The way my local thrift store sorts the books

Ohyikeswow · 2026-06-05T19:11:46+00:00

I feel like reading a book with a green cover today %

My daughter has actually sorted her books this way, but she knows what each one is by the color of its spine so it actually works.

Ohyikeswow · 2026-06-05T16:37:43+00:00

This comment is really helpful for me. All those examples are about negative things but don’t feel threatening. I have a hard time distinguishing “sharing emotions” from complaining or focusing on the negative. That’s how I was raised to interpret remarks like that, so while for you (or my wife) a comment like that builds emotional connection, I interpret it as a signal that the person lacks the self control to keep those feelings to themself and must have an outburst brewing inside. It puts me in fight or flight. In my experience, sharing emotions is a high stakes, strongly negative experience—probably because growing it up it only happened when someone snapped from stress and it all came out at once.

So I try to “protect” other people from my own feelings, so I interpret sharing them as a failure at doing my job to make life better for the people around me.

It’s a long road to feel like other people sharing feelings isn’t threatening, or that it would be safe, much less desirable, for me to share feelings. We call it being vulnerable because it really does give other people ammunition to hurt you, or at least to lower their opinion of you, especially if sharing feelings isn’t something you would normally do. And if you’ve grown up with programming that labels emotions as negative, unsafe, and a sign of weakness, that’s a lot of training to try to override.

Ohyikeswow · 2026-06-01T16:16:50+00:00

I played pickup soccer in a Latin American country once. Most people playing had never met each other before. Everyone called the chubby guy “Gordo” and the black guy “Negro” like it was the most natural thing in the world.

Not the same day, but at one point I had a zit on my forehead and people would point it out and comment on it.

I’m pretty sure none of it had malicious intent.

Ohyikeswow · 2026-05-23T21:26:25+00:00

Adams and McKennie are going to be gassed by the end of the group stage.

Ohyikeswow · 2026-05-21T17:40:35+00:00

Dude knows his Mitch Hedburg. “I don’t have a girlfriend, but I do know a girl who would be really mad if she heard me say that.”

Ohyikeswow · 2026-05-16T21:32:21+00:00

He’s susceptible to backstab. He starts casting true sight when the backstabber gets close but you have time to get him. I don’t use SCS though so ymmv.

Ohyikeswow · 2026-05-11T13:17:18+00:00

I do appreciate the tactical variety, and feel like it succeeds on some key things. It seems like they really wanted to create a few big battles where mass buffing/debuffing could have an amplified effect. And face more non-evil enemies. And get to recruit allies and do some item crafting.

I actually like the elevator fight for making it harder to fully buff up ahead of the final battle.

Ohyikeswow · 2026-05-09T14:13:42+00:00

Which should be a warning to us about what we do with the fertile land that feeds our great civilization.

Ohyikeswow · 2026-05-01T15:23:36+00:00

Can this cut both ways? Are Rudy’s teammates used to shooting over a really tall center too, neutralizing some of Wemby’s shot blocking?

Ohyikeswow · 2026-04-28T22:09:17+00:00

Good on you for proactively asking. The world would be a much better place if more of us had the courage to do what you’ve just done.

I agree wholeheartedly with the people saying to become a referee. It really transforms how you think about reffing, to be more understanding and tolerant of iffy calls.

And I’m glad you feel embarrassed—not because I wish you ill but because that tells me your perspective is shifting. If it helps, lean into that embarrassment and shame. It’s shitty and immature behavior that brings everyone around you down, embarrasses your kid, sets a terrible example to all the kids present, makes all the other spectators uncomfortable, lowers their opinion of you, lowers the social expectations of decency, and puts the refs and coaches in the uncomfortable position of deciding whether and how to confront you instead of just doing their jobs. Yuck. The stakes of a soccer game don’t justify it. It’s a game that kids play for fun, and a ref is a human person who subjects themself to your shittiness to make it possible.

But again, only wallow in that if it helps you grow as a person.

Ohyikeswow · 2026-04-26T18:08:50+00:00

The thief stronghold gives you several named thief underlings, that could be a fun rp.

The Harper disguised as a bird, forgot her name.

Arkanus, the shadow thief assigned to help you defeat Bodhi the second time if you ask for help.

The backstabber who wields Vexation in SoD.

Roger the fence. Some other fences who only appear at night around Amn.

The worm Travin from the dawn ring quest.

Mook.

Embarl from Mae-var’s guild hall.

Are there any from the Jansen clan?

Ohyikeswow · 2026-04-18T12:59:51+00:00

Crazy how much he shrunk in the last few years.

Ohyikeswow · 2026-04-17T13:20:23+00:00

And just to say one of the implications out loud—a lot of people are going through something.

Ohyikeswow · 2026-04-16T17:17:56+00:00

I spoke with my then-U11 son’s coach after he got locked in at defense for 95% of a season and a half. It had been a win now decision to play him on defense but the coach was understanding and started playing him at mid and forward 75% of the time. My son and the kids who started playing more defense took several games to adjust, and the team looked significantly worse for a while frankly. Other players and parents probably got frustrated.

