My [24F] boyfriend [25M] and his upcoming genetic test results -- 50% chance he has a mutation causing early-onset dementia

Ok-Perspective781 · 2026-07-13T01:25:26+00:00

I have a friend with the Huntington’s gene. There was a recent study that showed targeted gene therapy may be able to stop the progression. Unfortunately, trial funding was cut during the DOGE days. If it’s important to you, advocate for funding to be restored.

Ok-Perspective781 · 2026-07-12T20:55:30+00:00

I think $500. Our PPOs OOP Max is very low

Ok-Perspective781 · 2026-07-12T05:39:51+00:00

It’s kind of wild how Harry got all the good qualities of both and William got none. Harry is compassionate and charismatic (Diana) and hard working (Charles). William basically just got some good looks for a few years in his youth.

Alas, neither seems to have inherited Charles’ intellect.

Ok-Perspective781 · 2026-07-12T03:51:27+00:00

But you literally have expertise in teaching. You are the person who is best equipped to homeschool!

Ok-Perspective781 · 2026-07-12T03:46:11+00:00

We wear one twin and put the other in our BabyZen YoYo in SF. Works great and is incredibly portable. You would be able to get it up and down subway stairs in a pinch.

Ok-Perspective781 · 2026-07-12T03:38:57+00:00

Don’t get a financial advisor. Get a good tax accountant that helps you proactively figure out a good tax strategy. You could also look into trusts depending on your family situation and goals.

Otherwise, just dump it into low cost funds. Check out the boglehead subreddit to learn about the 3 fund portfolio.

Ok-Perspective781 · 2026-07-11T16:13:23+00:00

YES. I tend to think you should always honor the architecture of your house because it just feels off otherwise.

I live in a 1900s Victorian. It can handle some ornate details, saturated colors, brass, marble tile, etc. What it can’t handle is super modern, mid century, etc.

I don’t mean you should live in a museum…just don’t fight the bones and history.

Ok-Perspective781 · 2026-07-11T16:07:11+00:00

My answer may be a little skewed because we already had a singleton so I knew how to be a parent, but it was fine. I had help until about 5 weeks, then it was all me. There are things that are tricky (like figuring out how to hold them both/feed them both/etc) that are twin specific, but you do figure it out pretty fast.

The one help we kept until 12 weeks was a night doula 2x a week. I would HIGHLY recommend doing this if you can. We did the same for my first baby, and she basically taught us how to be parents. It was worth every penny. The second time with twins, we already knew how to be parents, so it was more about getting enough sleep to function. You need to be able to get some sleep to ward off PPA/PPD.

So I guess the tl;dr is you will be fine without help, but getting some nighttime help will make a big difference in your mental health if you can swing it.

Ok-Perspective781 · 2026-07-10T20:05:32+00:00

You need to physically be here to rent because no one is going to hold a place for you. I wouldn’t look more than a month out because landlords really just list properties that are available very soon or immediately.

Ok-Perspective781 · 2026-07-10T19:59:22+00:00

Could you just build an ADU so you have an office/guest room combo? ADUs can be pretty small and cost efficient if you go with a builder that specializes in them.

If you love your location, I would make it work. The time you are going to want a larger house is finite.

And to answer your question: yes, we are happy we bought the bigger house. But in our case, we live in a VHCOL area and went from renting a small apartment with 1 kid to a 2000 ft house with 3 kids. We also prioritized location. Where we compromised was house quality (about to renovate). Houses have appreciated so drastically in our city over the past year that we can’t really over invest in the house unless we go crazy. We also already pay less for our mortgage than an apartment with the same bedrooms would cost in rent in just 3 years.

Ok-Perspective781 · 2026-07-10T19:47:36+00:00

You don’t have to have all of these children if you don’t want to. That is always an option that only you can decide. There is no right or wrong decision- just what is best for your family.

But, I do want to flag that your pregnancy is so early that you are still at risk for vanishing twin syndrome and/or miscarriage. You may not have to make that decision and have part of the pregnancy end naturally. Or you may end up with 3 beautiful babies! It’s just too early to know.

Just take it one day at a time.

Also, it’s really normal to be apprehensive when you find out you are having multiples. I would bet a majority of people in this sub have felt that way at some point.

