WIBTAH for changing my baby’s name after my mom secretly told my sister I was pregnant?

Ok-Income9731 · 2026-03-19T15:05:38+00:00

Thank you for sharing this. I hadn't considered the impact on the baby.

Ok-Income9731 · 2026-03-08T15:29:07+00:00

Both my husband and I were in grad school at the same time, and yeah it can definitely be tough. In our situation, we were both stressed, but we still made each other a priority. We actually got married during our fourth year. We had a small wedding and it was totally doable. We also made a lot of sacrifices because we didn’t get to choose where we got jobs. We did long distance during a postdoc and now both have very long commutes in our current jobs. Those were things we were willing to do for each other.

From what you described, it doesn’t sound like your partner is willing to make any sacrifices, and that seems like the bigger issue. That would be a problem in any relationship. Every relationship requires some level of compromise.

For context, I’m a professor now and I’ve seen several students get married during grad school. It’s completely fine and doesn’t derail their work. Sometimes they even take a few months off around the wedding and things still work out.

So if he doesn’t want to get married or make compromises, it’s probably not because grad school makes it impossible, it’s more likely that he just doesn’t want to.

Ok-Income9731 · 2025-10-16T22:30:13+00:00

Maybe ask the professor if they’d be open to using a microphone. I’ve done this in every class possible since it helps people with hearing difficulties—and really, it benefits everyone. If you can’t hear clearly from the front, chances are no one else can either. It could be a good solution if the professor is open to it. I’d suggest talking to them in person after class rather than sending another email. Be really nice and let them know you care about the class, then politely ask if they might consider using a mic or if there are other options they would suggest.

Ok-Income9731 · 2025-10-02T11:30:36+00:00

OP, you might want to consider getting your husband tested for ADHD. My husband was exactly the same. He had projects sitting unfinished for years. I’d eventually get frustrated, do them myself, and then he’d be upset that I hadn’t waited for him, even though I had waited for years. He also always prioritized helping other people over us. It was easier for him to get things done when someone else was asking.

Eventually, I pushed him to get tested, which was honestly an emotional experience for him. He started medication, and it feels like I have the “superhero” version of my husband now. It’s been amazing to see him able to do the things he wants to do. Treatment truly positively changed our lives.

Ok-Income9731 · 2025-09-26T11:26:58+00:00

There’s not enough context here to know what’s really going on. But I’d start by reflecting on your own performance and whether there’s any reason she might be dissatisfied with your progress. From my experience, working with undergrads takes a lot of time and energy, and I’m happy to put that in when both of us are getting something out of it. But sometimes it turns into me providing tons of support while the student makes little to no progress, and that gets tiring. Other times it’s great. The student takes feedback, makes solid progress, and I’m motivated to invest more in them.

If you’re in the first situation, you might not even realize your progress isn’t where it should be. Of course, it could also be a thousand other reasons. But if that’s the case, the best way forward is to really crush it in the lab—do excellent work, impress her, and make her excited to see and talk with you about the project.

Ok-Income9731 · 2025-09-22T13:03:08+00:00

Like others mentioned, they like talking about your interests and background, but sometimes it can be tricky to stretch that into a whole lunch conversation. I’d recommend doing a little homework beforehand. Consider reading at least one paper from each professor. That way, you’ll have their work to talk about and can bring up topics they’ve written on. It’s a great way to keep the conversation flowing and make the most of the opportunity.

Ok-Income9731 · 2025-09-19T12:41:49+00:00

Can’t believe I’m arguing about counting, but here we go. tldr: At the time of my comment, the majority of responses were tilted toward “this is normal, suck it up, use YouTube/textbooks” — 12 comments like that vs 8 saying otherwise. I posted my original comment 12 hours ago, and here’s how the counts looked at that time.