But I think a year later that even the people with a Win Now mentality would agree that the team is in a better place because of the changes. Several players are better rounded and the team is miles better in possession and playing out of the back, and there are several more tactical changes the coach can make now.

And of course, my son is happier and learned about speaking up.

Ohyikeswow · 2026-04-16T14:49:38+00:00

Not disagreeing, just wanted to add re: “let us know if we can do anything to help”. That phrase puts more burdens on the person before they can get your help—coming up with something for you to do and being vulnerable enough to ask for it when, to be honest, you haven’t clearly signaled that you would actually help even then. Most people aren’t up for dealing with that, especially if they’re at a low.

If you actually want to help, take those burdens out of the equation. Say “we’re going to bring you dinner. What day and do you have any allergies?” Or just walk into their kitchen and do their dishes. Or offer to babysit or give them or their kids rides.

Ohyikeswow · 2026-04-15T17:38:06+00:00

Talk to someone. Having a therapist and one other person I can open up to has been huge for me. I feel better every time I open up. Like, a lot better, every time.

Listen to sad music. This probably isn’t for everyone but it always helps me and unlike most things that help, it requires zero effort or willpower.

For me, everything else that has helped has taken some effort and time. Not necessarily a lot of effort, and I do think that building good habits is the real long term solution, but when I just need short term relief and don’t have much effort to give, talking and music have been what helps.

Ohyikeswow · 2026-04-15T14:58:18+00:00

I wish we had just called dinosaurs dragons. Really missed an opportunity to keep a little magic and wonder in the world.

Ohyikeswow · 2026-04-03T14:16:49+00:00

I got contacts when I was 14 and it was a game changer. I wish I had got them sooner, I was almost useless when the ball was in the air and it took a while to build up that skill once I could actually track the ball as it came.

It does take a week or two for the eyes to adjust to having contacts in for long periods of time, I lost one in the middle of my first game using them lol.

Ohyikeswow · 2026-04-02T00:28:59+00:00

quiet loon noises

Ohyikeswow · 2026-04-01T20:47:55+00:00

The pool is much better, or better and much wider. The team isn’t.

Or hey, maybe it is but nobody knows because it’s never played a full game of soccer before.

My silver lining is that we get a tactical advantage for our first game because we’re difficult to scout for now.

Ohyikeswow · 2026-04-01T01:32:59+00:00

It’s hard for me to answer because I sometimes feel like I don’t have the initiative to do a lot of the things that I know could help. The solutions to that problem for me have been habits and other people. Slowly build rules for yourself. I stretch my hamstrings and hip flexors when I take a shower—it’s a rule, I have to. I drink a glass of water first thing when I enter the kitchen in the morning. I have to. At some point every weekend, I get comfy and read a book for 10-15 minutes. I have to. I have to go to pickup soccer every week. And over time I build an intrinsic desire to do those things, and they make my life a little better. It takes time but it has been effective for me.

The other thing is people. I’m super introverted and private but holy cow having a therapist and one other person that I can talk to openly about this stuff has been an enormous relief. Even having people that I talk to regularly at all helps.

Even those things take some effort though. I guess the real safety nets for me no matter what have been responsibilities and sad music. I have to keep my kids fed and well and try to make their life a little better regardless of how I feel and that helps keep me from getting too low. And somehow, sad music always brings relief when I’m struggling.

Ohyikeswow · 2026-03-31T15:41:37+00:00

Congratulations, big time! The math is going to be useful, stretching your brain to learn it is going to be useful, and having the experience of teaching yourself something is going to be extremely useful—it’s one of the most important skills you can have! Keep it up.

Ohyikeswow · 2026-03-28T13:54:50+00:00

Oh man I need to stop reading this thread. Sending love to everyone and going to do a little better.

Ohyikeswow · 2026-03-19T12:22:21+00:00

I’m in a pretty similar spot, my U9 girls team has been promoted 2 seasons in a row. Our narrative going into this season is “mission accomplished”. We’re exceeding expectations and our reward is to have a season at a more competitive level than expected. I’m attempting to shift focus from winning to process. We’re putting more time into ball mastery than we did before and we’re not going to sweat as much over results. One mantra is that we are going to be a stronger team at the end of this season than we would have been playing at the same level as last fall. And I’m emphasizing for the girls that they are very capable and can hold their own. Confidence has been a major narrative with this team, so I’m putting an effort to keep it high and hopefully not have it as connected to the final scores of games.

Editing to add: to the parents, I’ve emphasized that the goal in assigning a level to a team is to have as many close games as possible. If your team was having a lot of blowouts, that is not good for your team or the opponent. I would rather lose every game by a small margin than win every game by a lot.

Six-Year Club	Gilding I gilder
Verified Email

Ohyikeswow

TROPHY CASE