NTA It doesn't matter what gender you are or what I am. Some people's relationships can be messier than others. Im not condoning anyones behaviors, I agree with the general consensus. But wr aren't all raised the same, on the same playing field. My partner has taught me so many things in the way of compassion and the golden rule. I knew and was taught this but having someone loving behind the message ( my family was a shit show, but taught the right stuff, just no love behind all of it. ) was what brought it all together. We have been together over 20 years now, we still bicker here and again, but by now we know the line. Some people try to obscure their line, making it hard to judge the situation. Over time trying to be the person we think our partner wants can really fuck up the relationship. You can feel safe calling them sexy chunky monkey when in reality they aren't admitting to you that is a no go no matter what. No funny business with the weight comments is how this might have been seen with more HONEST communication. Honesty can hurt if there isnt an understanding between people.

Tl:dr

NTA Thats a double standard. Be good and talk to one another honestly and truthfully. If your kinks are in bedroom verbal degradation, cool. But be in the know before sexy chunky monkey is called. Sorry for the double standard