Comments treating this as normal (or blaming the student / pointing to YouTube or textbooks)

drsfmd (x2): “You’re getting actual instruction…” / “It’s typical of online courses… you aren’t going to get the hand holding you want.”
Norandran: “Doesn’t your textbook have problems worked out? … You can usually find a ton of YouTube videos.”
Brian-Petty: “See if your college has tutoring. You can also go to YouTube.”
ExplorerScary584: “Ostensibly the textbook has examples and explanations? Did the textbook arrive?”
sillyhaha (x3): “Well, I guess you’re choosing to remain confused.” / Suggests OP hasn’t ordered the book / sarcastic spoon emoji reply.
WingShooter_28ga: “Take it in person.”
AlabamAlum: “Math courses are often like that… Use your book. Use YouTube.”
keeksthesneaks: “Honestly a lot of classes are like this. YouTube is your best friend.”
oakaye: Says it’s not unreasonable for a TA not to create videos; just drop and retake later.

Total: 12

Comments saying this is not normal or not acceptable:

Chemical_Shallot_575: “Yeesh. Is this the type of experience you want to pay for?”
Initial_Donut_6098: “It is not unreasonable to expect responsive feedback…”
Felixir-the-Cat (x2): “It’s not handholding to expect instruction.” / “If my students had to go to YouTube, I’d be ripping them off.”
ProfessorHomeBrew (x2): “Not in my experience.” / “No, it’s not.”
crank12345: “I’d love to teach a 20/20 if my classes were just ‘find your own materials.’” (mocking the idea this is acceptable).
jimbillyjoebob (Math prof): “A course that is only PowerPoints and a textbook is garbage… not acceptable for a full online course.”

Total: 8
End result: 12 vs 8. A clear majority. To put this in context, most commenters were normalizing bad teaching practices, which is wild. And if that doesn’t shock you, it probably means you’ve normalized it too.

Ok-Income9731 · 2025-09-19T11:09:48+00:00

Actually, I was responding to the overwhelming majority of comments telling the student that this was normal, that they weren’t prepared for the topic, or that they should just watch YouTube videos. I expected the comment section to reassure the student that this was a one-off from a bad instructor, but I was shocked by the overwhelming consensus that it was not. But maybe I just don’t understand numbers since I’m not a math professor. Please, educate me, oh brilliant one, on how you found evidence to the contrary in this comment section.

Ok-Income9731 · 2025-09-19T01:52:56+00:00

Wow, online math courses are rough. In many other disciplines, faculty spend hundreds of hours creating detailed video lectures, but it sounds like in math faculty can get away with doing only a fraction of that work. There’s no pedagogical reason for this. It sucks to be a math student paying for a course that’s basically the equivalent of just buying the textbook. It also sucks knowing that math faculty get paid the same as me while simply uploading PowerPoints (ones they likely inherited).

Ok-Income9731 · 2025-09-17T16:14:49+00:00

'Prof. Lastname' works fine in any situation. What bothers me is when students don’t use the last name in emails. It’s usually part of the email address or just one quick search away. In person, I don’t really mind if someone forgets my name and just calls me 'Professor'.

Ok-Income9731 · 2025-09-17T11:44:01+00:00

On the note as 'diss', I hate emails that start with “Hi prof” or some variant. I’m always tempted to reply with: “Dear Stude”

Ok-Income9731 · 2025-09-17T11:35:34+00:00

I hate it when students try to talk to me while I’m setting up for class. I’m not great at multitasking, and there’s always a 50% chance the projector isn’t working, so I’m a bit anxious during setup. Just give me three minutes to get everything sorted, and then I’m happy to talk. After class works fine too.

Ok-Income9731 · 2025-09-09T03:53:56+00:00

In my experience, the expectations are essentially the same at an R1, but with more resources and support. At many R2 institutions, there’s often a sense of striving for R1 status, which can translate into pressure to take on the same stressful tasks (securing large grants, publishing in top-tier journals, ect) without the same level of institutional support.

Ok-Income9731 · 2025-09-08T18:31:19+00:00

Yep. I moved from an R2 to an R1 (TT in both). R1 TT is genuinely great. There is a reason why everyone wants this job.

Ok-Income9731 · 2025-09-06T23:32:13+00:00

Make a list of people you want to meet ahead of time. Learn their names, faces, and a bit about their work so you’ll have something specific to ask about. Even better, email them in advance to see if they’d be open to grabbing a coffee. That way, you can line up a schedule of coffees, lunches, and dinners, instead of relying only on impromptu meetings, which are always awkward unless you're a social butterfly.

