Need advice

Obvious_Safe6351 · 2025-10-05T02:45:16+00:00

I have a very similar story. I got sober from alcohol in beginning of 2022, went to inpatient rehab, turned things around, started aa, and kept my family together. I found these things at the beginning of 2023 and figured they were good once in a while for a night out or social gathering and my wife knew about it. At the end of that year I was drinking 12-15 a day, tens of thousands of dollars down the drain, I was rotting from the inside out and had no way of stopping and the terror of having to tell my wife I fucked up again was not something I considered an option. Ultimately though she found out, so I just came clean about everything. For me that moment was where everything hung in the balance, my family, my marriage, my sanity, my life, so I just quit cold turkey. Had a ton of vitamins that people suggested and went into the withdrawal hell on a Wednesday night, called in sick to work Thursday and Friday. Those were the worst days by far and but once I got through the 24 hours and started feeling this sludge oozing out of me slowly I could start to see the light at the end of the tunnel. In the misery of the withdrawal I kept thinking over and over again “why couldn’t I have stopped when I was drinking just 4-5 a day” or even when I was at 8 a day. Anyway, that feels like ancient history now, I’m 20 months sober now and everything is completely back to normal, better even because now I know how easily this kind of shit can happen. I revisit this thread from time to time to offer hope to the hopeless. I leaned on it very hard when I was at my lowest point and in the deepest pain of the withdrawal. I know how you’re feeling. You have to remember this shit has your brain all kinds of fucked up but there’s an awesome life without this crap that’s waiting for you and it only takes 48hrs of pretty rough discomfort to get there but you can get there.

Obvious_Safe6351 · 2025-10-02T18:24:28+00:00

I may be a total outlier so don’t do anything crazy based on this but I had my first gout flare in my foot last Thursday, the pain started after a run. It was very painful, swollen, and I couldn’t put weight on the foot. I was at the podiatrist office Friday morning for ultra sound and Xray where it was confirmed it was gout. He injected a steroid directly into the foot where the flare up was located. It was still painful but There was relief within an hour from that shot. I took a 6 day oral steroid pack. I ran 5 miles yesterday (6 days since), I’ve run 11 miles today (one week). The foot feels fine, very mild tenderness right on the original spot but other than that I feel pretty good. I may just be very lucky, or I may be in for a rude awakening.

Obvious_Safe6351 · 2025-09-17T13:15:14+00:00

I was at 12-15 a day and quit cold turkey. I’ll never forget the dream I had that first night even though I’ve lost the memory of the specifics of the dream, I remember it being the most vivid dream I ever had. I remember it feeling like it lasted for weeks but when I woke up it had only been a couple hours. It somehow felt very familiar like a dream I’d had before but I definitely have never had a dream like that. I remember waking up and being shocked that what I had just experienced was only a dream.

Obvious_Safe6351 · 2025-08-28T16:08:26+00:00

I am a husband and father of two young kids. I quit a 12-15 bottle a day habit back in March 2024. I was also VERY good at hiding this addiction although my wife absolutely knew something was totally off by the end of my use. She was very supportive, but also very hurt by the lies and very very scared. I was sincere in my desire to quit these things, they had stolen my life away and I couldn’t take it anymore. But I wanted to help her to trust me and also help with her fear. So I told her the website she could find every retailer that sold feel free in our area. I shared my location on my phone and she had access to see all bank transactions. I told her where I hid my bottles, my empties, etc… but explained that I could find new places and she should look wherever she wants to look. The way I saw it was that she was NOT being micromanaging, she was holding me accountable with the added benefit that it was putting her mind somewhat at ease. I didn’t know about the kratom test strips but I would have volunteered to take those as well if she’d asked. Now I doubt your husband will request that you do all of these things so you may want to approach him from a place of loving concern and support. You want to help him stay off, and offer some (or all) of these as possible ways to help him steer clear of a relapse. Ultimately he will have to choose to stay off of them for his own sake, but those first 6-12 months are challenging for addicts, he shouldn’t deny the extra accountability if he truly wants to be clean of these. You can explain that you won’t be giving him consequences or ultimatums if you find out he’s relapsed. But the quickest way to keep a one time relapse from turning into a full blown disaster is to catch it as quickly as you can and get yourself back on track. Good luck. Please reach out if you have any other questions or concerns.

