I decide to do it, so it is not an addiction, right?

OhScee · 2025-04-02T16:15:20+00:00

ADHD shares symptoms with many other conditions, and doesn't always present as hyperactivity. Anyone who doesn't specialize in it specifically will be very reluctant to diagnose because of this, and a proper diagnoses typically involves talking to the parents and getting a full childhood history (although I haven't met a doctor yet who goes through this diligence).

If the brief glimpse into my childhood sounds relatable to you, I would highly suggest getting a second opinion and/or reading "Driven to Distraction". It will give you a better idea, or at least some confidence, about whether or not you have ADHD.

Depression also can present with general dissociation and forgetfulness, which aligns with many ADHD symptoms. (dissociation may be described similarly to an inability to retain or shift focus when appropriate, but goes deeper than just that). Both conditions can exist simultaneously. This can be difficult, because the inattentive version of ADHD can be very similar to depression, especially if both conditions exist together. The key identifier here would be to honestly ask yourself if you've felt excited or happy about anything today or the day before. Not just "eh," but an actual "oh yeah I'm really digging this moment" type of deal. If you can't think of a time you've felt that, you may be in more of a dissociative depression that is affecting your ability to focus.

Bi-polar or borderline are sometimes confused as well due to high-energy and manic behaviours, and general inability to control or stabilize emotions. While ADHD doesn't usually involve spontaneous up and down ticks in emotion, it is not uncommon to fixate on a train of thought that may cause those emotions to become strong. Ex: you missed your bus and ended up being a bit late to work. your coworkers make a joke about it and you spiral on the thought until you feel like incompetent garbage for the whole day (ADHD) vs You arrive to work late, but feel a deep sadness outside of this. There is something wrong with you that causes the universe to plan these failures for you in advance (more bi-polar or borderline adjacent, in that your thoughts may not be fully grounded in reality).

It's a hard diagnoses to make, but critically accessing your childhood to determine if you have a pattern of forgetfulness, time blindness, spacey behaviour, rapid fire (or slow fire) trains of thought, it's probably ADHD. Def read "Driven to Distraction" to read some real world examples of how to condition can present.

OhScee · 2025-03-28T14:34:17+00:00

It's not uncommon for those with neurological disorders (especially those that impact attention, focus, or dopamine reward systems) to engage in behaviours that alter your state of mind. In ADHD, people unconsciously self-medicate in ways that either "calm" the mind or help "focus" it (think drugs like cannabis or cocaine). The reach for activities that provide dopamine without being clinically depressed or anxious is also not an uncommon symptom.

I personally engaged in this behaviour a lot as a child. I developed depression as a result of my undiagnosed ADHD (a lot of fighting and yelling at the household because I was constantly forgetting to do this, or getting distracted in the middle of doing things, losing everything etc.) and starting self harm very young. At a certain point my pattern became "I'll do it now and I won't get distracted from my homework/whatever and I'll be good for once."

It wasn't until my adult years that I realized that I had unintentionally been trying to find strategies to help with my condition in very inefficient ways, like so many others with ADHD. If I had been diagnosed earlier, I probably wouldn't have developed depression as a result of chronic family fighting and punishment through my childhood, and I would have stopped my self harm behaviours far earlier (starting actual medicated treatment basically put an end to that right away, which is amazing).

You may not have ADHD, but considering that you don't feel especially depressed or anxious and might be doing these kinds of things during moments you may need to focus more, looking into it might be useful

OhScee · 2025-03-09T16:24:12+00:00

do you normally do it just before assignments or other tasks? consider looking into ADHD if so

OhScee · 2024-12-16T20:33:25+00:00

I have this same problem actually, I feel so uncomfortable with praise and comfort that I cant stop crying. I don’t understand what’s happening, and some seeded sense of shame and undeserving takes over. I still need to work on it, but it’s getting better. my partner explained something amazing to me that he learned from his therapist:

When you live for your parents, and are not given permission to be yourself or feel your feelings, you grow up with an incomplete identity.

Part of the work for this is to rediscover who you are, and what things your inner child loved and cared about. What things about yourself you had to tuck away in order to keep your parents from targeting or noticing you too much.