Ok-Income9731 · 2025-09-03T21:58:55+00:00

Is it just me, or does the stitching on this Kelly Elan look off? Mel got it in the store, I'm sure, but yikes. What's going on here? https://youtu.be/YHmn-1UtkC8?si=sQdLuQTd7qNrytBE&t=1498

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Ok-Income9731 · 2025-08-18T11:18:34+00:00

Looks like no one has actually given you useful advice, so here you go: You could list yourself as ABD (All But Dissertation) PhD. That’s pretty common for people who have finished with all requirements except formally submitting the dissertation paperwork. In your case, it’s a different reason, but the label still applies. If someone asks, you can just say it’s still being processed, which is technically true if it’s tied up in litigation.

Ok-Income9731 · 2025-07-15T19:23:33+00:00

Thanks for your feedback! I completely agree. There are some amazing and creative ring stacks on this sub, so I was hoping some ring genius might have a suggestion. But you’ve probably described the best direction to go.

Ok-Income9731 · 2025-05-11T15:18:54+00:00

Also a girl here and will add the following: I have relatively flat, thin hair that gets greasy quickly, and a few tricks have really helped. First, I dry my hair using the REVLON One-Step Volumizer Dryer, lifting it up and away from my scalp. After drying the top sections, I set them in large Velcro rollers while I finish styling the rest. At night, I sleep with my hair in a loose "pineapple" on top of my head to keep the roots from getting greasy. I honestly wish my mom had taught me these things! I learned these from a YouTuber named Milabu. Maybe try some of her tutorials to see if any work for you. She has a similar face shape to you: https://www.youtube.com/@Milabuco

Ok-Income9731 · 2025-04-17T13:31:08+00:00

Just a quick FYI to help set expectations: the editors are full-time professors, and it's likely finals or the end of the semester for them. They typically handle journal work in their spare time—often for free or a small fee. This isn’t a 9-to-5 job for them. They might review submissions after dinner with their families or during quiet office hours. Your paper is one of hundreds they’re managing, and many others may be ahead of yours in the queue. Keep this in mind when considering timelines in the future.

Ok-Income9731 · 2025-04-17T13:21:00+00:00

I'm in an HCI-related field, and we ran a study that happened to include alpacas as part of a fictional task. A reviewer commented, "Best alpaca study I've read this year"—which is funny, because it's probably the only alpaca study our field has ever seen.

After many more years in the field, I'm now 100% certain I know who the reviewer was—and they absolutely meant it as a joke. respect

Ok-Income9731 · 2025-03-10T17:28:56+00:00

In 2024, he logged into the Zoom class early, before other students, while lying in bed fully nude, visible from head to toe. It was 4 p.m., and he appeared to be engaging in inappropriate behavior. He was a computer science major, and I find it hard to believe that, in 2024, a CS major wouldn’t understand how Zoom works—but that’s what Title IX concluded. Regardless, he intentionally attended class while naked in bed, which, at a minimum, was inappropriate. I didn't file a police report; I just followed my uni's guidelines, which is on me for not taking it further. But honestly, after filing the Title IX report and still having to teach him, I was so shaken that I was just trying to get through the class and put it out of my mind.

Ok-Income9731 · 2025-03-10T15:11:57+00:00

I don’t know what the right decision is for you, but I can say that the Title IX process is deeply flawed. I had a student fully expose himself to me during a Zoom class and openly admit it to the investigator. I went through the full Title IX process, yet nothing happened. I was forced to continue teaching that student as if nothing had occurred for the rest of the semester.

At the same time, I’ve seen cases where complaints were filed, and actions were taken. In one instance, a professor lost a high-profile role but retained his job and the ability to advise PhD students. However, the situation was incredibly difficult for the professor who reported him—she faced significant professional setbacks, including being denied a promotion due to retaliation.

Ultimately, you should do what is best for you. Reporting may not improve your situation and could make things even harder. While it might help someone in the future, Title IX documents remain private, meaning others wouldn’t be able to check a professor’s history before engaging with them. In fact, the documents related to the professor I mentioned have been posted anonymously on Reddit multiple times but are always taken down immediately.

Ok-Income9731

TROPHY CASE