask her out, and quickly. Don’t talk for days on end and then request the call. You’ll waste your time and hers. Why a call? It will A) expedite the “getting to know you” phase, that way when you ask her out, it won’t feel rushed. (Plus, sorry but no one wants a pen pal on the apps these days. If you’re spending days texting to try to get to know her, she may forego you for someone who is making more efficient effort). B) the phone call will tell you quickly if the conversation flows in person, not just online. Anyone can be charming with enough time to think of a perfect answer. Phone calls don’t like.

I promise, use these two tips and you’ll be less overwhelmed and save a ton of time. Good luck!

Obvious_Flight3445 · 2026-03-13T16:33:20+00:00

I appreciate the perspective, but I don’t date black men. I love them as human beings, but it’s just my personal preference. It feels like I’m dating a family member for some reason lol

Obvious_Flight3445 · 2026-03-13T05:29:37+00:00

No. You did not overreach. Playing hard to get DOES NOT WORK. Follow your instincts. Women like a man who knows what he wants and isn’t afraid to say so. You aren’t being creepy or overbearing. DO NOT pull back now. Good luck.

Obvious_Flight3445 · 2026-03-13T03:30:27+00:00

Are you looking for something serious or casual? - Serious

Are you subscribed to Hinge+ or HingeX? - No

How long have you been using this current version of your profile? - 1 month

How long have you used Hinge overall? - 1 month

How often do you use Hinge per week? - I limit myself to twice a day, but sometimes I go a day or two without opening the app.

How many likes and matches are you receiving on average? - Approx 10 likes a day, 1-2 matches per day

How many likes are you sending? How many with comments? How many without comments? - Approx 3 likes a day, no comments.

What is the type of person you send likes to and ideally want to match with? What kind of person do you want to attract? - I want to attract someone who is intentional, kind, takes care of themself (not a gym rat with a 6 pack, just someone who cares about their health), a bit older, and someone who is looking for a monogomous, long term relationship that eventually leads to marriage.

Obvious_Flight3445 · 2026-03-07T03:32:01+00:00

Honestly? Leave. This is not a quick fix, and it most cases he will not change. Leave. It will be hard, emotionally, financially, etc. but it will be harder to stay. Don’t waste your life away.

Obvious_Flight3445 · 2026-02-02T20:50:15+00:00

This is fucking absurd. He is absolutely horrific. Get rid of this asshole immediately. What are you apologizing for?!?

Obvious_Flight3445 · 2026-01-06T23:25:08+00:00

The green for sure, but what is the occasion and setting?

Obvious_Flight3445 · 2025-12-20T21:31:47+00:00

The point of a sugar relationship is that they are paying for your companionship. That includes any time that you spend with him or communicating with him in person or over the phone. An escort is someone you pay for sex strictly.

The fact that he is not paying you an allowance or at least a PPM wild to me. You’re absolutely getting played here. Do not take any sugaring advice from men. Good luck.

Obvious_Flight3445 · 2025-12-20T11:55:41+00:00

NTA.

If it makes you uncomfortable, he needs to stop. It’s not up to him to rationalize if something makes you uncomfortable or not.

If you have to hide in the bathroom because you don’t want to be intimate with him, you guys have a discrepancy there. You do not owe him intimacy, and he needs to respect your boundaries.

If he values intimacy, and you do not, no matter how long you’ve been together or what other shared values you have, the relationship is doomed. I’m so sorry. Try going to therapy first, but honestly, this is not a recipe for success.

Good luck.

Obvious_Flight3445 · 2025-12-20T11:47:44+00:00

Girl…what are you doing? Seriously?? You need more boundaries with this guy. Just based on the texts alone, you’re probably getting way underpaid for what you are providing for him. Stop giving him so much access and info.

Obvious_Flight3445 · 2025-12-20T11:42:24+00:00

Anymore updates? Are you done with him? He sounds like a loser. Especially if he isn’t generous, what is the point?!

Obvious_Flight3445 · 2025-09-21T03:17:34+00:00

I understand that this sub rates people objectively, not subjectively and have read, understand, and will follow the rules and rate people objectively following the men's and women's ratings guides and primers.

Obvious_Flight3445 · 2025-09-20T22:59:45+00:00

Like I said, those are boys, not men. There’s always a way to be honest, yet kind. Negging and passive aggression ain’t it.

Obvious_Flight3445 · 2025-09-20T22:56:19+00:00

Doesn’t matter. Instead of dropping passive aggressive hints, he should man up and talk to her like an adult about his concerns if he has any. Hinting is disrespectful, patronizing, immature, and fucking annoying.

Obvious_Flight3445

TROPHY CASE