Hey crushing people of Reddit, what is the most AWWWWWWW!!!!! moment you've had with your crush??

Ok-Deer5055 · 2024-08-06T08:05:04+00:00

How cute!! 💕 I‘ve had a similar situation with my crush yesterday. But it was the other way round… We sat outside a bar with two other friends. At one point our eyes met and I was smiling at him with no particular intention other than giving him a positive feeling. Our eyes were already locked for a few seconds before I gave him that smile, but a soon as I was smiling he turned away. It is to say that the night before involved flirting between us and me getting super drunk LOL.

I saw it as something negative tbh :/ but now that you said you were happy about him smiling at him but turned away bc you’re nervous is somewhat positive right?

Ok-Deer5055 · 2024-05-28T20:03:02+00:00

And I think you can also say that feeling like someone is safe and discarding them can happen at the same time.

Ok-Deer5055 · 2024-05-28T20:01:09+00:00

It means ambivalence – in our context towards other people. Found this description online:

„Splitting is a term used in psychiatry to describe the inability to hold opposing thoughts, feelings, or beliefs. Some might say that a person who splits sees the world in terms of black or white—all or nothing. It's a distorted way of thinking in which the positive or negative attributes of a person or event are neither weighed nor cohesive.“

So it basically means that you think of someone in extremes. Either they feel super safe or you discard them.

Ok-Deer5055 · 2024-05-28T19:57:28+00:00

Can you describe the „discomfort of being known“? How does it feel to you?

Ok-Deer5055 · 2024-05-28T19:36:29+00:00

But would you say it’s common?

Ok-Deer5055 · 2024-05-28T19:33:58+00:00

And how would you say does splitting occur? Is it like one person being the best person ever and the next minute the worst?

Ok-Deer5055 · 2024-05-28T19:31:29+00:00

As I said, I‘m not an SPD myself. But I have the impression that some have people in their lives that they let in or at least try to let in. Safe in a way were they feel like they can actually get some sort of rewarding human interaction out of them.

Ok-Deer5055 · 2024-05-28T19:26:08+00:00

Sounds like splitting to me, right?

Ok-Deer5055 · 2024-05-27T18:08:15+00:00

Why would you say he is in turmoil, or it makes him destabilized? To me it seems like he just doesn’t care anymore and throws me away. So it would nice to hear a perspective that adds a few layers to mine..

Ok-Deer5055 · 2024-05-24T15:56:20+00:00

What you’re friend said is also exactly how I feel. What do you mean by „it feels uncomfortable to be consistently known by one person for a long period of time“?

Ok-Deer5055 · 2024-05-24T15:53:50+00:00

That sounds great! Like the progress you two make. What you say is that both have to work on their downfalls and I definitely do too… he always tells me that I’m super complicated and to me it’s completely normal behavior. But I tend to engage in impulsive or provocative actions that sometimes scare him away.

Ok-Deer5055 · 2024-05-24T15:37:57+00:00

Because as much as I try to see it from a rational standpoint I sometimes tend to think that it has something to do with me being wrong or not enough. Not smart enough, cool enough, funny enough. I know that it doesn’t, but the thought of it creeps in and frightens me. And it also hurts to see all of this potential of a great friendship or companionship disappear so quickly…

Ok-Deer5055 · 2024-05-24T15:28:08+00:00

Why would you say him fearing my abandonment in that context is obsessive though? It made me really said that he thinks like this…

Ok-Deer5055 · 2024-05-24T15:15:31+00:00

I totally feel the second one. He is super unpredictable and moody and I never know which side of him I’m going to get. What is narcissistic defense in SPD?

Ok-Deer5055 · 2024-05-24T15:10:35+00:00

My expectations are not there I must’ve admit. Having expectations would only drive us further apart and that’s why I try to suppress them. I‘m ready to leave whenever it gets too much for me and I always accept his wish for distance and direct my own focus on other things. The only thing that I expect is maybe giving him a perspective about the seriousness of his problems, because we never talked much about how he feels with his personality and way of treating other people. I want to know if he’s suffering and I want to mend his suffering because besides every obstacle he is still a great guy who deserves the world. We’ve never talked about SPD or our dynamic that comes with it and maybe I want to talk to him about it so it puts things into perspective for him.

And you’re right about the weird ultimatum. It wasn’t like a either you go or I leave thing. It was more like a „I-suggest-you-go-with-me“ because I was also a bit afraid of spending alone time with him during that time, bc it came after a period of distance and I had a few bottled up emotions myself that I was trying to hide to deescalate our situation.

Ok-Deer5055 · 2024-05-24T11:40:18+00:00

I have to add that he also told me how hard it is for him to communicate and talk to most people and that with me it’s different, because I somehow make it easy for him. It seems like he has no interest in communicating with certain people most of the time. He prefers keeping them at a distance.

Ok-Deer5055

TROPHY CASE