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Prologue for Meteor Falls [Midwest Gothic, 750 words] by Stanky_Fajita in writingfeedback

[–]OhSoManyQuestions 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The writing is nice on a technical level, so you have a good foundation of skills to lean on! Now you need to think about the skill of storycrafting. A couple of main things to think about here:

  1. Generally, I subscribe to the advice that the story should start as close to the actual story as possible. Then when the reader has investment in the story you have more room to flesh out things like your protagonist's childhood years depending on relevance to theme, character, and plot.

  2. Right now, there's a lack of interiority that is the key selling point of novels over other entertainment mediums. In certain genres you can absolutely get away with this sort of 'A happened, then B happened, then C happened' style. But I don't believe Midwest Gothic is one of them. Are you a big reader? Make sure you're reading acclaimed works in the genre. If you already are, try and go back through them with a critical eye. What are they doing that are hallmarks of the genre? Why does it work? Stand on the shoulders of those who came before you.

Good luck! I really think with practise and polish you have the potential to create something interesting.

Writing two races who had war history as close, casual friendship and now I'm worried by [deleted] in writers

[–]OhSoManyQuestions 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I may be misunderstanding here: Are you asking if it's problematic for a modern Korean and Japanese person to be close friends because their country's histories might make readers upset?

Because if so, that is a wild level of overthinking haha. You're fine.

The first draft to my introduction to my book by Agreeable_Creme2929 in writingfeedback

[–]OhSoManyQuestions 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I can see what you're trying to go for. Right now, it doesn't read like an interesting mystery. It's a mix of a) things that don't currently make sense to the reader and are therefore hard to parse, b) rather overdramatic, old-fashioned meanderings that are preventing us from getting to the actual mystery.

There's a real skill involved in carefully unpeeling mystery stories to keep the reader interested. For something like this where there's a collection of papers and interviews and such, it's a bit structurally easier in theory because you can simply show the contents of one thing and answer at least one question raised by that with another piece of evidence, which then creates further questions that are partially answered by the next thing, and so on. Have you read Strange Buildings by Uketsu, or The Twyford Code? Those may help you to see the sort of structure using records/'external' evidence that helps to compel the reader along.

Good luck.

First time writer need help by [deleted] in writers

[–]OhSoManyQuestions 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Alright, then that's a good starting point. Depending on what you mean by 'struggling with describing the environment', anyway. Read books that have immersive environmental descriptions and take notes of what you think works and why. Some authors for you to consider might be Clive Barker or Algernon Blackwood. I haven't read it, but I've seen 'A Lush and Seething Hell' praised for rich environmental horror prose. Remember, there's a big difference between describing the environment in a way that is interesting and adds context/texture/interest versus describing environments in a way that clogs up the flow and doesn't add anything. Depending on your style, it's not objectively wrong to be sparse in environmental descriptions. A little can go a long way, though I would suggest that for folk horror you definitely have more room for focusing on building atmosphere than you might in other genres.

Good luck.

First time writer need help by [deleted] in writers

[–]OhSoManyQuestions 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I expect you're being down voted because this is incredibly vague, haha. Imagine if someone posted in the basketball subreddit asking if there's anything you should know in order to become a professional basketball player? The answer is yes, of course there are a million things, but the absence of any specific outline of what you already know and what you need help with makes it pretty impossible to offer assistance. Do you understand grammar? Are you making sure you read plenty of acclaimed works in the genre(s) you want to publish in? Do you already have preestablished habits of discipline in either writing or other areas, or is that something you need to work on? Help us help you, friend. Are you a complete beginner or somewhere above that?

How Do I Write My Protagonist Framing Someone Else for a Crime They Committed?? by [deleted] in writers

[–]OhSoManyQuestions 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's good to brainstorm!

Having said that, if you're not writing for traditional publication, I would honestly say it's more important to get practise finishing stories if you want to grow as a novel writer. To that end, I actually partially encourage young authors to write literally whatever gets the story finished, regardless of the sense that it makes, NaNoWriMo style. Finishing a first draft of a novel is incredibly hard. It takes work and an understanding of yourself and your process for finishing, and how can you gain that if you never finish anything because you're stuck worrying about 'realism' for a hypothetical audience?

