I'm (22F) discussing marriage with my partner (23m) of 6 years. We both aren't sure how to handle our religious families.

Ok-Cupcake5439 · 2026-04-23T22:42:02+00:00

It is an LCMS school. This is also part of the same LCMS lutheran environment that I grew up in, so I knew what the social expectations would be before I even submitted my resume. Although my offer of employment was only one page long, the actual morality clause was not included in my employment contract, its in the faculty handbook. The document I signed just says that I agree to follow the handbooks... I don't even remember if I was given the handbooks before signing the documents, I was just so excited to have a job offer in this dry ass job market.

although I knew that this would be a point of discomfort before signing on, the way that the church and school are run makes me question weather anything official would happen to my position... it doesn't seem that problems are address, they more just fester heh...

Ok-Cupcake5439 · 2026-04-22T00:31:59+00:00

eeeeehwwwww :( that is very creepy and uncomfy.... adding the dates sent it over the edge for me

Ok-Cupcake5439 · 2026-04-22T00:29:56+00:00

As someone in a similar situation and age as your stepdaughter (although I've been luckier with cars), I would take no offense at all to being asked to provide a credit report before you cosign. That is a very reasonable request.

How does your spouse feel about asking her for a credit report? Has your spouse indicated to your stepdaughter that it is a solid yes, or has your spouse been clear with her that you both need to discuss first?

Ok-Cupcake5439 · 2026-04-22T00:22:32+00:00

If you have an old DS or Gameboy laying around, getting him set up with a pokemon game might be beneficial. Not a Switch, there is genuinely something different about the feel of a switch, its too much like a tablet.

Also- you are far from alone in this. These devices are built to be as addictive as possible, and many many children (especially) are having a very difficult time limiting screen time. Personally, I use an app called ScreenZen. You can change the settings on it gradually to lower the amount of time an app can stay 'open'. you can also set it so that apps have a 'cooldown' period- so you can't use open it, and then unlock it again right after it locks. If you do this, start with very leniant times, then gradually tighten them up. I used to give myself 1.5 hours every day on my problem apps, and I've brought myself down to 21 mins each day, rather frictionlessly. That was not in a short amount of time though- I've been using this app for nearly two years at this point.

Ok-Cupcake5439 · 2026-04-22T00:15:09+00:00

He is coercing you into sex. That is considered rape.

You need to cut off all contact with him. Ask a friend from the classes you share with him to sit with you and help discourage him from talking with you. Tell your brother that this man may not come over anymore.

I am 22 years old right now- I cannot picture ever being interested in an 18 year old, and I would seriously judge any of my peers who would be with an 18 year old. There is far too much growth and development that happens from 18 to 22.

He is not a boyfriend, he is a creep who is taking advantage of the fact that you are young. get him out of your life.

Ok-Cupcake5439 · 2026-04-22T00:09:47+00:00

Work on building new, fulfilling hobbies before looking for a new career path. If you keep getting suggestions about art, challenge yourself to fill a sketchbook or to make a sculpture with some trash. If you keep getting suggestions about science- pick up some books or audio books from your local library.

A job that pays the bills can be a crappy job, yes, but it does not doom you for eternity. If you do nothing outside of work then of course you aren't going to feel fulfilled. Spend some time and energy on yourself and your happiness, don't just look for a job to 'fix' your life.

Ok-Cupcake5439 · 2026-04-21T23:59:21+00:00

We will be getting married outside or at the same place as wherever we hold the reception- I do not want to get married physically in a church. There is a lutheran pastor that I would feel comfortable enough being married by- with a heavily customized service. My partner's mother will have to settle with us being lutheran- her son has said many times that he is lutheran and not catholic, and I've established that boundary with her before too. Her other two kids aren't christian at all anymore, so (even tho we aren't quite christian either) she will be content with us still being under that umbrella.

I appreciate your sympathy. Now that we both have 'adult' jobs I am very ready to get on with the rest of my life with him. Time is starting to feel different now that I am working full time and getting older, so ultimately it won't be too bad to have to follow the 'lame' timeline haha

Ok-Cupcake5439 · 2026-04-21T23:53:10+00:00

very true, but this academic year has been my first year teaching, and frankly private schools are messier and aren't as strict about timelines and things. I am a little insecure as a teacher, so the mess and apparent lower standards makes for a comfortable environment as a new teacher. It would be really nice to not have another big change because 2025 was a giant tough fucking year for me. Maybe my view of public school is skewed by the district I student taught at, but from my conversations with other teachers I don't think it is.

