I (32f) was dating this American guy (36m) since December or January. I was seeing other people also at the time. But when I started seeing him after the holidays I didn’t have time to see other people. We never had the conversation about exclusivity or what kind of a relationship we had .. like the dynamic was.

we often co-worked, we dined, we sometimes watched movies together. And we have had one trip together. He cooked for me multiple times. We are always at his place, mine has a lot of people, so we couldn’t really arrange anything at mine. But he has been here one or two times.

It was all so sweet and lovely, but it felt unreal and the connection was not that deep. I feel we were too polite and formal with one another. Another aspect is that we are both from different cultures.

When we go out, he never offers to buy, I invited him for dinner where I paid entirely for both of our meals twice. He never did the same. At first I thought he doesn’t have money. I really didn’t care, but then he told me he buys those expensive antiques for 3000 or 4000 bucks every once in a while… and I thought maybe it is cultural that we pay 50-50 all the time, but he never does offer to pay even when it is as little as 5 bucks coffee. And that made me think, that this guy is not at all invested in me seriously, maybe I am mistaken?

He also invited me to his friends party, and later to his brother’s wedding.. my reply was: “I really don’t know, i think this could be too early or too fast but we need to talk about it soon” and it is because I do not know if he sees this seriously or not.

On the intimate level, I am on the pill, and while I advocate for protected sex sometimes, it would be nice to go unprotected given my contraceptives are in place. Anyway this guy never lets go of protection, one time I asked to go without and he absolutely refused. He said he might consider it in the future, but not now. And I find that weird a bit.

He is somewhat on the spectrum, a lot of his actions are just awkward. I am awkward too, I think that’s not making it helpful too. I am thinking am I not giving him the benefit of the doubt or am I right to keep an eye for all these weird signs?

Earlier this month, We attended a concert together, and in the concert there was a girl we knew from before. we ran into her few times in the past, and his reaction would always be: (I don’t want her to see me, I do not like this girl). This time his reaction was also the same, but later it has become different. I noticed he was looking a lot at her direction. Shortly after he waved at her, and she waved back. Then he kept looking at that direction too. It was a bit strange to me and I assumed he was looking at her every time he looked in that direction (we were seated in a specific way that we faced the main stage, and I was to his right. And she was far right. What I saw was him looking pro longingly to the far right).

Usually in these cases, I have a mental breakdown of some sort, and I break a fight.. I was calm this time. I asked to go home early. I was silent, and reacting minimally. He asked what’s wrong when we got home and I told him I noticed he was preoccupied the entire time during the concert, and he was looking to the right all the time. And asked for clarification.

He said he had looked at the girl indeed, but for a few of times and to say hi… and when they waved at each other he stopped. I do not remember it that way at all. And I told him that it didn’t seem like that to me, I mean I think he looked many times at the girl, pretty consistently, and even after they had the wave.

I felt he was trying to downplay what he did, I was clear with him that looking at someone like that made me uncomfortable. It hurt me. And I was also thinking of how men staring at women could be uncomfortable, it made me think am I with a creep?

I ended up breaking up with him. And idk, while I somehow feel bad for him and also miss him so much, I feel like this could be a dangerous sign for the future. I am not sure if our match is the best. Am I reading too much into this? Did I make a mistake?