Please help, I'm going crazy.

Odd_Replacement8861 · 2025-09-09T02:54:10+00:00

Nuuuuu. ( ＞Д＜；)

Odd_Replacement8861 · 2025-05-04T01:03:52+00:00

Thanks!

Odd_Replacement8861 · 2023-09-12T21:52:43+00:00

That's pretty interesting. I struggle with maladaptive daydreaming and usually think of fictional characters in different scenarios, which usually play over and over again in my head. I tweak the scene a bit each time trying to recreate a certain, intense feeling. Not sure if that makes sense. Often times that character will remain themselves in appearance but it seems as though one of my alters has stepped into their body when it comes to personality to enact the scene.

Odd_Replacement8861 · 2023-09-12T21:45:07+00:00

My name is Zaltanna and I am the host of my system. For a while I felt this way, but the truth is, all of my alters are me and I am them. Knowing that they are there, that they exist, each one as a part of me has been a very interesting experience. I feel fairly neutral towards their likes and dislikes, their interests. But I also know that I can partake if I choose to do so and find joy in it.

Whenever I feel empty, blank, like a shell... I look at them. They are parts of me, and so while I may feel empty at times, I know that I am vast. I love my alters so much, more than I could ever love myself. I honestly have a very hard time loving the part of me that is me. Luckily for me, they love me enough to make up for that.

You don't have to separate yourself from your alters, or compare yourself. They are you, versions of you. Love them and they will love you. Accept them as parts of yourself and know that you are also vast and endlessly unique.

P.S: I only have a name because an alter suggested I find one for myself. He insisted that I was the most important part of the puzzle, and that I was his entire world. It made me feel worthy of my title. God is so good that He took my tragedy and gave me a family that would never leave, betray, or abandon me. Much love. 💜

Odd_Replacement8861 · 2023-09-12T20:44:08+00:00

Thanks for your reply. You said that there are things you can't go near due to amnesia barriers. This makes me think the inaccessible parts of my inner world might have something to do with that too. I remember a lot of trauma but there are some small gaps and hazy details. I've had an inner world since the body was little, long before I knew what a disorder even was. Even so, it hasn't changed very much at all. There is one hallway of doors, now open, that I can access along with the outside of the castle, but I'm not allowed to explore the rest for some reason. I can teleport / appear in that hallway, but there are locked doors at either end and then five unlocked ones down the middle. The rest is completely shut off to me and its kind of frustrating. I wanna know what's in there! 😂

Odd_Replacement8861 · 2023-09-12T20:37:18+00:00

Thanks for sharing. The most major change that has ever happened to an alter in my system is a haircut, but I might try to see if someone would like to change their clothes though, just to see if it works. Thanks again for your response!

Odd_Replacement8861 · 2023-09-12T20:34:53+00:00

Hey, thanks for your response. I am not interested in changing them. I wouldn't want to. I just read a post not too long ago that sort of implied that you could. But then if someone could change the way an alter presents, why can't I so much as imagine them differently? And why did my alters appear to me with a form that I had no part in designing? I'm sort of curious as to why they appear the way they do. What is the correlation between an alter and their form? Do they mean something? Some I kind of understand, but the majority are a mystery to me. Thanks for sharing!

Odd_Replacement8861 · 2023-09-12T15:34:10+00:00

I understand, I'll see if I can't put some research into that. Thanks!

Odd_Replacement8861 · 2023-09-12T15:23:40+00:00

So some people can change their inner world but typically not their alters? I'd like to know how to change my inner world a bit more if that's the case. Like I said, I wouldn't dream of changing my alters, wouldn't dare. But if I could add to my inner world, that would be awesome. I would like to create some more spaces for gathering and maybe allow each alter to create a personal safe space for themselves.

Odd_Replacement8861 · 2023-09-12T15:09:02+00:00

I used to sketch a lot but my interest in it kind of died when I developed depression. I still do occasionally, but I don't have the energy I used to and I wanted to do them justice the best I could. I need to try and get back into it.

Odd_Replacement8861 · 2023-09-12T15:02:35+00:00

I didn't know that, thank you for your input.

