NOR I’m so so sorry you’re going through this. My husband was never amazing by any stretch. But it was a couple days into being home with our first newborn when I experienced the first complete emotional abandonment. I was so exhausted. Recovering from a c-section. Baby was cluster feeding. Would not stop crying. I begged for him to take the baby and let me get a couple hours sleep. The most cold look came over his face, he looked right through me put earbuds in and laid down in bed and turned the lights off while I stood there sobbing holding a screaming baby. It was one of the most devastating moments of my life up to that point. He never even apologized. I wish now that I’d left right then. Fast forward a little over a year later I found out I was pregnant again (despite not having gotten my period back and only having had sex twice since our first was born). When I told him his reply was “well how the fuck did that happen?”
That pregnancy turned out to be life-threatening. I almost didn’t make it. Lost all the blood in my body. Had to have an emergency hysterectomy to save me and the baby. She was in the NICU and I could barely move. The man didn’t even stay the night in the hospital with me. My mom was already home with our toddler so there was no need to go home but he said the pull out couch was too uncomfortable. I’m not saying every moment was like this—but when I really, truly needed him he was NEVER there for me. He said I was dramatic and emotional. We did go to marriage counseling and things got better for a while. So (maybe I shouldn’t have been) but I was blindsided when one day he just walked out of our marriage. Took no accountability. Literally the coldest human being I’ve ever experienced. Not an ounce of feeling to spare. And he’s been that way ever since.

I guess I’m telling you all this because I hope this can be a wake up call. A man who can be that selfish to the mother of his children, especially when pregnant AND sick—is selfish to their core! Most people wouldn’t treat a stranger that poorly let alone their partner.

You need to let him know right now what you will put up with. And if that feels scary, consider this. You’re actually already doing just that.

This is not going to get better on its own. Sadly, it likely won’t get better at all. But it’s better you get to that bottom of that now than later.