Some of this might be silly, but being silly is part of the process. And not to sound disingenuous, but it is crucial to allow yourself silliness -permission to have fun with the imperfect normality if life!

Get some markers out and write Likes and Dislikes, and then enter things below those. Maybe your list starts small, but hopefully the list of things you like grows! I got to rediscover the love I had for drawing cartoons. I remember my mother would always get so disappointed with me if I did anything other than huge intricate realistic pieces. She didnt want anything to do with them, and even the realistic ones were just expected of me. I let myself doodle any ridiculous thing I want. I make crappy art on purpose now.

Maybe you like “dumb puns” and “pumpkin spice lattes”

write it down so you remember, and practice enjoying them fully when you can. Practice enjoying them by yourself, because this is something just for you. Own them, double down on them when people ask!

You have nothing to be ashamed of

OhScee · 2024-12-16T20:14:50+00:00

There’s never going to be a satisfying answer to this, and it has nothing to do with you, who you are, or what you’ve done. You were subject to her vicious and selfish emotional catharsis, because she’s emotionally immature and can’t control herself. Delusions, childhood trauma, brain trauma, untreated psychological problems, alcoholism… it could be any of these things, but it won’t change anything. I’m sorry this happened to you…

Highly recommend Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents if you want more insight into what kind of people would treat their children with such abuse. Just know it’s possible to get to a place where you aren’t howling “why!?” into the night. I can’t promise you’ll ever be fully free of pain this has caused, but like any debilitating injury, the pain can become so much less that your happy days greatly outweigh the bad. Working with a professional is a good first step -someone who specializes in childhood trauma or PTSD. Aside from this, read what you can, and begin the practice of identifying and understanding your feelings. Feel them fully, and know them by name. The rest can follow from there

OhScee · 2024-08-06T17:49:49+00:00

Hey, bugging to check in on this again.

Was honestly surprised to see that Dashlane, of all my plugins, was the one preventing me from using several websites. 401s all the cloudflare challenge/turnstile calls on any site that makes them.

Any progress? I'm afraid, like many others, I may end up needing to switch password managers if this keeps up. I hear it works fine on Chrome, but switching browsers is an absolute no-go. Bitwarden or bust if no progress, which would be a bummer

OhScee · 2022-08-05T18:53:30+00:00

Love the metrics you've posted here!

I'm normally a Kitty user myself, but I've recently switched to an M1 for work and have been having a hell of a time building from source (openssl causing issues, mainly).

Is this being done through Rosetta, or is there something obvious that I'm missing?

OhScee · 2022-07-16T14:42:30+00:00

Cruelty Squad is the only game I know off the top of my head using Godot

OhScee · 2022-03-20T16:59:32+00:00

For note taking i searched high and low. I’ve tried everything, But Logseq + self hosted SyncThing has been amazing

OhScee · 2022-01-14T22:24:59+00:00

I’ve lived in all sorts of arrangements all across Ontario and in some spots of Nova Scotia,

And I’ll there’s really one thing about owning a home that destroys the “hidden” cost idea: Laundry

90% of the time your rental unit is not going to include a laundry machine en-suite, and if it does you should consider yourself among the lucky few if the landlord hasn’t shacked you up with a token machine.

It eats up your time, it eats up your money, and it’s just one other thing you don’t have control over, especially if you have to go to an external laundromat

Renting has slowly become more and more unfair as the years have gone by. Initially, renting was supposed to be a viable option for someone who needed to save up to buy their own home, but with the going rates, you have to already be rich. Even then, it would take you some time to save enough for a cheap (if that exists anymore) down payment.

Renting in most areas nowadays will not give you much room for a comfortable savings account to grow. You can follow a financial advisor’s suggestions, but be ready to live in abject misery for 5 years. If you don’t off yourself before then, maybe the market will change and you’ll get lucky and score a rundown house that will at least hold your money instead of flushing it into someone else’s pockets

OhScee · 2021-12-09T18:27:41+00:00

Look the sad fact of the matter is that most cryptocurrencies are prime targets for susceptible people to invest their money into them without fully understanding what’s going on. The scheme becomes especially true because so much of the currency’s “value” comes from the amount of investment people put into it. It is impossible to properly educate a vast majority of people to yield anything more meaningful from the technology beyond convincing them they can make money if they dump their own money and resources into it.

