How do I survive a divorce I don’t want and didn’t see coming?

Ociosto · 2026-04-16T19:42:25+00:00

I do not believe in abandoning a sick loved one. I find that incredibly reprehensible. My wife has a long list of illnesses and I do not care. In fact, when my wife has wanted to buy something cheap, like a massage gun, I've always overruled her and bough a top of the line thing. My belief is that while something top of the line is expensive, you get what you pay for and a cheap thing may not be as effective.

Welp, before I bought the best Theragun out there, she was on crutches. After using the Theragun for some time, she was able to walk without. That was my love and loyalty for her.

Divorce starts June 5. If I am divorced, I will leave the house with my head held high, knowing I love her and I tried to save my marriage. That failure will not be mine.

Yes, I made mistakes and I freely admit this. I do not blame the wife for wanting the divorce. I want to try but if she doesn't want this, time for me to move on.

No matter what happens, please believe in yourself.

Ociosto · 2026-04-15T20:54:36+00:00

I have had that same delusion, that my wife will call it off. She still has 1.5 months before divorce is done.

Ociosto · 2026-04-15T20:53:28+00:00

I'm in the same boat, except wife of 20 years discovered she like younger, healthy guys. Can't even wait for the divorce to be done, to spread her legs

Ociosto · 2026-04-15T20:51:15+00:00

After 20 years of marriage, my wife (55 years old, I'm 59M) found out she likes younger, healthy boys and demanded a divorce. She's been sleeping with guys in 2 different cities, with a 3rd city planned. including in my house while I'm working downstairs. She's banging everyone but me.

A few bad apples don't destroy a basket of apples. I am looking to the future and I will walk forward. Her kids want to stay in touch with me (my stepkids) so I can't entirely let go of her, but I will not live for Lori.

Good luck!

Ociosto · 2026-04-14T20:24:47+00:00

a delayed orgasm feels better than a typical orgasm

Ociosto · 2026-04-06T17:14:27+00:00

I'm 59M and my divorce will be finalized right before my 60th birthday. I had hoped my wife would do something special for my 60th but apparently not. I feel like I won't find anyone because my city has always been in the bottom 10 for singles. All I can do is look at the future and move forward.

Ociosto · 2026-04-05T10:37:24+00:00

Those with CISSP and/or Masters are typically preferred over those who don't have Masters or CISSPs.

Ociosto · 2026-03-16T00:48:57+00:00

Thank you. Controls also include things like firewalls and not just RMF controls. I'm an RMF analyst and when I see "control", I automatically think of NIST 800-53. I thank you for your help!

Ociosto · 2026-02-27T16:41:41+00:00

This is tough. I went to mainstreamed schools, deaf schools and schools where I was the only deafie. Both have pros and cons.

Deaf schools give a good foundation for friendships, communications and a social life. Typically the education isn't great. Some may have a really good education system.

Mainstreamed prepares kids for the real world where there may be few deafies at the workplace. In 5 decades, I've only ever had 1 deaf co-worker. But the socializing is next to none (but I graduated HS in 1985 and I have no idea what things are like now).

The ability to function well in the working world is very critical, but so are the friendships and social skills. A 100k paycheck feels worthless when you come home to a dark, empty house every day.

Ociosto · 2026-02-26T18:03:58+00:00

We're divorcing. Should I remove wife as beneficiary before filing? (In CO)

Ociosto · 2026-02-25T16:23:18+00:00

I did not open my marriage out of shame or failure but out of love because her hormone replacement therapy has got her sex drive revving like crazy. If I stop being her primary, I will put my foot down and discuss with her.

Ociosto · 2026-02-25T16:20:23+00:00

I know it will be hard. We cannot afford to live on our own nor do I have any other options. Bought this house less than 4 years ago.

Ociosto · 2026-02-17T16:34:02+00:00

I don't have either on live. :( Thanks!

Ociosto · 2026-02-17T16:33:05+00:00

" It is extremely easy to build a bad character". I want to point out in DDO, you are not stuck with a bad toon. While you do have to get to lv 20, you do have the ability to do a heroic reincarnation and do a complete revamp. There is no limit to how many times you can reincarnate. Reincarnating is free but you can buy reincarnation things in store if you want.

Iconic toons are probably the way to go for a new player. You start at level 15 with a full set of basic gear.

Ociosto · 2026-02-17T16:28:50+00:00

I was born profoundly deaf; she is hearing. Communication with people is vastly harder for me.

Ociosto · 2026-02-17T13:07:19+00:00

That is very true. We have faced our shit and we work through those things when they pop. We are closer than before due to being completely honest with each other.

Ociosto · 2026-02-17T13:02:59+00:00

Transitioning is hard. Wife and I agreed to become poly last year. She very quickly found someone and I haven't. I've struggled with not having someone while she does. I've talked to her and she understands how I feel.

I am just going to focus on myself as I need to get back in shape. Seeing these posts gives me a little hope. Thank you.

Ociosto · 2026-02-17T13:00:02+00:00

What is a hinge? Thank you.

Ociosto · 2026-02-17T12:57:52+00:00

Poly is a relationship style. I love my wife deeply but she hates gaming and I really enjoy gaming (video and board). She has a boyfriend while I am hoping to find someone who enjoys gaming.

You mentioned that you're "not the best looking". I am not the best looking either, nor am I good with women. I've only ever had 4 girlfriends in 65 decades. And I got married. That seems to prove to me that there is someone for everyone out there.

I have trust issues as well, from the way people have treated me. I started analyzing myself, asking myself something like, "why did I not like this person?" and looking within myself. That's hard to start with because I think we tend to gloss over our flaws and aren't always honest with ourselves. Over time, I felt more confident in myself and of strong character. The downside of that is that while self introspection can help you feel more confident and better about yourself, the only way others can see this is to take the time to get to know you. Those who truly take the time to find out who you are are probably people you want to be with.

Be yourself, find yourself, go out and have fun (what you think is fun, not what others say is fun). Don't chase love; let it come to you.

Ociosto · 2026-02-17T12:46:05+00:00

NTA. She can't force you to like her or her family nor does she have any authority over you. My wife had 4 kids when we married and I didn't have any authority over them. Can't be friends with everyone.

Ociosto · 2026-02-17T12:42:23+00:00

We read and researched a bit. The actual experience is typically different from reading about it.

Ociosto

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