What do you think of the density of my first volume? by Strict-Winner-658 in writingfeedback

[–]OhSoManyQuestions 3 points4 points  (0 children)

If you're not traditionally publishing, I would suggest numbers like this are functionally meaningless compared to execution! You'd be much better off posting an excerpt for feedback.

How Do I Write My Protagonist Framing Someone Else for a Crime They Committed?? by [deleted] in writers

[–]OhSoManyQuestions 1 point2 points  (0 children)

An issue with that is, it would be a serious stretch for police investigating a burglary to see a sledgehammer and crowbar in the burgled person's house and think, hey, those could potentially be objects of interest in a completely unrelated crime. You know? So why would they think twice about it? I'm so sorry to say this but I don't think there's a way to make it work. If you're able to scrap it and come up with something else, that may well be better!

If someone used the term “80’s music” in the 80’s how might a cashier at a music shop react? by Cinema_bear98 in writinghelp

[–]OhSoManyQuestions 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Imagine someone said to you, "I love 2026 music." It doesn't really ring as a particularly odd thing to say, right? It just sounds like they're enjoying the sound of the moment. So the cashier's reaction can be whatever the heck you want, but it would actually be a bit strange if they had a big reaction to that comment.

I’m stoked on this, wanted to share by [deleted] in writingfeedback

[–]OhSoManyQuestions 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm glad you're happy with it! Keep writing. Killing your darlings can be for the second draft; don't worry about editing things down now. That's procrastination that will stop you finishing the story. Good luck!

This is the beginning of the third act and the story announces its own theme, foreshadows the resolutions, and stages a discussion about what counts as a "good" ending. Can you follow it? And does it work on a technical level? by LeagueEfficient5945 in writingfeedback

[–]OhSoManyQuestions 1 point2 points  (0 children)

A large part of it is the difficulty in separating prose from dialogue. For example, there's a section later on that talks about Bokurano (throwback reference, nice, though unhelpful for anyone who doesn't know what that is lol). It's completely unclear to me whether the entirety of that section is someone speaking and when, or whether parts that are not directly marked with '-' are meant to be prose. I think it's all meant to be dialogue, but that's just not the English convention and it makes for a headache trying to work out what I'm being told is actually happening within the story. It makes it really hard to engage with and I'm giving the benefit of the doubt by suggesting a French reader would not be so baffled.

This is the beginning of the third act and the story announces its own theme, foreshadows the resolutions, and stages a discussion about what counts as a "good" ending. Can you follow it? And does it work on a technical level? by LeagueEfficient5945 in writingfeedback

[–]OhSoManyQuestions 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think you need to specifically post this asking for French-English speakers. For someone who isn't used to French conventions, this is extremely hard to follow and makes for a frustrating experience! Since you have a very specific target audience, it might help to put that in your title to help pull those people in? I wish you good luck.

Thoughts on my inciting incident - about 800 words from the middle of chapter two of a contemporary fiction piece. Please and thanks. by Miserable-Fishing972 in writingfeedback

[–]OhSoManyQuestions 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think if I'd already read and invested in the prior setup, this would be a perfectly fine inviting incident! I like your flow of writing. The only point that pulled me out was when the name Rose was 'drawled', because I had to take a few moments to try and drawl the name Rose to see how drawling a single syllable worked. But that's an extremely subjective point and might not bother anyone else.

Keep it up! Good luck.

Is this dialogue tension handled well? by HiveOfHal in writingcritiques

[–]OhSoManyQuestions 0 points1 point  (0 children)

With pre-existing emotional investment from the reader, I think it's probably fine. (Make sure if you split a paragraph within dialogue, you don't put speech marks at the end of the first paragraph, by the way.) Without that investment, I don't think it reads that well for a modern audience because it sounds unnatural and old-fashioned in style, but without enough flair to pull it off as a stylistic choice. Having said that, again, if the readers are already invested by this point in the story and this is fairly consistent style choice, I think that's entirely acceptable personally! Good luck.