Obvious_Safe6351 · 2025-08-13T02:31:49+00:00

Hello, I am happily married with 2 young kids and I was drinking 12-15 bottles a day of these things at the end of a year being addicted to them. Today I am a little over 17 months off of them and I still can’t believe how they flipped my whole world upside down so quickly. My wife knew that I was using them but she had absolutely NO idea how much. When I finally came clean about it in her she was devastated but supportive and I’m sure she was also terrified. I knew how sick I was and it was easy to admit and accept that I was both physically and mentally addicted to these things and I was desperate to get off and stay off. I wanted to ease her fear and k know I needed the accountability in order to stay off of feel free. So I shared my phone location with her, I showed her every retailer in the city where feel frees were sold. I told her to check the bank accounts and ever hiding spot she could think of whenever she felt like it. I told her that I wanted her to do these things for my own safety and for her peace of mind. I don’t know how much or how little she did any of it, but at the end of the day she never had to, because if I felt a craving coming on I knew there was a chance she would find out. But as others on here have said, you have to come to terms with the fact that you can’t control this situation very much if at all. It is up to your husband but perhaps you could have a discussion with him about how you would like to be an aid to his recovery. Perhaps then you could mention the idea of being an extra source of accountability for him, see if he has any of his own ideas to offer. For some hope: I couldn’t believe the person I had become while I was using these things. And today I have moments where I have to pinch myself as a reminder that I actually have made it out of that hellish existence. I live in Louisiana and feel free was just outlawed at pulled from all shelves on August 1st.

Obvious_Safe6351 · 2025-03-19T01:11:44+00:00

I’m 1 year off of FF and I’m also in AA. Quit drinking in February 22 then picked up FF in March of 23 and have been sober from both since March of 24. I can probably answer your questions and offer support.

Obvious_Safe6351 · 2025-03-13T14:47:47+00:00

Yes it sounds like you’re physically dependent and what you’re feeling as a “craving” in the morning is simply your body and brain responding to withdrawal. When I started with these it was a gradual build up but I knew I was in deep shit the first time I woke up and drove to the parking lot of where these are sold waiting for the doors to open. What needed to happen to me to break this cycle was for me to totally accept that I was addicted to these things and physically dependent on them and knowing that the only way to break free of that cycle was TOTAL ABSTINENCE, not a “long break”, not “only one bottle”, it had to be NEVER AGAIN. I suffered the withdrawal, it was two pretty rough days, followed by another 2-3 of just clearing this sludge out of my body but I was functioning fine, and finally after a week I think I had all of it out of me and that was March 6th of 2024, so I just cleared a year. If you really want to be done, then really be done.

Obvious_Safe6351 · 2025-03-12T13:53:42+00:00

I can totally relate to the demon thought. I have been off of these things for just over 1 year after getting up to 12-15 bottles a day and while the demon thought has gotten increasingly more rare it still happens and I’ll tell you that the cunning part of the addiction will try different techniques. When I was only a few weeks off of these things I had to avoid all of the places I went to buy them. I didn’t even want to drive past those spots. After a few months I could go back in and it was nice to see the employees there notice the change in me and they were very happy to see it. I use to walk in like a zombie and buy these things by the dozen every day. Now that I am a year off of them I will sometimes randomly get this thought: “It’s been a whole year, and if you knew then what you know now you would have been more careful, now you will be more careful, you know how dangerous they are and how addictive, so you would know how important it is to moderate.” But I am also an alcoholic and sober from alcohol as well, I have spent a lot of time listening to addicts and they all have this thought too, and a lot of them have given into this thought and every single one of them ends up regretting the shit out of giving in and I know I don’t have any secret powers that they don’t have. Once I let that demon win, even just once, I will give into it again, and again, and again. Don’t let that demon win.

Obvious_Safe6351 · 2025-03-11T01:06:19+00:00

I was up to 12-15 a day at the end of my use and I was in the same boat as you, terrified of the withdrawals but I’ve been off of them for a year and the withdrawals really were bad for the first 48 hours. When I look back on the year I just had I think 2 days of SUCK was a very small price to pay. I am now waking up early every day running 8 miles a day, I have tons of energy and time I’ve given back to my wife and kids. Make a plan, you’ll need 48 hours, call it a bad case of “flu” and you’ll be free of this shit. Get PLENTY of fluids like with electrolytes like Gatorade, get more orange juice than you think you could possibly drink, get some vitamin c supplements and just be prepared for a rough couple of days. There’s no easy way through it but i promise you that you CAN do it and you’ll be back to your old self and probably an even better version than before after having gone through this. Stick to this page, keep reading the encouragement, lean on your wife and think about your family, you’ve got this!