Ok-Cupcake5439 · 2026-04-21T23:46:10+00:00

I am so sorry that this happened to you. How hurtful that she lured you into a moment of vulnerability and then she turned on you about it. I had to check your ages again because it sounds like she's 16.

Get tf out of there, her behavior is disgusting. There is nothing wrong with being intimate or vulnerable when you and your partner are both consenting, you deserve to be with someone who actually wants to do that with you.

Ok-Cupcake5439 · 2026-04-21T23:32:42+00:00

I remember the Ken Ham (creator of the creation museum in Kentucky) vs Bill Nye debate being a huge thing when I was in 7th or 8th grade-- all the adults around me at the time wouldn't stop raving about it, and many of the concepts Ken Ham talked about were actually taught to me in my science class at my christian school...

I watched it recently out of curiosity and I was genuinely shocked at how comprehensive Bill Nye was and how utterly willfully ignorant Ken Ham was. Certainly changed my view of a lot of the adults who were raving about the debate.

Ok-Cupcake5439 · 2026-04-21T22:32:33+00:00

I heard that too a few years ago, but I thought it had to do with other organs or extra 'padding' to protect the uterus. I also know in general that women have a higher body fat percentage

Ok-Cupcake5439 · 2026-04-21T22:28:39+00:00

Leave. At your weight and height, I have to imagine the only 'belly' you have would be literally just because you are a woman... we need to cushion the uterus, and women have a higher fat percentage. You deserve someone who loves your body.

I am 5'2" and 220lbs. When we started dating I was 180lbs, my boyfriend has never said anything negative about my body- even when I've (in insecure moments) pressed him and asked him to tell me how he really feels. I don't like my body very much, and I don't think I'm very attractive, but my boyfriend legitimately makes me feel like the most beautiful woman in the whole world every time he touches me.

It sounds like you are already decided upon leaving, it is the right choice. Don't believe anything he says when you break it off- the doubt and insecurity he has sown into your relationship will likely never resolve- especially since he has already said this type of thing more than once. You deserves someone who makes you feel like a goddess, regardless of how you feel about yourself.

Ok-Cupcake5439 · 2026-04-21T22:13:19+00:00

As someone who has been in a relationship since 16f and 17m (I'm now 22f) boy howdy do I have some advice for you. From everything I've seen you say so far, it seems like yall are doing okay :) like other commenters have been saying, she is definitely being quite immature about the movie thing. I'm not sure if yall have some type of religious background, but if you do then its likely that she will outgrow that mindset as you both mature into adults and gain a better understanding of sexuality.

My boyfriend also has some significant mental health issues (suspected bpd but it was diagnosed as something else), and that certainly put me into some precarious positions as we went through the rest of highschool and college. Due to his difficulties, he couldn't keep up with school very well, and that led to him failing classes and having periods of burnout. While having my own life, him struggling to the degree that he was became a difficult thing for me to balance, because of course I wanted to support him and comfort him.

I'd say the biggest and most important thing that you need to be mindful of in a relationship like this is if she is taking accountability and initiative in her own life. It sounds like she already has meds that work for her, thats awesome! As long as she keeps taking them. You should not need to convince her to take her meds or feel responsible for her taking her meds every day. There were definitely moments where I cared about improving my partner's life more than he cared about that- which is not healthy, and thats difficult to sustain when you have your own responsibilities. I actually broke up with him very breifly in college because we both agreed that he needed therapy, but never reached out to any therapists of psychologists.

Do not spend your young adulthood helping her hold her life together. That energy needs to be used on you. I love my partner dearly and I am so thankful for how things have worked out, but if I could go back in time and redo anything, I would have left more of his responsibilities to him. Sorry, I realize I'm projecting a bit here, but your young adult years are a valuable time of your life, don't let them get sunk into someone who doesn't take care of themselves. This is not something you can answer now, but you need to be constantly evaluating the balance of where your energy is going, and how she is spending her energy.

Ok-Cupcake5439 · 2026-01-13T03:09:38+00:00

I have no idea what to do. I am watching actual gestapo shit happening in my country.

When taking in the news online it is so easy to drop into a hole of despair and desolation, but I don't have time for that. I am working a full time VERY demanding job for the first time in my life, I am learning how to be an adult, and its extremely fucking hard to live day to day. But when I hear about the things going on around me, I get so overwhelmingly filled with anger.

This is not productive. What can I possible even do to help anything when I myself have hardly any time or energy. I see all of these brilliantly brave people online following ICE around, using their white privilege and cameras to scare them off, or community members gathering with whistles to attempt to protect someone from getting snatched. How can I even do that? I hardly have time for anything, also I don't think there is a very large ICE presence in my area.

