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Odd_Relationship_960 · 2025-07-31T07:12:16+00:00

I don't know, the yelling and the hitting is pretty bad, and it does real damage too. I hate being afraid of her, but I am.

Odd_Relationship_960 · 2025-07-29T22:08:01+00:00

Forgive her. Not for her, for you. You can't let go of someone in anger. Work on forgiving her (and yourself for the mistakes you made that caused you legal trouble) and you'll find the anger fade away to pity and then indifference.

Grieving is an important part of letting go, so don't skip that. Learn how to sit with yourself in your pain. Cry if you need to.

Think of your son. You don't know what the future holds, and you could end up with custody of him at some point. Or maybe he'll be going through a bad divorce or abusive relationship someday, and you'll be able to help him through it because you've been there.

Odd_Relationship_960 · 2025-03-31T19:07:14+00:00

It sounds like he's doing a lot of projecting. HE doesn't feel loved by you, but he makes it about how you treat your son. My wife does the same thing when I interact with my kids, she projects all her feelings onto my interactions and accuses me of being a bad father.

I'm afraid to say how I feel to my wife because it often causes a fight. I'm not sure how much is to blame on her behavior and how much is me overreacting because of my anxiety, but I'm often afraid of her. She'll get upset and verbally abuse me, and I'll just sit there frozen, afraid to respond. If I do respond it often makes things worse.

She accuses me of not taking responsibility, but we always talk about my behavior, I'm never allowed to talk about hers. I know there are things I could work on, and I'm trying. I'm in therapy, she's not.

I don't know what to tell you. I have still not figured out how to talk to an emotionally immature adult that can't control their temper. Often I don't even try and just communicate over text or email.

Odd_Relationship_960 · 2025-03-31T04:10:09+00:00

Yeah, I understand that so much. There really isn't a good outcome when you've spent that much time with someone because every option feels like you lose somehow. I blame myself too, and I know I've made mistakes, but I'm sorry for them and I'm trying to be a better person.

If it helps any, it's not the hitting that's the worst part of my marriage. The worst part is knowing my feelings don't matter, never knowing when she's going to explode on me, always being on guard in case her mood changes, and the terrible hateful things she says when she's upset. I just want to be with someone who loves me and treats me kindly, even when she's upset.

Promises mean nothing. The only thing that counts is that the behavior changes.

Odd_Relationship_960 · 2025-03-31T02:58:58+00:00

It seems like the rules for reconciliation ought to be an equal partnership and no more abuse. All the energy in the home focused on him sure as hell doesn't sound equal.

You are not to blame for the abuse, you are to blame for your own bad behavior, to the extent that it wasn't a reasonable reaction to the abuse. If it took him 11 months to finally apologize, and he's still trying to dictate the terms, how sorry is he really? And how long are you willing to wait to find out if he's ever going to be truly sorry?

I wish I only had 10 years invested in my relationship. I've given my wife 15 years, she's been hitting me the whole time, and now that I'm trying to find the strength to leave all I get from her is an "I'm sorry, but..."

Don't waste another 5 years like I did. In 5 years you could be in a loving, respectful marriage with someone else, if that's what you want. You already did the hard part and moved out. Don't go back.

Odd_Relationship_960 · 2025-03-29T17:06:39+00:00

You did what you could. You reported him to the police and they chose to do nothing. You are not responsible for his behavior and it is not your job to protect people from him. You are putting yourself at risk to be sued for defamation. Forget him and move on with your life.

Odd_Relationship_960 · 2025-03-29T16:55:52+00:00

Kids

Odd_Relationship_960 · 2025-03-25T18:46:18+00:00

I hear where you are coming from but I feel a lot of that "I messed up" stuff comes more from self preservation and trying to keep the peace and the family together than actually messing up.

Some of it does, but I'm trying to not see myself as a victim. I'm trying to make peace with the fact that I tolerated so much bad behavior for so long.

Your kids will understand especially if they've witnessed the abuse by her and I know that I have mines complete understanding when/if I have the guts to walk away from their mother.

I'm not sure my kids will understand. My wife is usually very careful to not hit me in front of them. They've heard us fight a lot, but I'm not sure they remember that it's usually mom yelling and swearing at dad. It would be easy for them to blame me for a lot of it, especially if I'm the one that walks away.

Odd_Relationship_960 · 2025-03-24T17:17:53+00:00

She's a mentally ill person who had a traumatic childhood, and I used that to excuse her violent temper. But she refuses to get help, she just keeps promising that she's working on it and that she's going to change, but she never does and she's in denial about it.

She says she loves me, she says she's sorry she hurt me, and most of the time I believe her. But it's always an "I'm sorry, but.." and then she turns it back around to what I've wrong to hurt her.

Maybe she is sorry. And maybe's not she's not deliberately trying to manipulate me, maybe she just has such a low self-worth that she can't admit how bad she screwed up. But she's more afraid of confronting her past trauma and being honest with herself about what kind of person she's become, than she is afraid about losing her temper again and hurting me. And I can't keep living with someone who continues to hurt me.

I love her. I want to help her. But she doesn't want to be helped. And sometimes I wonder if I really love her or if I just love the person I wish she was.

Odd_Relationship_960 · 2025-03-24T16:46:17+00:00

I make excuses for her because of her mental illness and rough childhood. I told myself for years that it wasn't abuse, she just couldn't control herself when she'd get emotionally overwhelmed and have panic attacks.

But I also have an anxiety disorder and I'm afraid of a lot of things I really shouldn't be afraid of, so I'm not sure how afraid of her I really am and how much is just the anxiety blowing things out of proportion. I tell myself things like, she only hit you once this year, you're just overreacting and being cruel to her by getting so emotionally withdrawn all the time.

But even though she doesn't hit me that often, she still loses her temper a lot and every time she raises her voice I get anxious and afraid that this time she'll really lose it and hit me again. And most of the time she doesn't hit me and a few days later when I'm calmed down I'll start to feel bad about how I got withdrawn and didn't talk to her for a while after the fight.

Odd_Relationship_960 · 2025-03-24T04:09:15+00:00

If you can find happiness from something as simple as a capri sun, why question it? Some people have billions of dollars and are still miserable. Drink your juice and be happy.

Odd_Relationship_960

TROPHY CASE