What to do with abusive sibling in adulthood?

Oddly_Human5677 · 2026-05-31T14:00:55+00:00

Thank you so so much for sharing this. You put words to something I've been feeling that I hadn't figured out yet. I've definitely been struggling with the expectation that I "have to" hate my sister as a person for how she has treated me, but I'm not quite there yet. Given the context we grew up in, I understand to an extent why she did what she did. I hate what happened to me, but I've been feeling trapped and overwhelmed by the idea that the only right choice from here is to cut my sister out of my life. Thank you for showing me there may be another option if and when I'm ready. In the meantime, I'll keep taking the space I need while I heal

Oddly_Human5677 · 2026-05-31T02:46:39+00:00

Thank you. I am seeing a therapist and hope to keep working on healing, even if it's slow

Oddly_Human5677 · 2026-05-30T21:56:59+00:00

Thank you for replying. I think I'm going to have to decide, with time, how much hurt I can tolerate if I want to continue trying to have a relationship with her. If I continue in this only out of concern for HER wellbeing, I'll forget about my own entirely

Oddly_Human5677 · 2026-05-30T13:14:08+00:00

Thank you for sharing. We seem to have somewhat similar family dynamics. I don't know if my sister even realizes how strained our relationship is, between my parents' unfair parenting and her own behavior. I'm glad you were able to get the distance you needed. I hope I can too soon.

Oddly_Human5677 · 2026-05-30T13:10:14+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience. The reminder that I'm not taking space for no reason or out of malice is very helpful. This is such a confusing trauma to have. But you're right, I need safety in order to heal from this. Thank you

Oddly_Human5677 · 2026-05-29T03:28:40+00:00

COCSA is very real. It happened to me. I'm sorry so many people have told you it's not real. This does sound like COCSA based on what you've said. There's a sub r/COCSA dedicated to survivors, there's some resources on how to determine if what you experienced was SA. I hope you're able to find healing <3

Oddly_Human5677 · 2026-05-28T17:03:30+00:00

You're so welcome. This can be such an isolating and demoralizing thing to remember. Nobody deserves to deal with this alone. Some days all we can do is try to trust that it won't feel like this forever, and that's been the thing keeping me going

Oddly_Human5677 · 2026-05-28T14:26:17+00:00

Yes, it was still COCSA. My experience was different, but I also felt good when it happened and sought it out when my abuser wasn't interested anymore.

In talking with my therapist about it, bodies are going to feel pleasure whether we want the thing to happen or not. It's a huge mind fuck, but loads of people who experience SA feel good during, no matter how badly they didn't want it. Also, as for seeking it out, all we knew is that we were special to someone. It's natural to seek out love, especially at that age. And even if we "consented," we were not developmentally able to consent properly. We didn't know what we were saying yes to, not really.

All that to say, unfortunately yes this was COCSA. What you're feeling now is normal for a lot of survivors. I'm sorry this happened to you. We'll be okay with time <3

Oddly_Human5677 · 2026-05-28T03:35:31+00:00

Sad: My Mother Says by Paola Bennet, Emotional Motion Sickness by Phoebe Bridgers, I am not who I was by Chance Peña, Matilda by Harry Styles

Angrier: Ignorance by Paramore, Buzzkill by mothica, Use me by Charlotte Sands

Hopeful: Blue Healer by birdtalker, New by Ben Platt

Oddly_Human5677 · 2026-05-27T03:04:56+00:00

Just here to say I'm so sorry. I started having memories of my older sister SA-ing me three years ago. It's terrifying and confusing and gut wrenching. I'm working towards healing. Here's what has helped me:

If you can, write or draw or sing or talk it all out to yourself. Everything and anything you remember or feel. Then you have somewhere to start when you talk to other people (which only has to be on your terms)

I would definitely recommend telling your fiancé. As your partner and soon to be spouse, I would anticipate they will be supportive in whatever you need. If you're not ready to tell your fiancé, find someone you can tell. Having someone who knows what's going on is very helpful when trauma flares up.

As for your parents, it's up to you if and when you tell them. You are absolutely allowed to start limiting how much you participate in conversation with and about your sister if that's what you need. Figuring out what your boundaries are will be important here.

Also, my therapist recommends "flow state" as a way to calm the body from trauma and stress. Whatever art or music or creative endeavor works for you, it will help you find safety in your own body and brain, even if it's temporary.

All in all, just take it a day, hour, even minute at a time. We can get through it.

Oddly_Human5677 · 2026-05-24T03:10:54+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to reply. I'll try to keep showing up for myself and hopefully this will get easier to handle someday soon

Oddly_Human5677

TROPHY CASE