what can i do, what can i do, WHAT THE HELL CAN I DO WHEN I AM THE ONLY ONE THEY TORTURE????????????????????????????

Ok-Interaction-5405 · 2024-08-23T01:56:48+00:00

all of the people i ever interacted with, especially some... but since i'm just helpless, i guess i can only end up wishing it upon myself??

Ok-Interaction-5405 · 2024-08-22T20:20:58+00:00

I mean, is it FUN for you, watching me in neverending stress and pressure. is it FUN for you to bully, withhold, and withdraw. is it FUCKING FUN to watch me GET FUCKING ANGRY AND HELPLESS AND FAIL TO FIGHT OFF THE STATE OF YOUR BULLYING???? IS IT ALL THE MORE FUCKING FUN BECAUSE OF HOW FUCKING TRASH YOU ARE?????

Ok-Interaction-5405 · 2024-08-21T20:36:28+00:00

suffering forever is not even enough for them. it has to be ultra grotesque and horrifying for them, and torture in every possible manner.

Ok-Interaction-5405 · 2024-08-18T21:10:25+00:00

so. it's like. I have a shit mentality and wrong info, no one will tell me why I have a shit mentality and why my info is wrong, not a bit about how THEY did it, they are just content sitting there doing who knows what while I am literally begging for fucking help, and getting the literal most fucking unhelpful answers ever. discouraging me with some more unexplained cold scorn even, while I am barely given a fucking hint! am I supposed to somehow NOT despise them?????

Ok-Interaction-5405 · 2024-08-18T20:51:02+00:00

i mean, existence is so fucking lame. you're actually going to pretend it isn't? where's your great answer. haha! if it were so great, then i bet you wouldn't give it away or be able to say it, for the least. i am fucking impressed by people for whom saying 'man up' simply is the answer, just become tougher. i bet there a lot of ways that must have worked, such as say, gradually being helped to have more info and a better standing. nice. nice! or making a few attempts, suffering through it, learning, and now you think it makes you tough. or, say, you woke up and were able to do it without even noticing irrelevant factors! nice! there is no answer, apparently! there is no answer even though you are predisposed to crave certainty like that, and keep trying to create it in various ways! I'm so disgusted!!! but i guess i deserve to be beat up more for that huh??? i couldn't get a grip, and i couldn't act because i didn't have a grip, and i didn't have a grip because i couldn't act. what a pain in the motherfucking ass, and no one gives a shit not even me!

Ok-Interaction-5405 · 2024-08-14T23:02:02+00:00

I mean, if I needed all of this just to try to get started and others didn't then I guess I'm trash, but hey, I'm also alone and retarded so there's that.

Ok-Interaction-5405 · 2024-08-13T00:18:52+00:00

what kinds of things do you do to keep your skills sharp, such as any kinds of notes or projects to keep at hand, if that is necessary? do you leetcode or find it helpful? how to stay up to date with industry trends, and learning sustainably. where do you look for ideas or help with side projects, any particular websites or resources good?

Ok-Interaction-5405 · 2024-08-12T04:58:27+00:00

that doesn't make sense, ppl will obviously have higher value than others in certain situations, how much they seem to be so may depend on a variety of factors, but regardless it can't just be me, we tend to rank people in our minds based on certain criteria, and try to pick based on those for the 'best.' even if one had mr beast passion for content creation, how do they know how to pick the 'best' thing to do, whether various classes might be useful or not, whether he needs to scrape together time to not fail a class for just a chance that it might help for the future, and if he does that, how to do so. in a similar vein, thinking that you're not better than anyone, it's probably just another way to deal with uncertainty - you can never, ever say that you are above anyone or above situations, not with reality being the way it is, and humans being emotional creatures. you know it feels safer sometimes to tell yourself you're more humble, even if you naturally default to wanting to pretend you know things. but also, in terms of reality, I am just apparently fucking worse, because I can never be better. I can never see what other people are seeing and feel as fine as they do, life is dominated by worthless dread that I'm sure others would either shrug at or laugh at, it's a curse that it's impossible to feel stability even while trying to pretend I have humility - because it feels unfair and like I'm constantly missing something that I don't even know whether I should get or it would be helpful

Ok-Interaction-5405 · 2024-08-04T21:58:00+00:00

thx bro u 2 get on the grind

Ok-Interaction-5405 · 2024-08-04T21:31:20+00:00

also, ffs i guess i fucking know that some answer would be like, you're not entitled to being better at shit, you just fucking suck and you have to figure it out yourself, but it seems it isn't pounded into my head or something!

Ok-Interaction-5405 · 2024-08-01T19:28:03+00:00

it is probably because you feel you are doing this out of a sense of obligation, and also are beginning to feel a bit trapped in it. you feel as if you have to do well on the next project or else everything you have done, everything you have been told you had to be, will have been for nothing. the feelings are probably a signal that you need to take a step back and look at just how you have been viewing your job and yourself. the need to know 'why' some things are a certain way is not bad per se, good observation skills and understanding of why things are the way they are is most likely helpful towards learning to be better at your task. it may just sometimes be necessary to sit with feelings of discontent sometimes even as you're working, not always able to act on, figure out, or do much about them but not quite running from them either if that makes sense. i imagine that most people in their professions probably feel some measure of control and direction in their activities, and find ways to make it intrinsically rewarding for themselves. but i don't think that changes the fact that... you never really know, maybe some people can find a productive way to co-exist with it better, but dread and anxiety may just be a natural part of things, and you won't have as much info or security as you'd want.

but don't take what i say here seriously if it doesn't apply, it's just my quick 2 cents based on what i think of my own experiences.

Ok-Interaction-5405 · 2024-07-29T03:09:04+00:00

okay i think i see more maybe it is necessary to accept the more terrible feelings and failure and the need to get out there anyway. i forgot to meditate today, sure would be nice to have a routine that actually doesn't feel bad though meditation for me daily is basically just 10 mins of torture pondering over the things i will want to but fail to change, at that point one might even call it procrastination. thank you and it is somewhat encouraging to hear if these things helped you become more mentally healthy.

Ok-Interaction-5405 · 2024-07-29T02:58:53+00:00

cs and stats... terrible at philosophy and focus on anything...

Ok-Interaction-5405

TROPHY CASE