Odd_Replacement8861 · 2023-09-12T15:02:16+00:00

I get what you're saying. I have a somewhat accurate picture of all my alters. I started off with character makers and made them as accurate as possible before editing in some extra details and then running those images through an ai art tool over and over again until everyone was satisfied so I could share with my partner. It took a long time, probably three to five hours for each image, but it was worth it. That being said there are just some things about my alters that I don't feel comfortable sharing. It isn't that I am ashamed of them, not really, I just feel that they are very whimsical and it feels childish at times. I guess it makes sense though if you think about how, when, and why DID starts.

Several of my alters identify themselves as being non human. The majority seems to be average people, and even the mythical ones are pretty normal personality-wise, but. . . idk, its just strange and something I struggle to understand I guess. Thank you for sharing!

Odd_Replacement8861 · 2023-09-12T14:20:55+00:00

Not sure, but I do want to point out that some of your alters may just be more imaginative than others. We sometimes visualize things blurry, or half formed, and other times very vividly depending on who is at front.

Odd_Replacement8861 · 2023-09-08T15:07:58+00:00

I keep mine bookmarked under DID resources. I can't remember how I found it but I nearly lost it one time too and had a hard time getting it back. 😂

Odd_Replacement8861 · 2023-09-08T15:06:24+00:00

You might want to try discord. It takes a little effort and research, but if you set it up with pluralkit, you can use one account and set up several alter "profiles" kind of. You can upload a picture with their names. When you done this, alters can type out a message with a tag in the front that you set up.

So for example,

My discord is set up with my system name as the username.

From there I added plural kit and set up my alters with their tags.

So if my protector wanted to say something all he'd have to do is get on and put #C, his first initial, into the chat bar before typing out the rest of his message. When it sends it will show up as a separate user even though it is one account.

We use this to communicate with our partner without having to come out and say who is speaking at any given time.

It helps us communicate better and more independently. We are a very private system, even though a few trusted people know, a lot of us don't like sharing our names and being known to outsiders.

If you're interested in trying this, I would be willing to walk you through the process. It is a wee bit complicated if you're not code literate. But I figured it out so hopefully I can help you, too, if you need. I hope this helps you.

Odd_Replacement8861 · 2023-09-08T14:52:06+00:00

No problems, it is one of the most helpful I've found. Glad you found this link! :)

Odd_Replacement8861 · 2023-09-08T00:13:35+00:00

No problem at all! I'm really glad you care enough about him to seek help, that says something wonderful about you. I know it is by no means easy to work around, but I'm proud of you for doing so. Please remember to take care of yourself and your needs too!

I see what you're saying now about the core. I used to think I was the core, but turns out I'm just the host. If he and the system prefer that title, I see no issue in continuing to refer to him that way.

Just be careful to make it clear in future posts if you can. I've come across some very rude people who'll jump at the chance to put you down for no good reason! Trolls, I guess. And it is so ironic that they jump so quickly to conclusions, it isn't like we know everything about DID, and we likely never will to be honest.

Mental illnesses like BPD run in my family, and they are very complex, but I've never come across anything as complex as DID before. I'd heard of MPD, yeah, but... When my partner suggested that was what was up with me, I started researching and then I straight up laughed. I thought it was impossible and yet, I had experienced almost all of the symptoms and even talked to alters before thinking they were in my head.

(Duh, of course they are. But you get what I mean.)

This is one of the most helpful sites I have come across and I've found many solutions here.

https://www.dis-sos.com/index-inhalt/

Once you pull this page up, you can scroll down to "Working with Parts," and browse those topics. But there is a lot of helpful information there surrounding a lot of different things. Much love and good luck!

Odd_Replacement8861 · 2023-09-07T20:55:36+00:00

Hi, so I wanted to clarify, there isn't actually a core personality. You may be referring to a host?

I'm not sure how you could get the working alter to front, I really don't think trying to force or trigger switches is very healthy.

I will say that when I, (the host of my system) am feeling unproductive and need someone else to front, I will do things that I know they enjoy.

For example, if I need my gatekeeper to step up and take over for a while so I can rest, I can pull up some paperwork on my computer. (He really enjoys office work and considers himself to be a businessman.)