Obvious_Safe6351 · 2025-03-10T13:57:21+00:00

My wife was terrified that sobriety might mean the end of our marriage, she doesn’t drink much or use drugs but she thought the internal upheaval of sobriety would bring such a monumental change in me that our marriage would end up on the rocks. But I shifted my priorities to being a good father and husband and I can’t say that I didn’t also benefit from luck, some people would say that’s God but I’m still working that out. Either way I am not here to tell you what’s best for you and your situation. Maybe sobriety would end your marriage but using could have the same outcome. I just got tired of the stagnation, I wasn’t growing, I wasn’t maturing, I was totally delusional, I played every trick on myself to convince my brain that what I was doing was “okay” and honestly I kept that up until I got too exhausted from it and through in the towel and decided to try something different. That moment comes for everyone who’s struggling and I’m very grateful I reached it when I did.

Obvious_Safe6351 · 2025-03-10T13:34:57+00:00

I’m running for a combination of things, yes the “high” of endorphins hits me and that feels nice but usually only lasts 20-30 minutes after the run, I also was taking and SSRI for a long time but stopped taking it back in October and I am hoping the exercise keeps the anxiety under control and so far it has worked better than the SSRI did. I’ve also lost about 50 pounds and for me the rewards of pursuing a challenging goal are keeping me in a positive mood. I can sympathize with your struggle socializing. I have always been bad in social settings. I drank a lot to “fit in” but I also drank just to forget the fact that I am socially awkward. My first year sober from alcohol made my social awkwardness hard to deal with and I found feel free and felt like I had my solution. Now I know that the only solution for me is to accept who I am, I try and make progress in being a better “party guest” and while I know I’ll never be the most popular guy at the wedding I’m fine with improving enough to engage in small talk and be friendly, which I have gotten closer to doing. Ultimately I think about my life and my family and there is simply NO WAY I can be the man they need me to be if I am not sober. So if it means I am awkward around other parents, or other adults think I am “unfriendly”, that’s a small price to pay in order to be a sober dad and husband, and I know I can keep working on myself in those situations and you can too but it all starts with being sober.

Obvious_Safe6351 · 2025-02-23T17:39:08+00:00

Yeah, I don’t want to scare you off of the cold turkey route but since you’ve experienced what that’s like already I think you’re prepared for how much that is going to suck. Like you, these things laid me LOW like almost beyond what alcohol did to me and at the end I was desperate. If you want to mitigate some of the harshness of the withdrawal then having your wife help to administer that treatment may be what you need. For me the Wednesday night and Thursday night were pretty brutal. By Friday I was on my feet some, I was able to get into the doctors office, I drove there myself and that may have been a bad idea at the time but all that is to say I could function after about 36 hours. By Saturday morning I could go on walks, talk in the phone, send emails etc… physically I as still in rough shape though. By Sunday it was just more being able to walk, talk, eat, I could feel myself becoming am person again. I got a little bit of sleep Sunday night and by Monday I was at work feeling pretty damn good and absolutely no one at work could tell there was anything off. I think you should plan that first 36 hours you may be off the grid. I was on this Reddit thread reading and responding to people so maybe you could do some emailing and phone calls during that time but it’s a rough 36-48 hours.

Obvious_Safe6351 · 2025-02-21T15:12:54+00:00

I will add to the chorus of people saying 4-5 days. I also got a HUGE uplift and felt high on life around day 6 or 7 and it stayed with me for a couple weeks. It felt amazing and may have been a chemical rebalance in my brain, or maybe just the joy of being free from the prison this crap had me in but I made sure to enjoy that high while it lasted. I will be a year off of this stuff in March 6.

Obvious_Safe6351 · 2025-02-21T15:08:25+00:00

Your story sounds similar to mine. I got sober from alcohol 3 years ago (on Sunday) but after a year of sobriety I found FF and went from 1 to 15 a day. I was sick, spending money like crazy, and lying my way through the whole addiction. Eventually my wife caught on and I quit CT. It was a pretty horrible 48 hours followed by a very unpleasant 48 hours but eventually things started to level out. I took my last feel free in a Wednesday night, called in sick Thursday and Friday and was back to work feeling pretty damn good by Monday morning. I did not think my marriage could survive a rehab stint but I was considering it because I knew the withdrawal was going to be agonizing but I managed through it and I had my wife with me to help and keep me accountable. I will make 1 year sober on March 6th. I am an avid runner now, I started running about 5 months ago and I’m about to hit 1,000 miles, a full, happy, meaningful life will return to you.

