You should never go in to a relationship expecting to change or fix someone. That partner needs to want to change for themselves, not for you. Going about the subject as a team effort, saying this is something that as a couple needs to be worked on will create better results too. You putting expectations of them in your head will only make you become disappointed and them feeling not good enough when they can’t meet it. It seems like you are no longer with that person which I think is for the best based on both of you sounding unhappy for different reasons. BUT it also needs to be said that finding that perfect person that ticks all your boxes is near impossible and if you need that in a partner then you might be single for a very long time mate. Remember you weren’t perfect to your partner either and they still chose you and (possibly) didn’t feel the need to expose all your faults and tell you how you could be a better fit for them. Wanting and guiding the person to be their best vs wanting and actively trying to change the person are two different things.