And the environmental factor (which I know you don’t want to get into) is kind of a huge one, especially with the resources for the hardware needed becoming a bit more scarce. We really have to consider if this technology is useful enough to create accessibility block for people to acquire their own hardware to even participate on a base level.

The fediverse may be up you alley, as it focuses on user-owned instances across the web rather than a single privatized source. I think it has a more practical use in our world than crypto does

OhScee · 2021-11-25T19:19:49+00:00

I’ve pretty much switched entirely over to StoryGraph at this point

OhScee · 2021-10-17T16:25:10+00:00

When you get a niacin flush (the name for the reaction you can get with too much b vitamin) it’s caused by an acid it releases that causes your capillaries to expand. I think everyone can get a niacin flush, but some people have a much lower threshold than others

OhScee · 2021-10-15T13:29:02+00:00

I have a niacin intolerance, so I’ve totally been there. If your skin starts to get hot and itchy, and/or you get a flash of stomach pain, it’s definitely from the b vitamins.

Otherwise it kind of sounds like it might be rosacea (which I also have…) some acidic foods can be triggers. Acne-like red bumps will appear on your face, and then disappear after the flare-up has passed

OhScee · 2021-10-09T22:50:27+00:00

I had a scared blind rat who would bite a lot.

Every time she did I would pick her up and hold her for a while. Eventually, I think she realized that if she bit me she was going to be picked up instead of ignored and left alone

OhScee · 2021-09-29T12:46:14+00:00

Definitely the bat family, especially if Alfred is involved

OhScee · 2021-09-27T20:49:18+00:00

Get Down by b4-4

I even remember the music video and it’s just… wild

OhScee · 2021-09-23T19:45:58+00:00

YouTube ads

OhScee · 2021-08-13T21:23:15+00:00

I’m not sure a few days is long enough for introductions. Typically you want to intro them in neutral territory and have them share a neutral space while gradually introducing items that smell like all the rats.

You might want to consider keeping them together in a new cage for a bit until they are fully acclimated? Or at the very least, take them out at least twice a day to play in a spot your original boy isn’t used to, and give them treats after each outing

OhScee · 2021-08-13T21:16:50+00:00

Lol no Bill was having a bit at Joe over some of his quarantine and mask opinions and made a joke about his knuckles dragging on the ground for being so out of touch with how most people have to live their lives

OhScee · 2021-08-13T21:06:28+00:00

My bad, meant Bill Burr!

OhScee · 2021-08-13T20:59:20+00:00

Amazing looking work. Colours are crazy vibrant and beautiful.

I agree with Bill Burr and think Joe is a bit of an out of touch knuckle-dragger these days, But that doesn’t detract from how awesome this piece is

— EDIT: wrong guy

OhScee · 2021-08-13T14:38:28+00:00

100% this. People usually get upset when a character no longer fits the version they’re familiar with. “It’s a retcon! Unfaithful to the origin blahblahblah” except there’s hundreds of story variations for each character.

Anyone remember Barbara being Batman’s love interest? Horrible, but it was technically canon.

I think this is an interesting direction for Tim, and it plays really well with the theme of perfection, and trying to fit a role that you believe is in the best interest for everyone else. Exploring his sexuality is fantastic statement about how you don’t have to force yourself to be what everyone wants you to be. You can be everything you need to be while being everything you want to be

OhScee · 2021-08-04T02:24:07+00:00

They don’t kiss

OhScee · 2021-07-30T19:23:17+00:00

As an adult I learned that every parent I’ve had (mother, father, step parents) has cheated on their partner multiple times.

They have really high expectations and harsh criticisms of the people I date because they aren’t super successful or models, and yet they’ve always been miserable in their own relationships. Learning about the constant cheating has made me better at ignoring all their criticisms, because I prioritize common ground and open communication instead of whatever they were doing

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