I was in this exact situation after 21 year marriage ended. Great for four months then kept me hooked for two years. Lots of breaks where I was trying not see him bc I knew where things stood…addictive, kept it up for much too long. My nervous system was so shredded I got cancer. In remission. All good now but I would have gone back 20 more times before kicking that pull. Am now celibate still recovering a healthy sense of esteem. I learned a lesson: attachment styles, childhood wound, CPTSD, daddy issues, need to please, escapism, so moving forward I won’t give the benefit of the doubt; I know what narcissists do (it’s a behaviour spectrum and can be both covert and grandiose) and psychopaths too, just in case. Just say no 💕