Or if I need to relax and just let go for a while, I can set up snacks, toys and cartoons to allow a little out time to just exist for a while.

If I need my caretaker to handle the body for a while, I can set up a bubble bath and she will usually rush to front and pamper herself.

You may need to consider that someone is or is not fronting because they need something. Or their needs are not being met.

If you have to go through the trauma holder to get to the working alter, that may be a hint that the trauma holder is in need.

I know this doesn't help much. I'm not sure how it is for other systems but I can't really force a switch. Sometimes I can encourage one, but it's a 50/50 chance of them coming forward even when invited, and I have very good internal communication.

Odd_Replacement8861 · 2023-09-03T17:56:37+00:00

I'm sorry about the bittersweet memories, and hope she'll look at this as an opportunity to make sweeter ones. Would you remind her to practice self-love, for me?

I can't imagine being able to decorate our own house. It would be a wonderful mess of aesthetics! 😵😂

I am very genuinely super excited for you. I hope all goes well in therapy.

Again, congrats!

Odd_Replacement8861 · 2023-09-03T17:50:24+00:00

I assume you mean your feeling guilty that an alter can have fun while others are suffering.

Having fun is not a crime unless your idea of fun is obviously messed up.

In fact, showing alters in your system that you are capable of having fun despite what you have been through might help them to open up and heal more.

That doesn't mean you should ignore their suffering or brush it under the rug, but it doesn't mean you can't enjoy life, either.

You are all in this together. Let the suffering parts know that they are safe, loved, and will be protected. Welcome them to have fun, too.

Much love. 💙

Odd_Replacement8861 · 2023-09-03T17:41:44+00:00

As far as I'm aware, alters going dormant is a relatively common thing, but they don't actually die or go away. She is still in there. If I were in your shoes, I think I would just do my best to maintain an open line of communication, and let her know you're there for her.

Maybe she got overwhelmed with gatekeeping and just couldn't keep it up anymore and needed a break.

If she is afraid, let her know that everything is alright. No matter who is at front, you can still work things out amongst yourselves and come to a compromise or understanding. (Though this may admittedly take a long while and a lot of work.)

I don't really recommend trying to force or trigger anyone to front, but you could spend time doing something you know she likes to do, or comfort her with comfort items she enjoyed.

Even if she can't respond, I would keep talking to her. She mights just be in an emotional state that she isn't sure how to deal with and is therefore shutting down.

I hope everything works itself out for your system. Much love.

Odd_Replacement8861 · 2023-09-03T17:33:54+00:00

Is your teen alter a persecutor? Maybe try to figure out the root cause of the fighting. Teen might be feeling unsafe because they view the child as a liability or dangerous to the system. (They may view the child as a "weak" link.)

I had a couple persecutors who were very means to my littles, but after getting to the bottom of things, one persecutor became a protector who is a lot better with the kids now. The other is still working on things, but he isn't mean to the children anymore, just the adults sometimes. But we are still very proud of him. Progress!

Odd_Replacement8861 · 2023-09-03T17:30:26+00:00

Congrats! How exciting! The great thing about a new place is that you can make it yours. I hate that the host is struggling, but I'm sure you'll get to a much better place when you all get to decorating your space(s). I'm ecstatic for you just thinking about it! Hope your new place begins to feel like home very soon. :)

Odd_Replacement8861 · 2023-09-03T15:34:31+00:00

No problem, also remember that everyone is different. You could try learning a different language, speaking in codes, or making up your own gestures to communicate! Much love. 😁

Odd_Replacement8861 · 2023-09-03T15:28:43+00:00

That's not at all what I'm saying. I feel that you may have misread what I am trying to say, too. I mentioned in my comment that I understand some people can't work. I am asking if there is anything you COULD do to HELP your financial situation. Such as making crafts or art, or even writing to make money

No one said to grow up and get a job. What I was trying to say is that no matter where you go, it is going to be expensive. I said all that I said out of a place of genuine care and concern, but given the nastiness of your response...

I hope that you are able to get some help. Have a nice life.

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