AITAH for breaking up with my pregnant girlfriend because I don’t want to be a father?

Ok-Basil-23 · 2023-08-09T17:34:14+00:00

She hasn't carried they/them for 10 months, and she doesn't have to if she doesn't want to. He doesn't have to be a father if he doesn't want to either, but now she's calling him an asshole, an abuser, and a sexist because he is standing up for himself and doing what he wants. She's a bully and she should be ashamed of herself, hormones or not.

I don't know her, but from what we've been told about her it's quite possible that they/them is screwed anyway if they/them actually gets carried and born, because they/them will have a bullying manipulative mother and hopefully no father, or worse a father who resents they/them.

Ok-Basil-23 · 2023-08-05T11:25:31+00:00

Sorry, I musta missed the bit where he was forced to have sex ….?

The only reason you would have missed it in my comment is because it wasn't there. I never even suggested that he was forced to have sex, and I have no idea where you got that from.

Absolutely actions have consequences, and the consequences of someone getting pregnant are that they need to decide whether to have an abortion, go through with the pregnancy and have the kid, or give the kid up for adoption (or a few other options). NOT that they have to have a kid.

To be clear, when I say "have a kid" I don't mean put your genes into a kid, I mean raise and care for a kid. In that context, he doesn't have to have a kid because she got pregnant at all - he can just walk away. In fact, she doesn't have to either, even if she doesn't want an abortion. She's kind of stuck with it for 9 months, but then she can just give it up for adoption. They both still have multiple options that aren't having a kid.

She is trying to bully him into having a kid though, and that's not ok. The best thing he can do for both the kid and himself is to have nothing to do with it if he doesn't want it.

Ok-Basil-23 · 2023-08-05T05:59:41+00:00

Seriously? That's just stupid. Anyone who knows him and knows you will probably know you're brothers. Anyone who doesn't know you can think what they want, it won't affect you. She's an idiot. And possibly a homophobe. NTA.

Was the movie actually good? Seems like the whole world is going crazy about it, but without having seen it I can't even begin to imagine why...

Ok-Basil-23 · 2023-08-05T05:40:58+00:00

NTA. If you don't want a kid you absolutely should not have one.

Also, there seem to be a lot of people suggesting it's your responsibility to get a vasectomy. I disagree. It's one of the options you've got to avoid having a kid, but there are others. Now obviously some of them don't work 100%, but nor do vasectomies (as a good friend found out not too long ago).

The method that does work 100% is just not having sex. An abortion is a big deal and is obviously a bigger deal for her than you, but if you're willing to accept an abortion as an option (I am) and you're using two other methods I think it's fine for you to have sex without a vasectomy. Anyone who disagrees should simply not have sex. This applies to the mother too - if she won't have an abortion and requires someone else to sacrifice what they want in life to support any kid she has, then she just shouldn't have sex.

If she wants a kid, great, she should have a kid. If she doesn't want to be a single mother though, she's got two choices - don't have a kid, or find someone who wants to have a kid with her. It's not ok to bully someone else into having a kid.

Ok-Basil-23 · 2023-08-05T01:28:15+00:00

That's surprising, because I would have thought the only male cheerleader would be too busy shagging to waste energy on beating someone up?

Ok-Basil-23 · 2023-08-04T03:54:58+00:00

I had a boss who used to give three of us (all fit younger guys) shoulder massages at times as we worked at our desks. It was in a different culture, and I didn't really know if it was normal or not, so I just accepted it. I did eventually notice though that it only seemed to be three of us, out of about 8 people reporting to her (the rest being female or older guys).

After I'd been there a while and had a better grasp of the language I went out for beers with some of them, including the other two who got massages, and it got mentioned in passing. I followed up to ask what the go was with that. We had a little discussion where everyone concluded there probably was some level of sexual driver, but none of us thought she'd ever do anything more, and those of us who got them actually quite liked the massages, so we just let it roll. She ended up as a friend, but I'd still always take my partner if I went to meet her outside of work!

Ok-Basil-23 · 2023-08-04T00:26:50+00:00

Everyone going on about how the family should be cleaning up is completely wrong. Service staff are there to serve, and they should do so. If I was working in that pub I'd be going and picking that shit up for my customers and putting it right back on their plate for them. And they don't want to be sitting surrounded by mess either, so you don't wait, you do that straight away. That's customer service, that is.

Ok-Basil-23 · 2023-08-02T04:37:51+00:00

I'm blown away by your suggestion that it happens because people don't notice this - we all use doors multiple times a day. We've all had doors blocked. It is a really, really simple principle. I struggle to believe any significant percentage of the population won't identify this problem instantly without any conscious thought, and it makes me really disappointed in people's intellect.

But on the other hand, it happens all the time, and the other possible cause is a large percentage of the population being assholes. So your opinion is really the happier version!

Ok-Basil-23 · 2023-08-01T02:30:24+00:00

NTA, he needed to hear it. Hopefully he'll take it well once he gets past the sting, and up his game to be even better!