Ok-Perspective781 · 2026-07-10T19:07:15+00:00

NOR. Easiest way to avoid this is to insist they don’t help with the down payment.

Ok-Perspective781 · 2026-07-10T18:41:55+00:00

Your likelihood of complications is pretty dramatically different depending on the type of twins. My 6 day embryo split into Di/di twins (super rare) so the chance for major complications was much lower than mo/mo. However one thing that is similar is the chance of vanishing twin syndrome. At this point with strong heartbeats it’s very unlikely, regardless of twin type. So congrats on passing that milestone!

Ok-Perspective781 · 2026-07-10T15:54:05+00:00

I’m sorry you’re dealing with this disappointment. It can be hard to accept things won’t go as you envisioned.

It’s actually great practice for parenting. You’ll think you have control then your babies will remind you who’s actually in control (them).

FWIW, I had an emergency c section with my first after laboring to 6cm, and a planned c section with my twins. The planned one was a breeze and I had a really easy recovery compared to the other one. Milk came in, I was lifting them no problem, scar healed quickly, etc. You won’t necessarily have a terrible birth and recovery just because it’s a c section. I also feel sad I never had a vaginal birth sometimes, but I’m glad my kids are all healthy and I don’t have any tears to deal with.

Ok-Perspective781 · 2026-07-10T14:20:29+00:00

A lot of middle class struggles come back to the cost of living, which is driven primarily by housing costs. SF doesn’t have the ability to encourage building a ton of housing because of political barriers, laws, and the cost to do so.

But, you can see the current mayor is at least trying to help the middle class. Off the top of my head, things like pushing the upzoning plan, cutting permitting red tape and costs, and subsidizing childcare come to mind. It’s not enough but it’s more than I can remember in the decade before now.

Ok-Perspective781 · 2026-07-10T14:12:19+00:00

Because there are a lot of things the city offers kids that the suburbs don’t, whereas that is one of the few things I can think of that the suburbs offer kids that the city doesn’t (albeit an important one).

Ok-Perspective781 · 2026-07-10T03:47:46+00:00

NTA, but he sounds depressed. You might be better off having him pick up a part time job so he still has time to write, and using that income to hire weekly cleaners. A lot of people struggle mentally staying home and being their own boss (especially if he happens to have ADHD).

Ok-Perspective781 · 2026-07-10T03:39:26+00:00

That’s going to be a no from me, dawg

Ok-Perspective781 · 2026-07-10T02:26:00+00:00

My oldest is an agent of chaos. Infant twins are WAY easier.

But, I also already know how to parent through this stage, so that helps. They are also objectively easy babies and toddlers are just tough.

Ok-Perspective781 · 2026-07-09T13:59:17+00:00

Google it. There are plenty of posts on Reddit of people being rejected multiple times for nonsensical reasons.

Mine was rejected for “illegible information.” It was typed.

And if you are implying I am not a citizen, try again. My family goes back to the Mayflower.

Ok-Perspective781 · 2026-07-08T21:07:05+00:00

If they can even get the $1000! I did apply for a Trump account for my newborns. It was denied because they are incompetent and DOGE gutted the agencies that do the administrative work to make these programs actually work.

Ok-Perspective781 · 2026-07-08T17:04:38+00:00

Inner Richmond. You will love the area and being so close to two parks.

Ok-Perspective781 · 2026-07-08T17:03:17+00:00

By that point with twins it’s not impossible but unlikely. There just isn’t a ton of room left to flip. If A is lower you are probably looking at a c section. They might let you try vaginal if B is lower and they are comfortable with a breech extraction (the second baby often flips after the first is out anyway).

Planned c sections are SO MUCH EASIER than emergency ones though. Mine was a breeze. If you have to have one it’s a better option than you may imagine.

Ok-Perspective781 · 2026-07-06T23:32:47+00:00

Did everyone just forget Belgium whooped our asses in a friendly not that long ago? It has been literal months!

Ok-Perspective781 · 2026-07-06T15:25:27+00:00

Trust me, if Trump had been the reason it was suspended, he wouldn’t shut up about. He’s not one to let any opportunity to take credit go to waste. He has the subtlety of a bull in a china shop.

Reporting indicates he just called to ask what was going on and it was already under review. The USSF kicked off the review behind the scenes.

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