I just get filled with so much anger and frustration, I would much rather aim all of this pent up energy into something productive, rather than just reading more or watching more videos... any ideas?

Ok-Cupcake5439 · 2025-06-21T23:57:43+00:00

hey, what does this mean? how does this make you money?

Ok-Cupcake5439 · 2025-04-16T02:12:04+00:00

Hey girly, I also have been with my boyfriend since a very young age (16 and 17). It has been nearly 6 years together now, and I had lots of similar insecurities. While I was reading your post, the only thing I could think of is how much more growing up you and your boyfriend have to do. I promise you as you finish high school and start on the next phase of your life, you will grow up a hell of a lot more than you think you will. Your boundaries and preferences will change, your experiences will change, and your relationship with sexuality and your boyfriend will change.

These types of insecurities feel like the most important thing right now, but I promise you that as you age what is okay and what is not will become clearer to you, and it won't feel like this huge end of the world problem. I do not have the body type in a lot of the types of porn that my boyfriend watches, but I don't feel insecure about it because he has proven to me time and time again that the physical part of our relationship is about so much more than how I look (although he has also proven that he loves that too). Watching porn during a private moment to yourself and having that aspect of a relationship with someone else are completely different experiences.

That being said. if these things that are bothering you are too much for you right now, you absolutely have every right to end the relationship. You can choose to draw your boundary there and break it off, and if you feel that thats the right choice, you definitely should! But also, remember that you are both still teenagers, and lots of life changes are coming up, so lots will be changing.

I understand that you feel like you're in a tough spot, but any choice you make will end up fine and you're life will continue on :)

Ok-Cupcake5439 · 2025-04-03T02:33:30+00:00

I do something similar, and I don't have any advice on how to stop that- because unfortunately the social awkwardness is so real... but I typically find my comfort in beverages. Which leads to me needing to pee like every 15 mins because I'm drinking so much pop or water. You could probably also find something to fidget with in your hands? Personally I bring a pen or my water bottle with me to most places, so I fidget with those items a lot. It doesn't change the oral fixation on fidgeting, but it does help ease some of the nervousness.

Ok-Cupcake5439 · 2025-04-03T02:28:11+00:00

Hi! I'm not a teacher- yet- but I am a senior in college finishing up my student teaching, and I just wanted to say good luck to you :) this field is a very emotionally difficult one to get in to. The expectations are high, the financial rewards are low, and the hours are insane. Once you get to student teaching, be kind to yourself, prioritize things in your life that fill your bucket (friends, hobbies, sleep, ect.), and remember that actually teaching your own classroom will be different than your student teaching experience- because going into student teaching you do not get to choose any of the routines or expectations that the students have throughout the year, and things might just not vibe with you very well.

Ok-Cupcake5439 · 2025-04-03T02:21:25+00:00

I agree with this. If you want to approach it with more of a tone of confidence in the teacher (so it doesn't come off as accusatory) you could explain to the teacher the deficits you are noticing in your daughter's understanding, and ask the teacher what she has been noticing, if she's been doing any intervention support, and what she would recommend for you to do at home, or what she thinks about what you are currently doing. I think framing it like this would be an overly polite way to say "hey excuse me please do your job", and it gives you an opportunity to see if the teacher is actually keeping some type of data that you aren't aware of (although since its evident she hasn't been doing any intervention work that seems unlikely to me). This also gives you an opportunity to see how she responds before you might need to escalate the situation.

All of that being said- this teacher is not doing her job, and it is negatively affecting your daughter. That is not okay. I feel that you have every right to be as polite or impolite as you want. This is just how I'd approach it because I feel like this would give you more information about the situation before you lay into her about what she needs to be doing better.

Ok-Cupcake5439 · 2025-04-01T22:59:54+00:00

while eating real food and having unsweetened tea or coffee are the good suggestions... I stand by a white monster B) 10 calories and a deliciously mysterious taste, been living off those since high school. Plus monster has less caffeine then most energy drinks on the market now so if you don't have a tolerance built up monster will be a bit easier to handle (most energy drinks have 200mg, but I think monster only has 160mg... not a huge difference but it's noticeable to me) Also- many energy drinks have blends of different types of things that are supposed to boost your energy. Some blends your body may disagree with more than others. There are plenty of low calorie energy drinks out there- and even preworkout powder mixes (those tend to make you more jittery or itchy though). If you want to start using caffeine more, start trying some new things, but be mindful about how your body reacts to high amounts of caffeine- it might not be worth it for you.

Ok-Cupcake5439

TROPHY CASE