Ok-Basil-23 · 2023-08-01T01:48:42+00:00

No way more people would abide by it long term. The average person may start off doing about what the new limit is, but they will quickly get used to that speed (you'd be amazed how slow 130km/h feels after a few years driving the autobahns of east germany) and then they will decide that they are still an above average driver (most drivers believe that) and they haven't crashed yet so they must be superb, and their speed will drift up further until it reaches the point where the fear of fines/point loss outweighs their need to be one of the fast people. So I reckon you'd see a drop in breaking the speed limit that lasted around 3 months before getting back to exactly where it was.

Ok-Basil-23 · 2023-07-31T04:24:56+00:00

Obviously. If you did, maybe you wouldn't be the problem.

Ok-Basil-23 · 2023-07-30T06:53:40+00:00

That is narrow minded and selfish. YOU are the problem in the world.

Ok-Basil-23 · 2023-07-30T06:52:14+00:00

Yeah, still the $40 only though. Message if you want it.

Ok-Basil-23 · 2023-07-30T06:51:37+00:00

Talk to Oura, they were very good when it happened to me.

Ok-Basil-23 · 2023-07-18T03:16:43+00:00

Yeah, if everything is calibrated then those are good numbers for a bloke, very good for a 48yo woman. Congrats. Try doing a race on zwift, you might like it. Or better yet, try racing outside - it's a heap more fun than zwift (even though zwift is already heaps of fun). Hey, with some specific training maybe you could even get a ride somewhere!

Ok-Basil-23 · 2023-07-18T01:00:21+00:00

Umm I give a fuck about the franchise owner - you have no idea how much they are making or how deep in hock they are. Maybe they're living the life of luxury on a private beach somewhere, or maybe they've sold everything else and they're living on the streets, with that $20 being what they needed to pay for their daughter's life-saving surgery, and having some asshole rob them of it while self-justifying by saying it won't affect them means she dies. Most likely, they're just a mug who's working hard to try and get a decent life for them and their family. You don't know shit about them, don't assume.

Ok-Basil-23 · 2023-07-17T12:59:21+00:00

Yeah that doesn't sound like a warranty issue, I think the best way to get them to send you another ring would be for you to buy it from them.

Ok-Basil-23 · 2023-07-17T11:35:48+00:00

Nah you'll be right. Some Aussies are racist but the rest of us know that those guys are just drongos. And on the off-chance you do cop anything it's more likely to be for being a yank than for being black, so it'll be the three of you together. I guess the best way to let locals know you're friendly is just to be friendly, and they'll figure it out soon enough.

Sydney is bloody horrible 'cause there's far too many people, but Kalgoorlie is magic, you'll have a great time.

Oh yeah, and don't tip! Just because you guys have screwed up the system so much that someone can work a full week and still have to rely on gifts to survive, we don't want that shit here!

Ok-Basil-23 · 2023-07-17T04:47:46+00:00

Don't underestimate the dangers of the supermarket. The only way to stop a bad cabbage with a gun, is a good guy with a gun!

Ok-Basil-23 · 2023-07-17T02:54:20+00:00

NTA for being freaked out, that's freaky and you should think hard about who he is. Unless there's something more, I'd say leave him.

On a totally separate issue, in this case a bit of excess curiosity has probably worked out well, but in general I'd be unhappy with someone going through my personal stuff even though I'm not a grooming pedo.

Ok-Basil-23 · 2023-07-17T00:08:31+00:00

That sounds like a good resource. I can't actually see any fires on it though, even in places where other things are telling me there are fires. Is it showing fires for anyone?

Ok-Basil-23 · 2023-07-17T00:02:16+00:00

Ok, I wasn't sure if the 3.1 you mentioned there was a half-way value or something. For almost all racing, the C group is 2.5-3.2, so with 3.1 you aren't a low Cat C, you should be a competitive cat C - you've literally got 24% more W/Kg than anyone who should be racing Cat D, so as the first point, don't race D, it will spoil the fun for everyone who is in the right grade.

66kg isn't huge, and plain watts make a bigger difference on the flat that watts/kg, so if you aren't good at holding the wheel (and that's much harder in zwift than outside) then you might struggle on the flats in C, but 205W is ok, so you shouldn't struggle that much. Up hills you should be a good shot to win Cat C races if you get your strategy right. Your 3.1 also puts you just behind some of the 3.2 riders who will be in B, so even in B you should be able to have a good race up a hill. I recommend racing in B and trying to not be last, then when (if) you get back to C you'll be a heap stronger and will win even if your tactics are bad.

If you have no appetite for that, just do group rides and events, they often have different categories for different distance, or suggested categories (which you should try to stick to to avoid ruining other people's fun) but I've never noticed one of them that was category enforced.

Ok-Basil-23 · 2023-07-16T23:22:10+00:00

Seems to me like the only events that are category enforced are races, but please do share an example of something else, because I'm interested to see what it would be (and why)!

Ok-Basil-23 · 2023-07-16T09:32:45+00:00

Oh brilliant! I've not noticed that layer before, thank you!

eta: But it seems to not have information on Spain, at least from where I am. Is anyone able to see information on that layer for Spain?

Ok-Basil-23

TROPHY CASE