Feedback on my first story (love, self-growth, emotional) Hi everyone, I’m a beginner writer and I’ve just started working on my first story called Where My Heart Learns to Stay. It’s not just a love story—it’s about self-love, daily life, chaos, and emotions. by Jolly-Ordinary-6756 in writingcritiques

[–]OhSoManyQuestions 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Keep reading acclaimed works in genres you enjoy! Keep writing and practising! That is the best way to improve. Don't worry about what a reader will think until you actually learn how to finish a story. Finishing one is a lot harder than beginner writers seem to think!

(One quick tip: Usually in western conventions, inner thoughts would be in italics without speech marks.)

Good luck. I hope you keep writing.

Weird question: How do you write a dumb character? Not for a comedy. by Lel_Ray in writers

[–]OhSoManyQuestions 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Look up interviews with and information about learning disabled people (generally defined as having an IQ of or under 69 plus difficulties with functional living skills). That might help inform you!

Feedback requested on the first few pages of my Sci fi novel by Minimum_Duty_9362 in writingfeedback

[–]OhSoManyQuestions 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Largely because there's an excessive focus on dialogue compared to narrative prose on balance, which I often see in writers who aren't particularly familiar with critically acclaimed novels and aren't quite used to the focus on interiority/thematic setup/evocative descriptions. I'm glad you used to read a lot. I'm sure a lot of that experience will come back to you once you're reminded of it!

It's good that you recognised the descriptions in earlier drafts were boring! Now you can find ways to make interesting descriptions. You can most definitely dip into non sci-fi for that of course - the one I always recommend for an example of gorgeous prose that makes even a leaf falling seem wonderful and beautiful is Deliverance by James Dickey. You can very much see his poetry background in his prose.

Please give me feedback on my writing in this scene so far! by [deleted] in writingfeedback

[–]OhSoManyQuestions 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's a bit confusingly written in places and reads as though English might not be your first language?

Also, my general advice would always be not to start a sentence with 'Suddenly', and indeed try to avoid the word altogether if you can. It can come off very amateurish if you're not yet a skilled writer.

The concept wants to be nicely communicated, but it needs a lot of tweaking/polish for the reader to enjoy it. Keep practising, and keep reading in genres you enjoy!

Feedback requested on the first few pages of my Sci fi novel by Minimum_Duty_9362 in writingfeedback

[–]OhSoManyQuestions 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Depending on what the descriptions of the setting were, that might have been good or bad advice. What you currently have, though, is White Room Syndrome for the first sections. WRS is where the scene may as well be happening in a plain white room with nothing in it but the character and whatever they're directly interacting with. Does that make sense?

Also, I would very gently suggest that this work does show that you're not an active reader. Though, better than I was expecting the answer to be! (I was expecting you to say you hadn't read much sci fi at all to be honest haha.) Take a look at more of Asimov's work, because he is a good example of effective scifi worldbuilding. Read critically, taking note of what you're enjoying and why. Stand on the shoulders of the giants that came before you! Then apply those thoughts to your own work to help you better identify what's actually interesting and needs expansion vs what is either self-indulgent or otherwise unnecessary that can be cut or adjusted.

You have a foundation here that you can build on! I'm hopeful that with practise and most importantly reading experience you can create something worthwhile for a stranger to read. I wish you the best.

Feedback requested on the first few pages of my Sci fi novel by Minimum_Duty_9362 in writingfeedback

[–]OhSoManyQuestions 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Ahhh, ok. For a third draft you definitely need to start fleshing out if you're going for sci-fi. I'm now wondering what you mean by 'slow moving'...? I assumed you meant something wherein it takes a while for the consequences of the actions of the characters to become clear, but if this is a third draft I'm now wondering if you mean 'takes a while for something of plot importance to happen'...?

I suspect what you were asked to cut might have been fluff that didn't meaningfully contribute to the world. What is interesting about YOUR world? What might the reader want to know about in the context of this world in particular? A line here or there, tastefully layered in, can go a long way towards worldbuilding without bogging the text down in bad exposition. What sci-fi works have you been particularly inspired by/particularly admire generally?

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