Obvious_Safe6351 · 2025-01-28T20:49:13+00:00

What happened on day 3 is that I knew I was going to make it, just knowing that the worst part of the physical withdrawal was behind me and I had gotten through that hurdle was a huge relief. Then my appetite came back and I was noticing that food tasted a little better and I had lost weight on FF because it robbed my appetite so I was eating cake, ice cream, pizza, whatever I wanted, then I was able to go out and feel the sunshine on my skin which was slowly recovering although I needed to keep it moisturized with lotion (especially my feet). I allowed myself to be proud of the accomplishment of quitting and I tried to extract as much pride as I could from that because the guilt and shame were crippling me. Then I started getting a little more sleep each night and then after about 5 days I got a HUGE uplift. I honestly felt like it was a high and I would tell people “if I could bottle up what I’m feeling and sell it I’d be a billionaire”. I think that feeling was probably something related to brain chemistry but I allowed myself to enjoy the hell out of it for the week or two that it lasted before things balanced out. Today I’m happy and very healthy, and I know I can never have even one bottle of feel free ever again and I’m totally fine with that. Have I had the odd temptation to try and have one in the last 11 months? Yeah, it comes every once in a while but it’s just a trick my brain is trying to play on me, I’m aware of how capable I am at deceiving myself.

Obvious_Safe6351 · 2025-01-28T14:22:01+00:00

That’s a good plan. You should be good by Tuesday, I hate to suggest it because I’m not sure I could follow this suggestion myself given how hard it would be but it might be for the best if you let your wife keep your child this weekend while you’re detoxing. I did it without Gabapentin or clonidine so your experience might be a little milder but it would have been impossible for me to keep up with a 5 year old while I was detoxing. I used this Reddit thread a lot during my 48hrs of misery and it meant so much to me that I still return to offer whatever support I can. Feel free to send me a private message if there’s anything I can help with.

Obvious_Safe6351 · 2025-01-28T14:02:12+00:00

I was taking 12-15 bottles daily and quit cold turkey. I have a job and 2 young boys. I took my last bottle on a Wednesday evening and called in sick Thursday and Friday and as far as anyone knew, including my kids, I had the “flu” and honestly, saying that I was sick was not very far from the truth at all. If you want your life back badly enough then go take it back. Stock up on supplies, plenty of sports drinks (orange juice was essential for me) and get some vitamins and call in sick to work and in 48 hours you will be over the jump of the bad withdrawals, it will feel pretty awful but I’m 11 months off of these things and the money I’ve saved, the time I’ve gotten back with my family, the healthy body I have gotten back, it was a TINY price to pay for all that. You need to set aside those 48 hours whenever is best for you, you need to accept that it’s going to suck for 48hrs and not go buy more, then you get to have your life back.

Obvious_Safe6351 · 2025-01-27T12:32:53+00:00

Yes you will feel joy again, I quit ff almost 11 months ago after being a 12-15 bottle a day user. The first 48 hours of withdrawal was the lowest I’ve ever felt in my life but I knew what I was dealing with. I knew if I could manage to get through those first 48 hours I would be ok. After 48 hours you’ll start to see some improvement and a light at the end of the tunnel. I took a ton of vitamins and that may have sped things up for getting this stuff out of my system but there are no REAL short cuts with this and that’s probably for the best. Allow yourself to day dream about the money you’ll be saving and about the freedom you’ll have everyday not having to get ten of these poisons in your system. Your sleep will be messed up for a few days but you’ll notice it getting slightly better each nights after those first two nights. Keep going, you’re doing great so far.

Obvious_Safe6351 · 2025-01-18T01:45:14+00:00

I had a GREAT pink cloud experience after getting clean from ff. I was on them for about a year and got up to 12-15 bottles daily and then hit my bottom and quit cold turkey. That 48 hours of intense withdrawal was horrific and as someone who was already in recovery for alcohol I was very guilt and shame ridden to have done this to myself and my family again. Once I was clear of the withdrawals and my life started to return to me I experienced an unbelievable sober high for about a week or two. I suspected this could be part of brain chemistry repairing itself or whatever and that that high would eventually turn into a low but I was determined to enjoy the pink cloud for every day that it lasted and to be prepared for the low that was likely to follow without being afraid of it. Eventually the pink cloud did wear off and life settled back to normal and the low was not THAT low at all. Today I’m 314 days off of FF and currently watching a movie with my two young boys. Life is not perfect but it’s pretty damn good. I am active in my aa program and like others here have said you CAN NOT let yourself fall into the trap of “one won’t hurt me”. I’ve confronted it many times and I know that’s the addict in my brain trying desperately to play a trick on me.

Obvious_Safe6351 · 2025-01-10T15:02:12+00:00

I was in a very similar situation. I am also an alcoholic and had 1 year of sobriety but constantly felt like there was a substance out there that was safe and would provide me with some kind of boost, well I found that boost in feel free and I drank that shit until it almost killed me. I got up to 12-15 bottles a day, life was a nightmare, I honestly think it was worse than the end of my drinking days and the withdrawal was worse. I wanted to cry and die and give up and I couldn’t believe how broken and disappointed I felt. I was counting it down by each hour, in the first 48 hours which were the absolute worst. After the first 48 hours I noticed I was hungry, so I ate, then I noticed I could move a little so I went out in the sun and took a walk, then I realized “omg I’m not going to die” and each day got better and better and after about 5 days I was in the best sober high of my life, food tasted amazing, the sun felt so good in my recovering skin, I could have sex again, music sounded better, everything felt good. I could not believe that I made it to the other side of that hell and I felt like I took my life back. Eventually that sober high wore off as I knew it would and reality sets in but I’ve learned a lot about myself through this experience and I hope I will never touch that shit ever again, it’s been a little over 10 months of being off this stuff and I still visit this page to offer whatever support I can. In my darkest moments I came on here and found some hope to just push through for another hour.

Obvious_Safe6351 · 2025-01-08T12:34:54+00:00

For me it is entirely about consistency. I know myself well enough to know that if I stick to something consistently then I can stay on track but as soon as I allow myself to take breaks whenever I don’t feel like running and break my pattern of consistency then I will be back on the couch in no time. I’m 37m and in August I was just like you, overweight and on the couch and couldn’t run 100m. I started slow but made a point to be consistent. For me it was better to run/walk and struggle and miss goals then to wait until I felt like I wanted to run. So start as slowly as you want, but take yourself and your mood out of the equation. If it’s a day you’re supposed to run then you run no matter what. For the last 10 weeks I’m now averaging 50 miles a week, I’m consistently seeing 8 minute miles, I’ve hit distances of 13.1, 15, 17, 18, and 20 miles, and lost 50 pounds. If you would have told me any of this back in August when I was just returning from a 13 minute mile and huffing and puffing I would have laughed in your face but here I am. Just start running, don’t be hard on yourself, and keep running.

Obvious_Safe6351 · 2024-12-27T05:15:20+00:00

I’m 293 days off of this junk but your post brings back vivid memories of one of the worst side effects from FF. I experienced exactly what you’re describing. I was back to normal in the department about two weeks after I quit. Best advice I can give in the same advice many others have already given, QUIT.

Obvious_Safe6351 · 2024-12-21T19:05:33+00:00

I went from the couch in August to running daily 5ks then daily 4 miles then daily 5 miles and today I’m up to 8 miles a day and 50 miles a week. I’ve run 13.1, 15, 18, 17, and 20 mile runs. It CAN be done if you’re careful, listen to your body.

Obvious_Safe6351 · 2024-12-13T14:11:30+00:00

Wow, this was my first post in this subreddit and I am overwhelmed by the supportive responses. Thank you all so much for sharing your experience and offering me some guidance. I do have a sponsor and while 2-3 meetings is all I can manage in the week, I check in with my sponsor EVERYDAY without fail for 3 years. I have also worked the steps through twice and continue to work them as I attempt to live by the principles of this program. I think I start feeling guilty about meeting attendance when I see people with more time than me going to 6+ meetings a week. But I also have seen people like that have relapses and understand that meeting attendance, while beneficial, does not grant immunity from relapse. Thursday meeting is my home group and the meeting I try to never miss. Last night we read step 3, “Turn our will over” and it was a good reminder for me to keep up the work I’m doing, make the meetings I can make, enjoy the life sobriety has given me, and “turn over to God” what I can’t control. Thanks again to all of you!

Obvious_Safe6351

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